operational status: 63%

live laugh lexapro

[orteil42]

i don’t get hyped for games anymore i just watch an announcement trailer and think “huh neat” then forget about the game until i see a youtube vid about it 2 years later with WHAT WENT WRONG?😱 overlaid on the thumbnail

[propalitet]

fathers casually dropping the craziest lore of their lives in the middle of a conversation

[revolutionarytea]

My brother and I trying to piece together our dad’s life based on random info he casually brings up once and then never mentions again

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

When my great grandpa was on his deathbed my grandpa (his son) was with him and says his last words were “I told them they shouldn’t have hanged that woman. Well by damn they’re paying now” and no one in my family knows what the fuck that means

[bbcwhereareyou]

My grandmother was harassing me about the dangers of online dating, and my grandpa was like, “Oh fer crying out loud, leave her alone. My parents met online, she’ll be fine.” Apparenly my great grandparents were both telegraph operators who would chat over the line in between messages and fell in love and my great grandma moved halfway across the country to marry a dude she met over the telegraph.

No one alive in the family had ever heard this story until like 70+ years later when I happened to start seeing a dude from OK Cupid.

[kiiwipops]

when you're the only one in the party who has a functional moral compass

[coolxatu]

she allegoried on my cave til i [JOKE PENDING]

[coolxatu]

[byronicjamie]

^this

[mayonezli]

[nolvien]

[desirableendings]

TREE LAW TREE LAW TREE LAW

[nicehatgeorgia]

The two year-old is now a solid two and a half. Just now, he was sitting on the couch playing with his pretend flip phone and he frowned and said “for gods sake. My battery is empty.”

The other day at breakfast I asked him if he was going to eat any more of his oatmeal and he said “no, I think I’m just gonna move on with my life.”

[nicehatgeorgia]

Today we were walking along and he asked me “How many Octobers is it today?” I told him it was the 21st. 

He tried a bite of his hot soup at dinner and made a face and said “Mama, my soup is a little too temperature for me.”

[nicehatgeorgia]

Upon being served 1% milk for the first time, instead of his regular 2%: “is this water?”

Me: “no, it’s milk”

Kid: “but are you sure?”

[nicehatgeorgia]

Came up to me the other day, the middle of his pants totally soaked, and said “mama, I’m having a situation called ‘I peed in my pants.’”

[nicehatgeorgia]

I don’t think I even told you guys about the six months he spent saying “fuck” instead of “truck.”

[the-emblematic]

I have to laugh at the folks in the notes claiming this is fake because “no 2-yr old is that advanced”. My guys, I work at a daycare almost exclusively with 2-3 year olds and let me tell you some of the wild shit I heard this last week alone,

“Uhhh, i ASSUME we’re going to the playground soon??” -2.5 year old girl

“[3 year old boy] pushed me because he doesn’t have a manners.” -2 yr old girl

“Did you spill your water?” “No no no no it’s not a concern” -2 yr old boy (while running away, dripping wet)

Kids are hilarious and smarter than you think

[catgirlcaliphate]

If you don’t have a lot of interactions with young children:

Kids are smarter than you think

Six months makes a really big difference when that is 1/5 of the total time you’ve been alive

[thewrittenpost]

All this, and also, they can tell you lots about their favorite things. My 2 year old nephew can tell you all about Star Wars (the 8 movies he’s seen at least) and loves going out of his way to bring up how Anakin was good and bad and good again when he died. Trust me, little kids learn and mimic and reenact all the things they get attached to. Also, he named his first fish Jengo Fett, and all following fish Boba Fett, so juries still out on how much he understands clones.

[atreefullofstars]

Kids pick up the language that’s used around and to them. Mannerisms too. They are tiny, efficient mimics and it will come out at the WEIRDEST times. Young kids will ABSOLUTELY say all the stuff listed here.

[bundibird]

My cousin was somewhere between two and three, and I’d just arrived at her house, and she’s animatedly telling me a story of some kind, and I listen as I make my way through the house, get to the couch, and kick my shoes off. She stops dead in the middle of her sentence, puts her hands on her hips, levels me with a glare the likes of which I haven’t seen since, and goes, “WHAT are they doing there? Do you think the box at the front door is for DECORATION?”

Her mum, standing in the kitchen and watching all this, was GOBSMACKED. Apparently she said that exact phrase more often than she realised, and her kid had picked it up verbatim and started using it on unsuspecting guests (me).

(I got up and put my shoes in the box at the front door immediately)

[lasrina]

My family’s lore includes the time my mother offhandedly said to Cousin’s son–who was maybe five–that Cousin’s wife certainly did have strong opinions about some minor thing, and the kid let out a sigh and said, in the driest and flattest and most world-weary tone you’ve ever heard, “Tell me about it.”

[mod2amaryllis]

once i was helping with a class of 3 year olds and during drawing time one girl asked for a lion, specifically a lioness. i drew it and she just looked in silence so thinking she wanted a more liony lion i was like “do you want me to draw a boy lion next?” and she gives me this 🤨ass affronted look and says “umm she doesn’t NEED a man.”

[aqueerkettleofish]

Kids will do three things reliably:

Repeat what they’ve heard, incorrectly and/or in the wrong context, to comic effect

Repeat what they’ve heard in exactly the correct context, which is somehow even funnier

Casually knock you on your ass with some offhand, but utterly profound, original statement

[camestela]

What are you playing? Is it my turn yet?

[whitepeopletwitter]

[kyleblackpaw]

[aye-write]

[sunsetsharkblog]

may I offer my contribution

[bard-like]

[what-even-is-thiss]

This post is ancient and stupid but I still laugh whenever I see it

[woahdudenode]

[beyondterrestrial-blog]

This is satisfying to me.

[221cbakerstreet]

They’re free

Yes, but at what cost?

[lauronicamarsthevampireslayer]

16 cents.

[yo-its-matt]

Visit Original Link

[cheese24k]

Astronaut readjusts to life back on Earth

> Don’t give him a baby for a while.

[leradny]

HE GRABS THE CUP BUT THEN HE DROPS THE PEN 0.0003 SECONDS LATER

AND HE LOOKS UP AT THE CEILING INSTEAD OF AT THE GROUND WHEN HE CAN’T FIND THEM

[quasarkisses]

I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING HE JUST DROPS IT

IT’S NOT FUNNY IT’S VERY LOGICAL THAT HE WOULD HAVE ADJUSTED TO LIVING LIFE WHILE HE WAS IN SPACE BECAUSE IT’S DIFFERENT FROM EARTH BUT I CAN’T FUCKING BREATHE

*THUNK*

[emilyelizabethfowl]

i love it so much every time i see it

[official-aquarium-gravel]

“ugh stupid gravity” 

[bruh-moment-dot-jpeg-deactivate]

IM FUXKING CSHAKING

[perfectlyhopeless]

I haven’t seen this post on my dash in *years* bless this

[flootzavut]

Bless, this is absolutely amazing

[mxbuster]

I love this. It’s so gestural and he’s so exasperated about gravity.

[spacepsychologist]

The perfect comedic timing of the NASA logo.

[calellon]

it’s dangerous to go alone! take this. *kisses you straight on the lips*