im a mess™

and apparently also a vampire (long story) and a pirate (I've got proof) and currently cursed (idrk how)

[eilooxara]

Oat milk was discovered much more recently than you may have known. Like many now-familiar technologies, it was found by accident during the Apollo program when NASA learned what a zero-g environment does to goat milk.

[midnightssea]

it’s amazing how women are able to navigate crowded rooms without ever touching a palm to a man’s lower back

[mutantrenegade]

You know Jones soda cap, as a tumblr user i can actually say i think I have.

[temporalreverie]

anyone have that picture with the 100 pool toy baltos. Its like a modern terracotta army

[temporalreverie]

THEY SHALL PROTECT MY MAUSOLEUM

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

always some new bullshit in the ocean

[local-demon-in-your-area]

Why is it always orcas or dolphins

Why can't a salmon do some bullshit for once

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

worry not ☝️ they're doing coke

[useless-immortal]

himmel OCH pannkaka? I den här ekonomin?

[hawkpartys]

i misspell genus pernis a lot

[great-and-small]

When you’re birdwatching and you suddenly spot a honey buzzard

[typhus-andronicus]

[ozempicofficial]

[allcrush]

having fun scrolling arent u .. freak

[micromontage]

what should I listen to

[segamascott]

women

[byjove]

me: why are the pillows always so fucked up

my cat:

[thillius]

This looks like a painting with like the composition and lighting

[chloematis]

And now it is :)

[clowniconography]

this is one of the more creative hate comments i've seen and i felt the need to immortalize it

[iamthemaestro]

found this at an antique shop the other day and was immediately like oh this belongs on tumblr. sniles sneetly. fwowns fwangry.

[largishcat]

*at a family gathering* you’re all like coworkers to me

[invisible-goats]

saw an ad outside a local restaurant that said "have a star-crossed dinner this valentine's day"

do...do people not know being star-crossed is bad?

"come here and have a dinner that's cursed by fate"

[3liza]

everone in the replies going "no it isnt" and "ive never heard it used that way before" take a look around at what and who you are surrounding yourself with. ignorance is contagious, never just assume you know the actual literal meaning of anything, look it up

[buddie-romance]

thank you ao3 for being an archive and not an algorithm. thank you for letting me like things without consequences, thank you for being free with no ads, thank you for having lawyers to defend our freedom of speech. thank you tag wranglers. thank you to all authors and thank you ao3

[corviiids]

was talking to a coworker and realised i could not for the life of me remember his name but i was too embarrassed to ask because we've spoken multiple times so mid-conversation i started concocting a plan to nudge the conversation towards the ID photos on our building passes so that i could be like oh my ID photo is awful haha the camera they use to take these has a real talent for making me look as unphotogenic as possible and then he would say oh yes me too haha everyone says that (because they do) and then i would be able to say well let me see yours it can't be as bad as mine! and he would show me his ID because we are coworkers and why wouldn't he and this would allow me to see his building pass which of course would have his name on it and then i would be able to say well yours is perfectly nice it must be me that's the problem! and then we would have a polite chuckle about it and i would have his name without needing to ask for it and he would be none the wiser and all would be well but then before i could execute this fine plan a little voice in my head went "so this is some light yagami bull shit you are about to pull" which was such a violent reality check it shocked me completely out of my embarrassment and i went "hey im so sorry your name has slipped my mind could you remind me" and he did and it was fine.

[lastoneout]

"This is some Light Yagami bull shit you are about to pull" <- Littany against avoiding small embarrassing/awkward moments that don't matter with over the top ass mind games.