So I'm having one of those times where I feel the need to vent a little over something that happened, and in a grand scheme of things its not a big deal, but I feel like I have to get it off my chest somehow or it'll keep bothering me. It's kind of all over the place as putting my thoughts into words was hard given I feel the issue is kinda complicated but also not the same time? IDK how to describe it....I just have a lot of conflicting thoughts and feelings about it.
I think it's okay to feel dismayed if someone portrays your character incorrectly, it is a perfectly fine, human emotion to have. Heck, in fandoms people tend to get iffy if they feel their favorite blorbo is not done justice; happens to me too, that's totally valid! HOWEVER there are right and wrong ways to go about it imho, and this person in my eyes didn't approach this situation that well.....
Not only did this person not tell people honestly from the beginning they felt some of the portrayals of their character during the event were off AND, more importantly, making them actively uncomfortable, but instead, they made a frankly passive-aggressive sounding post about it AFTER the event, saying they were "disgusted" by the portrayals. And yet they also admitted the character hadn't even been properly fleshed out when everything started?? So, they basically did this to themselves by not communicating properly/taking what was supposed to be harmless fun perhaps a bit too seriously and then making themselves upset as a result.
And instead of just ONLY saying "So this stuff is now non-canon as it doesn't fit my vision" which would've felt more reasonable, and frankly mature, they had to be lowkey insulting about it in that post and describe in great detail how disgusted they were. Like....its totally valid as said imo, the discomfort. But I'd call those inside thoughts, you don't have to say them out loud.
That post just ended up feeling targeted towards people who somehow couldn't magically read their mind?? And yes, they did admit in it that they did this to themselves, but to me it just...doesn't excuse the way they worded everything. Again, its fine to have emotions about it, that's perfectly normal.
But you yourself KNOW people would've had no idea due to your lack of communication, and didn't try to "humiliate" your character on purpose. You never gave any indication of your discomfort earlier, AND you yourself portray your character as a witty jokester???? How were people supposed to know we weren't doing it right????? There was NO reason to word things with such a mean-spirited tone. It truly came off like they were trying to insult people between the lines with how it was worded imo.
Then today they message me saying they deleted all the posts they made about my character interacting with theirs calling it "humiliation" (they were worried a fan of this character would misunderstand things because of that art, which.... didn't you already make a canon & noncanon folder???) which.....It's an OC. it's fine if you want to do that, whatever its your art your account, but calling it 'humiliation' - when again, you didn't TELL ME AT THE TIME that the, frankly, harmless comedic shenanigans which didn't even feel off to how YOU YOURSELF portray your character sometimes from my perspective, weren't actually what you had in mind and made you uncomfortable - comes off pretentious and passive aggressive. Like it was somehow intentional from my part when YOUR lack of communication made it impossible for me to know about your discomfort.
(Sure they apologized for not being honest with me sooner, but like....I can't help but feel like they handled/worded this terribly.)
And also, the thing about posting things online is...people WILL portray things incorrectly, that will happen. People will see and read different things into characters, and if you are going to be this protective over your oc...IDK if you should be posting them online then? And again, they hadn't even fleshed this character out in the beginning! there was no proper established lore to follow so its a double "How the hell would we have known???"
I don't know, this whole thing feels so complicated because it IS ultimately not that big of a deal, it's so silly, but I also feel like I was being lied to this whole time now, which to be fair I was.
They LET me make them uncomfortable, knowingly - and let me reiterate, the stuff they were uncomfortable with was silly slapstick-ish comedy, about a character who makes puns and is witty and comes off like a comic relief IN THEIR OWN WORK sometimes - instead of coming clean sooner. Now this just hurt more and made me feel worse, than what it would have if they'd been clear from the beginning. I could've adjusted what I draw had they TOLD ME, but no. They couldn't be bothered.
......But I also understand why they maybe didn't feel comfortable saying anything, as they themselves said, we were just having fun and had no idea and they didn't want to ruin the fun so to speak. Heck, in their shoes I would've been too nervous to do it too probably. It feels weird and icky to go and tell someone "hey I didn't like what you drew for me"
My issue is really just.... the way they worded things in their initial post and the initial message to me. And it could even just be a cultural/not-native-English-speaker issue where they don't realize how hurtful their wording came off! I can totally understand if that's the case, but the thing is... I can't tell. It's hard not to feel suspicious because they have ALSO admitted they are a "cynical asshole," so the chance of the passive-aggressiveness being intentional is there.
(And yeah, maybe I am being too sensitive about this too, that's entirely possible.)
I still believe they should've just been honest about this from the start though, OR not included all that "disgusted" "humiliation" language into their initial post, because it really came off like they were calling others and their art disgusting. And also... this all over an OC. In an environment where characters get bent out of shape alllll the time anyway. And most often not on purpose either. I get it but this whole debacle makes me feel like they kinda....forgot how the internet works.
And its complicated because like I said in the beginning, I GET IT. But also, Internet! I can't help but feel like their reaction is a little....idk, naive? Is that the right word?
IDK. I feel hurt, lied to about this, but also like....its not that big of a deal at the end of the day, and being honest about things like this CAN be hard, and yeah maybe I am being overtly sensitive about their wording.
I just wish they'd been more honest instead of basically intentionally letting me (and probably others) cause them discomfort when that was DEFINITELY not what anyone wanted to do??? All the wording stuff aside (that's subjective ultimately), THAT part feels really icky no matter what, because in THIS particular case, people would've listened to you and made adjustments! But you didn't communicate, and instead (imo) came off passive aggressive! I can't help feeling a little frustrated about this....
