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EXPECTATIONS
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#extradirty
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Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Not today Justin
oozey mess
YOU ARE THE REASON
Sade Olutola
macklin celebrini has autism
cherry valley forever
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@meandering-stars
Anyway on the topic of Dooku being aroace spec and caring more about lightsaber forms than hormones I think someone absolutely has made a super obvious lightsaber innuendo in front of him that he took completely seriously. Probably more than once actually. Something along the lines of “were you polishing your lightsaber? 😉” and he’s just like “yes. Why are you making that expression?”
“Foreplay? Makashi isn't for play, it's for controlling your opponent's central line”
Legolas pretty quickly gets in the habit of venting about his travelling companions in Elvish, so long as Gandalf & Aragorn aren’t in earshot they’ll never know right?
Then about a week into their journey like
Legolas: *in Elvish, for approximately the 20th time* ugh fucking hobbits, so annoying
Frodo: *also in Elvish, deadpan* yeah we’re the worst
Legolas:
~*~earlier~*~
Legolas: ugh fucking hobbits
Merry: Frodo what’d he say
Frodo: I’m not sure he speaks a weird dialect but I think he’s insulting us. I should tell him I can understand Elvish
Merry: I mean you could do that but consider
Merry: you can only tell him ONCE
Frodo: Merry. You’re absolutely right. I’ll wait.
#legolas’ hick accent vs #frodo’s ‘i learned it out of a book’ accent #FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
Legolas: umm well your accent is horrible
Aragorn: *hollering from a distance* HIS ACCENT IS BETTER THAN YOURS LEGOLAS YOU SILVAN HICK
Frodo: :)
Frodo: Hello. My name is Frodo. I am a Hobbit. How are you?
Legolas: y’alld’ve’ff’ve
Frodo, crying: please I can’t understand what you’r saying
Ok, but Frodo didn’t just learn out of a book. He learned like… Chaucerian Elvish. So actually:
Frodo: Good morrow to thee, frend. I hope we twain shalle bee moste excellente companions.
Legolas: Wots that mate? ‘Ere, you avin’ a giggle? Fookin’ ‘obbits, I sware.
Aragorn: *laughing too hard to walk*
@ghostriderofthearagon
dYinGggGggg…
i mean, honestly it’s amazing the Elves had as many languages and dialects as they did, considering Galadriel (for example) is over seven thousand years old.
english would probably have changed less since Chaucer’s time, if a lot of our cultural leaders from the thirteenth century were still alive and running things.
they’ve had like. seven generations since the sun happened, max. frodo’s books are old to him, but outside any very old poetry copied down exactly, the dialect represented in them isn’t likely to be older than the Second Age, wherein Aragorn’s foster-father Elrond started out as a very young adult and grew into himself, and Legolas’ father was born.
so like, three to six thousand years old, maybe, which is probably a drop in the bucket of Elvish history judging by all the ethnic differentiation that had time to develop before Ungoliant came along, even if we can’t really tell because there weren’t years to count, before the Trees were destroyed.
plus a lot of Bilbo’s materials were probably directly from Elrond, whose library dates largely from the Third Age, probably, because he didn’t establish Imladris until after the Last Alliance. and Elrond isn’t the type to intentionally help Bilbo learn the wrong dialect and sound sillier than can be helped, even if everyone was humoring him more than a little.
so Frodo might sound hilariously formal for conversational use (though considering how most Elves use Westron he’s probably safe there) and kind of old-fashioned, but he’s not in any danger of being incomprehensible, because elves live on such a ridiculous timescale.
to over-analyse this awesome and hilarious post even more, legolas’ grandfather was from linguistically stubborn Doriath and their family is actually from a somewhat different, higher-status ethnic background than their subjects.
so depending on how much of a role Thranduil took in his upbringing (and Oropher in his), Legolas may have some weird stilted old-fashioned speaking tics in his Sindarin that reflect a more purely Doriathrin dialect rather than the Doriathrin-influenced Western Sindarin that became the most widely spoken Sindarin long before he was born, or he might have a School Voice from having been taught how to Speak Proper and then lapse into really obscure colloquial Avari dialect when he’s being casual. or both!
considering legolas’ moderately complicated political position, i expect he can code-switch.
…it’s also fairly likely considering the linguistic politics involved that Legolas is reasonably articulate in Sindarin, though with some level of accent, but knows approximately zero Quenya outside of loanwords into Sindarin, and even those he mostly didn’t learn as a kid.
which would be extra hilarious when he and gimli fetch up in Valinor in his little homemade skiff, if the first elves he meets have never been to Middle Earth and they’re just standing there on the beach reduced to miming about what is the short beard person, and who are you, and why.
this is elvish dialects and tolkien, okay. there’s a lot of canon material! he actually initially developed the history of middle-earth specifically to ground the linguistic development of the various Elvish languages!
Legolas: Alas, verily would I have dispatched thine enemy posthaste, but y’all’d’ve pitched a feckin’ fit.
Aragorn: *eyelid twitching*
Frodo: *frantically scribbling* Hang on which language are you even speaking right now
Pippin, confused: Is he not speaking Elvish?
Frodo, sarcastically: I dunno, are you speaking Hobbit?
Boromir, who has been lowkey pissed-off at the Hobbits’ weird dialect this whole time: That’s what it sounds like to me.
Merry, who actually knows some shit about Hobbit background: We are actually speaking multiple variants of the Shire dialect of Westron, you ignorant fuck.
Sam, a mere working-class country boy: Honestly y'all could be talkin Dwarvish half the time for all I know.
Pippin, entering Gondor and speaking to the castle steward: hey yo my man
Boromir, from beyond the grave: j e s u s
Tolkien would be SO PROUD of this post
It got better
Ok but what I got from the part about Frodo’s books being written during Elrond’s childhood is that… Frodo would use outdated slang. So consider-
Legolas: y'all’d’ve
Frodo: Far out, man, I dig it
Elvish? Don’t talk to me about Elvish. Before you get started on Elvish, listen to that lot from Buckland speaking what they think is Westron. They don’t sound anything like us honest folk from Hobbiton. And as for Bree…
Frodo’s book-learned Elvish probably sounds ridiculous; Not just like Chaucerian Middle English, but I doubt there were any pronunciation guides and he’s murdering Elvish equivalents of Cholmondely (chumey), Worcester (wurster), Menzies (mingiss), Arkansas (arkensaw) and so on.
As for his accent, it’s probably either as ridiculously misplaced as his pronunciation, or vastly outdated. Compare the voice-over of a British 1930s newsreel to a modern documentary narration, or listen to how Elizabeth II sounded just after she took the throne in 1952, and how she sounded 70 years later.
Pippin Took, meanwhile - IIRC this is canonical in an Appendix but I haven’t looked up which one - is completely unaware that, unlike in the Shire, Westron in Gondor retains what in German would be Sie / Du address (formal and informal).
So he speaks in his usual (informal) way to everyone from a small boy to Lord Denethor, and gets away with it because he’s presumed to be a prince of his people. It’s not clear what presumption comes first: he speaks like that because he’s noble, or, he must be noble to dare speak like that…
IIRC Pippin’s more like the son of a squire, but Denethor and the rest don’t know it and Gandalf, who does, keeps the information to himself. He merely warns Pippin against “hobbit pertness”. Even as Gandalf the White he probably finds the situation amusing; Gandalf the Grey certainly would…
(snicker)(cc: @petermorwood)
Pippin keeps getting away with his weird casual behavior after the war because he’s as close to a prince as the Shire gets, aka the son of the Thain and later the actual Thain. Also he (and the rest of the hobbits) are close personal friends with a bunch of VIPs, including several royals, which cuts them a lot of slack.
specific hell of a femme lesbian in which why yes! I do like wearing makeup!! I will watch some makeup videos online!! Oh My God These Women Are In The Torment Nexus
clean girl makeup? it girl makeup? hot girl makeup? pilates princess makeup? mob wife makeup? rock star wife makeup? politician's wife makeup? HOW ARE YOU NOT CHOKING ON THE MISOGYNY COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
the constant infantilization and minimization of womanhood to fit some desired aesthetic which is really just a consumable way of being viewed through the lens of a society actively using misogyny to oppress women... it's exhausting.
I sound like a Barbie doll box circa 2010 but you should aspire to be more than merely someone's wife. take a moment. let's head back to 1960. you're a secretary. you hand your boss the wrong form and he calls you a silly little girl. his client laughs along with him. they are sharing a joke about how women barely have a place in the workforce because they belong in the home. you are nothing more than something pretty to look at. does that not fill you with rage? why the fuck are you doing this to yourself.
YOU ARE NOT "JUST A GIRL"
Decided to assemble a list of makeup YouTubers I enjoy watching. Misogyny is of course baked into the fibers of society but I find these ladies aren't spoon feeding it to me. None of them use skin smoothing filters as I find that disingenuous and unbearable.
@/oatmilkmakeup - does lots of creative makeup looks leaning goth and feminine. Her energy is very calm.
@/philosophay - queer curly haired lady with an alternative sense of style that's very 80s. fun and creative looks are her thing.
@/cloveroom - trans woman that likes a soft glam look. lots of longform videos consisting of tutorials, grwms, reviews, and more.
@/monica.raviii - she is a self proclaimed Fairy Brown Mother of makeup and has many "no bs" makeup reviews. usually she does a soft glam but she's said she's been wanting to get back into doing creative looks.
@/GeniusGirlAlert - I love her creativity, as she uses her art school knowledge when applying makeup, although admittedly she sometimes does those "aesthetic" makeup recreations. nothing so insidious as the mob wife shit but still... it doesn't sit right with me. so. ¯\(°_o)/¯ love her other stuff tho
@/OliviaOlfactory - long form videos are mostly fragrance reviews but she has a lot of short form makeup videos. I particularly enjoy her recently ended "cheap ass makeup" series where she reviewed drugstore and similarly inexpensive makeup brands.
@/theoliviasaurusrex - I enjoy her quiet spoken narration though I must admit I mostly watch her videos because I have a similar complexion to her. she does makeup tutorials and reviews and tbh I just like to see how the products look on my skin lol
@/Makeupbynikkilarose - mostly long form reviews, first impressions, & grwms. she's an mua that has a soft spot for luxury makeup and the majority of her viewers are older women with mature skin (neither of which cater to me). she does mostly neutral soft glam looks but I come back to her for her authenticity.
@/jazlmao - does a lot of universally flattering tutorials for neutral and cool skin undertones and reviews with some colorful and fun makeup every once in a while. she's also an artist and likes using color theory in makeup
@/ohemaabonsu - she mostly does soft glam but her personality is just so lovely. she does reviews, tutorials, and various beauty and lifestyle videos
“And how do you plan to deal with this delay, Lord Vader?”
tbh I really don’t know how to headcanon obi-wan’s position in the empire if he was a sith. He would have more power over Vader (not necessarily by rank), that’s for sure.
It's that time of year
whoops
#when you set out for revenge dig two graves#unless you’re hamlet#in which case you’re going to want to rent a backhoe (x) YOU’RE NOT LEAVING THAT IN THE TAGS BUDDY
Changing my belief system from "this is the hill I'll die on" to "this is the hill I'll kill you on" has done absolute wonders for me 10/10 do recommend
"you really gonna die on that hill?"
"someone is."
Role swap au where Zuko was the Avatar who got frozen for a hundred years, so when he’s rescued from the ice instead of a goofy twelve year old Katara catches this mysterious teenager with long hair and a cool scar and a fucking DRAGON
Katara: BOY???? HOT BOY?????? HOT TEENAGE BOY?????????
Zuko: *speaks*
Katara: nevermind I hate him
How does Aang factor into this? I ask because the more I think about it the more I want him to somehow be trying to capture the Avatar.
Aang is 112 years old, decided he was going to be Zuko’s airbending teacher, and refuses to take no for an answer
Aang: Aw, the new Avatar doesn’t want me. Aang: *gets out a weighted net* Time for Plan B then.
JDJSHJABDBFJSH
Look, you know how you keep a net from falling on you? YOU AIRBEND IT, SUCKA. Air comes right after fire in the cycle so it’s not like the guy has any other options. Do you want a flaming net falling on you? No? Then learn to airbend. Or this tiny old man will cart you away like a trussed turkey and lecture you about the power of laughter, going with the flow, opening your chakras, and other hippie shit.
Sokka, slouching against a fence, not moving: Oh nooooooo, that creepy old man stole the Avataaaaaaaaaar. Sokka, sitting down on the ground: We should dooooo something. Sokka, pulling out his lunch: Otherwise he might actually learn something. That would be teeeerrible. Katara, indignant rage coursing through her body: Sokka!!!!!!!! We have to go look for him!!!! Sokka: Might! Actually! Learn! Something! Katara! Katara: *wavers* Katara, also sitting down: We have to go look for him…. *gets out her own sandwich* But, maybe after lunch.
I love that this transforms Aang’s role in the full Team Avatar familial situation from the baby of the family to the Grandpa with weird hobbies
The best part is Aang wouldn’t even teach him airbending in the beginning. First it’d be brewing the perfect cup of teach and blowing on it in juuuust the right way that it cools down ”But not too cold, or you’ll ruin it!”
Brushing Appa of course. Zuko would be pretty decent at that, but would come back to Aang absolutely covered in slobber and bison hair. “Awww! He likes you! <3″
Then it’d be calming meditation and slowing Zuko’s breathing (”But I am calm!”), tracking an elusive and nigh legendary animal so they can ride it, teaching patience by baking the perfect cake ”You just slapped the frosting on! It looks awful! *airbends it into the horizon* “Again!”
When Zuko finally gets it right, he almost smiles at Aang saying: “Excellent work, my student.” Then to Zuko’s consternation and horror Aang flings it at the head of the Fire Nation Governor during a political function. “And now we run!”
Pranks would be absolutely the thing that would bluescreen Zuko. Here’s an airbending master, over a century old, witnessed the genocide of his people, and he’s juggling, doing dances and tricks with Momo for the village kids, and plaguing the local aristocrats and military officers with flying cakes and whoopie cushions.
“How am I supposed to beat the Firelord with whoopie cushions?!”
And then, perfectly serious for the first time since Zuko had met him: “You don’t. The Avatar is about restoring balance. This training isn’t so you can fight the Firelord - it’s so you can stop a war.”
It takes a long time for Zuko to understand this. But the weird thing is: the townsfolk actually like Aang. Sure the aristocrats and crooked merchants and the officers don’t, but even the common Fire Nation infantry hide their chuckles with a cough when they see their commander’s fancy armor get covered in honey and feathers by “Crazy Aang,” again.
And Zuko realizes, at that moment, that he’s been having fun.
So, waking early, with no prompting from Aang, Zuko feeds Momo, brushes Appa, washes off the slobber, brews Aang his morning tea -perfectly cooled- and then proceeds to make a new, beautiful cake with no explanation.
“That looks wonderful, my student. Your best yet! Who were you planning to-”
Then Zuko smashes it in Aang’s face.
It’s the first time since coming out of the ice that Avatar Zuko laughs.
i cant stop saying good lord in a shitty impression of jonathan sims’ voice it’s like a disease.
Sesame Street: Respect is Coming
#sesame street as kind old gods that invade other universes and Insist Kindness and Learning
#theyre too powerful to be killed or fought and if you hold a weapon it just turns harmless #and they just calmly say ‘well that’s mean dont talk like that’ if you say anything mean
#what im saying is #this story is better than anything ever
(x)
Your periodic reminder that Big Bird is an expression of the Eternal fucking Champion.
Big Bird told a god that he was wrong? And he WON? That’s CANON?
Muppets are more badass than I realized.
heckin YES it’s canon! first reference to *Don’t Eat the Pictures* I’ve seen on this hellsite and in good conscience and utmost respect for the *glory* that is that movie, I must reblog. but also THIS MOVIE Oscar sings and entire song about how ancient broken statues are beautiful just the way they are, Super Grover attempts to befriend a suit of Renaissance armor, and Cookie Monster has a Greek chorus reminding him that he’s not allowed to eat “Still Life with Ham.” I rewatched it last year, for the first time in decades, and it *holds the hell up* it’s on youtube. go forth.
Friction is for losers
(via)
WHEEEEEEEEEE
„The forgotten legacy of Gutav Eiffel“ by Michael Raaflaub
I am sensing some quasi-shoin vibes to this
Nature in Florida is so weird??
I was out hiking where the trail ran alongside this river that was moving pretty fast, but a couple miles in it just disappeared.
The river was gone. It just stopped, like someone had snipped it in half and taken away the rest.
So I stopped and stared at it a while, trying to figure out what the heck was going on, because the water was flowing very rapidly, but the river had abruptly ended.
Finally, this old man in a pair of worn overalls stopped next to me to watch as well, before leaning over and asking
“First time seein’ it?”
I responded “yes”, and he continued:
“It goes underground here, pops back up some three miles west. Not the best swimmin’ spot, for obvious reasons, though that don’t stop people from tryin’.”
So I asked him what he meant and he said,
“Lots of dumb folk with no regard for God’s nature die out here every year. Scientists, usually.”
We talked a little more and eventually went our separate ways, but when I got home I decided to look in to what happens to the river when it plunges underground like that.
It turns out it submerges and travels through a complex cave system for a few miles, and millions of gallons of pressurized water travels through there each day.
It gets cooler though!
Apparently, when water levels were low enough during a drought, researchers were able to send divers and probes through the cave system and found both animal and human remains, some of which included mastodons, dire wolves, saber-toothed cats and more. The human remains date back to about 7500 BC.
Anyway, Florida is weird and we have deadly underground rivers filled with cool prehistoric animals I guess.
#WHY IS FLORIDA LIKE THIS#ANNIHILATION MAN WASNT KIDDING WHEN HE SAID FLORIDA WAS FUCKED AND FULL OF FUNGUS
Shh
This.
truth
[image description: A beautiful face surrounded by reflective droplets rises from the dark liquid at the bottom of the picture. Coffee? Tea? The background appears to be an illuminated and highly decorative golden halo in gold and lavender, with florid details in rich blues, oranges and greens. Text reads, “41, Caffeina ~ The Small God of Liquid Consciousness”]
People like to give her over to Oromo when they speak of the divine, assuming that to smell is to consume, and she allows it, for she is not much of one for judging. And if their hearts beat a little faster when they make such incorrect assumptions, well, mortal flesh is frail and prone to failing. They do not see her hand in their hearts, punishing them for blasphemy, however unintentionally committed.
She is in the first sip, hot or cold, sweet or bitter. She is in the long slow consumption of the cup, can, or bottle. And she is in the final drop, waking your senses, exciting your mind—or calming it, as the case may be, for she walks among those whose minds work slightly differently, who find her gifts to be a settling and a sedation, not an overwhelming burst of energy. So she is with the man who must stop sipping at noon, lest his consciousness be so great he never sleeps, and she is with the woman who brews her espresso at nine, to calm her thoughts enough to allow her into dreaming. She loves them equally, for each uses the alchemy of her enchantment in the way she intends.
She keeps her temples in coffee shops and book stores, but also in gas stations and in diners, in vending machines and in tea shops, and her smallest shrines are her most beloved, for they stand in the homes of her believers, and she visits each and every one of them each and every time she is called upon.
Her mind is calm, awake, and open, and she has love enough to fill a thousand cups, to sweeten a thousand stomachs, to take a thousand exams.
Keep the faith with her, and she will keep it ever on with you.
………………….
Artist Lee Moyer (13th Age, Cursed Court) and author Seanan McGuire (Middlegame, Every Heart a Doorway) have joined forces to bring you icons and stories of the small deities who manage our modern world, from the God of Social Distancing to the God of Finding a Parking Space.
Join in each week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many tiny divinities:
Tumblr: https://smallgodseries.tumblr.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/smallgodseries
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/smallgodseries/
Homepage: http://www.smallgodseries.com/
how...how...how did they read my brain. how do they understand my caffeine needs. j-just...how
