She said, “Why does this feel wrong?” I said, “Because you were taught to fear the part of you that’s throbbing right now.”

★
hello vonnie
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Mike Driver
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Sade Olutola

PR's Tumblrdome
we're not kids anymore.
NASA
sheepfilms
noise dept.
cherry valley forever
Peter Solarz

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Xuebing Du

#extradirty
todays bird
trying on a metaphor
Jules of Nature

seen from Malaysia
seen from India
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Hungary
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Austria
seen from Germany
seen from United States

seen from France
@math-cult-novel
She said, “Why does this feel wrong?” I said, “Because you were taught to fear the part of you that’s throbbing right now.”
bitches will say: "I'm a writer" and then make picrews of their characters, think of complex plots and story arcs, horde hundreds of pictures for "inspiration", recreate their characters on the sims and daydream about writing... BUT NOT ACTUALLY WRITE
I'm bitches btw
I really wanna write today, but will I? Stay tuned to find out
I didn't
I had thought I wanted a great many friends, but had often refused invitations because I hated to feel the beautiful free space of an empty day, free for me to do what I liked in, broken into by social obligations. I had thought I wanted to be a unique individual, but had been filled with shame when anyone disagreed with me, hastening to take back what I had said. I had thought I wanted to be importantly useful in the world, but avoided all opportunities for responsibility. I had thought I wanted to plumb human experience to the depths, and yet had striven to remain immaculately aloof from all emotional disturbance.
A Life of One's Own - Marion Milner
the ordinary, a terror, a longing
my dog in front of the heater
my students in the morning
snow and no work that day
the skylight when it’s pouring
he is
everything
I was sure didn’t exist
or only existed
in tiny fragments
between me and my
melancholy
some people think writers are so eloquent and good with words, but the reality is that we can sit there with our fingers on the keyboard going, “what’s the word for non-sunlight lighting? Like, fake lighting?” and for ten minutes, all our brain will supply is “unofficial”, and we know that’s not the right word, but it’s the only word we can come up with…until finally it’s like our face got smashed into a brick wall and we remember the word we want is “artificial”.
I couldn't remember the word "doorknob" ten minutes ago.
ok but the onelook thesaurus will save your life, i literally could not live without this website
REBLOG TO SAVE A WRITER'S LIFE
LIFE SAVED
REBLOGGING TO SAVE ANOTHER WRITERS LIFE
I use this every time I sit down to write. It's the best tool in the world and I would be lost without it!
The DSM 5 is a perfect rational scientific document which is why it contains disorders such as being fundamentally evil disorder or being oppressed disorder
I once read a short review of the DSM-5 that analyzed it as a work of dystopian literature; you really should read the entire thing (link), but here's some relevant excerpts:
i know we’re both just messing around pretending to be whole but look at me. if the train was coming would you move. if the ground was falling from under your feet would you even notice or would it just be another tuesday for you. if somebody stabbed you could it hurt worse than you already do. what i’m saying is that i love you but i think we both drive over the speed limit when it’s raining. what i’m saying is that i want to hold your hand and i understand about how you sometimes have to sit down in the shower. what i’m saying is that i’m here for you and if the train comes please move.
i wrote this 7 years ago, somehow. every day someone else finds it and whispers to me - oh, i understand this. something always turns in the wash of my stomach: i am so, so glad you feel seen. i wish you had no idea what this post was about.
i wrote this while working in a program for new writers. on wednesdays, two of the teachers would be contractually obligated to read our writing aloud to the group of 300+ teens. i had never read my work in public before. i had something like 6k poems and was panicking about it. none of them are good enough. sometimes the train is howling. it is hard, actually, sometimes, even as an adult.
and then i thought - what is one thing i wish i could tell all of them. each of these 300 kids. what did i need to hear, at 16?
i wanted to tell them about the day you wake up, and the sun feels warm finally. i wanted to tell them about carving a life out of soapstone, your hands turning bloody. i wanted to tell them that sometimes yes - it actually does feel easy. i wanted to tell them about weddings and cookie dough and long road trips. about albums of new music and old friends laughing and the sound of snow falling.
you will learn the pattern of the train. you will learn to close your eyes when you hear the engine rumbling. you will learn to let yourself have the grey days in their lily-soft numbness. sometimes it will feel like life is wet paint, and god has smeared your canvas across a sewer grate. sometimes it will be so boring it isn’t even pronounceable - the tenacious, soundless blankness. survival isn’t just ugly nights and wild mornings. it is also the steady, unimportant moments. it is just driving with your seatbelt on. it is calling a friend on the way home. it is burying your face into the fur of your dog.
when i had finished reading this poem aloud, the auditorium was silent for a solid minute. someone stood up to take a picture of where it had been projected onto a screen, and then three more people followed the action, and then - like a bad internet story, people remembered they were supposed to be clapping. kids came up to me after it - thank you for writing that. i think i hear a train coming.
i would write this differently now, i think, but it has been 7 years. i still live by the tracks. i also haven’t picked up a blade in over 10 years. the scars are still there, but these days i only pick up scissors to cut my hair. i know why you can’t tell your mom about it. i know how the numbness slips over everything, a restless horrible cotton. i know how when you dropped the dish, you weren’t crying about the broken glass. i know about feeling like all the roads have closed their exits, that you aren’t supposed to still-be-here - and yet.
i am still here, and still yours, and i haven’t forgotten. what i’m saying is if any hope is calling to you - i know it’s hard, but you have to listen. i’m saying keep driving, but slow down the car. sit down in the shower, i’m not judging you. we can stay in the dark with the good hot water and do nothing but stare. notice the stab wound. make it through another tuesday.
i know what it is like to miss yourself. do what you need to. come home to me. i am writing to you, my past self, from the future. i’ll be waiting for you.
and when the train is coming - please move.
I have so many poems inspired by this. One day I’ll share them again. This really moved me.
Hi everyone, here is the first chapter of a book I am writing! I would love any feedback, critiques, praises, hates, I welcome all of it!
Gunpowder & Scales
Chapter 1
Pim
The hammocks sway in rhythm with the sea, ropes creaking like tired bones. The air is thick with brine, mildew, and lantern smoke. A sharp, acidic stench cuts through. Pim wakes gagging, hand pressed to her mouth, blinking against the dim light.
She hears the retching from the hammock next to hers. The sound, wet and miserable, and loud enough to make her skull throb. She groans, already knowing who it is, “Samuel…” Pim says feigning another gag, “can you at least warn me before you decide to empty your stomach?”
“It’s not like I had a choice!”
Pim rolls out of her hammock, leaning into the ship’s sway. At least I have a cabin, she tells herself, better than being crammed in the hull with fifty other bodies, sweating and stinking with fear. She adjusts the bindings under her shirt, wincing at the constriction. Comfort has its limits. One slip, one mistake, and the sea will claim me faster than a storm ever could.
“Well, I’m not telling the Quartermaster why you’re absent.” She braces against the creaking wall as she pulls on her boots. She flinches, Samuel is supposed to be in the Crow’s Nest today. If prayers mattered, I’d pray that nothing serious happens today. She looks over at him, green-faced and heaving, and the sight pulls her back to their first night on The Red Minnow.
Pim had been lucky to secure a Gunner’s Mate post on her first voyage. She had expected only a deckhand role, but this position gave her a cabin and the chance to fire the cannons in battle. Samuel, however, had been taken on as a Navigator’s Assistant, learning the stars and scouting for danger in the distance.
That first night, as they unpacked and staked out their hammocks, Pim couldn’t sleep. Samuel muttered incessantly, clutching a small fae talisman. A small wooden pendant carved with fae sigils all in the wood. He was whispering prayers for a safe voyage. The sight of him, seasick and anxious, stuck with her.
Pim has always scoffed at tavern tales of Fae and Sirens. She never felt the need to say prayers, or buy trinkets to protect herself. Why fear what doesn’t exist? Yet, watching Samuel grip his talisman with such reverence stirred something in her, a longing she couldn’t name. She wished she had something to believe in.
The past few years with Samuel were fun. They joke, laugh, and carry out their duties while learning to trust each other. Trust is everything on a ship. Without it, no one survives. Pim doesn’t mock their superstitions; she plays along. If pouring her first drink into the sea keeps the ocean satisfied and earns her crew’s trust, she does it without complaint.
Pim pushes off the wall and mutters to herself, “get it together, someone needs to stay sharp.” She opens the cabin door and climbs the stairs towards the main deck of The Red Minnow.
The sun beats down on her face as she closes her eyes and breathes in deeply. Nothing compares to the clean, salty air after being in a small cabin stinking of vomit. The familiar wood of The Red Minnow creaks beneath her feet, and the crew moves lazily to start their day. There’s a strange tension in the air, a charge that makes her skin prickle. She looks around as the sound of gulls squawk loud and frantic. One hovers almost unnaturally still, wings not beating. Poor little guy, must be so tired. She still stares at the seagull trying to see when he’ll return to normal flight. He doesn’t. She shrugs and instead squints toward the horizon. Dark clouds loom, heavy with threat.
“A storm is approaching.” The Quartermaster announces, “ready your stations!” Pim rolls back her shoulders. Storms are routine here, and she knows the drill. Several of her crew mates can be seen throwing coins into the ocean. Another superstition for good fortune ahead of a storm. Pim flicks a coin into the dark water. The coin seems to linger too long on the surface before sinking. She shakes her head, silly superstitions.
Pim finds her way to the Master Gunner’s cabin; Fabian’s domain, and knocks sharply. “Storm’s coming. I’ll start prepping the gunpowder stores.” Pim can hear scrambling on the other side of the door, tripping, falling, obscenities being shouted. The door bursts open like the flashing boom of a cannon.
“Boy, never knock on my door. Do your work and leave me be. Am I clear?” Fabian,’s deep rasp hinted at years spent drowning his throat in rum. He certainly smelled like it. Pim hides a smirk, Nothing is better than riling him up. Knowing better than to answer him vocally, she wipes off her grin and nods sharply before moving toward the gunpowder barrels.
Fabian took a risk hiring Pim. Her small stature and youthful face did little to inspire confidence. Yet, she quickly proved herself. Knots tied with precision, gunpowder measured with care, cannons aligned perfectly. She learned without formal training, finding herself hanging around the local sailor taverns and taking meticulous notes from eavesdropping on the patrons.
Pim remembers feeling a flicker of pride a year after starting her first voyage. She was ordered to tie a specific knot. Fabian had yelled at her for doing it wrong and sent her off to another task. But when she glanced back, Fabian gave the knot a small nod of approval before walking away, without fixing it. She can’t help but smile at the memory. After a year of proving herself, even Fabian can’t deny her skill.
Pim moves below deck to the gunpowder barrels. Secure the barrels and cannons. Easy enough. Halfway through, she can feel eyes burning at her back. She turns her head slightly. Great, Toby, the other Gunner’s Mate.
“Ol Booze Mouth said to make sure you secure the barrels right.” Pim wants to giggle at the nickname. But she’s not looking like a girl today… or any other day on this ship. Fabian may think she is capable, but he will not trust anyone.
It’s been about four years since Pim found a job on The Red Minnow. Four years of binding her chest, tying back her hair, and dressing in sailor rags. Better than being thrown overboard by suspicious sailors, would it matter if she died at sea? There’s no family looking for her. No distant relatives wondering where she might be. Her only friends are Samuel and Toby, and they don’t even know the whole of her. She clears her throat,
“Better not let Fabian catch you calling him that. And we both know I tie these barrels better than you,” She says, smirking. Toby laughs, a loud, hearty sound. I could listen to him laugh for centuries. Pim lets herself take a fleeting glance at the man in front of her. Strong, wide shoulders. Blond hair, dark grey eyes. He has a sharp, chiseled jawline and lips so perfect- Pim snaps back to the task at hand. “Did you hear Samuel try to drink him under the deck last night?”
“No, I was too busy catchin’ some well deserved shut eye.” Toby says, pausing as curiosity lights his face. This is his first year on The Red Minnow. He allows himself to skate by using his strong physique and overt unjustified confidence. He says he has had experience on other ships before landing here, but everyone on this ship knows that The Red Minnow is a beginning or an end to many sailors’ journeys. Toby leans closer than necessary. Pim stiffens, stifling a gasp at the proximity. "How'd he do?”
“Spillin’ his guts all over the cabin last I saw. He’ll be down for the rest of the day if we’re unlucky.” Pim steps back, creating space. Too close… she thinks, heart skipping. “Here, you can at least do the last knot.” Pim moves over to allow Toby enough space to finalize the task, securing the barrels in place. Toby slaps his strong, calloused hands together like he did all the work. Pim wonders, what else could those hands do?
“There, job done, time for the cannons.” As Toby walks away, Pim glances at his work. Of course it’s loose. She sighs and unties it. The rope seems to pull tighter on its own, causing Pim to pause. Calm down, it’s just tension in the rope. She reties it. Before she runs ahead to catch up with Toby, she catches a whiff of herself. Ugh, I even smell like a man.
Pim’s dream is to become a Master Gunner on a bigger ship. Hopefully on a vessel that doesn’t carry the superstition that women do not belong on the sea, since their “feminine demeanor" will attract “Sirens”, dooming the men on board to sink to the bottom of the sea. Men think they know everything.
In her years of experience, all she has learned is how to keep gunpowder dry, pack a cannon, and secure supplies in case of a storm. The Red Minnow doesn’t see any action in terms of fights and cannon blasts, despite being a pirate vessel. Mainly, it’s picking on the smaller ships that won’t fight back. Stealing food supplies or packages meant for an island that never receives their mail. No one wants to pick a fight they can’t win.
The two Gunner’s Mates make their way onto the upper deck. The clouds have grown dark and menacing. The electricity in the air she felt earlier seems to now steal the air from her lungs. Calm down, take a breath. It’s just a storm. Small, jagged bits of rain start to fall and sting at Pim’s cheeks. If this is all the storm throws at us, she tells herself, we’ll be fine. She glances up at the Crow’s Nest, Samuel has managed to keep his stomach on the inside. She gives him a little wave, that he cautiously returns, before pointing out the sky like Pim hasn’t already noticed.“Five shillings if good old Sam makes it an hour up there,” Toby says with a smirk.
“I bet he won’t last thirty minutes.” They shake hands, before continuing to walk towards the cannons.
Pim and Toby work quickly, tying down each cannon. Toby’s loose and clumsy knots are quickly followed by Pim’s silent fixings as they move. The rain seems to take a mind of its own, falling in patterns that don’t make sense with the wind swishing. Must be the electricity. They finally reach the last cannon and feel thunder rumbling and vibrating The Red Minnow. So much for tossing coins overboard. Lightning strikes in the distance. They look at each other.
Pim’s hard and determined face will not betray her true emotions. She needs to stay in control and lightning terrifies her. The unpredictability of where and when it’ll strike. If it hits wood, the wood will crack and flame. It cannot be controlled. Toby’s face betrays him. His eyes widen, and his grip tightens. This is his first storm on The Red Minnow, possibly his first storm on a ship. Who would have thought a man, two years older than me, claiming years of experience as a deck hand would be scared of a storm?
She feels it first. All of the hair on her arms seems to defy gravity. Then, she sees it. The hair on top of Toby’s head sticks out in the air. Lightning is about to strike. The last knot was tight. Thunder rumbles loud, clear, and encompassing. “Run!” Pim orders. Toby scrambles away. A large wave crashes onto the deck. She slips on the slick wood, sprawling backward just as lightning strikes the main mast with a deafening roar.
some people think writers are so eloquent and good with words, but the reality is that we can sit there with our fingers on the keyboard going, “what’s the word for non-sunlight lighting? Like, fake lighting?” and for ten minutes, all our brain will supply is “unofficial”, and we know that’s not the right word, but it’s the only word we can come up with…until finally it’s like our face got smashed into a brick wall and we remember the word we want is “artificial”.
I couldn't remember the word "doorknob" ten minutes ago.
ok but the onelook thesaurus will save your life, i literally could not live without this website
REBLOG TO SAVE A WRITER'S LIFE
LIFE SAVED
REBLOGGING TO SAVE ANOTHER WRITERS LIFE
I use this every time I sit down to write. It's the best tool in the world and I would be lost without it!
some people think writers are so eloquent and good with words, but the reality is that we can sit there with our fingers on the keyboard going, “what’s the word for non-sunlight lighting? Like, fake lighting?” and for ten minutes, all our brain will supply is “unofficial”, and we know that’s not the right word, but it’s the only word we can come up with…until finally it’s like our face got smashed into a brick wall and we remember the word we want is “artificial”.
I couldn't remember the word "doorknob" ten minutes ago.
ok but the onelook thesaurus will save your life, i literally could not live without this website
REBLOG TO SAVE A WRITER'S LIFE
LIFE SAVED
REBLOGGING TO SAVE ANOTHER WRITERS LIFE
I use this every time I sit down to write. It's the best tool in the world and I would be lost without it!
You're a dragon, but instead of gold, you hoard knowledge and the brilliant minds who create it. A knight in shining armor finally tracks you down, not to rescue a princess, but to ask if you're hiring a research assistant.
You are a princess. Your evil witch stepmother turns you into a swan. Instead of running away to mope around in a lake and be beautifully tragic, you decide to stick around the palace and cause problems on purpose.
Actually I keep complaining about operational worldbuilding, so here are some recommendations for it:
Ask yourself "what is this organization accomplishing" and "would this organization, as written, accomplish that thing?" For example, magic academies/schools/universities for adults: what are they training their students for? Is it more like a vocational school or a university? Are students being trained for specific jobs? Is it a training for government? Is it primarily a place to foist the idle rich off to to get them out of the way? For a military training, is the goal primarily training or a weeding out process? Is it basic training or specialized training? If someone fails out of the training, do they end up in the regular forces or do they fail out of the military entirely?
Ask yourself "how did this practice come to be?" For example, a trial or competition system: why was this system established? Do the requirements for the trial/competition match what the end result is (e.g., fighting competition to win a fighting position)? If not (e.g., scavenger heart to become the consort), why is that the competition that is used? Do the potential outcomes of the trial (e.g., death) merit the rewards for it?
Ask yourself "if this system is horrible, why do people put up with it?" For example, a school or organization where people are allowed to attack and/or kill each other: why is it allowed to continue? Why do people send their children or voluntarily join it? If it is mandatory, do people fight against it, and if not, why not?
your payment method of 3 small buttons and an apple seed has been accepted
wish I had three small buttons and an apple seed
are the rumors true? that everything is gonna turn out fine? do you promise? 🥺
for you? for sure!! for most everyone reading this. neither hell nor high water will stop peace from finding you. from hunting you down in the dead of night when you least expect it. it’s true that the universe is entropic in nature & everything is breaking down all the time on an unstoppable snowball towards the end of existence but that doesn’t make your tiny life insignificant!! you were made to be here! this space & this time was given to you to enjoy! the blood pumping through your veins, the air flowing into your lungs, the miracle of consciousness in your brain, an impossible number of circumstances had to happen for you to simply be!!
so simply be!!!!
maybe harmony is as inevitable as expiration
maybe harmony
is as inevitable
as expiration
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Sunflower
by Tita Lacambra Ayala
Poised to the sun, like warning of violence its neck arches subtly hiding there whatever wistfulness it has from the uninvolved eye. And its worship is gay bedecked in reflected sunshine honest as dress of green the coolness of rivers. This is the plant of courage growing rank among the stones (how well it hides the bitter of its sap) preening without pretence, loving itself as much as the source of its roots and its ends in whatever season or age, warming november and december’s gloom like, wherever it can, a piece of sun.