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aquilacalvitium

Write it badly or it'll never be written

aquilacalvitium

Please keep interacting with this post because when I come to tumblr to procrastinate, this shows up again in my notifications and guilts me into writing again

sonpat-rides-again

ihavenocluewhatiwanttobecalled

Can someone who understands psychology explain why this makes someone "rude"?

alex51324

Phatic discourse, a subset of affiliative signaling.

When Co-workers do things like ask about weekend plans, chat about non-work topics, eat lunch in the same room, they are--subconsciously--reaffirming that they are part of a cooperative (or, minimally, non-antagonistic) social group.

The other primates cement social bonds by grooming each other; we do it by making small talk.

If they solicit your participation in these rituals, and you repeatedly refuse those bids, you are marking yourself out as, at best, an outsider to the group, and thus potentially antagonistic.

This is all happening on the monkey-brain level; they have no idea what they're doing or how they are interpreting your response, so there's no way to clear up the misunderstanding.

To the ape sleeping in your co-worker's DNA, either you are part of the grooming circle, or you are an outsider who, for all it knows, may be coming to steal all the bananas.

Even if you would prefer not to socialize with your co-workers, it's generally worth it to set aside 5 minutes a couple times a week for phatic communication. You don't have to answer your co-workers' affiliative signals every time, but it's less trouble in the long run if you respond to a few of them.

punkrorschach

if you are the type of person who really just wants to be left alone to do their work in quiet: it is actually easier to achieve this as part of the in-group. when you enter a new space, in this case, a job, make it your GOAL to make everyone Know Who You Are. introduce yourself to everyone you meet. literally everyone. "hi I'm Jack I'm New." this helps burst the awkward bubble. you are now one of the monkeys.

at some point, either in response to an invitation, or just in the natural course of conversation, you can add in that you are a "quiet type" who "needs their silence" or what have you. customize to your personal needs. i find it helpful to imagine a well dressed elderly woman describing the sort of peace she needs to manifest.

roughly once a week if you see a group of people chatting, engage with them. keep it pleasant. it can be superficial. word will travel that you are Nice and Quiet and Not The Chatty Type protecting you from group lunches etc. if you have an office with a door that you keep closed a lot, putting up any kind of decor will also send positive signals.

humans are monkeys! for better or worse!

tlbodine

Pro tip: try to make a note (write it down if you have to) about some inconsequential thing that your coworker mentions so you can ask about it later. Kids and pets are great for This. As are hobbies. One guy in my office zoom called in from his house and I saw he had an arcade game in his office so I asked him about it later and he lit up like a Christmas tree. Another coworker has a pet pig and I ask every couple months how the pig is doing. This is a great strategy for pivoting conversation away from you and will make them think you are the friendliest monkey in the pod.

queeranarchism

The grooming circle also serves a very practical purpose. Getting to know each other - even superficially but regularly - makes people more likely to feel comfortable asking for something they need, more likely to say yes, and more likely to trust each other with sensitive information. All of this makes people better fellow human beings to each other.

It means my coworker is more likely to feel safe enough to tell me "Can you take over my shift tomorrow?" and I'm more likely to say "yes" even when I don't want to, because I care about his well being and he also takes over shifts for me when he doesn't want to.

It means my coworker is more likely to ask me for help if they experience sexual harassment at work, or if they think they're being underpaid, or if they're actually very lonely and need someone, anyone, to go to their Mom's funeral with them.

And maybe this ritual of trust-building feels unnecessary to you. Maybe you would do all these things for random strangers, but your coworkers won't know that unless they get to know you a little, so they won't know that they can ask you for help.

queeranarchism

#take part in the grooming. become one of the ingroup. band together to demand more bananas from your zookeeper aka your boss#monkey together strong or something

YES. Unionize your monkey grooming circle.

clowncafeb-deactivated20250901

owlgams

Time for a new Jelly, new good vibes! Good luck everyone, it’s gunna be good soon

trans-ralsei

sleepymccoy

what does the phrase; "first in, best dressed," mean to you?

I don't know this

generational wealth fuckin has it

those that arrive early get the best shit

if you wear nicer clothes, you'll get nicer things

if you impress people, you'll be gifted a nicer gift

something else

Voting ended onMar 30, 2025

Also please tell me where you're from, cos I hear on Tumblr that this phrase is Aussie but I'm Aussie and it doesn't sound fucking Aussie to me. Do foreigners know this? This just seems like a normal fucking sentence.

sleepymccoy

I notice none of you have told me where youre from, so first of all, disappointed

But secondly of all, what that fuck are you all talking about? Since no one said otherwise, imma assume this is common internationally and you're all just specifically not culturally engaged with your peers. No way first come blessed dressed is aussie slang. It's too normal

kedreeva

I'm American and I've never heard this before in my life until this moment.

#Sweden #this sounds like a malaphor #never heard it

cherryhomo

just wanted to share the National Down Syndrome Society’s message for this year’s World Down Syndrome Day (21st March) 💛💙

naamahdarling

Powerful message that lovingly includes multiple disabilities, united. I love this.

somanyjacks

I don't know who needs to hear this, but if the phrase "self care" doesn't resonate with you, try calling it "system maintenance" and see if that clicks.

wormsslime

somanyjacks

Reblogging to add amazing tags from @meta-theory

#this both makes things more fun and also is a really good analogy#because there are four types of system maintenance and that makes the term much more exact than the nebulous ''self-care''#and therefore much more helpful to those of us who uhhh struggle with nebulosity#for anyone curious the four types are:#1. corrective (to fix current problems)#2. preventative (to avoid future problems)#3. adaptative (to re-adjust to any changes)#4. perfective (to work towards a better system)#I really like this idea I'm gonna make a checklist

ominous-signs

Official ominous sign

cute-catts

kitty car 🐱

ruffboi-mags

soundonsoundonsoundon!!!!!!!

allshipsareok

zykamiliah-temporal

i think we should bring this back (with some amendments ofc) if we ever needed an "internet etiquette" for the younger generations, now is the moment to remind them. purity culture kills fandom

as well as the three laws of fandom:

Don't Like, Don't Read (DL;DR), Your Kink is not My Kink And That's OK (YKINMKATO) and Ship and Let Ship

sorcererofsolitude

📣 Purity culture kills fandom! 📣

atlinmerrick

NO ONE LIVING hasn't been squicked out by something. There's over 7 billion of us, my delights and disgusts aren't universal. So I move on. Don't like the ship? Move on. Don't like____? Move on.

I am not an exception. Neither are you. I don't like it I move on and shut my gob about it because everyone everywhere is squicked out by something and they need to put the thing down and just…motor.

useless-moss

"Are you proship or antiship?"

I am a grown ass adult who has better things to worry about and could not care less about which characters people ship or what kinks somebody wants to write, draw, or read.

"Xyz creator of this is a bad person so you shouldn't enjoy their content!"

I am a grown ass adult who knows how to separate the creator from the content and how to enjoy stuff without 'supporting' what the creator has done irl.

"If you like this in fiction it means you support it irl."

I. Am. A. Grown. Ass. Adult. I can separate fiction from reality and curate my own experience online by filtering what I see and simply scrolling past what I don't like without bothering the creator.

evilwriter37

Exactly! I am a grown ass adult, and people trying to control how I interact with fiction is fucking stupid! Block me and find something better to do!

dalniente

"If you like this in fiction it means you support it irl."

Just because you can't tell the difference between enjoying a story and wanting to hurt people doesn't mean I can't. You're the one with the problem here; get help and stop projecting your shame onto everyone else.