QUIRKYLE RAMAN:THE BOOK OF MISUNDERSTOOD @looking-beyond-things - Tumblr Blog

There is no turning back

Sitting on the ground and facing the sky, I no longer understand this life.

I ask myself would I ever get the hope that can make me survive

and then I closed my eyes.

I was in this abyss and darkness that surrounds me.

I raised my head to find the glimpse of light or is it something that I'm imagining.

Tired enough to think, I closed my eyes.

Waking in the middle of the night screaming with the fear of being tied down again.

Then the morning came, and I was in the darkness again.

I tried to move but I was chained, I jerk to pull away and fell on my knees.

Bewildered, I tried to search for the light again.

Then appears a face in front of me and I tried to call her and raised my hands so that she can see me, however she replicated everything that I did.

I tried to go closer to her and so does she.

Realizing the identity of the unfamiliar face, I screamed and there was shard everywhere.

Then the darkness surrounds me again.

This time I was in the pool of blood with not a single scrape on me.

Tired to even try, now this body also doesn't feel mine.

With the last bit of energy, I start running, to escape, to get away from the unfamiliar face, the darkness, the blood, and the shards.

I feel so far away now but all of it came my way and I repeat it all again.

Finally, I fell on the ground trying to find the laughter, the innocence, the love, the pain but everything is in vain.

The darkness that is bigger than my imagination.

Sitting on the ground I raise my head to see the light again but now the darkness has swollen it, and everything repeats again.

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So far away

The painting that I made, is now an empty canvas. I painted myself with the color of honesty and humanity, but now all I 👀 is white. Even with every stroke of the brush, it still remains a blur. Everything that was abandoned by me, Now seems to be part of me. What I loathe and what I relish, has blended and made me someone that upsets me. I wanted to color myself and imagined me with a horn and sparkle everywhere. There were possibilities of achieving the unimaginable And now it’s all so far away.

Delicious Sin

Picture us together Your hands holding me tight And My thighs touching you just right You consume me inch by inch And your hands in search of a new scene.

Excitement runs through my veins And you respond to every sound I make Holding me tight, close to you So that no one can take me away from you.

You can hear each breath I take And know you control me now Like I'm a puppet of your play.

You want to fill me with your desires As you know I'm the one who FLAMES, INSPIRE and takes it HIGHER.

But before you see the end, you run away Because I'm the delicious sin you are too afraid to taste.

Having exams so unable to post anything

Will continue soon

Birthday

Today is his birthday, And I hate the fact that I'm not with him. With the constant itch in my heart, All I want to do is drive to him. With the sad feeling, that I can’t be there To bake you a confetti cake. Missing the touch of your skin everywhere. I imagine how it would feel, When our fingers intertwined. And when you lean for a kiss, Every inch of my skin would ignite. You would be lost in my eyes, And I on the fact how you pierce my soul with those eyes. All we would have needed Was each other by our sides. You would hold me And it would have been the best birthday night.

Confusion

Now when I think about you It confuses me to my core. There was a time when there was clarity between us. But now it’s all messy here. You used to say there are many phases of me, but at least you knew them. Whereas I sit here in confusion, thinking about what you want. Even when I ask you what’s on your mind, Your replies confuse me more. Every time realizing its difficult for you to answer is creating agony of my own. Is it so hard for you to realise some time you expressing yourself is all I need. I know I’m difficult, but compromise from both sides is all that we need.

The Sadness within

Have you ever felt you are not enough? From the age of 12, I suffered from a skin condition and tried to find a cure for it And life has always played its tricks on the way People maintained a distance from me, For something, I’m helpless in. I tried every strategy so that I can fit in “normal” community But have always failed miserably

At the age of 14, I shut my heart down and started maintaining distance from everyone around For me, true love never exists because who can give me an acceptance kiss I was not the beautiful girl who everyone admired Nor did I have skills which would take me higher I use to sit alone and blame myself As to why I can't be normal like everyone else I never gave anyone a chance to enter my life, because I didn’t want sympathy and a bag full of lies

After the age of 18, I started accepting myself I’m different and I love myself And to my shock people started to like me as well And cherry on top I got friends who loved and respected me, that’s a swell Finally, I started loving my life and tried to achieve something new day and night

And then I did the biggest stupidity of my life I let myself fall for someone in this bright light Someone I thought would find my crazy life to be just right I thought he was the one and admired him day and night I thought my flaws were not an issue for him But forgot fantasy is not to live in And the day he rejected me, I fell from the sky

I broke my heart, of my own mistakes And realized I’m not good enough for anyone in this lifetime Yes, there is sadness of years inside, but I have to keep up the fight Don’t think I have lost the battle of life I just want to stay away from the messy area of the love life.

The Vicious Cycle

Sitting alone help me observe people around me How they behave is still a riddle to me But I’ll try to explain it with my vocabulary I hope I can touch some reality.

Ego is the first thing that strikes Because we all pretend we are bigger than life But we forget we are different doors on the same premise.

Next is fame for which we even defame To gain stardom, we start new flames We tell people how famous we are, by telling about our sins.

With fame comes appearance, which is overrated and mysterious Desperately disguising every imperfection So no can see our inner demons.

Then is abase which is an ace of spades We find refreshment by bringing people down With a hope that it will bring us a diamond crown.

In this whole mess, we forget that life is a cycle Which is going to come around.

Every evil choice we make Is gone pin us down.

Even as I speak my sins are burying me to the ground With no passage out.

The Souvenir

How enthralled the creature, human is We sit together and bring people down And demand to be saved from our hypocrisy. We judge people by how they look And hope no one treats us like the cover of a book. We talk about how we want everyone to unite And are the first one to run. It shocks me where we have come. We want people to shower us with love But are not ready to reciprocate. We want people to respect us Because our egos are too big. We go on day by day thinking we are so big But all we are is just shades. We bully people for their flaws And forget that even we have our share of regrets. We say that people are desperate when they call But forget even we crave embrace. We pretend what we are not And complain how people are fake O God, have we made our world a fake souvenir.

The Jacket Guy

I still remember the guy who gave me his jacket

It was such a sweet gesture, I thought

He was this tall guy with hair so shiny and long

And eyes that will make you do everything that is wrong

Those beautiful shine hairs that fall on his forehead

And his wondering eyes that searched for something else

His smiling face when turned towards you, makes you go weak in your knees

He was this mysterious guy everyone saw a danger in

But I saw a handsome mystery that changed me from within

Being with him made me feel something new

Sitting on a bike behind him made my heart go woo

His beautiful body dancing around me, made me dance without any anxiety

His voice was the symphony and my name in that was the harmony that I desired

His hand always there to hold in all my worries

And the day he holds me in his arms, I melted like an ice

And the dance of the dead began that night.

The rejection

The friendship that was started by you was changed by me You thought this whole time that we were friends but that was not enough for me I prayed you like a God but was paying for my sins You were never wrong because all you wanted was a friendship You were every hope to make me feel human and for that, I gave you my allegiance, Like a soldier gives to his king And I knew I was walking into a mess and still let myself half belief Jumping from heights with a hope that you would catch me Even after being together for years you never realized So finally, I expressed myself with a hope to reap what I desire Little did I know this jump was too high, you rejected me on my face and left me to die And that, my friend, how you shattered me.

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The Last Encounter

Today in the sorrowful moments, the evening rain made it all go away. We ran like kids, bet on who wins the race and the clouds from above smiled at us and poured more rain, which made it look all beautiful again. The cold breeze with raindrops hit us, then I look at you and all I see is a beautiful panorama that was in your eyes and then I looked around and found everyone with a smile. It was not an usher storm nor was it rain, but was the color that filled my life again. The melancholy still remains, but all we said was let the rain linger and pour on us all over again.

Raman (looking-beyond-things)

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The Golden Guy

There I was, sitting all alone

Tangled in my thoughts

When this guy came by

With his brown sparkling eyes

With his broad chapped lips

With a beard that covered his face just right

And taller than me-what a surprise

But if you ask me to describe him, where will I begin?