bob's burgers characters as quotes from "kid gorgeous"
bob: I’m gross. I have hair on my shoulders now. I don’t even have a joke for that, that’s how much I hate that shit.
gene: Like, years later, I’d be in college about to go down on some rocking twink, and I’d be like, "Wait a second...what would Leonard Bernstein do?”
louise: Then I grab a telephone book and I beat him on the torso with it, 'cause as any Chicago cop will tell you, a phone book doesn’t leave bruises. “Well, that was seven-year-old John Mulaney, currently being sued for police brutality.”
tina: I used to pay less attention before it was a horse.
linda: And my wife was rubbing my shoulders, which was very nice of her, but then she started singing to herself. “Monkey, monkey, monkey man.” Not at me. Not to be mean. This was a song from deep in her subconscious. I don’t even think she was aware she was singing it. But it was certainly not the first time she had sung it.
mort: He was a man most acquainted with misery. He could look at a child and guess the price of their coffin.
teddy: I asked my mom if she’d ever seen a ghost. That’s where we’re at conversation-wise in our relationship as a mother and son, because I’m 35 and I don’t have any children to talk about.
mr. frond: So, we invite a woman with straight gray hair, in a denim dress, with a wrist cast, and homemade puppets that all have the same voice, to teach you about bullying through skits, and you, ha-ha-ha, laugh it up. What was so funny about that woman? I want to know!
regular-sized rudy: "You kids have no upper body strength.” And we were like, “We know but, hey!”
mr. fischoeder: He did not look like his job description. He looked like he should be the conductor on a locomotive powered by confetti. He was the weirdest goddamn person I ever saw in my entire life.
felix fischoeder: I was in Connecticut recently, doing white people stuff.
mickey: In high school people were like, “What are your top three colleges?” I was like, “Top three colleges? I thought I would be dead in a trunk with my hand hanging out of the taillight by now.”
jimmy pesto: He was just doing that dad-thing of, like, “This is a weird topic and I want to talk about a book I read about World War II.”
andy and ollie pesto: Hey, Dad. Can I have a silver money clip with a $50 bill in it, please? Don’t worry. I’m only going to chuck it into the gutter and run away at the first sign of trouble.
tammy: What’s a clique? “It’s when a group of people hang out together.” Oh, you mean like having friends? “No, because these people make fun of other people.” Oh, you mean like having friends?
sergeant bosco: Shut up! You’re all gonna die. Street Smarts!
