me, myself, and the monster inside

the ramblings of a twenty-four-year-old girl struggling with bipolar disorder. caution: content may be triggering. disclaimer: i do not own any images unless stated otherwise. if i don't follow you back, it may just be because i find your blog too triggering for me (i am currently recovering from self-harm and a suicidal mindset) always feel free to message me! i'm here to talk.

[meandmymonster]

@rosahami @fuckthissshitt @captainemilyaidan @dancelikenobodyiswatchingu-blog @can-u-love-a-child @piercedpurpleprincessmermaid @darker-by-night @doodlbg @lovingood2799 @yawood @serenityquest @adarktimeslove @unreachablebyhand @lostinaforrest @really-allyouneedislove @the-bitchh @inthebluebox-of-timeandspac-blog @afieldofcosmos @kitesflyhighest @leguido @whitealien1 @rdmalovee-blog @lorenmolloy @it-helped-the-pain @kevinrocksyoursox @g3t-sc4red-blog @xxx-nyct0ph0bia @redlipsandbruisedhips-blog @snudge @nutellasetsmyfaceonfire-blo-blog 

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[meandmymonster]

@paroxetineparty @yayobombshel-blog @tugozesn79500-blog @facuburucylacycy924653-blog @anahellyeah @aquariusamber @deborahxreyes @erichmatthewharrison @intriguing-catastrophe @enlightenedvoyages @wweirdvibess @luckyaprile62-blog @itsalesbianx3 @still-belive-in-fairytales-blog @workoutsupplementsformen @redhippyy-blog @wolfboy001 @siennamochasilk @woahravage @gesseck @mayawonderland14 @sakakira @bewarethesnowghost @scarlet-jade @thetruthisawhisper-blog @dauntinglight @inacoatofredoracoatofgold @zaribamushi @phnx999 @bandskeepmestrong12 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

[meandmymonster]

I’m back, y’all.

[meandmymonster]

Unforgiven. TW.

To everyone who's ever broken my heart who took something already bruised took something already tainted something already jaded already afraid and abused, I forgive you. I forgive you for all those nights I cried myself to sleep alone, those days I shredded my skin with razors, the hours I spent clutching my chest trying to fill the void, the months I believed I wasn't worth anything at all, the days I waited by the phone for the call that wouldn't come. I forgive you for "I don't love you anymore" and "I slept with her" and "I'm not ready for this." I forgive you because I gave myself to you voluntarily. I forgive you because I knew the potential consequences. I indulged in the self-destructive behavior of trusting a stranger. So the only person left unforgiven is me.

[meandmymonster]

“Prey.” I wrote this during a difficult relationship that made me feel as though I was less than my partner, and yet had all these powerful feelings. Sorry you have to click each picture to read in this format. But it's worth it, I promise.

[meandmymonster]

INFORMED CONSENT when the girls says "yes", sober, in a safe environment is the only time sex is ok. No means NO.

[meandmymonster]

"Seeing Red." TW.

[meandmymonster]

"I Said No." TW.

I said no A simple two-letter word At least, I thought it was simple

But that didn’t stop you You kept touching me Groping at me With your slimy hands

I trusted you You were a friend You were supposed to be a friend But you put your fingers on my skin You pulled off my shirt And my underwear

I was drunk So were you But that didn’t make it alright I said no

My skin crawled for days And you acted like nothing happened You said you didn’t remember But I did I remembered all of it

The next week I caught you staring at me Across the room I thought I would be sick

Because I said no And you didn’t listen

[meandmymonster]

"Dare." TW. A graphic poem about self injury.

[meandmymonster]

"Wounds." TW. An old poem I wrote about self injury.

[meandmymonster]

I used to live in black and white, before my mood was stabilized with medication. Now I can accept the gray. Sometimes I miss all those feelings though...

[meandmymonster]

I think it’s really important that we acknowledge no one else can save us but ourselves.

[meandmymonster]

Recovery: it's okay to have fun!

I just want to point out to all you folks in recovery or considering recovery that YOUR LIFE CAN STILL BE FUN. One of the best parts of recovery is having fun and laughing without needing your pills or bottles or lines. Another thing to keep in mind: it’s OKAY to acknowledge that you had some good times while you were in your addiction/when you were using and/or drinking. I had an awesome time sometimes. I had some great days and nights that I’ll never forget. Once in a lifetime experiences. The point is that eventually you figured out that the negatives outweighed the positives and you realized you have a problem. Was I mostly miserable and depressed and empty 99% of the time I was in my addiction? Yes. But there were a couple good times, and that’s okay. ❤️

[meandmymonster]

[meandmymonster]

I like to draw parallels between my life and Kesha’s 💋 (5 years ago). As a clean and sober person, I’m still ridiculous and inappropriate, thank god. I don’t NEED two bottles of Andre for that ✌🏻️

[meandmymonster]

Hot and dangerous 🤘🏻

[meandmymonster]

The stigma of having an "invisible” illness.