[iwannabeaswampwitch]

Lots of drama in our household

[tsunflowers]

reading a historical romance novel and reflecting on the way these stories often present woke nobility for the contemporary reader. a big thing is servants. you can’t not have servants in those times but many modern readers think “but I would never have servants. it would be so weird to have servants” and in order to make the protagonists of the story more relatable they are actually friends with the servants. but flip your perspective and think of it from the side of the servants. wouldn’t it be so awful if your boss was always trying to be friends with you. a really common thing you’ll see is the woke baronet having tea in the kitchen with the servants bc he’s not like other baronets. but what if your boss wanted to hang out and talk during your lunch break every day. not so charming when you think about it that way

[rodnt]

sigh…i came all the way to sephora but i don’t know which brands are asexual friendly….i have to hurry jugheads birthday is today…wish someone would help me out

[chuckecheeses]

Hi Sister Archie! James Charles here, might I suggest Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara?

[nickmpreg]

@sevenmoreminutes

[miiilowo]

"I think I hauve covid" is sort of the modern man's anime nosebleed

[larkandkatydid]

New local scandal is an old woman who will walk down to her mailbox in her robe, then, when no cars are driving by, lay down next to her mailbox as if she’s fallen or been hit by a car. Tourists will stop, help her up, and walk her to her house. Then, after they leave, she’ll repeat this until she’s bored with it.

Her neighbors have called the cops a bunch but have been told that it’s not illegal to fake being an old lady in peril so soft-hearted tourists or newcomers are nice to you. One of the neighbors sometimes yells “oh, get up, Lois!” at her. But overall local sentiment is that this is at least somewhat enviable levels of not giving a fuck.

[larkandkatydid]

Okay, I want to address the several comments that expressed concern about Lois and want people to treat her with more compassion, because these additional details are funny and also to comfort you that others also are concerned about Lois. One of the neighbors who talked about this on the town Facebook page and who had said they’d called the cops gave basically this caveat: “please don’t tell us to make friends and try to give her attention in a healthier way. We have done this. She doesn’t want healthier attention. She wants to fake injuries to passing motorists.”

But also, good for you, Lois. Hold out for the specific attention that you want.

[chongoblog]

“God is dead” -Zendaya

[totesmgoats01-published-author]

Zendaya is Nietzsche???

[bicokun]

[outofcontextdiscord]

[mumblesplash]

it's such bs that the whole guilt-ridden stoic self-sacrificing martyr thing doesn't work outside of fiction. repressing all your emotions and neglecting your physical wellbeing should make you god's most tragically beautiful morally unassailable little soldier of righteousness but all it does is give you bad skin and gastrointestinal problems

[karvina]

they are replacing penis and vagina with 2 new species of terrible awful birds

[reddherring777]

me: yeah, so one of your most famous works is actually just that commission of a woman that you kept. Honestly, it's less of the piece itself that lead to its fame and more the mystery surrounding it, so I was hoping you could clear that up the decayed corpse of Leonardo Da Vinci that I resurrected: Hai detto che hanno chiamato una tartaruga che combatte il crimine con il mio nome?

[mutationgirl]

(having a good week) that’s right. the goal is to increase my baseline. make the spirals shallower until they spin lazily on the surface of the water, lose their suction. im not trying to fix it all at once, im trying to incrementally improve my way into something tolerable. and once im there maybe i can shoot for good

(having a bad week) and in my terrible forge i will temper the flames of ruin

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

alas the melancholy, it strikes at my heart! prithee, humble tumblr toiler, share with me your most superior cephalopod fact

[27-bones]

Male octopus get eaten a lot while reproducing so they usually develop a survival strategy. My favorites are they're usually in a position where they can get out fast or they remove their reproductive arm and give it to the females which they can still use and honestly is more beneficial as they can use it when they find somewhere safe for eggs.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*detatches my penis mid-coitus for u to add to ur inventory*

[lmtyl]

The blanket octopus has some of the most extreme size differences between males and females, with females reaching 2 meters (6.6 ft) and males maxxing out around 2.4 cm (1 inch). Males and immature females have been found carrrying stinging man-o-war tentacles to use as defensive weapons.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

don't talk to me (hulking goddess), my boyfriend (amoeba), OR our third (innocent bystander we kidnapped for use as a living weapon)

[haarute]

me: i can't do anything... i don't know what my life is anymore...

the jacob wysocki tulpa manifesting inside my brain:

[alicentsgf]

so funny to me the pope has siblings. imagine a bunch of people looked at your brother and decided he was the physical embodiment of god's will. like that kid kicked me in the head once.

[datadegroove-deactivated2026042]

try the cold bathroom water darling its simply delightful

[plasticearring]

[liberalsarecool]

"We need trilllions to replace all workers" is quite the ask for an industry that has no profits.

[redarmyscreaming]

[bumblebeebats]

so i hauve covid rn and i must say, American cold medicine is the absolute bees knees. You go to a UK pharmacy and they tenderly press like eight (8) paracetamol into the palm of your hand... God FORBID you're sick in France, i had to scour every pharmacy in Paris for something that wasn't HOMEOPATHIC PASTILLES. meanwhile last night i took the last of my stash of Nyquil that expired in 2019 and it was like getting hit by a fucking baseball bat (affectionate). press X to timeskip. LOVE me a cheeky little medically induced coma. you can really feel that it's a precursor to meth. i know that everything is fucking awful over there my friedns and my heart goes out to every one of you but if you need one small bright light of national pride in this time of strife please know that i envy you your cold medicine every day

[slowspinningredemption]

i once took an american antihistamine pill just a basic one for seasonal allergies and i had to immediately lay down and while doing so i vividly hallucinated that i was a steerage passenger on the titanic resigned to my death as my cabin filled up rapidly with water. then i blacked out and when i woke up again my allergies were gone for the entire season.

[saanphoenix-deactivated20260411]

Meanwhile, the American taking American antihistamines like, "I can't tell it did anything?"

Unless it's Diphenhydramine. And that's the shit that fucks with your head.

[portraitofemmy]

#we can't afford to see a physician but we do get to see the hat man (via @spiders-hth-is-an-outlier)