Maria

The big sad

[bpd-bbyg]

[marr0sa]

Is quarantine finally over?

It’s funny how when I finally get the motivation to write after years of avoiding it, I won’t be able to do it since both my jobs called me and want to come back to work. Goodbye to the world I had mapped out and created in my mind, I’ll flesh you out someday 

[wheretheeternalare]

Why do people still say “this doesn’t fit my blog theme but I had to reblog anyway”? It’s almost 2018. Who gives a fuck. Who even has a coherent blog anymore

[pamisleyphd]

Reblog if you’ve never had a coherent blog and got no intention of starting that shit now

[zzdigital]

What if someone got bitten by a vampire, but didn’t realize it. So then they go around and keep misidentifying all the symptoms, like

“Dude, you haven’t gone outside in a while.” “Yeah, last time I went out I got this wicked sunburn.”

“Are you still up?” “Yeah, I started bing watching this show on Netflix.”

“Dude, I’m seriously craving something right now.” “Like what?” “I dunno. Pizza rolls?”

[adriofthedead]

“Why is it that you never come into my house unless I invite you?” “Um, it’s called ‘being polite’…?”

[paulichu]

“I tried cooking with garlic the other night and got this serious burn on my hand. I think I’m allergic, but all I’m getting on Google is vampire bullshit.”

[samarajournal]

“Dude can a mirror like… stop working or something?”

[espeoradar]

“Dude, why do you keep posting pictures of the floor?” “…Those are meant to be selfies, I guess my camera must be broken.”

“Dude, I am all for you expressing your religious beliefs, but could you not wear your crucifix when I’m around? It really bugs me for some reason.”

[recondite-room]

“Have you ever noticed how cute bats are? like really noticed? sweet lil balls of fluff with wings man.”

[nickthepigeon]

“I want to sleep in a coffin…ya kno, for like… aesthetic”

[therightprometheanfire]

“What’s with your thing about necks lately?”

“MUST YOU KINKSHAME ME IN MY OWN HOME”

[hopetimistic]

“I looked up my symptoms on WebMD, and it says I have cancer.”

[samwise-the-true-hero-deactivat]

This last addition made the reblog obligatory. This one wins.

[find-the-beauty-within]

The person I reblogged this from deserves to be happy

[priincessolivee-deactivated2025]

I tried to scroll past this. I really did

[fuck-i-just]

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

[poselikeateam]

Why does this not have any notes?

[ice-cream-thursdae]

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

[notronaldreagan-blog]

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

[catbug]

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”

[thesteppinrazor]

Pro tip: Don’t do this if you recently applied for a new job.

[coachcraigcahn]

bolded. just in case.

[rajning-deactivated20160412]

i feel like that pro tip is told from experience

[ultimatespider]

HELLO???????? TAIWAN HAS OFFICIALLY LEGALIZED SAME SEX MARRIAGE. AKA THE FIRST IN ASIA

[ultimatespider]

I SWEAR TO YALL PLEASE DON’T SLEEP ON THIS IT’S A HUGE STEP FOR NOT ONLY TAIWAN BUT ALSO THE ENTIRE ASIA. WE MADE IT AND THERE IS ONLY MORE TO COME

[enfranchisement]

beat your depression

beat it with a fucking broom beat it into the fucking ground die die die

[relelvance]

Therapist: I see sadness in your eyes

Me: that my sharingan

[date-a-jew-suggestions]

If you would report an undocumented immigrant to ICE you would have reported me to the Nazis and I don’t fucking trust you

[prismatic-bell]

A note:

I live in a state where you “have to” report anyone you suspect of being undocumented (that wonderful hellhole of Arizona). Now in practice this law has fallen far short, thank goodness. But if you live in such a place and they start enforcing it, here is how you get around it:

Assume everyone who doesn’t speak English is visiting.

Never ask about their job, because if they tell you they work here then you know they’re not visiting. You see them a lot for several weeks or months? Hm. Someone in the family must be ill. That’s terribly tough. They always dress in old, ratty laborers’ clothes? I feel you, my dude, I can’t afford new clothes either, and my dad has the fashion sense of an aardvark, so sometimes it’s not even about “affording” them. They say they’ve been here for years? You must have misunderstood. Spanish isn’t your first language, after all. First and last name? It never came up, or you don’t recall–you meet a lot of people.

And then, if you’re asked: no, you haven’t seen anyone residing illegally in the United States. Just people visiting.

[date-a-jew-suggestions]

Very good very important addition

[appropriately-inappropriate]

Essentially, this is the civil society version of a work-to-rule strike.

Don’t do more than is expressly asked of you, and do what you are asked with such an intense attention to protocol that not asking you at all becomes more effective than even bothering.

In this case:

“Have you seen an illegal immigrant?”

“Could you describe an illegal immigrant, officer?”

*officer describes a person who is in the country without appropriate paperwork, or who has crossed the border illegally*

“No, sir, I haven’t seen any illegal immigrant.”

And this is correct. You have NOT seen an illegal immigrant, because you have no way of knowing if Jose Fulano is here legally or not. And since you can’t see his paperwork (or lack thereof), and did not personally see him cross the border illegally, you are only answering precisely the question asked.

[mlmlmlmlmlmlmlmlmlml-deactivate]

2019 please be good

[aewm]

what do u mean “what have i been up to” … i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch

[politicalsci]

[gojiro]

Fun Vampire Fact; the reason that Vampires traditionally cannot see their reflections in a mirror is because mirrors used to be backed with a reflective layer of silver — which, as the metal of purity, would not ‘interact’ with Vampires, who are the Devil’s work.

However, modern mirrors have used aluminum as their reflective backing for many years now — and aluminum is not a ‘picky’ metal at all. So Vampires are able to see their reflections in modern mirrors.

[roseate-rein]

All I can think about is a vampire used to not seeing their reflection in mirrors for centuries, and one day they are just walking along and unknowingly pass a mirror backed with aluminum and THEY NEARLY SHIT THEMSELVES.

[skysinger-musings]

[just-passionately-curious-deact]

To be 17 again.

[just-passionately-curious-deact]

Again.

[just-passionately-curious-deact]

Important update.

[just-passionately-curious-deact]

This is the best update I have ever seen.

[notbeckysauerbrunn4]

We must protect this precious soul.

[paulthebukkit]

the father, the son, and the holy spirit

[iheart3j5]

You’re missing the Way Better Chloe Kim headline

[hambaes-deactivated20151121]

if i ever give birth please dont tell me my baby looks just like me within the first 2 months cause i know that newborn look ugly as shit so unless you tryna square up dont speak