Hello my lovelies,

Ash | genderfluid (they/them as default) | 20 | fandom (mostly the Witcher atm) | witch (@intheshadeofanashtree) | Irish | all round weirdo | pansexual | Hufflepuff | Sagittarius | NSFW on request (no rape/ noncon) | credit to @wildlyannoyingdoofus for drawing my icon 😘

[squeakitties]

flingo

[greyshadowfaux]

Witchers don’t know their birthdays.

When Jaskier learns of this travesty, he shows up to Kaer Morhen with a box of party hats.

‘I’m not wearing that.’

‘Don’t be a party pooper, Geralt. Look at Lambert, he’s having a great time!’

‘That’s- that’s not how you wear a hat.’

‘It doesn’t matter, it’s his birthday.’

[valtsv]

to the casual observer it may look like i'm trying to summon a demon but anyone who knows me will realize that i am simply calling my wife

[underneath-the-skin]

The wife and the demon are the same person

[valtsv]

[an-anxious-gay-mess]

The fact that these replies would mean wildly different thing had they been said on a different platform, such as Facebook, is absolutely hilarious

[valtsv]

[sawnik]

me before getting to the end of this post

[theroundbartable]

Arthur wants to marry Merlin.

The problem is, he hasn't even confessed and Arthur can't marry a commoner. So, Arthur creates a plan to make Merlin a royal.

Merlin absolutely HATES it.

And Arthur soon realizes that his plan is backfiring, because the more power and land he can get Merlin, the less time they can spend together.

It is after a discussion with a druid that Arthur comes up with THE idea: Druids are nomads and can live wherever they wish. They can also contact each other from anywhere.

Arthur will make Merlin the DRUID king!

Arthur is determined. Even if that means teaching Merlin magic. Even if THAT means repealing the ban on magic. Even if it means to find and defeat this strange Emrys guy that the Druids keep babbling about.

[underthebluerain]

incorrect witcher quotes: [3/?]

(feat. a knight's tale)

[biscuitsarenice]

Actress, Miriam Margolyes: When you know your worth, you know your worth.

[auroranibley]

She is beautiful and I love her.

[rhube]

She also recently said that JKR’s TERF remarks are fascist. So please, continue to stan a hero.

[nimashkawizii]

And she’s a signatory of Jews for Justice for Palestinians, was one of the first people to say ‘fuck’ on British TV, proudly called herself a dyke during a televised Australian citizenship ceremony with their PM, and has been with her partner since 1968.

[costumersupportdept]

MIRIAM IS A QUEEN.

[tucsonhorse]

I love her. She is fat, she is old, and she is happy with both and damn proud of being herself. That’s how it should be. That’s what we should all strive for.

[vaspider]

If you have not watched this, do yourself a favor and do so.

[petermorwood]

She is cuddly, cute, funny, wise and occasionally naughty when it’s most effective, and reminds me of a favourite aunt or indeed my own Mum.

[dduane]

A true Queen. :)

[neil-gaiman]

She’s Despair (and I have no doubt several other people) in the Audible Sandman adaptations (she had already been Mrs Owens in the full cast Graveyard Book), and I was so excited to meet her. This is me fangirling out while Miriam is cool. Photo by Dirk Maggs.

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[bobwess]

I don’t drink starbucks every day and yet my car is a driveway ornament because it’d take 1k to fix and thus I think she is dead.

[trynottodrown]

[meglyman]

Mimic Octopus has had enough of Dancing Crab’s shenanigans

[bugcthulhu]

darn dancing crabs and their jazz crab hands

[blue-bower]

‘HELLO MY BABY HELLO MY H-“ “NO”

[batchygyo]

i cant control my hand suddenly

[elodieunderglass]

Everyone has seen this post, right? Right?

[baba-fett]

Reblog to bonk your mutuals on the head every time they start thinking negatively about themselves

[paranormal-taters]

specifically this kind of bonk.

[0dde11eth]

Jaskier has had to deal with an entire winter of the wolves shoving it in his face how he's "just a wittle weak human" and its starting to wear on his nerves. One evening they are eating and jaskier finally snaps. Lambert has been pushing his buttons all day about Witcher training and how the bard just can't compete.

Jaskier: Okay, I'll do all those things. You just name the time and the place.

Lambert: Okay, right here after we eat.

Jaskier: And what do I get if I do?

Lambert: What do you want?

Jaskier: I want to touch eskel's boobs.

Lambert: Deal!

Lambert: .....Hey, eskel?

Eskel: Yeah, I heard.

Eskel: OK, I'm game. Here are The Terms: If you can do all that stuff that lambert just listed off,I will let you touch one boob.

Jaskier: Both boobs.

Eskel: Just one.

Jaskier: Touch and squeeze.

Eskel: Just touch.

Jaskier: Touch and motorboat.

Eskel: Just touch.

Jaskier: Honka honka?

Eskel: jaskier you're drooling

Jaskier: Just touch.

Eskel: Just touch.

Jaskier: For one hour.

Eskel: For one second.

Jaskier: 20 minutes, both boobs.

Eskel: Thirty seconds, one boob.

Jaskier: Four minutes, both boobs, three squeezes.

Eskel: One minute, both boobs, one squeeze.

Jaskier: Deal!

Eskel: But... if you can't do everything and I mean everything, then you have to wear Papa vesemirs ugly hat for one year.

Geralt: do I get a say in any of this?

Everyone: NOPE!

Papa vesemir: I like my hat. You're all just mean

Geralt: *internally screaming*

[showmethesneer]

If i had a nickel for every time i had to watch a gorgeous and musically talented brunette that i discovered thru a Netflix adaptation

play an iconic bi/pan disaster (who wears a distinctive necklace) falling in love with a blonde prince this year

I'd have 2 nickels

[writing-prompt-s]

She’s a battle-scarred, jaded super-soldier loaded with biomechanical upgrades and chemical augments. All she wants to do is wear cute clothes and paint.

[maythefandomsbwithu]

So... Steve Rogers?

[maythefandomsbwithu]

Valdo Marx is Jaskier’s Wario

Just a different colour scheme and a moustache. that is all. 

[kestrafagnor]

Fic idea where after the whole Accords fiasco Steve just starts working as a bartender at a pub in a small town in Ireland.

And it's just ridiculous.

He gets this thick Irish accent two weeks in, and at the beginning people don't realise it's him. But his name tag says STEVE and he never hides his superstrength.

You can see him carrying too many beer barrels for it to be normal, or cursing Stark/The Avengers/Accords new policies and its hilariously accurate/only an insider could come up with such detailed takes.

His bartending game is 10/10 and his sense of humour, no nonsense attitude towards bigots makes it so people in the town just decide that he is their local himbo.

So when he is recognised, his identity is kept like an open secret. Everyone in the town knows Cap is the guy serving Guinness down the street, but if a tourist/UN official shows up? That's just Steven, he was born and rised here, he's Siobhan's grandkid, what are you talking about.

Bonus points if Rogue Avengers (Bucky, T'Challa, Sam, Nat, etc) just keep showing up with like: zero disguises and sometimes even Cap merch.

The UN is going fucking crazy, and one day Tony Stark himself goes there to check. Steve pulls a fake mustache and just pretends like he doesn't even know who Tony Star, CEO of Stark Industries is. It gets on his nerves so much he starts rising his voice and all the regulars at the pub just kick him out. "How dare you speak like that to Siobhan's boy!"

Bonus points if Grandma Siobhan just looks absolutely nothing like Steve.

[hannaxjo]

[pinup-pigeon]

Reblogging for both the insane premise and the hilarious punchline art at the end 😂

[pri00r]

Raise your hand if you think they should have left the crown bloody for aesthetic purpose 🖐🏼

[abottomlessvoid]

i watched ONE episode of the witcher today, these are my thoughts

[punk-jaskier]

“Get outta here, beef-boy” I am SCREAMING 😂😂🤣

[trashcancalicojack]

Bilbo, to Nori: *drunk as hell* Nori thinks he knows everything but he has no idea I'm in love with Thorin.

Nori: *criminal offensive side eye* What do you mean I don't know?

Bilbo : Ops! Sorry! My bad.

Bilbo, to Thorin: Nori thinks he knows everything but he has no idea I'm in love with Thorin.

Thorin: Y-you're in love with me?!

Bilbo: ...

Bilbo: Where the f*ck is Bofur when I am talking to him?!