So I’m in Prague now – new life, new everything (at least for 10 months), so I don’t know how active I’ll be on here but if anyone is in the area please hit me up! Â
If this happens to be my last post of the year, I want it to be...something
It’s been about one year since I got into the MBTI, and when I first started I had many preconceptions of what a feeler, thinker, etc. was.  Initially, I tested for INFP (sounds like a medical affliction lol), but that was because I’d been influenced by my environment/ situation at the time; I basically had to play the role of spiritual healer so I answered according to the group’s values. Â
However, when I read over all the profiles and did more research I found myself relating mostly to the INTP, especially in the relationship issues department or “how to human” section.  I’ve done many different personality tests in the past but none of them resonated with me as the MBTI has.  I think this is because there is such a big INTP community online that I feel I have people to relate to (unless you are all robots – I knew it was too good to be true!). I don’t know if I can speak for all INTPs but I’ve always had issues making deep/lasting connections with people (that are not my brother) and if I do make them I have trouble keeping in touch and then I’m back to square one – alone and adrift in the social sphere.  Sure, I have good friends but (consistent) emotional connection remains quite elusive to me, unless something big like moving away for 10 months happens and I have to bid my farewells.  With my brother it’s different because he’s family, he’s within proximity, and I practically molded or influenced most of his thinking… he’s like the monster to my Frankenstein mwha!
Maybe it has something to do with my upbringing; my parents had to work to keep us afloat, so most of my “parenting” came from watching animated shows with lessons which I would jot down in my gel pen notepad.  So for me, emotional/personal connections were mostly made with TV characters: they became my friends, my companions (as sad as that sounds, it was fulfilling for me as a kid…but not so much now).  TV characters were also easy to deconstruct thus understand, because everything was laid out on view; I could dissect their problems, confront issues with them behind the screen and not get messy with real emotions…in real life…not so much…maybe that’s why when shit goes down with others I think it’ll all be resolved in a kind of virtual reality in which I never actually have to insert myself. Haha perhaps that is why INTPs are said to be intelligent but stupid in “real life” XD
It was also natural for me to mimic others so I expected others to do the same but the favour was never returned, so I just felt increasingly let down and began discarding people when they failed to meet my ridiculous expectations.  It also didn’t help that I had severe eczema (skin condition), because that made me feel like an alien; even though I was never bullied for it, sympathy (although with good intentions) worked in a similar fashion in that it alienated me from everyone else.  Perhaps keeping people at a distance was my defence against being hurt, being human, unlike the fabricated TV characters that I’ve aligned myself with for so long and seemed to resolve everything within one or a few episodes. Â
I talk in the past tense but it still holds true now. That’s why I envy my INFP brother, as introverted as he can be, making friends on a deep emotional level just comes naturally to him as it is to stay true to himself. And that my friends, is the big difference between leading Fi and inferior Fe!
I’ve read many INTPs’ confessions and this stood out to me the most:
“I began to linger again on my skewed relationships with others, and ultimately, disappointments and frustrations. The more people I met that I did not jive with, the more confounded I became. I was very good at molding myself to them, but they were abysmal at the reverse, if they tried at all.” -Jason Evans
Finally, I found people out there with the same struggles as I! And I think that’s where the power of the MBTI really lies, aside from its compelling theory.  For INTPs (with inferior Fe) a common fear and experience is to be alienated and to forever be alone; as much as I dream of being a hermit I know that deep down I crave recognition and acceptance from others – damnit! So to find others like me, despite having never met, was a big revelation for me. I hope what I’ve written here will help other INTPs (or anyone) come to terms with their issues and for once not feel so alone.
http://www.intpexperience.com/whereitcamefrom.php
http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html
http://personalityjunkie.com/
http://oddlydevelopedtypes.com/
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