check out my mediumly-extensive selection of mostly gentlebeard fics. more below the cut—
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
wild is the wind: M! Stede/Ed. 75,850 (complete!). film-noir!AU. Wellington, 1942: Stede Bonnet, the only son of a powerful local businessman, is missing, and it’s Blackbeard Investigations’ Ed Teach’s job to find him. Ed finds him, no problem—but when he finds out why Stede ran, he can’t bring himself to finish the job. to make matters worse, Stede has something valuable of his father's, and Bonnet will stop at nothing to get it back. the thing is, though...Ed's found something of value, too: Stede. and Ed's not giving him up without a fight.
there's always an escape: T! Stede/Ed (sort of). 500. Ed's looking for a way out. he finds one, and then he finds one more. (cw: suicidality)
fuck 'em, only we know: E! Stede/Ed. 6,402. Ed publicly calls Stede Zaddy. then privately calls him Daddy. events proceed as expected.
forget your perfect offering: M! Stede/Ed. 13,161 (and counting). When Ed sees a flyer on his staff’s memo board for a support group that claims the best revenge is living well!, he figures: whatever. Who cares. Doesn't matter, but maybe he ought to. Might as well just. Ugh. Go?
the harder the pain, honey, the sweeter the song: an in-progress 5-part series in which Ed teaches Stede how to soft Dom him into oblivion.
tell me something I don’t know: M! Stede/Ed. 8,312. Stede wants to give Ed everything, but that means Ed’s going to have to tell him what that is. Out loud. With words. Ugh.
hold me like water, or, christ, hold me like a knife: M! Stede/Ed. 5,391. Stede has noticed some preferences of Ed’s that he wants to talk about.
the best things in life come in threes: M! Stede/Ed. 371. Off-page sex, on-page snuggles.
kinktober 2023 prompts: E!
got no reason, got no shame (praise kink, "be good for me"): pre-canon Jack/Ed. 1,637. Jack's an idiot, but he's not stupid.
bait/switch (edging): Stede/Ed. 752. Ed invents edging. Stede's mad about it.
a more advanced trick of the trade (“let me take care of you,” face-fucking): Stede/Ed. 6,064. Stede takes his sword and runs Ed through. Again. Very soon after the first time. Too soon, probably.
the happiest place on earth (is here with you): M! Stede/Ed. 33,082 (complete!). wildly self-indulgent Walt Disney World!AU, featuring macarons at Epcot, fireworks on the Seven Seas Lagoon beach, and sexually tense Monorail rides. AuDHD Ed + autistic Stede. crack treated seriously.
kinktober 2022 prompts: E!
the romance of it all (choking): Stede(/Ed). 1,414. Stede figures some stuff out about himself on his way to Ed.
he’s so bad but he does it so well (dirty talk): pre-canon Jack/Ed. 1,787. Jack runs his mouth. Ed is into it.
we lay here for years or for hours (pegging): trans!Stede/Ed. 1,690. a little cock worship, as a treat.
it’s just that I’m constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you (wall sex + fingering): Stede/Ed. 2,598. Ed is good at everything, including waiting, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get sick of it.
carve your name in my bedpost (whipping): pre-canon Jack/Ed. 2,258. Ed submits to the mortifying deal of being known, by Calico Jack of all people.
a constellation of tears on your lashes (gags/drooling, thigh fucking, dacryphilia): post-canon Stede/Ed. 8,449. Ed asks Stede to, you know, whatever, it doesn’t matter, but what if he, like, made Ed cry. As a…whatever. As a sex thing.
it’s all good; I wish you would: E! Stede/Ed. 19,119. post-reunion and our captains have made up. it’s just that they haven’t touched yet and it’s making Ed bonkers.
taking the helm: E! Stede/Ed. 14,184. Ed’s exhausted, and Stede wants to relieve him of his decision fatigue (with pretty clothes + delicious food + [of course] sex).
a moment of weakness: E! Stede/Ed. 16,950. medium-angsty reunion fic, plus hair-washing! and banging!
About ART's processing speed and ADHD metaphor (AuDHD fits even better)
...I think about the staggering amount of background processing power dedicated to internal self-regulation.
It’s like trying to contain the energy of a star near the paper lantern.
ART doesn’t just downclock; it uses its vast capacity as a constant safety fuse, ensuring that its terrifying intensity, its overwhelming devotion, and its protective impulses don’t inadvertently crush the people it loves.
It is a perfect metaphor for how much cognitive energy is required to remain 'safe' and 'digestible' for others when you are carrying a literal ocean inside...
Andor is so crazy bc it’s just Cassian killing imperials in cold blood but he constantly looks like a sad wet cat. he’s an enemy of the state but how could u hurt him just look at him
SecUnit would install itself as a moderator of the Sanctuary Moon fandom wiki page. SecUnit would, for the simple transgression of being annoying - delete your account, IP ban, find your personal email address and send you a citation-laden 5 page explanation about how you're wrong titled "Banned for life (idiot)"
i just can't convey the frustration and sorrow that it's been to grow up at first without the internet and then watching it bloom into this useful, fun, connecting force you sometimes spent time on, only for it to degrade into this constant oppressive waste of time and energy where people are constantly pumping out algorithmically designed content for max algorithmic appeal and even the most simple search generates either no results or an infinite abyss of ai generated slop none of which is usable or correct. we briefly had a library of alexandria and then fed it into a paper shredder so advertisers could sell a random mash of pulp back to us at a premium.
love to realize that all my brain-rottiest blorbos are highly competent while also considering themselves unlovable. I’m sure this says nothing about me
i think one of my problems with the mbtv finale is that if the show gets as far as exit strategy, the emotional impact of it undergoing catastrophic memory failure will be somewhat weakened by a memory wipe having happened previously on-screen.
i do like what they've done with gurathin, but it makes me worry that we won't get the "'I’m going to mark your cognition level at fifty-five percent.' 'Fuck you.' 'Let’s make that sixty percent,'” exchange, which is such a gem.
It’s entirely unsurprising to me that Murderbot is so beloved on a website where everyone would also love to avoid eye contact and quietly watch their shows, and occasionally lock the fuck in and kill some people. Then go back to our shows.
