A Crypt-Dweller's Blog

◇ Vincent | He/Him | Asexual | Anxious Humanoid | Full-Time Student | Father of 20 (Plants) ◇

[maceratedfleshsuit]

Ideas for hand/neck/head coverings in the summertime?

I'm going to preface this by saying please don't judge me for asking. I know I'm weird and fucked in the head (As demonstrated by literally everything else on my blog), but I kind of need help in this situation.

So, I have a panic disorder along with severe anxiety, primarily when exposed to other people, that makes me go on the verge of mentally losing myself and breaking down in a lot during my attacks. Recently I've found out that wearing as much clothes as I can to cover skin such as my arms/neck/hands makes me feel more secure and reduces the severity of these attacks—probably because it gives me control in these scenarios and makes me feel like I'm in my own space with a sustained pressure.

However, summer really fucks me over. I mean, really fucks me over. I plan to move to a much colder place in the future, but in the USA, I feel trapped by hellfire and brimstone—and I'm not even in any of the hottest states listed here.

It just gets so hot and sweaty out here. I don't even do sports or really exist out in the sun and I'm sick of it. My usual apparel is long sleeves, long boots, gloves, oversized shirt, glasses, maybe a hat or thin scarf if I feel I need it.

More and more it seems like the sun is actively trying to assassinate me, so do any of you have suggestions for doing this in the summer? Coping tips, ideas of accessories designed for summer wear, etc. are all needed. Bonus points if you do the same thing as I do and have firsthand experience on how to survive this damned death laser in the sky.

[piornik]

I love the uesp wiki

[maceratedfleshsuit]

My biggest red flag in Skyrim is that no matter what character I create or whatever backstory they have, I will always find a way to become a vampire and join the sophisticated cannibalistic cult.

Look, I just really like gothic castles with fucked up origins and fucked up people. I'd kill Harkon's ass on sight and take his spooky Scooby Doo murder castle if I could—but no, I have to dance around hundreds of quests to give this loser his spiky prehistoric sippy cup and his new color-changing toy.

[maceratedfleshsuit]

I like to use my microwave to boil water for my tea just because it makes the British people across the sea shrivel into dust in utter fury.

I can already hear the royal army's footsteps rapidly approaching as they march on water from thousands of miles away.

[maceratedfleshsuit]

I've said it once and I'll say it again: My mind is the Titanic, my life is the iceberg, and I'm driving that ship with over 2,000 passengers that I don't even know the name of or where the fuck they came from, but they're my responsibility now.

I've always thought my mind was unsinkable. I was wrong, and while my mind sinks to hell, there's always going to be the soundtrack of waltz music to my demise.

[maceratedfleshsuit]

A bit of a strange and weird journal entry to be posting on Tumblr tonight, but I had a waiter with several healed obvious S/H scars on their arms and it made me feel less alone. They were tattooed around, but when they flipped their wrist over to hand a plate to me I saw them all, not deliberately organized like mine but still raised and visible outside the ink.

Didn't say anything about it and they didn't notice I saw them, but I tipped them generously after finishing my food and left the restaurant feeling a little less like a freak for not wearing long sleeves all the time. Unrelated to be honest, but even outside this whole incident, this person was one of the most polite waiters I've had in a little while now. Makes me feel like I have hope to fully recover.

[faulsimon]

how do you feel about your hometown

love it/never wanna leave (still live there)

mid/whatever (still live there)

hate it (still live there)

love it/miss it (don't live there)

mid/whatever (don't live there)

hate it/good riddance (don't live there)

im bald

Remaining time: 1 day 8 hours

saw a post that made me wonder this. please tag with your thoughts im curious!!

[digital-meat]

Fuck that place

[maceratedfleshsuit]

Tbh, I never really had a true hometown nor did I have a fixed home. I was a kid who was unwillingly born to a (abusive but that's a different story) military family, which meant that all throughout my childhood—every 2 years or so—I had to get up and leave my favorite friends behind to move to the other side of the world to a country that's unfamiliar, worrying about death all the time, and it killed me inside every time. Probably wasn't good for a 5-year-old to experience, but everything else in my immediate family wasn't good for a kid either.

I guess I could say Florida is my origin place? And honestly... It's very pretty, but I'm not going back. Lots of poverty, alcoholism, physical abuse, and drug addiction where I was born, who I was born to, and who I was visiting as family. Better to just bury what doesn't serve me.

[crazymuffin1]

how id survive horror movies:

iron lung: im vaccinated against polio so i dont need one

it: my pronouns are she/they

sinners: im an atheist

the backrooms: my house doesnt have that many rooms

Resident evil: id evict them

Midsommar: im swedish.

Get out: ok i'll leave

x: im still calling it twitter

american psycho: i live in sweden

[cbairdash]

I’ll just leave this right here 😂

[maceratedfleshsuit]

Living as a neurodivergent, traumatized adult who was homeschooled in an abusive environment all their life sure is a hell of an experience.

Constant anxiety over every decision you make.

Unable to function socially and always paranoid about dissociating, crashing your car, and dying because of it. Alternatively, having visions of you dying in incredibly specific ways that feel real enough to make you avoid the subject entirely even though you secretly want to die.

Freaking out because your boss told you to do something but you don't know what they meant nor do you remember what they said at all because you live in your head and everything is blurry.

Having another attack because you have to make a phone call/schedule anything.

Being severely afraid of in-person college tests.

Also, being severely afraid of dating because one bad person and you lose everything you own and/or get hurt and violated again.

Beating yourself up after saying something wrong/getting accused of something you didn't do because your body language was off, even if the accuser/prosecutor apologizes and recognizes you as innocent.

Being horrifically terrified of unfamiliar environments and buildings/cities you don't know the layout of or how to escape them.

Getting spat at by your employer because you never learned how to properly mask your autistic traits in public and/or asked a question you had no idea you weren't supposed to ask.

Spiraling whenever you don't have something to do because you feel like a lazy spoiled brat and a waste of space.

Freaking out when someone touches you, even just on the shoulder.

Having a specific, designated bathroom stall you run to when something bad happens and you need to just fucking run.

Locking every damn door and window in your place and double-checking multiple times, contemplating if that's enough (You literally were just halfway to boarding the fucking window up, adopting a pitbull, and setting up 19 Home Alone-style traps in response.)

Constantly being on edge because you're afraid that you make one wrong move and the government takes everything you own and all of your comfort items. You work two jobs and one side hustle because of this, even though your first one already keeps your neck above water.

3 AM being the only time of the day you feel safe. Wanting to kill yourself when the sun rises and life resumes.

Fear of Hell for some odd reason even though it's been years since you deconstructed, no matter how many times you do historical analyses to debunk its existence.

Screaming at yourself and contemplating suicide because one miniscule change happened to your body that you don't like (You guessed it... Cue the spiraling sequence!)

[maceratedfleshsuit]

If it makes you guys feel any better about your stupidity insecurities, I spent my entire break period freaking the fuck out outside because I thought I forgot my nicotine fix at home. Turns out the pack was hidden in a pocket underneath the ass of a Kermit doll I made and I only found that out when I rummaged aggressively through everything in my bag after work.

In other words, Kermit hid my cigarettes from me today. However, realistically, I was so fucking stupid that I ended up somehow hiding them from myself.

[crap-userrname16]

[maceratedfleshsuit]

I need this, holy shit!

[maceratedfleshsuit]

Of course my FYP fixes itself when I start complaining about it...

[grayskittles]

got this from twitter which colour am i

[maceratedfleshsuit]

Not going to lie, the 4th of July celebration last night was way quieter than the years before, and I'm from a neighborhood that famously goes wild during Independence Day. I expected to have my eardrums blown out and my nervous system on death row like every other July 4th, but it seems like this year everybody is just bummed out because of fascism rising in America and the prices getting absurd.

I didn't even have to leave my place to go walk in a national park or tough it out at Waffle House. It was very peaceful being able to work on an art piece and read my horror book last night.

It does get kind of depressing to figure out the implications, though. America is dying so badly that not even the migrating Southerners in my state want to celebrate. Not even a single Civil War cannon shot from the redneck that lives here.

[fuck-customers]

[memewhore]

[bananahomo]

I reblogged this last month, tagged it, and said “might as well see if it works.” I used this video as a reference to find all the forms that i needed (which is A LOT, especially if you’re a dependent) and sent them through the mail, not really allowing myself to hope.

dude.

$2,714 of medical debt from my top surgery - gone. im shaking this was such a weight on me for 2 years and it fucking worked. what the fuck.

[minakittengaming]

This is huge. Sharing for my US friendos.

[zillyblog]

Hospitals like to hide these policies under a lot of successive links in obscure places, so if you don't see anything right away, keep looking! Get friends to help! Make it a scavenger hunt. A game where you're assassins sent to slit capitalism's throat