kelsey

he/they

[sacred-portal]

[duckdotcom]

i'm not just a pretty face. i also know the letters of the alphabet

[shymagnolia]

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

[shymagnolia]

okay so i just got my dream job??? a week after applying to it?? and now i’m thinking….maybe this is the good luck post

[flagellant]

…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment

likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post

[coffee-or-hot-cocoa]

i need all the help i can get for finals

[finnglas]

Hey so

the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like. 

So you know. 

This might be the real one, y’all.

[shit-people-probably-didnt-say]

Hoping this post can bring some light back into my life

[dandthegods]

Good luck to all

[girlgerard]

very gender of the hebrew word for woman (אישׁה) to, when pluralized, be conjugated in the masculine (נשׁים)

[actingappalled]

*in david attenborough nature documentary voice* a group of women is called a man

[girlgerard]

it’s more a group of women is called girlboys. i love judaism

[vampirebatmitzvah]

[razorgirlpenis]

we need personally tailored hormone cocktails. if u want estrogen curves a non functional dick and a flat chest u should be able to get that. if u want huge tits hard cock huge loads we should promote that. when i’m president we’ll kill all real estate agents in the street like dogs.

[gardenvarietychao]

Forgive how sloppy this looks i made this in rebellion to my friends

[femmeharlequin-deactivated20240]

Men! Get your ears pierced! That’s an order

[smashcut]

Imagine being 23 and letting your dad put your gf in the washing machine

[smashcut]

Dad says “I’ve seen enough”

[thoodleoo]

not me having to say "all women are queens" to mollify my students after i explained to them about why so many greek men were dating other dudes

[funnelcloudd]

She has 10 eggs omg how did her little body make so many eggs I’m going to cry

[funnelcloudd]

Her bird husband keeps bringing her little green worms to eat and every time she hears him outside she does these happy little chirps ahhhhh

[croc-odette]

she’s sleeping right now…

[funnelcloudd]

UPDATE: all ten eggs have hatched :)

[funnelcloudd]

UPDATE:

All ten babies are getting ready to fledge!!!

[sistertaxon]

why are there so many posts about asexuals being immune to sirens. people. sirens don’t lure you in with sex (necessarily). they sing about whatever it is that you want most. they could sing about mothman or cinnamon toast crunch and guess what then your asexual pirate is fucking dead

[thesylverlining]

this is the only kind of ace discourse i ever want to see on my dash. the only kind. ever again. good job

[kittyknowsthings]

Do you think the sirens would be grateful that they finally get some variety? 

[systlin]

“Oh my god we can finally just sing about pasta thank the fucking gods.” 

[totohoy-blog]

I’m not asexual but I’m fairly certain sirens would do a far better job luring me into the depths with a song about pasta rather than sex…

[systlin]

I mean. 

“WHAT THE FUCK STAY AWAY FROM THE ROCKS.”

“FUCKER THEY SAID THEY HAVE FETTUCCINE CARBONARA AND HOT GARLIC BREAD OVER THERE HANG ON BITCH.” 

[musicalhell]

This is true; Odysseus heard them promising him knowledge of the future.  So the next time you see artwork like this:

Remember those sultry naked chicks are saying “We’ll tell you the winning lotto numbers.”

[fuckstaffposts]

Them: “We have unlimited wifi at incredible speeds~” Me: *diving headfirst into the water*

[rpluvsyj]

This post is a blessing

[wittyusername97]

Congratulations! Odysseus! You’ve been selected as a winner for the free $1000 Amazon Gift Card, Apple iPhone X 256G or Samsung Galaxy S8! Claim your prize now!

[kitvalkyrie]

Oh my god sirens were literally scam websites

[10thingsihateabout-all-yall]

Oh my god they were phishing

[ancientcharm]

Mosaic from the House of Orpheus, Pompeii.

Naples Archaeological Museum

[dracwife-deactivated20241217]

if hes not the perfect little fictional man then why is he in my thoughts all day

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Please enjoy this updated meme:

[byjove]

Achilles wouldn’t have died if he was wearing OSHA approved work boots.

[headspace-hotel]

Are you ANGRY??

Are you FULL OF RAGE???

Then you might enjoy LOOKING UP INVASIVE PLANT SPECIES IN YOUR AREA and BRUTALLY MURDERING THEM

[oceanabylonianshell-deactivated]

Reblog for a miracle to happen tonight

[deactivated6022607-deactivated2]

BITCH I REBLOGGED THIS AT 4AM AND SOME FIT GUY FROM MY HOMETOWN SLID INTO MY DMS at 11PM LIKE GIRL HONESTLY iM

[thomasthetwinkengine]

Can the miracle be that I actually fall asleep at a reasonable time

[datesanddamian]

I’m starting to feel like that miracle is falling into a deep sleep and actually waking up rested. Bless this post.

[whitewolfpharaoh-deactivated201]

A miracle?

I don’t care how big or small I want one

[sortableroseanimations]

I would like and could use a small miracle

[sortableroseanimations]

MY MIRACLE WAS FUCKING AMAZING AND YEAH IT WAS TONIGHT INSTEAD OF LAST NIGHT BUT STILL

[riverblight]

IT WORKED, PLEASE DO THIS YOU LITERLALLY HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE

[oceanabylonianshell-deactivated]

It worked…I had a long convo with someone I missed.