⭐️Lush💚 || DID Pain

🔔🎪⭐️💚🟣🎪🔔 I don’t even like cishet men || 24yr zoology major || medically recognized DID, CPTSD, and other fun letters ||

[lusharel]

Mace: *dejected* I dunno how to be a Muppet

*general hysteria*

[lusharel]

Hey do you guys want some silly doodles I did a bit back of Doctor as different birds?

Sure you do

Don’t judge please I drew these in like 5 minutes

[baidao]

9

[dominicpage-art]

devils on my shoulder

[evilwizard]

say no more

[lusharel]

People celebrate you for surviving

But I mean, the fact I’m a system means I didn’t, or part of me didn’t

The fact my mother has been screaming at me for as long as I can remember about how “I’m not who I used to be”

I don’t know anything about me, or who I was

But I also don’t truly know how to survive

I wasn’t taught anything, I wasn’t given structure or a choice

It’s so deafeningly quiet without the chaos, and I hate that I don’t know how to live without it

I’m safe, it’s still, the threat has ended. Externally

Inside, we still live there because we know nothing else

And I don’t know how to leave

- 🖌️?

[lusharel]

Tumblr your fuck-ass interactive ads are ruining my doomscrolling

[macchinetta-draws]

[trashy-corvian]

-crawls up from depression prison- Sup (ー_ー )ノ

[clown-guitar]

[no beers in] do you think im ever going to belong somewhere

[asksloyxp]

Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again

[shinyrock6498]

Maybe the cup needs a bit of time to rest and refill?

[asksloyxp]

Maybe the cup needs to lock the fuck in???

[transientsatellite]

Hashtag just no-headspace things

[lusharel]

I’m chronically concerned with the environment but also my head, the meds don’t help or maybe they do and I just don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. Therapy has never felt like it’s done more than give me names for disorders, like helping me define CPTSD and realize I’m a system, but it doesn’t help make life easier or coping better. No matter what I do, I fall into the same holes, even with meds, a support system, and a therapist. I want to go back to school, to do classes and become a zoologist, but I just feel like it’s impossible while I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel with medications. The depression never improves, the motivation never comes, the executive function is nonexistent

The depression has been horrific lately so I turn back to tumblr apparently, I guess I need an outlet and don’t have other options

I just don’t know what to do anymore, I feel I’m destined to fail and it kill’s me

[lusharel]

It’s so silly

So cutesy

When you finally feel like you can share a niche interest that you have in common with someone, or that someone opens your eyes to their niche interest

And instead of being treated like two friends with niche interests, you’re treated like you’re lying/copying

Like baby girl please, I am just not very creative and want to feel close to my friends with our shared niche interests, why has it become a competition

So then I tuck that interest away and pull back cause what else does my shitty brain expect me to do

Anyway, I suddenly remembered my longstanding intense adoration and love for Piers from Pokemon so don’t you try to take this from me /gen unrelated

[lusharel]

I don’t allow men in my bed

Except my bedrotting cat who gets absolutely so happy when I come home because he knows cuddles are imminent

He screams at me and jumps on my shoulder while I’m walking, then lays on my chest while purring and happy drooling when I lay down with him

And sometimes that’s all I need to heal

How do you expect me to get out of bed when he is sooooo happy to rot with me for eons without stirring

[ducksaredead]

day 3: soulmates

i'm back to my "overdetailed background no one asked for" era

[ducksaredead]

day 1: first date

It’s here guys! Creek week has started!