A Marvel Newcomer's Thoughts on Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Wow! Luna forgot to review MCU movies yet again! Definitely didn't get distracted by playing Rivals again and taking a social media break due to an overly parasocial man. And I was soooooo excited to yap about Guardians at the end of my review of Thor Dark World... then proceeded to forget to yap about Guardians :3
But the time has finally come to yap about Guardians! I have my raw notes in front of me with a Dr Pepper slightly blocking them, but Lord knows I need my caffeine while I ramble about SFX and wardrobe choices.
Let's start off by saying this movie is definitely worth the hype. Not as good as the first Captain America movie, but definitely memorable and entertaining as fuck. It's heart-wrenching and hilarious at the same time.
Watching Peter's mom die at the beginning broke me. The poor kid was so upset and I can't blame him at all. The actor who played young Peter did a phenomenal job and I just want to scoop him up and give him a massive hug.
As much as I dislike Chris Pratt as a person, I have nothing but good things to say about his performance as Star-Lord. I absolutely love the character so much. Snarky, begging for recognition, and an absolute fucking dork. He's such a fun and gentle lead character and I couldn't peel my eyes from the screen whenever he was in frame. He was so attached to his Walkman and I can't blame him at all for taking a detour in his prison escape for it. The line about the Jackson Pollock painting made me laugh so hard I had to pause because I choked on my own spit. It blew my mind that he was only half human and it blew my mind even more that Star-Lord was a nickname of his from his mom. The lore about his nickname made me want to cry like a baby.
I absolutely adore Groot. He's a menace, but so precious about it. I want a Groot of my own so badly. He's a silly goose and such a loyal friend. He might be a bit impulsive, as shown in the prison breakout scene, but he's just a silly little guy and he can't help it (just like me for real 😭). I have multiple notes either calling him a good boy or a baby. It made me so sad when he gave his life to save his friends, but it made me so glad when Rocket recovered one of his twigs to regrow him. And baby Groot... oh my God do I understand why that was a thing when I was in elementary and middle school. He's SO FUCKING PRECIOUS!!!!! Watching him yawn and dance to the music at the end of the movie made me giggle like a maniac. He's definitely one of my favorite Guardians.
Rocket, on the other hand, is a menace and a snarky little fucker. I love him so much. He's a little gremlin and I want to give him head scratches if he'd let me. His relationship with Groot reminds me of me and my boyfriend; a chaos gremlin (me) and a silly lil guy (my bf). I think he'd laugh if I told him that.
Random boyfriend comment aside, I want to hug Rocket and make him finish my Bachelors' degree for me. He's so clever and such an entertaining watch. I will say though, Saal calling him a hamster made me crack up for a solid ten seconds. Him crying while holding Groot's twig was something I never expected to see, and I teared up watching. I know Rocket was totally CGI but damn those tears made me well up too.
Another menace in the best way is Drax. He's my boyfriend's favorite Guardian and I can TOTALLY see why. He's kinda autism coded , and oh my God do I love him. I feel so bad for him having lost his family. I want to give him a hug and a lil kiss on the forehead. He's so fucking precious. He's such a badass and a dumbass in the best way. His lines about the dumb tree and green whore being his friends made me cackle like a maniac. Also I may or may not have a note that says "Drax is THICC (like my cat)." Here's a pic of my cat to prove my point.
Now Gamora... holy SHIT is she a baddie and a badass. Also she's Thanos's daughter?!?! I know generally who Thanos is due to the fact that it was IMPOSSIBLE to avoid Thanos references in 2018 due to the fact that I was in middle school at the time. I had no idea Gamora was his daughter, and no idea that Nebula existed at all. I'll cover Nebula in a minute, as soon as I'm done drooling over Gamora. She's so heavily guarded and I can't blame her. If Gamora has any haters, I will send her to terrorize them so badly they start drooling over her as much as I do. She's definitely one of my favorite Guardians. Now that I think about it, I don't have a least favorite Guardian. I love them all so much in their own lil ways.
Now for Nebula... God, do I feel bad for her. She's a prick, but I can understand why. Thanos calling Gamora his favorite IN FRONT OF HER broke my heart. She's so desperate to prove herself to him, only to be brushed off and tortured. I want to give her the biggest hug and let her know that she's worthier than Thanos could ever imagine.
Last but not least for the main characters, it's time to yap about Yondu. I'm gonna be honest, I forgot his name for the first like eight scenes he was in, so I kept referring to him in my notes as "blue guy" because I'm just a silly little guy. I hated him at first and then learned to love him. He, too, is just a guy and an absolute badass. His whistling arrow is really cool and interesting. I might hate whistling noises due to misophonia, but it's a generally cool weapon.
The one thing I disliked about this movie was the lack of my baby girl Mantis. I spent the entire movie waiting for her, but she never appeared. Unfortunately for my soul, she doesn't appear until Guardians 2. I thought the Collector's assistant Carina would turn into her when she was looking at the infinity stone, but she touched it and exploded the entire building without becoming my favorite empath. I have no idea how Star-Lord, Gamora, and the Collector lived through that explosion, but plot armor my beloved, I guess.
Due to my boyfriend being a massive fucking nerd, he noted all the improvised scenes as they came up. The fact that the Jackson Pollock line and Star-Lord dropping the orb were both improvised made me love Chris Pratt's acting. I still don't care for him as a person, but he did a great job in this movie. I can't picture anyone else playing Quill. Still not a fan of Pratt himself though. The "bunch of jackasses in a circle" line was also pretty iconic.
Rocket riding on Groot's shoulder.
Rocket's weapon being a machine gun.
Rocket's line when he witnesses Groot's death in game. ("Aw, no, Groot…now I gotta grow you from a twig. Again!")
Groot's flower growing emote.
Groot's main attack and ult being vines.
Groot's ability to build walls.
Star-Lord and Groot's interactions upon spawning in.
Star-Lord's "Vengeance for the Milano!" achievement.
Star-Lord's comment about the Hydra maps being "nastier than the Milano's kitchen."
Star-Lord asking Black Panther if he's seen Gamora or Drax.
Star-Lord and Rocket fighting over who crashed the Milano on Klyntar.
My rating: 8.5/10. An overall entertaining and well-made movie. Great SFX, as always, with a loveable crew of main characters. It's basically impossible to root against the Guardians, even if one of them is played by Chris Pratt. I would definitely watch this movie again, even though Mantis isn't in it. I'm still mad about that. I love Mantis with my whole heart and I can't wait to meet her in Guardians 2. And, as always, Hail Mantis.
