I wish I had never told him about my ed. He wouldn’t have started tracking my food. I wouldn’t have gm gained the weight back

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I wish I had never told him about my ed. He wouldn’t have started tracking my food. I wouldn’t have gm gained the weight back
if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to live in the midwest, this is it.
You missed some of the best ones
the best part about it is that the art installation isn’t actually called the Bean. It’s called Cloud Gate, and artist Anish Kapoor (yes, THAT Anish Kapoor) hates that we call it the Bean.
But i mean, look at it. It’s a bean.
How could you forget this one though
I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA THAT THE BEAN WAS CREATED BY ANISH KAPOOR.
someone help me why is anish kapoor important what did he do?
Alright sit down for some Art World Drama bcause this is what I live for.
So, sometime last year (?) science invented Vantablack, which is the darkest possible shade of black. Art world got incredibly excited. But as it needs to be very carefully made in a lab, it’s hard to get a hold of, and is extremely expensive. Enter Anish Kapoor, aka FuckFace McGee. Anish Kapoor buys the rights to Vantablack. He is the only human being on the planet that can legally use it, and he’s kind of a prick about it.
Art world is not thrilled with that.
Enter Stuart Semple.
Stuart Semple is an artist, and also makes pigments to sell in his free time. Stuart Semple is astoundingly pissed about this Vantablack nonsense, and Anish Kapoor’s dickery. Stuart Semple makes a new pigment, the brightest shade of pink ever, called Pinkest Pink, and puts it for sale on the internet. To be bought by everybody except Anish Kapoor. Literally, to purchase, you need to confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, do not associate with him, and will not sell or give the pigment to Anish Kapoor or his associates. Art world has a good laugh, everyone buys Pinkest Pink because it’s awesome, and damn it we deserve something.
Anish Kapoor however is a penis, and will not take this lying down, because HOW DARE he not have literally everything.
Anish Kapoor gets his London associates to buy him a thing of Pinkest Pink, and being such a classy human being, posts a picture to instagram of him with his middle finger covered in Pinkest Pink, captioned with “Up yours. #pink”
Everyone flips shit, because. Y’know. Fuck that guy. Especially Stuart Semple. For context here, Anish Kapoor is one of the richest artists on the planet, and has repeatedly been referred to as everything wrong with the art world, and the epitome of the art worlds elitism problem. He’s a giant douchebag. Meanwhile Stuart Semple makes pigments just to get them out there. He turns 0 profit from his now enourmously popular pigments.
Stuart Semple launches an investigation as to who the fuck leaked Pinkest Pink, and plans to strike back. He does so by releasing two new products. First is Diamond Dust, which is a glitter made from glass, so that a painting is still visible after it’s applied, but glitters like a mofo. It’s the most reflective glitter out there, and is available to everyone who isn’t Anish Kapoor. And it being made of glass, if you stick your finger in there, it’s going to hurt quite a bit, so that was Stuart Semple’s way of saying “shove your middle finger in this, asshole, see what happens”. Except without saying that, because he can get an insult across while still being fucking classy.
He also releases Black 2.0, created with the help of over a thousand artists worldwide.
Black 2.0 is the answer to Vantablack. Black 2.0 is a slightly less black black, but looks functionally the same to the human eye. It’s completely safe, smells like cherries, and costs four pounds. Vantablack is highly toxic, potentially explosive, needs to be applied in a special laboratory and sealed properly, can’t be moved across borders, can reach 300 degrees celsius if you’re not extremely careful, and costs thousands of dollars. Anish Kapoor is the only human being who can use Vantablack. He is the only human being who cannot use Black 2.0.
So I think we can guess who got the better deal.
And thus the feud ends, Kapoor defeated.
…But not quite.
Kapoor, in this entire afair, has made exactly two comments to the public. The first being his charming message about aquiring Pinkest Pink, the second being claiming to Buzzfeed that he and his small army of lawyers will be suing Semple, an extremely poor artist who cannot afford a lawyer.
No lawsuit has been made yet, fyi.
The point is, Kapoor is a prick, and doesn’t like talking to the lower classes. So one day in July 2017, he decides he needs another floor on his London studio apartment, and starts making arrangements to have it built. His neighbors are fucking pissed, because this will ruin the light of their apartments. They call to Semple to save them, or at the very least piss Kapoor off some more.
Semple answers to the call, and releases two new paints, Phaze and Shift, as always, banned to Kapoor. They change colours, Phaze with temperature, and Shift is just iridescent. Shift needs to be painted over Black 2.0 to work, and Phaze just works on its own.
So that’s been the art world for the last two years.
Basically, get fucked Anish Kapoor your bean sucks and so does your vantablack.
Stuart Semple is organising a bean-kissing event for Anish Kapoor’s birthday.
Reblogging for “By attending this event you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated with Anish Kapoor, you are not attending on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information, and belief this event will not be attended by Anish Kapoor.”
ALSO HE JUST POSTED THIS!!!!!! LIGHTEST LIGHT!
I know this isn’t my art blog but this entire post gives me life
im sorry is that man holding a real actual miniature star in his hands
happy pride
This is the gay agenda jsyk
this is what radical gay liberation really looks like
Why Did They Come?
TOO FUCKIN’ phenomenal to NOT reblog!!!!
I googled “dude“ and found this
Dude.
reblog the Dude™ for clear moonlit nights
*takes off my leather jacket to reveal a second, secret leather jacket underneath*
you mean, skin?
What an absolutely terrifying addition to my post. Thank you.
me: hey can you make dopamine and serotonin
my brain:
the rubber chicken vacuum cleaner
lol lady gaga…. what’s she up to these days?
Playing sold out shows all over Asia. What u up to?
fingering myself
People who don’t believe in evolution will still get a new flu shot each year.
Wow I really took the last idk year(?) of not having to hear about Taylor Swift for granted
i’d like to unsubscribe from menstrual cycle monthly.
I’m so mad because this worked
help me roger
Reblogging myself because
Originally posted by gifs-for-the-masses
Reblogging myself because… what was that? Five minutes?
O_O
………my friend has made me curious
help me roger
Update: after I reblogged this someone messaged me offering me tickets to the sold out Hausu screening with a Q&A and autograph session with the director
let’s do it, roger
Roger helppppp
I need you Roger!
ROGER PLEASE
Apparently this needs to be highlighted -- How to REALLY Please a Woman
Okay, so I’m going to get really personal here, more than I’ve been willing to do on the internet, but apparently it’s necessary.
There’s a world of misinformation out there when it comes to PLEASING A WOMAN SEXUALLY.
There is a REASON lesbians do it better. Men are misinformed and I blame that largely on porn. Porn is not what sex looks like, especially not lesbian sex. You’d think everyone knew that, but men seem to base everything they know about pleasing a woman on what they see in the videos they’re so obsessed with watching.
Men, porn is wrong.
I’m writing this because I think men deserve the chance to really please a woman and the only way they’re going to do that is if they’re given the right information and poor, poor straight women don’t even know how to BE properly pleased because they’ve been forced to be touched only by men who’ve learned their skills from porn.
Man, do I feel bad for you straight girls.
That’s right people, I’m gay.
But I have slept with men. And the difference is astounding.
So I’m here to help you straight people in understanding the real way to please a woman. To really satisfy a woman, you have to be an expert at foreplay.
First and foremost…
ORAL IS NOT FOREPLAY.
Holy crap!! How is that so WIDELY MISCONSTRUED?
If you look up foreplay tips, that’s all you hear about. Sure, you get, “Touch her all over, whisper in her ear, touch her boobies,” and that’s all well and good, but the main focus is, “ORAL, ORAL, ORAL.”
Let me tell you something. It is called ORAL SEX because IT IS A FORM OF SEX. Anything, I MEAN ANYTHING, that results in an orgasm is sex. Anything that is physical touching of the genitals is sex.
So what is foreplay?
Foreplay is everything done to the body BEFORE THE GENITALS ARE TOUCHED. So that means, kissing, cuddling, caressing, whispering, licking, biting, etc.
Now, the problem isn’t that, it’s where and how these men do it. They don’t spend the right amount of time in ANY of the places they need to. They don’t take the time to really explore a woman’s body. I don’t know if it’s because they don’t want to or what, but, being a lesbian, all I want to do is explore a woman’s body. I want to hear every noise she makes from every spot I touch on her body.
Men, please stop GRABBING. Do not grab breasts, do not grab the ass, do not grab our shoulders. Gently caress them. Grab without constricting. Touch them. Glide your fingers across our skin. Women’s entire bodies are sexual. You can literally arouse a woman by touching any part of her body.
I will be as specific as possible.
Touching and kissing the breasts and nipples are amazing, but DO NOT GO THERE FIRST. The biggest problem I had with sleeping with men is this– it was always the same. The routine was exactly the same every time. I knew what was going to happen each time it started. First this, then that, then bam penetration.
No.
Women need diversity. We need to be surprised.
Start in different places every time.
Women love to be admired– by eyes and by touching. Slowly undress her as you kiss and touch each spot that is exposed. Make love to her flesh with your lips, EVERYWHERE. Don’t just kiss and peck at her skin, don’t just smooch her neck and shoulders. No, deeply kiss them as if you were kissing her lips. Use your tongue. Run your tongue down the length of her limbs, the sounds she makes will tell you everything you need to know. If she doesn’t want a spot touched, trust me, you’ll know it. But if she LIKES it, you’ll definitely know it and that means, KEEP DOING THAT. Do it some more. Tease her by moving elsewhere and doing the same thing, then move back to that spot that tantalized her so.
Don’t know where to kiss, lick, suck, and bite?
I’ll give you a run down.
Ears, ear LOBES (women love to have them lightly nibbled– that said, some might not, everyone is different, but TRY), neck (front, side, back), the spine (lick/caress from neck down, you’ll give her shivers of delight), the collarbone (mmm, one of my favorites), shoulders, inner elbow, inner wrist, sternum, nipples, the WHOLE breast (this means the sides, under boob, lick it, suck it, nibble it, listen to which way drives her the most crazy), rib cage (lick the bottom lining of the rib cage, lightly teeth it!), side of the rib cage, stomach (I cannot tell you enough to use your tongue! Lick around the belly button in circles, lick down to her pubic hair, kiss/nibble back up to the belly), PELVIC BONES (lick em! bite em!), hips, back of the hips, thighs especially the inner thigh (the closer you get to her vag, the more she’ll go crazy with need), back of the thigh, side of the thigh, back of knees, back of calves, ankles (back, side), under the butt, on top of the butt where it meets the spine.
Did I miss a spot? If you think so, TRY IT. I cannot express enough– TOUCH HER EVERYWHERE, KISS HER EVERYWHERE, AND MEAN IT.
As you kiss everywhere, trail your fingers LIGHTLY across her skin in all these places. Do circles, do curves, follow the curves and bones of her body, find some interesting freckles? Follow them in the pattern they create with your fingers, tongue, or lips.
Move the woman’s body. Lift limbs to access places you haven’t tried yet. Lift up her legs to kiss/lick down the back of her calf to her knee, to her thigh. Leave hickies! Unless she doesn’t want you to, so always ask!
Flip her over just to kiss from the back of her neck down the length of her spin. Caress her as you do this. Spank her. If you grab, do so GENTLY, not like you’re squeezing her to death. Women’s bodies respond to sensual and gentle touching. Wrap her legs around your head as you leave hickies on her thighs and gently graze her clit as you “mmmm,” you’ll leave her breathless.
Do not, DO NOT, touch her clit until you have her screaming from all the foreplay. Even if she is dripping wet before you’ve spent ten minutes on foreplay, do not enter! Tease her, make her BEG for you to enter her. She’ll either beg verbally, with words or whimpers, or she’ll beg with her eyes and hands. A woman will let you know when she is ready to be entered.
Do not enter until you know for sure she is begging for it.
When you’re kissing/licking her collarbone to her shoulder, run a hand along her rip cage, stomach, or thighs. Touch her whole body at once. If you’re kissing her thighs, tease a nipple or run your fingers along her collarbone or jaw. Did I mention the jaw? Oh yeah. Definitely spend time there. Kiss it, nibble it, lick it, run your fingers across it. Grab her face when you kiss her. Thread your fingers in her hair. Do all of this, at all times.
Constantly keep her whole body engaged. Do not ever focus solely on one spot.
You’ll have a fully satisfied woman after. I promise you.
Every time.
Hope that helped.
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