foond netwerk @lofaso - Tumblr Blog

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#az.txt

im actually 20 but confined to Mobile

#az.txt

anyoneseenmyhead-deactivated202

The Food Network Show I Want

4 chefs complete in a contest to determine who is the best.

But they are not given certain ingredients they must use. They can use whatever they want.

They are given… the name of the dish.

The judge says, “Make me ‘Purple Nirvana’” and we get to watch one chef make au gratin blue potatoes, another make a blueberry shortcake, etc. The worst dish is eliminated until one chef wins.

#fn crack

Why are you getting political on a food network blog? Spread positivity instead. Blog about Chopped, Cutthroat Kitchen, and Guy Fieri instead of getting salty over harmless anime.

reblog if youre also a food network blogger who's salty about harmless anime

#anonymous

johnnywalkergnu

It’s the simple things that can be most delightful. Thank you, Cutthroat Kitchen.

#ctk

chopped contestant: im a raw vegan gluten free mom :)

ted: now that's not an immediate disqualification

#chopped crack #gdgsjejek

terriamon

need me a freak that likes watching food network shows 9 hours a day in complete silence

#fn crack

middleschoolhumor

this kid is basically older than me

#q

crazydiamonds

slog420

I don’t know you op so I’m sorry to add this to your post but it’s a relevant story that still fucks me up to this day.

My sister lives in Brooklyn and has a bunch of hipster friends of course. One of her roommates organized this potluck for Christmas while I was visiting my sister. So everyone brings in good food that takes actual effort to make but then this one fucker just comes in with a raw onion. And he puts the onion out to be served and I’m sitting there like what in the fucking world did you just find that on the street walking here or something. And I was waiting for people to be like “dude fuck off I made a quiche and you think it’s chill to just being an onion?” But no. I guess this hipster group wanted to act unfazed as hell so they all just start talking about how they love eating raw onions. I’m ready to die and then the roommate slices the onion in front of everybody and then the guests start chewing down. They were eating it like it was chips or some shit. So I gave in and took a bite and it’s not a sweet onion. It’s a plain ass bitter acidic notoriously terrible when raw onion. For the rest of the party I just sat on the couch silently mesmerized by the power of groupthink because it felt like I had accidentally walked into the orgy scene in Eyes Wide Shut.

habitualshaker

oh my fucking god

yiffaltonbrown

scott conant’s origin story

#scooter

pentecost

recipe blogs are so exhausting. please dont say words at me just let me make my food in peace

queenapple

The feminine texture of ravioli

toodrunktofindaurl

gender: ravioli

curliestofcrowns

PSA: please don’t fuck your ravioli

1512131490812-deactivated

@adamn-driver

#not fn

false-rabbit-blog1

I’m pretty sure Cutthroat Kitchen takes place in Alton’s basement. Think about it. No one ever enters except from down a flight of stairs and no one ever leaves the contest area except from a little hallway to the side. So he’s got one of those little houses on the hill where the basement becomes a garage and then spits the car out into the driveway. Okay so there’s reason to believe that it’s in his basement BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE.

Notice how Alton always says “My” or “My old” or any other variations of possessive when referring to the sabotages. Like “my old phone from the nineties.” He does this so much and he cares so much (and yet so little) about these things that he’s auctioning off are actually things he’s trying to get rid of somehow. So okay there’s a little bit more to me believing that Cutthroat Kitchen is really in Alton’s basement.

And notice all of the leftover bullshit they are forced to use in the show? He probably just like cooked stuff upstairs and it’s HIS ACTUAL FUCKING LEFTOVERS from the night before.

BUT WAIT

THERE’S MORE

All of the judges are greeted by Alton like they’re a surprise, like he doesn’t actually know which one is going to show up. If it were an actual show, he would know who it was before they showed up, but this is more like he just sent out a group text to be like “hey whoever wants to judge tonight just show up lol.”

So basically I think Alton Brown has this huge basement with a camera crew and grips and each week he selects chefs to come into his basement and fucking slash each other’s throats over <$25,000, (so he will only ever spend a maximum of $25,000 each week on this) and he invites his celebrity chef friends over every week to shit on these poor chef’s attempts to cook with golf clubs and his leftovers and also sell off his old stuff because he is a sick sadistic fuck.

#ctk #quite inch resting