Sometimes I hate my family. They’re amazing people, but I just don’t agree with their beliefs. I’m 100% supportive of GLBT rights, whereas I have to sit and listen to my grandpa bash out at then saying it’s not right. I have no problem with Black’s, Chinese, Japanese, Korean people. I love them all. But my family think otherwise and it drives me crazy. I have huge insecurities about myself and my body. I’ve been made fun of me being “fat” and “ugly”. I’ve been made fun of because I’m not"rich" and so I don’t have designer clothing. But when I do get one or two, I get excited because then maybe for once I won’t get put down about myself. But no, they just laugh because it’s out of style now. I have huge trust issues, anxiety, depression, and paranoia. I’m terrified when going into huge crowds. I just lock up. When I’m at a store with someone and they disappear, I lose it. I start having a panic attack and start frantically looking around for that person. When I’m in a store by myself, I have to sit in my car for almost an hour just for me to get the courage to even walk in there. It’s absolutely the hardest thing for me to accept a complement. When someone does call me “pretty”, “ beautiful”, “cute”, or “sexy”, I automatically deny it and they get made. They don’t tell me till after they’ve left. And that just makes me feel worse about myself. Well, you’re probably wondering why I’m saying all of this, because it may seem like I’m just trying to get sympathy or something. But I just want to make a point. My family always puts me down because of all the things I have. You would think they would be understanding and try not to, but they don’t. They say I’m not trying hard enough, or I’m not trying hard enough to lose this weight. Though I am trying, not eating, drinking anything but water, outside doing something all the time, I’m not trying though. Its hard for me to find someone who gets all of this and still calls my pretty or beautiful. But, my family doesn’t like him at all because of his race. And it makes me mad. Because, it just feels like everyone doesn’t want to see me happy, they don’t want to see me be confident in myself and doesn’t want to see me thrive. They just want to see me hate myself more and more and not be happy till I can’t take it anymore. This boy makes me feel happy, and special. He tells me he brags about me all the time at work. That makes me think I am worth staying in this world. But, I know I have to leave him…. Because of my family… I really do hate me and family…