That tumblin tumblin weed

Cis Hetero Male, 30's, Midwest USA - Message me anytime!

[massphalt]

What she says: I'm fine

What she means: Motherfucking Jesse Eisenberg jesus christ fuck dude motherfucking Facebook movie bullshit jesus can you fucking believe this shit Goddamn created Facebook and fucking lawyers and shit right fucking Winklevoss Twins goddamn rowing the boat fuck yo shit I can’t even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Jesse Eisenberg man Motherfucking Spiderman Spiderman you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking build shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit Jesse Eisenberg im very tired No man I’ll just talk about the Facebook movie all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit i have to say about the Facebook movie fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenberg man he fucked over Spiderman crazy Winklevoss Twins rowing trent resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented Facebook I don’t like dying I can’t think of who the fuck invented Facebook all I can think is the guy who played the guy who invented Facebook who the fuck invented Facebook MARK ZUCKERBERG

[captvinvanity]

[fromonesurvivortoanother]

Donald Trump’s campaign is like the ultimate in white male privilege

if a Black man reacted to insults and detractors the way Donald Trump does, he’d be called “angry”, “irrational”, and “uncivilized”

if a woman reacted that way she’d be called “catty”, bitch”, and “emotional”

but when a white guy does it people say he’s “honest”, “direct”, and has “guts” 

no other demographic can get away with publicly acting like a two year old who just woke up from a nap more than white dudes

there’s wide public acceptance and even admiration for this kind of behavior when the right kind of person does it 

[flootzavut]

all. of. this.

[massphalt]

You are overlooking all of us (the majority I might add) who fully realize he is the king of blowhard asshat clowns.

Black, female, doesn’t matter - you act like Trump, you are a blowhard asshat clown. And he is your king.

[thelonnybreauxcollection]

is there a limit to how many comments will show on the posts now? cos the comment chain seems to go straight down from the original posts instead of kind of to the side not to mention each individual comment takes up way more space than they used to. are we gonna end up with posts with a billion comment we have to scroll past..

[no]

lets find out. Everyone comment on this

[jovan]

hey

[evaunit08]

I’m watching chopped

[nayx-deactivated20200109]

poopey butt clan

[punkdbygod-deactivated20160117]

it was really hot and humid today but i feel like everyone complained about it more than was really warranted

[luxio]

let me know when there is an unironic “spread this like wildfire” comment

[sugarfreekissu]

i’m in class rn and this update is fucking ugh

[hellsmonkey-deactivated20150921]

WHEN WILL THE SWEET EMBRACE OF DEATH FIND ME

[nobyrag-deactivated20160805]

lmaooooooo this update is awful

[birthbyfantasy]

Luckily they didn’t update it for me yet. Let’s see how long they take.

[naruhodou-kun]

K I L L M E

[rule-63]

Memes But With Puppies

[cherrycookies]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[mettamaxie]

this update is the visual version of the word “yikes”

[shnutzer-deactivated20181217]

save the bees

[mew-ichigo]

i’m tired

[foilflingza]

why me

[ranbouya-deactivated20171011]

anyone know a good graphics maker i need a signature for my posts

[rubybelladonna]

motherfucking jesse eisenburg jesus christ fuck dude

[dkjsgidokfsasfgdsf-deactivated2]

welcome to hell!welcome to hell!welcome to hell!welcome to hell!

[cxptaincaboose]

wolf children is about a lady having a relationship with a furry

[astro-b-o-y-d]

In Octodad, how did the lady have kids with an octopus? And how are the kids 100% human? These questions need to be answered.

[in-sufficientdata]

Considering the trend of bestiality romance novels going on neither of these things surprises me

[restartandrefresh]

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood??

[starspaceace]

tumblr is a 100% funcational website

[cockbiteproductions]

Motherfucking Jesse Eisenberg jesus christ fuck dude motherfucking Facebook movie bullshit jesus can you fucking believe this shit Goddamn created Facebook and fucking lawyers and shit right fucking Winklevoss Twins goddamn rowing the boat fuck yo shit i can’t even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck i just watched this shit fuck Jesse Eisenberg man Motherfucking Spiderman Spiderman you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking build shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit Jesse Eisenberg No man i’ll just talk about the Facebook movie all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit i have to say about the Facebook movie fuck dude i just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenberg man he fucked over Spiderman crazy Winklevoss Twins rowing trent resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented Facebook i don’t like dying i can’t think of who the fuck invented Facebook all i can think is the guy who played the guy who invented Facebook who the fuck invented Facebook MARK ZUCKERBERG

[0range-idol]

What if your legs didn’t know they were legs

[writinngblog-deactivated2019072]

I can’t leave this site for a few days without some new update happening can I?

[theabominablebride-deactivated2]

Marlon Brando was bisexual. Bupita happened. I have a cat named after River Phoenix. Johnlock is canon. I’m a lesbian. Mexican food is the best.

[caitlin-needs-a-scotchka-deacti]

Johnlock is canon. Tumblr hates all of us. It’s pumpkin spice everything season.

[newtkins]

johnlock

[loungemermaid]

I hate everything about this blue hellsite

[sarah-mcelroy-deactivated202601]

DLC culture is stupid. Why are you selling me an incomplete broken game and then expecting me to buy the rest of the game months down the line. And the DLC are just as fucking broken (COUGH AWAKENING COUGH) Fuck DLCs JUST FINISH THE GAME AND PUT THEM IN THE GAME.

[forbiddenseason]

hear it hurgling

[twinkfl0yd]

AND STEVEN!

[iggykoopa666]

i want to die

[ginsotree-deactivated20160213]

I just want to reblog this and stress this: Levi lost his entire squad. He didn’t lose 20% of his squad. He didn’t even lose 50%. He lost his whole squad. Look at what it’s done to him. You can see the death in his eyes, but he keeps on going. This is why Levi is one of my favorite characters.

[mukaite-deactivated20160131]

COCK

[hellpeeeaaaaghahae]

hey is there a chatzy for clopping 

[hecatias-deactivated20150907]

im so lonely

[us-president-deactivated2016111]

sauce

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

the discourse

[gamerdva]

oh god i hate this so much

[shiratorizawa-boys]

dio did nothing wrong

[tenjo-kaito]

dio did everything wrong

[hamuela]

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated.  He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it.  327.  I’ll never forget that number.  And every day at school, he would talk about this.  It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary.  He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop.  He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly.  Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude.  Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?”  I’ll never forget that classmate.  His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school.  He was a one of a kind guy.  His name was Norman Reedus.

[gokyou-deactivated20160520]

I think i’ll just leave tumblr now lol bye

[goddamnfuckinmushrooms]

  According to all known laws of aviation,   there is no way a bee should be able to fly.   Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.   The bee, of course, flies anyway

[thorffour-deactivated20190920]

dan staff your bobbie s

[theviscountconsett]

I may well post a rant about how awesome a female character is if this comes around again and again, but I can’t be asked right now tbh.

[mxlders-deactivated20210626]

i feel like im contributing to a social experiment again

[thehouseofgrey]

I fucking hate tumblr

[krissgopher]

destroy me

[geeses]

Your pet rocks that you forgot about are planning on murdering you for your lack of compassion

[officialmcdonaldsblog-blog]

I’m dead inside

[buffybourbon]

njognodsgnosdgnsdfgnjdsgn

[cheskasmagicshire-deactivated20]

Add the first verse of whatever song you are listening to right now!

My whole squad in this bitch And they gon stay here the whole night I mix that shy with champagne Been waitin on that shit my whole life

[theradicaldame-deactivated20170]

this is next level do you like the color of the sky shit

[etherealunicorn-deactivated2016]

WHEN WILL IT END? WHEN WILL IT EEEENNND?

[micool-and-gavy]

It won’t. Ever.

[jones-narvaez-free]

My old best friend used to say that they were going to practice pooping on command until they coould shit on our math teachers desk.

[cypherdeluxe]

Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (thats how I got my name) with purple streaks and tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!)

[zozaaaa]

ive just woke up 

[horny-for-ross-hornby]

I hate this post

[dis-possessed-deactivated202001]

this update is disgusting

[massphalt]

Dogpile!!!

[fancycwabs]

[greatnorthernofficial]

Why is minnesota required to be embarrassed by frisbee golf? What?

[massphalt]

You have clearly never seen PCU.

[darthck506]

Ah yes, another day, another drop in the follower count.

[massphalt]

Meh, I haven't had a new follower in a while except for spammers. At some point it's worth realizing that in such a hub of disfunction, validation shouldn't come from quantity but rather quality.

[just-shower-thoughts]

Music on the radio is a lot like the U.S. Economy, the top 1% gets 90% of the airtime

[shesborn-blog1]

So when Zendaya wears dreads she’s dirty and smells like patchouli oil but when Miley does it she is making an iconic fashion statement I’m fucking done with this cultural approbation double standard bullshit bye

[massphalt]

Sorry, but where did you get the idea that most of us don't think Miley is dirty and smelly?

[hbcejkrbferjqg]

once in the 4th grade this guy got a 2% on his math quiz so everyone called him milk for the rest of the year 

[massphalt]

Why the heck was there a 50 question quiz in 4th grade? Break that shizz up a bit teach!

[pistachi0n-deactivated20170826]

Sometimes when I go hundreds pages deep into people’s Tumblr archives, I find really funny posts and I weigh the pros and cons of liking/reblogging them.

Pros: I’ll have access to them later because they’re fucking hilarious

Cons: They might think I’m creepy. Despite the fact that it’s public and on the Internet, it is not socially acceptable to let anyone know the extent that you creeped their archives.

[taymonbeal]

I hereby extend blanket permission for anyone to creep on my archive, and to like and reblog posts from it if they want to. It’s really quite flattering.

[orllandojones]

Same

[massphalt]

Yes please

[yoururlsucksandsodoyou-deactiva]

[homeworkmyass-deactivated201505]

so much tension in one photo

[preciousprincesa]

its either 1am or 1pm in the pic and i dont know which is funnier

[sandandglass]

Mel B is baffled by Richard Ayoade.

[micdotcom]

Watch: The “pink tax” is secretly costing women thousands — and not just at the drug store

[peace--and--tranquility]

Yooooooooooo

[creativelycultivated]

Women pay more for products. Men pay more for clothing.

[respect-thetrillogy]

Do men really pay more for clothes?

[creativelycultivated]

Yea, seriously. Shirts, sneakers, jeans, socks…etc. Ask your male friends how much they pay for a pair of descent jeans. It’ll blow your mind. 

[xiki-muffin]

At least their pants have fucking pockets tho

[rodimeme]

“Men pay more for clothing.”

(Target)

Are you sure?

Are you

(Walmart)

ABSOLUTELY SURE??

BECAUSE I’M NOT ENTIRELY CONVINCED

LIKE AT ALL

THAT MEN HAVE IT HARDER

(Victoria’s Secret)

OH AND SHOULD I BRING UP PANTIES WHILE I’M AT IT? I am a firm believer of the “fuck you, I’ll wear briefs that don’t give me a wedgie, I don’t care if they’re not sexy” policy, but a lot of women are expected to wear panties and thongs because GASP WOMEN MUST BE BEAUTIFUL AT ALL TIMES. Here’s a screenshot of some Victoria’s secret panties!

Wow. It’s almost as if there’s a pattern here.

Women are expected to buy more clothing, and literally all of it is more expensive, so fuck all of you.

[plant-ghoul]

*HAMMERS THE REBLOG BUTTON*

[petty-davis-eyes-deactivated202]

Fucking infuriating. And, NO ONE pays more for clothes than fat women. Tired of it.

[massphalt]

And now that you have recognized an opportunity in the market, you should seize it and make bank.

[honeybeejee-deactivated20180412]

I am an innocent beautiful lesbian and I don’t deserve this

[massphalt]

Those eyes!

[confirmance]

*not mine found it on fb*

Wanting to deport more than 11 million immigrants? Sounds familiar? Wanting to build a Great Wall to divide people? Sounds familiar? Prejudice & wanting to separate people? Sounds familiar? Not caring about children or the families being torn apart? Sounds familiar? If we let this man run this country, he might even exceed his “Great Wall” , he might come up with an idea to send all us immigrants and anchor babies to work camps where we will get paid & have our own homes & live happy lives without bothering anyone. When Hitler took over Germany, nobody thought he was performing human genocide. They all bought into his reason for debt, that the Jews were to blame. DO NO LET THIS STORY REPEAT!!!!

[massphalt]

Oh FFS - Trump is an absolute joke but did we really need to Godwin this?

[volcainist]

why miley

[massphalt]

I can explain this:

When people learn to drive, especially in slippery conditions, one of the hardest things to teach is to not "over correct" when a skid begins.

Miley was in a hard core skid when exiting the Disney arena, so she tried to correct. At first it was just "look at me being grown up" but she kept the wheel too hard off middle, and now she is in full over correct mode ("ha I'm so inappropriate at every opportunity, isn't that so anti-Disney?")

Either she brings it back the other way and straightens out her course, or they will find her in the ditch.

[firedrill]

Follow Yik-Yaks for more.

[massphalt]

Yes, and ouch. So much ouch.