Mapping Souls With Words

“There is immeasurably more left inside than what comes out in words.”- Fyodor Dostoevsky

[penandinkprincess]

corn snakes can live 15-25 years in captivity if they're well cared for, and now im thinking about ilya meeting spaghetti the snake. quick search says 2hr car travel is doable for a snake so I could see shane taking it with him to the cottage and this is where ilya first meets spaghetti in my mind. crucially shane never really told ilya about spaghetti so he finds out after they fuck. (bonus points if ilya finds the frozen rodents before he sees spaghetti. "hollander what the fuck do you have frozen mice for?????")

the idea of shane having a separate small fridge in the garage where he keeps frozen mice for spaghetti, but this means when ilya asks about it in passing while shane is looking for water shoes, he's distracted and just goes, "oh, drinks and spaghetti" and ilya just ??? you have?? freezer just for pasta????? actually no this sounds like a Rule you would make yeah sure why not.

but on day three they're napping on the deck, ilya wakes first, decides to get something to eat, and remembers there is A Spaghetti Freezer, and opens it to find??? fucking frozen mice?? oh my god he is out in the wild with a canadian serial killer????

[penandinkprincess]

significantly, ilya is on the yuna end of the spectrum when it comes to spaghetti. he'll tough it out because he doesn't want to look like a chicken and also it's clear that shane really loves this snake (for WHAT reason, hollander. is a snake.), but he and spaghetti live in a system of mutual avoidance. ilya doesn't go in spaghetti's room. spaghetti doesn't roam from shane's person when he's out. under such conditions is peace achieved.

[penandinkprincess]

god shane clocking ilya's eeeeehhhhhh about spaghetti after the loon thing happened and just "quick question: any animals you AREN'T a little bitch about?"

[penandinkprincess]

ilya who doesn't like spaghetti being like. timeshare husband with his snake 😔 bc even if spaghetti doesn't leave shane's person when he's out, that means *ilya* can't be on shane's person at that moment 😔

shane just chilling with spaghetti like a necklace and holding up the edge of his blanket in offer of a cuddle while they watch a movie and ilya just *glance up to spaghetti who is WATCHING HIM, he KNOWS IT* "i think maybe i am too warm right now. maybe later."

and is now lowkey salty at the cold end of the couch because a SNAKE is getting cuddles from his boyfriend rn. >:(

[penandinkprincess]

NOT THE SPAGHETTI OFFENSIVE

[penandinkprincess]

the one bit ilya willingly takes to the snake is when they have spaghetti (the food) for dinner and ilya goes to the door of spaghetti's room to go, "spaghetti, your father is serving your people for dinner. his love is not true." and then he shuts the door while shane complains loudly about him telling lies to his snake.

[riseofthecommonwoodpile]

funniest way someone ever tried to invalidate my gender was when a woman i knew in college told me i couldn’t be a girl because i didn’t like Titanic. this was a deep ontological truth to her, that the category of “woman” requires in its definition an enjoyment of the film Titanic. she adamantly denied the possibility of there being any woman in existence who did not enjoy 70th Annual Academy Awards Best Picture Winner, Titanic

[noknowshame]

reverse parasocial relationship: your idol knows everything about you

[noknowshame]

actually I need to elaborate that this is inspired by my friend telling me about how the contestants on love island are cut off from the outside world but the show keeps inviting famous guest hosts who have kept up with it so from their perspective megan Thee stallion shows up and already knows who they are and is aware of stuff they said in private asides like 24 hours ago

[memecucker]

anyway remember when the US government commissioned a study on dangers of pornography and when the commission returned with a report saying it doesn’t pose a danger and recommending removing restrictions the US government denounced its own study

[depsidase]

[fairycosmos]

a small thing i learned from my sister dying is that i really would rather the people i love be a burden than be whatever the hell else they'd be if they weren't. yes even if it's messy and not always fair and hard completely inconvenient for everyone involved. even if it's weird. even if i'm rolling my eyes a bit inside sometimes. i just want you to bother me. please always bother me

[fairycosmos]

like "it's rotten work" "not to me not if it's you" actually sometimes it's still rotten work. even if it's you. and i'd still do it a million times over

[godlessondheimite]

it’s crazy to me how ice water is a uniquely american phenomenon. it’s the greatest drink in the entire world. how have other countries not hopped on board? genuinely don’t understand how sparkling water is ubiquitous in a way that simple ice water isn’t. whenever i ask for ice water outside the u.s., they put 2 ice cubes in a glass, and i’m always too ashamed of being american to ask for more. but it’s our single healthy habit! luckily i am always prepared (half gallon insulated water bottle that i fill with ice myself and then fill with water and always carry around with me) but it really is baffling every time i travel.

[quixoticanarchy]

I do think it's kind of funny how john green wrote a book about tuberculosis that brought a lot of renewed attention to the subject and he's since become the darling of the tb world, speaks at tb conferences, my dad and every other tb researcher I know is absolutely smitten with him, and they'll be like "we love this guy! have you heard of him??" and I have to be like well yes, I have. for other reasons

[natalieironside]

Mitch McConnell has been sent to a nice farm out in the country where there's lots of open space to run around and lots of other senators for him to play with

[penandinkprincess]

Wait can we circle back on some of Shane’s shitty relatives who don’t believe in allergies?! I can imagine young Shane getting a reaction after eating that was initially marked “safe” saying “it needs more flavor! besides Shane should toughen up a little!” Imagine how guilty and angry Yuna and David would feel after seeing their baby like that.

Years later during a family event, family members who definitely didn’t listen to the food restrictions get the Rozanov Slavic Stare of Death from Shane’s usually sweet boyfriend(David is the one who holds the grudges against his family and spilled the tea to Ilya)

yeeeeeeah there's a reason shane gets his own food brought with him now (part of that reason being yuna was perfectly willing and able to catch a charge about people fucking with her baby). like ultimately they can lecture and be angry, but they can't force anyone to do anything, and at a certain point, young shane started to internalize it as "i'm the reason people in my family are arguing," so the compromise of bringing his food was a way of keeping him safe and keeping the peace (everyone does know better than to fuck with Shane Food). (also grandmarie can throw DOWN with some allergy-friendly cooking).

and the idea of ilya just anime eye flashing at people getting Suspect Utensils too close to Shane Food is killing me.

[penandinkprincess]

Now I’m thinking about which different silly pets myilya and myshane could have. Shane who had a snake when he was little and Yuna couldn’t go into his bedroom for a little while bc it freaked her out too bad. Ilya ending up with a bunny bc one of his teammates’ was trying to rehome it after their kid got bored. The possibilities here are endless

i love the idea that david and yuna wanted shane to have SOME kind of something outside of hockey so decided on a pet, and of course. of COURSE. of course he would choose. a snake. an albino corn snake that yuna SWEARS is looking into her soul.

yuna in the petstore trying SO HARD to be supportive because this is the first time he's showed interest in something beyond hockey for literal years and she wants a well-rounded child...but hoNEY WHAT IF WE LOOK AT THE HAMSTERS AGAIN JUST A QUICK LOOK MAYBE-

his name is spaghetti. shane tried to just name him snake but the (well-meaning) checkout person said a pet needs a "real name," and well *shrug* looks like spaghetti.

yuna kept it together while shane was home, but david more than once heard the "UGHAHDSHDGSHA" freakout noise coming from shane's room when yuna was TRYING to make peace with the snake being in there but just COULDN'T. okay. she is a loving mother. she loves her child. she wants him to be happy.

...BUT THERE IS ALSO NOW A SNAKE IN HER HOME. JUST LIVING THERE. WHERE SHE SLEEPS. JUST. IN HIS TANK AND SNAKING IT UP.

and the idea of ilya arguing with a bunny is KILLING ME. i'm imagining like. a big ass. french lop. so it follows him around like a small dog and thumps tf out of the floor when ilya DARES open up the fridge and not pay The Blueberry Tax. her name is bunnard. (turning out to be a girl did not save her from her name). bunnard free roams the house and has yet to learn not to binky on hardwood so she regularly gets excited and you hear a *tap* *THWUMP* *embarassed skitter*.

bunnard and shane have long standing beef because bunnard is nosy af and investigates shane while he's doing yoga in the morning, and if he tries to nudge her away, she stomps at him and then also tries to dig through his yoga mat. they do bond over the fact that he is a reliable feeder of Various Assorted Fruits And Vegetables from the smoothies he makes every single morning. he chops up his own ingredients and makes a little sampler for bunnard (primarily to lure her out of the kitchen so she won't stomp at him when he has the audacity of turning the blender on and being loud in HER house *stomp stomp*).

[penandinkprincess]

corn snakes can live 15-25 years in captivity if they're well cared for, and now im thinking about ilya meeting spaghetti the snake. quick search says 2hr car travel is doable for a snake so I could see shane taking it with him to the cottage and this is where ilya first meets spaghetti in my mind. crucially shane never really told ilya about spaghetti so he finds out after they fuck. (bonus points if ilya finds the frozen rodents before he sees spaghetti. "hollander what the fuck do you have frozen mice for?????")

the idea of shane having a separate small fridge in the garage where he keeps frozen mice for spaghetti, but this means when ilya asks about it in passing while shane is looking for water shoes, he's distracted and just goes, "oh, drinks and spaghetti" and ilya just ??? you have?? freezer just for pasta????? actually no this sounds like a Rule you would make yeah sure why not.

but on day three they're napping on the deck, ilya wakes first, decides to get something to eat, and remembers there is A Spaghetti Freezer, and opens it to find??? fucking frozen mice?? oh my god he is out in the wild with a canadian serial killer????

[la-laborista-republiko]

Y'know what I really fuckin hate?

Tiny houses.

Not the concept, the notion, the Platonic ideal of a low-cost low-impact high-efficiency dwelling. That’s great. That’s awesome.

What really imagines my dragons is that in practice about 9 times out of 10 tiny house communities are just a way for rich hipsters to finally fulfil their greatest fantasy:

They found a way to fucking gentrify the trailer park

[poiplefunguy]

listen i know you’re making a point here but i cant stop thinking about ‘imagines my dragons’

[madeofstardust17]

Ilya loves calling Shane nonsensical nicknames, but he knows Shane is uncomfortable with him using them out in public, even after they're out, so he abstains from it mostly. But he still wants to so badly, wants everyone to know how much he loves Shane, that they belong to each other.

There's one name though, one that Ilya pulls out when he wants Shane's attention, when he feels fond but knows Shane is in that mood that won't let Ilya be gentle with him. Shanya.

It's the closest thing to a Russian diminutive Ilya has come up with, and when he realizes it's one of the only names he can get away with on public, boy does he take advantage of it.

The Centaurs notice. Of course they do. They notice how Shane's jaw clenches when they call him "Holly" or "Holzy". They notice, and some guess, just how many comments, how many "jokes" the Metros had to make to get Shane to react like that to what should be an affectionate nickname.

And so, when Ilya starts calling him Shanya in practice, and Shane gets this not-quite smile in his face, the rest of the team catches on quickly.

Surprisingly, its Luca who tries it first, the vowels clear and precise just like Ilya does it. Teasing, but fond with it. Shane starts a little, and they all hold their breaths, subtly waiting for the downturn of Shane's mouth, the tightening of his shoulders. And then Shane rolls his eyes upwards, that half smile that talks of fond exasperation, and everyone sighs in relief. It's fair game after that.

"Damn Shanya, what a fucking shot!"

"Shanya, how the hell did you manage that?"

"There anymore water, Shanya?"

"You okay, Shanya?"

Idk something about Shane's nickname changing from what the Metros called him, to a name given to him by his husband, a name used by the team that loves him, given by the man that most loves him.

[coffeepeople]

One time a friend told me that if she wanted to have a chill night she would come to me and ask for tea and a book to read. I didn’t like tea at the time, but I always made sure my cupboards had them in case she needed a quiet night. One time I told my boss that I loved oranges, but couldn’t peel them because of my nails. For a year he made sure to peel me one at least once a week. Once my friends gave me a made up superlative of “most likely to have a pen they could borrow” and ever since I’ve made sure I always carry a pen with me. A long time ago, my high school librarian told me that no one would care what my grade in my sophomore chemistry class was if I’m bringing them doughnuts and asking them about their day.

[coffeepeople]

Sometimes friendship is about carrying pens and peeling oranges. But the point is, surrounding yourself with people who you want to do the little things for. The point of it all is bringing in the doughnuts because you’ve found the people who deserve the doughnuts.

[big-smiling-monkey]

How sweet it is to be with people you enjoy taking care of

[deletiaclementine]

Ilya in a Slav squat at the petting zoo sheep pen, smiling so big you can see all his teeth while tears drip down his face as he coos at the lambs who baa back. “Shane look how little they are.” Shane pats his head while watching Hayden chase after the twins who have somehow gotten involved with a goat getting loose