Luna

[pxssionate-intensity]

Ilya and Shane, on top of being The Lovebirds Of All Time, are best fucking friends.

Shane is the #1 person Ilya gossips with. Since Shane isn’t the best on picking up subtext, all of the drama Ilya has to share is a complete surprise to him. Which makes him both the most entertained by the gossip and the most entertaining gossip partner.

Shane has an extremely dry sense of humor, and in public he’ll whisper deadpan commentary into Ilya’s ear while Ilya tries not to cry laughing.

Ilya has a very dark sense of humor that makes most people who hear it uncomfortable, but not Shane. Shane thinks it’s absolutely hilarious every time.

Ilya and Shane love to sit in the same room, do separate activities, and barely speak to each other. Shane will read a book while Ilya plays a video game, and one of them will have their feet in the other’s lap.

While everyone in the league thinks Ilya is a huge asshole, Shane thinks he’s hilarious. In fact, Shane usually agrees with Ilya’s chirps and will not defend anyone against them.

I just love the idea that they’re absolute best friends.

[softgnome]

Personally I do think that sometimes non-hockey fans can end up mischaracterizing Shane and Ilya because they don't know enough about hockey/hockey playstyles

The Ilya we see in Heated rivalry would not be throwing the first punch, he's not an enforcer. Ilya is a star center and a Pest. He wouldn't be doing his job correctly if he was punching players every other game, it would end up with not enough ice time to let him be the playmaker he's paid to be.

But being a pest can be playmaking! Find a player to bait, emotionally push them just enough that they try to fight you, and then get the fuck out of there before the ref gives you both penalties. This gets your team the power play. There is probably someone on Ilya's line dedicated to helping him get out of the fights he starts, and finishing them for him!

I also think this is also something that Shane would respect. Ilya is good at it and it's a good strategy for his team. I don't think Shane would see it as some dirty tactic, because Shane probably thinks everyone with a brain can see it for what it is! He probably thinks everyone should be able to see that being an asshole is a tactic for Ilya, that it's something to ignore and not fall for, that it's a strategy and not personal beef.

I think Shane's more disappointed when a Metro falls for it. Shane sees it as Ilya set up a Looney Toons ass obvious trap and one of his teammates ran into it. Why be mad at Bugs Bunny when you can be mad at your defenceman for falling for a fucking Bugs Bunny trap.

[baby-krill]

ANYWAY!! shane and ilya have kids via surrogate. ilya sort of makes an argument for not using his sperm on account of his depression and genetics and shane is like hey, shut the fuck up? end of conversation. also shane imagined a toddler with ilya’s unruly mop of curls one single time and now he will crash out if he doesn’t at least get a shot at making that dream come true. they do the nph/david burtka thing and each fertilize one donor egg and it’s a long shot that they’ll both take but they’re trying it anyway and they also manage to turn it into a sort of competition because they are freaks like that. both eggs take, obviously, thru the power of true love and the universe’s own unwillingness to pick a winner between the two of them. ilya full on fucking cries one summer when the kids are 3 and they’re getting them ready for bed after a long day outside at the cottage and he notices the tiniest smattering of freckles across the bridge of his toddler’s nose. shane of course gets his curly haired baby because he is the #1 I Get Everything I Want Through the Power of Visualization motherfucker this world has ever seen.

[drabbles-and-rambles]

I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:

Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.

Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"

Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."

They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.

[verlierer-is-lost]

Ilya and Shane doing non hockey stuff with their kids

[suraks-sweet-tits]

...If the CCM photoshoot was July and the first cottage trip was also in July then there is a chance there is some crossover in those dates right???

Ilya: Happy Anniversay

Shane: We only got together 3 days ago? And if you're counting from the day you got here that's 8 days not 7? Which I suppose you could count from when you got here because that was special but I don't really think-

Ilya: No Hollander, I am counting from the day you got your first dick sucking lesson.

[rainbow-femme]

Ok but Ilya not realizing until much later that he hurt Shane with things he’d done in the past

One day it randomly comes up as Ilya says something about a time he acted like a dick and Shane is just like “Eh it’s ok, looking back I understand now that you were in a ‘I’m going to hurt you before you can hurt me’ mindset and that’s why you acted like that.”

And Ilya is staring at him and Shane asks what’s wrong and Ilya goes “I hurt you?” And Shane’s just like well yeah but it was forever ago don’t worry about it. But Ilya is worrying about it because back when he’d done the various hurtful things he’d been in downward spirals where he was convinced he didn’t have the ability to hurt Shane because he didn’t matter enough to Shane to hurt him, so he didn’t think the way he acted had any negative effects. And now he’s turning pale and his eyes are getting big as he’s realizing that oh god when he did those things he hurt his favorite person and he hadn’t even realized it

He makes Shane tell him the different times it happened and Shane doesn’t really want to because clearly this is just going to upset Ilya more, but hiding it or lying is probably also going to make things worse in the long run so it’s better to get it out now. So he mentions Ilya ghosting him after they had sex, and then how Ilya acted in Sochi, and that whole night in Vegas, and “I like you… Not as a person, obviously”

And the whole time Ilya is silently nodding and looking like he wants to throw up because no no no those weren’t supposed to be things that hurt Shane, those were supposed to be things that bounced off Shane without affecting him because they were only ever meant to hurt or protect himself, Shane was never supposed to have been hurt by those and fuck how did he not see in the moment the way that he was actively hurting Shane by doing that

And now it’s even worse because Shane won’t even be mad at him about it, he keeps insisting on being understanding and not upset and trying to make Ilya feel better when in fact Ilya is the worst most awful person in the world who should be punished for eternity for making 22 year old floppy haired baby Shane SAD like some kind of MONSTER

The next Galina session Shane is also there with Ilya who has his head in his hands and Shane is just like ok so we may have accidentally stepped on a landmine the other night-

[fractally]

I think an underappreciated Hollanov thing is how deeply stupid they both think all of their teammates are (and they're both right)

the best take on this I've seen was (ofc) in a Latigra fic where Shane goes OFF on a diversity consultant about how his teammates can barely read

[urie]

i looooooooove how annoying shane and ilya must be as the two best hockey players in the world just both of them being able to see the game at such an elite level and notice things no one else does and theyre basically speaking their own language to one another and saying things like "i dont even count a hat trick if its on an empty net if the goalie isnt there its NOT a real goal i think they should not count these" "absolutely if theres no challenge it isnt real" "exactlyyyyy" and they will say things like this in front of players who have Zero career hat tricks

[landsccape]

[unreadable]

[unreadable]

[overclassy]

[heylsgowt]

[lavenderprose]

I know we’ve talked about this before but the retroactive realization for Shane Hollander that Ilya has been his future husband the entire time must have sent that boy spinning. What do you mean I introduced myself to my future husband. What do you mean my husband was there standing beside me the day I got drafted. What do you mean I jerked off to thoughts of my husband on the most important day of my entire life up to then. What do you mean my husband took my virginity. My husband and I watched each other grow up. My husband and I fell in love for the first time together. My husband was my first ex. My husband has been the most consistent, sensual, irritating, understanding, solid, loving presence in my entire life. Since I became a man, the thoughts I have reached for to comfort myself or bring myself pleasure have been those of my husband. I memorized the moles on my future husband’s body before I fully understood the wants and needs of my own. My husband taught me how to pleasure a man by pleasuring me. The first person I willingly came out to was my husband. My friends have NEVER known me at a time in my life when I was not in love with my husband.

[snail-mail-33]

my take on the "weak backhand" thing is that Shane obviously has an unbelievable backhand. Like one of the best of all time. But Ilya's backhand is absolutely lethal. Like truly GOATED. Like pretty much everyone agrees it is the best in the league by a margin. It's one of his signature moves. So it's one of the only things that he does better than Shane and everyone knows it. And so him teasing Shane for having a weak backhand is peak ragebait behavior because he's basically the only person that can do that and as much as Shane knows it's complete bs and he doesn't have a weak backhand at all, he can't really argue back because Ilya's backhand really is better than his.

[teawrecks]

For realism in your fanfiction, an important cultural element to know about hockey twitter circa 2010-2020 is only fringe weirdos were fighting about if their ship was REAL or DELUSIONAL.... true hostile engagements were granular analysis of whose guy is the most unforgivably #problematic. Here are some helpful ideas to get you started on in-universe cancelations:

Ilya liking bisexual pegging porn on main (real event)

Ilya getting caught saying a slur on mic leading to additional discourse about how it's actually xenophobic to assume he knew what it meant in the first place

Ilya shaking putin's hand at the olympics

Scott hunter being noncommittal about You Can Play on multiple occasions

Scott hunter being a registered republican in 2012

Pervasive 10 year old rumor about Scott hunter having a threesome with his linemate during his rookie year (this person is the real winner)

Hayden pike going to a megachurch

Hayden pike thanking Jesus before his wife in post-game press when he scored a hat trick more than once

Shane promoting eating disorders by talking about his weird diet

Shane being controlling and a bad captain for forcing his weird diet on his team (this is reddit discourse though)

Shane tweeting #stopasianhate but not #blacklivesmatter

Shane catching amulet and antivaxxer strays due to his wacko nutrition/lifestyle coach