Shane's Ilya is so pretty, and this is so freaking distracting for Shane sometimes. Ilya with his pretty blond lashes resting on top of his pretty-cute-sweet sad slavic eyes, his adorable nose tip which is the only part of his face that flushes aside from the apples of his cheeks, his pretty pink lips with the most stunning cupid's bow that settles into a pout in any scenario he isn't actively grinning like a cheshire. His hands are smooth and pale and turn rosy and pink-dusted if he's out in sun, even for a bit. His fingers are so poised and precise Shane could almost forget sometimes what they were capable of. His whole body was like 5-in-1 connect the dots set, with each limb being a completely new surface for Shane brain to map out. His Ilya is just so so gorgeous and so stunning and so pretty it hurts sometimes for Shane to look at him without running at his sternum to ease his very loudly beating heart.
I do not have time to write it but I would love to read a fic where there is no Sasha and Shane is Ilya’s first time with a guy too, Ilya just lies because he’s a boastful 19 year old who doesn’t want to look dumb in front of the hot boy he’s been crushing on for two years (even though Shane wouldn’t have cared obviously) and maybe Shane finds out many years later and it makes him feral
so when straight people ask me why I say I’m “queer” or “gay” instead of sharing my actual identity as a panromantic demisexual non-binary sapphic queer I just tell them “ok look, when you’re talking to someone who isn’t local and they ask you where you’re from and you either say the name of the largest city nearby or ‘town name, suburb of large nearby city’ so they can get some geographical context of where you’re located right, bc they’re probably not going to know the name of the little town you actually live in.”
but if you’re talking to a local you can say the name of your actual town bc they have a greater chance of knowing where/what that is.
ok well when I’m talking to a straight person I start with queer bc chances are they aren’t as familiar with the context of all the little towns in that big queer city and need gps (gay positioning system) to find me.
if I’m talking to another queer person and I say I live in a suburb of gay city in a town called panromantic on the demisexual side of the tracks which is in the county of queer and I live off the intersection of non-binary and sapphic, they’d probably be able to find me with little to no problems, make sense?
I was inspired by this post to write about how I think this would go...
****
It's 1:30am when Marleau calls. Ilya would have slept through it if Shane hadn't wacked him in the face with a pillow and mumbled "Dude, your phone is ringing, make it stop."
"Oh." Ilya rubs his eyes and picks up his phone. "It's Marly."
"Probably drunk calling you again." Shane says into his pillow.
"I will just make sure he is alright. Go back to sleep." Ilya says, running a hand through Shane's hair.
"Mmmm...kay.."
He heads out of the dark bedroom, tripping on a pair of disarded pants (his), closes the door behind him and switches on the hallway light. "Marly, are you calling me because you forgot your address to tell the Uber driver again..."
He stops, because it sounds like the person on the other end of the phone is crying. Ilya pauses, double checks. Yup, it's Marleau's name on the screen.
"Roz, I'm sorry, bro...."
"Are you okay? What's going on?"
His best friend hiccups. "I...I..."
"Marly, what is it? What did you do?"
"I'm straight!" Marleau almost wails.
Ilya sits down on the floor, his back against the bedroom door. If this is a dream it is a very weird one.
"Um.. okay... I know that. Why are you telling me this in the middle of the night?"
"Because I tried. I really tried, okay, I promise." Marly's voice is slurred, his words running into each other. Okay, so Shane was right about the drunk part...
"You tried what?"
"Guys, Roz, guys! Well, one guy. Figured I should just start with the one guy. And at first it was okay, kissing him was fine, and I liked it when he sucked my dick, that was really good, but then I went to suck his and it was just weird and gross! It tasted all sweaty and I didn't know what to do with my teeth and my tongue and then he told me to fuck him and I figured I could do that, cause he was like, turned around, so I thought it would be just like with a girl, but his balls were right there and I swear they were looking at me, and I... I couldn't do it! I made him leave..I'm sorry."
Marleau takes a breath for the first time and Ilya takes the oppertunity to jump in. "Marly, are you telling me you got drunk and hooked up with a guy?"
"What? No, the drunk part came later. I figured I had to be sober to see if I really liked it."
Ilya pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes. "Okay, yeah, good, that's... I guess that's good." He takes a deep breath. "What guy? Where did you find him?"
"On Grindr."
"What?!"
"Well yeah, it seemed like the quickest way."
"Since when are you on Grindr?"
"Um, since this afternoon. I made a profile saying I was curious. I got a lot of matches, and this one guy said he would show me what I was missing, so I just invited him over."
"Oh my god, Marly, you're lucky you didn't get murdered! Okay, so you tried it and it wasn't for you, that's fine." Ilya says. "I don't understand why you're so upset about it."
"Because..." Marleau sniffs. "I thought maybe I could be bisexual too. You know, like you. But I'm not, okay, I'm not and I'm sorry, and... and..." he hiccups. "Are we even still going to be best friends if we can't talk about sucking dick together?" he wails.
"Marly, what the hell do you mean?"
"Well you know, that's how we bond, you and me, we talk about the girls we like and hook up with, and all that, and now you're like, in a proper relationship with a dude, and that's totally great, I'm happy for you, you know that, but that means you're never gonna be interested in girls again, so like, what are we even going to talk about?"
Ilya puts the phone on his knee so he can rub both his eyes."Marly. Bro. Are you telling me you hooked up with a guy because you thought it make us stay friends?"
"Well, I don't know. I'm sure you have all these gay friends now who you can talk to about fucking guys, so maybe you don't need me anymore and..."
"Marleau, you beautiful idiot." Ilya interrupts. "I can't believe I have to actually say this, but I am not friends with you just so I have someone to talk to about my hookups."
"You're not?"
"No. I am friends with you because I like you as a person."
"Really?"
"Yes. I promise."
Marleau sniffs again. "Okay. So I'm still your best friend?"
"Yes."
"Cool, that's cool."
They are both quiet for a few seconds. Marleau blows his nose.
"I cannot believe you sucked a guy's dick just to try to stay friends with me." Ilya says.
"Shut up." Marleau sounds almost like himself again. Crisis averted.
"No seriously, I think that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me..."
"Fuck you."
Ilya laughs, and he can hear Marleau laugh too. "I'm going back to bed now, okay? Will you be alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry about me."
"Okay, I love you, dude. Even if you are straight."
"Thanks Roz. I needed to hear that. Love you too."
Ilya hangs up, chuckles to himself. Then he gets up, goes back to the bedroom, switching on the big light. "Shane, wake up, you are going to freak when you hear what Marly just did!"
okay so the monaco pit lane speeding saga explained to address the confusion
five drivers (Lewis, George, Franco, Pierre, Oscar) all got flagged for doing 60.1km/h in a 60km/h zone despite having pit limiters on
the pit limiter measures wheel speed. the FIA measures average speed using timing loops embedded in the asphalt
speed = distance between loops ÷ time taken
drivers were cutting the corner around the Cadillac garage, shortening their actual path through a timing segment. the segment distance is fixed. travel it faster than expected and the average speed calculation comes out higher than your wheel speed (60.1 vs 60.0) even though your car’s own systems are reading legal the whole time
happy suck him off Sunday I’m thinking about the first time shane swallows which I believe has to be during the my moon my man montage. it’s a night where they have to be quick, the game went into double overtime and Ilya has a very early flight but of course they make time for Something. And so there is no pretense when Ilya texts him, they’re bolting up the back stairs, on each other the second the door shuts and they don’t even make it into the apartment past the foyer before shane is on his knees and yanking Ilya out of his pants.
and Ilya is so enthused to just take it, to spot him on the back of the head and thrust lightly into his mouth until Shane pulls off for a precious second and says “don’t be gentle. I’m serious.” And that makes Ilya fucking feral. And suddenly Shane’s hair is being pulled at the root and Ilya is fucking his mouth as deep has he dare go, because shane has yet to cross into deep-throating territory, but he thinks he will soon.
And Ilya is so far gone, he’s not gonna last, and he groans out, “Hollander, pull off, I’m gonna come.” And shane just looks up at him with a look in his eye, and just keeps bobbing and sucking and twisting his hand at the base with his residual spit as if to say, “let me take it from you. Let me take all of it from you.” And Ilya reads the message loud and clear, and he is fighting for his life to keep his eyes open and his gaze down so he can watch shane take every drop of him. Which he does, he comes with a loud grunt, squeezing his hand in Shane’s hair and pulling a moan from him in kind as he shoots into his mouth with shane so determined to swallow him.
And as he twitches out the last of it, shane is smiling around his cock and slipping off carefully, just kind of holding it all in, unsure of what to do, unsure if Ilya wants to see it. But he answers that for him, pressing a thumb onto his chin and dragging down. He opens, and there Ilya sits, pearlescent on his tongue and so fucking hot.
“So good for me, Hollander. Do you want to swallow it?”
And shane nods with his tongue still sticking out, some of his spend dripping out of the corners of his mouth.
“Let me see,” Ilya prompts.
And Shane obediently swallows it all, licking at what spilled out, and swallowing that too.
“Fuck, Hollander. So fucking hot.”
And Shane is slightly bashful, but so fucking turned on, dragging his tongue across the roof of his mouth to maintain the taste of him.
“My turn now,” Ilya says, dropping to his knees and knocking Shane back onto his ass and his hands. He lays on his stomach right on the foyer, pulling Shane’s cock out as Shane balances back on his palms. Ilya glances up at him and says, right before swallowing him down, “Since you’re so hungry for come tonight, maybe this time I’ll let you see what you taste like in my mouth.”
so shane and ilya are obsessed with each other’s bodies, we know this, and it’s been discussed how their physical build differs in the show vs the book and how that choice (positively) affects the narrative. now me, i love a height difference, but i’m discovering that it’s even buzzier that these two beefy jocks match each other on a physical level. it adds this extra layer to their power dynamic, that at any moment shane could physically overpower ilya but he chooses to let himself be manhandled because it makes his dick hard. and it turns ilya on so much that this strong, capable man wants to be thrown around by him, even moreso in the rare moments where shane does actually use his strength against him. he’s like, cute, this man i regularly pin to the mattress could still take me in a fight, and yes, i do wanna fuck him about it…
anyway, my freak sex headcanon of the day is that one day they’re bickering about something stupid a la the video game scene at the cottage. ilya actually agrees with whatever shane is saying but, ever the contrarian, argues for argument’s sake. and whenever he gets sick of playing up the bit (plus he’s a little horny from how seriously shane is taking their silly banter about pizza toppings or whatever), he tackles him and they start play wrestling on the rug. shane’s protests are weak, he likes when ilya holds him down, but he laughs and tells him to fuck off and pushes at his shoulders with no real strength behind it.
then ilya’s eyes darken and his face lights up with a mischievous little light bulb above his head.
“why don’t you fight back, hm? scared you can’t beat me?”
and shane takes that personally. he flips them over with ease, and then they’re just feral dogs going at it, rolling around on the floor, nobody’s holding back anymore, it’s a competition to see who’s the strongest. neither of them win though, because shane’s brain starts to melt with how turned on he is, and just when ilya has his arms pinned behind his back and thinks he’s about to take the prize, shane goes full WWE, hooking his leg around the backs of his knees and somehow sending him toppling back to the ground underneath him. and he pins his hips down and whoops he’s going down on him sloppy style and maybe ilya does lose the fight, actually
i lied im not sleeping im thinking about sugar daddy shane buying a $250,000 watch for ilya and ilya wearing it everyday and then they’re getting ready in the locker room for practice and someone whistles super loud and is like “damn cap, you spent my entire salary on that watch or what” and ilya takes it off gently and places it in his duffle and looks up at all the boys looking at him “no, shane bought it for me.” and then everyone is hootin and hollering and shane walks in from the physio room smiling at the antics asking everyone what’s going on and someone is like “roz just told us you’re his sugar daddy.” and shane rolls his eyes and starts getting his skates out “so i like buying pretty things for my pretty husband, sue me.” and ilya is like “you think i am pretty?” and shane frowns cutely “of course baby.” and then the entire locker room starts gagging and someone yells out GAAAY and then ilya is like “i will show you gay! Shane take off your pants.” And then shane throws a sock at him. anyways they fuck after practice and shane calls Ilya his pretty boy when he rides him.
if you’re a fat person not looking to lose weight, i love you. the weight loss industry is going bonkers right now and i’m proud of you for continuing to take up space. kisses u on the forehead
Sameteam!au where Shane and Ilya are both young and stuck on a team with a god awful losing streak and one night while drowning their sorrows they drunkenly hook up and the next day the team plays incredibly and they win. The very superstitious veteran captain insists that everyone repeats everything they did the night before so Shane and Ilya hook up again and they win again and they keep hooking up and winning and now the team has a complete turn around season and maybe a chance at playoffs but oops uh oh now they also have feelings for each other
IDK, Some F1 Stuff @loveingf1 - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
