Misc. Life

She/her, 20s, too many fandoms to count.

[melodypond-archaeologist]

I am 26 years old and yet: I am desperately looking forward to the day when I start getting gray hairs because then maybe, just *maybe*, I would stop being mistaken for a literal child

[writing-prompt-s]

“I’m sorry…. I’m just…so….tired, can I rest h-” the human said and then collapsed right after…in the dragon’s lair right in front of the dragon.

[shady-tavern]

(small warning ahead of mentions of abuse and murder. Please take care of yourself)

***

True surprises were rare when one was already a few centuries old, had a hoard large enough that most of it had lost its shine and generally only got into contact with people in order to eat them. In fact, this particular two-legged specimen of walking stupid was entirely lacking in armor or even a cloak to keep warm.

Was this no attack, then? No moronic attempt at beheading ‘the beast’ or ‘the fire-breathing, toad-bellied lizard’ as the last one had been fond of shouting before his demise? A very crispy demise.

See, there were only two reasons to approach a dragon’s den, 1, people foolishly wished to slay the dragon or 2, they foolishly wished to steal from the dragon. Tilting her head to the side, the dragon briefly considered simply gobbling the unexpected visitor up. Humans usually didn’t taste as good as bears did, but they had a nice bit of crunch to them and if they were dead beforehand, they didn’t attempt any of that ridiculous, high-pitched screaming.

On the other side, why had this one braved the ancient forest full of bloodthirsty creatures followed by the tough, deadly climb up the mountain and the freezing temperatures this high up? Look, nowhere in history was it said that dragons put their dens anywhere convenient for invaders.

The human had been polite at least, so it probably was the height of rudeness to chew her up as an afternoon snack. Reaching out to pinch the back of the ragged tunic between two claws, the dragon gingerly lifted the human and carried her deeper into the den. Not too deep of course, not to where the treasure laid, but away from the icy winds at least.

Dropping the human down on stone the dragon warmed with a slow, steady breath of fire, the dragon settled down as well, staring and waiting patiently.

Keep reading

[writing-prompt-s]

You are pretty sure that your roommate is a new villain terrorizing the city and you are conflicted. They cook extra food for you and your other roommates frequently, pay you their share of the bills on time, and even help to clean the apartment. They are the perfect roommate.

[shady-tavern]

Little warning of implied and mentioned animal abuse and blood and injury later in the story.

***

Look, you hadn’t meant to figure out your roommate was most likely the newest villain - you were, like, eighty-three percent sure. You had lived your life, minding your own business and your roommate, who had moved in about half a year ago, had done the same. You got along rather well too, they didn’t bother you, took care of their chores and you never once had to worry about money. 

They were also a far better cook between the two of you and you had come home a number of times after a stressful shift to find warm, delicious food waiting for you. They left some sweet notes too! Some wishing you a good day in the morning, some telling you to have a good evening after work, some telling you they had taken care of the trash unprompted because they noticed you had a stressful week.

You hadn’t wanted to notice anything wrong. Not with such a sweet, kind and considerate roommate. Especially after the last one two had been pricks, one too lazy and the other constantly trying to wriggle out of paying their share.

The first thing you noticed, in a way, had been the strange gloves your roommate had once forgotten on the kitchen counter. You had barely gotten a good look at them, before they had rushed out of their room, clothes thrown on haphazardly. They had snatched them up, muttering something about needing to give them back to a friend, giving you a frazzled smile, and they had left again.

Weird, but okay. You had once looked after your best friend’s art project - which had been a giant monster foot - and well, that one had looked really, really strange.

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[writing-prompt-s]

As a villain henchman, the number 1 rule you’re always taught is to never outshine the boss. However, during a small bank heist, you accidentally kill your boss’ arch nemesis, and the legion of superheroes now see YOU as their ultimate threat.

[shady-tavern]

It had been a honest to god mistake. Nothing more but a stray attack, aimed at one of the security guards to keep them away and maybe you had been stressed all month about this heist. Maybe you were a little sleep deprived, because your sister was at the hospital and you were looking after your niece. And maybe you kind of had a cry early this morning because you felt like a washed out failure beside your colleagues. 

Other minions did their jobs so much better and you didn’t want to fall behind. You really liked working for Nightshade, she was the best boss anyone could ask for, always paying you fairly and on time and she made sure everyone had adequate health care. Even dental care!

Horror swept through you when you watched Starcrusher fall, half his head splattered across the wall behind him, his body making a strange, slightly wet thud as it hit the floor. Your hands trembled, making the weapon in your grasp rattle faintly.

There was a sudden, startled hush spreading through the bank lobby and you ripped your gaze away from Starcrusher towards Nightshade, ready to plead and apologize. Your chest was so tight it felt as though a giant was trying to crush your ribcage to pieces.

All eyes were on you, but before you could do so much as make a noise, the heroes roared in outrage and lunged towards you.

Minions usually were considered as background characters, the ones heroes sent their sidekicks and new recruits to fight. You had never been forced to survive the full power of the high ranking heroes, ready to tear you apart.

Keep reading

[melodypond-archaeologist]

I just finished a book where the average reading time is 5.5 hours..... I spent ~1.25 hours on it😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[melodypond-archaeologist]

J (my teen brother) got to choose the movie tonight (rotating choice) and he chose Unplanned so now I'm near sobbing in my room with noise canceling headphones on b/c I failed to leave the room in time (within the first 30 seconds).

[melodypond-archaeologist]

I really fucking hate spraining (tweaking, might be a mild sprain) and/or sublimating my wrist. It means I can't type, crochet, or sew at all and can't do anything else productive for more than 15 minutes. Im feeling productive and have both fucks and spoons to spare but too many pain-forks to *do* anything. Which makes me feel like I'm being lazy even tho I'm actually recuperating from an injury. But the fact that the injury was caused solely by trying to open a quart jar with a drinking lid for my mom just worsens the (unreasonable) guilt.

[melodypond-archaeologist]

I really fucking hate the cold!!! Today is, like, the third day this fall/winter where Dallas got below 40. And of course, my probable POTSie/Reynaud's ass had to go out even though all my winter clothes are hiding.

[fibro-memes]

[melodypond-archaeologist]

I just wish I could take of the constrictive (but supportive and necessary) clothing that is making me nauseous without practically throwing up anyway from the effort.

[nwmo]

NEW FISH JUST DROPPED

[cannibalcaprine-deactivated2024]

I KNOW that playing God is morally wrong, but holy HELL, it looks fun.

[ninjakittenarmy]

Why is it playing God? We aren’t violating any natural laws. God set the parameters of the universe to allow these things. There’s nothing wrong with it, there’s no hubris in learning more about how to manipulate the universe around us.

[cannibalcaprine-deactivated2024]

We made a whole-ass fish.

[ospreyonthemoon]

The reason this was accidental BTW is because they used paddlefish eggs as a negative control group for a breeding experiment on sturgeons because the scientists, quite naturally, assumed that they were SO unrelated it would be genetically impossible for them to mate. Like. I cannot stress enough to you how these creatures last related ancestors were

140 MILLION YEARS BACK.

If you don't know how far that is, that's basically the start of the cretaceous. Let me simplify that for you even further. Chimpanzees and humans seperated, what, 5 or 6 million years ago?

This is basically like if humans could hybridise with THESE THINGS.

This is the sort of thing that should be impossible. They used those eggs to be ABSOLUTELY 100% SURE NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN.

And then THEY GOT FISH OUT OF IT.

Like. You can quite clearly understand why they didn't think anything would happen. WE ARE MORE RELATED TO BLUE WHALES THAN THESE THINGS.

THE AMERICAN PADDLEFISH AND THE STURGEON ARE SO COMPLETELY UNRELATED THAT THIS IS NOT PLAYING GOD. IF ANYTHING THIS IS AN ACT OF GOD.

THE SCIENTISTS HAD NO BLAME IN THIS BECAUSE NOTHING LIKE THIS HAD EVER HAPPENED BEFORE

It sort of goes against the rules of genetics a bit.

[ospreyonthemoon]

Oh i forgot to add

THESE THINGS, FOR HYBRIDS, HAD A REALLY HIGH SURVIVAL RATING. LIKE 70% OF THEM SURVIVED.

To put that into perspective, getting a blue whale and a squirrel and trying to hybridise them is more sensible, and that wouldn't produce anything but getting you banned from science. Most animals that aren't plants can barely hybridise two degrees away from each other.

BUT THESE TWO ENTIRELY UNRELATED FISH create PERFECTLY HEALTHY HYBRIDS.

the scientists literally had to do the tests AGAIN just to be like "okay this is real right. This is actually like, not a fluke, this works right" and it worked again. They just Can!

[cipheramnesia]

It clearly wasn't a fluke. This is a fluke.

[bogleech]

I know it's unfair vilification and stuff but it's also a lot of fun to see old media and stuff where people were SO scared of big animals like lions, sharks, crocodiles and wolves were fully expected to just come and eat you the moment you stepped into their territory. In older media we also made that assumption about gorillas and in still older we thought it'd be whales. But some animals that will actually fuck you up got left behind. Boars will kill you and eat you. They're way more likely to do so than any of those other things actually. Hippos, obviously, got off like bandits always being depicted as cute and dopey. And then there's the squids. Not giant kraken size squids. The eight foot squids that hunt in packs and will fuck you up if you fall in the water at night. I can't BELIEVE people slept on that. It's like all they cared about were the huge deep sea ones we never see. The medium size wolf pack squids were right there.

[bogleech]

Oh some of you don't know about the squids. I talked about them in another thread that went kinda viral somewhere or other but one of the reasons you should not swim in the open ocean at night in many parts of the world is that the water starts teeming with these:

And as you can see it is not like instant death, they too are just animals and they are often just gently curious about the presence of humans! But people who study and dive with sharks will tell you you're safe as long as you stay calm and know what you're doing. The world's leading professional night divers and experts on these squids, specifically??? Stress in every interview and article and paper they write in that you simply do not fuck around with these squids. They know what they're doing and they still all have at least one story of being attacked, in some cases having to be hospitalized. Considering just how rarely anybody puts themselves in the pitch dark nighttime ocean on purpose, let alone during a squid feeding frenzy, it sounds like they're quite a bit more likely to consider you potential food than other marine predators. We also don't know how many fatal attacks might have ever happened, because what humboldt squid like to do with large prey is just drag it away into the darkness forever. The two worst attacks ever proven involved two or three squid at a time latching on to a diver (in BOTH cases they were professionals and knew the risk!) and jetting straight downward with enough force that both divers suffered injury from the sudden pressure change alone, including burst eardrums, nearly passed out and they probably would have died if they hadn't broken free. In general, people who die drowning in the dark open ocean are either never found, or they're found in pieces picked over by enough scavengers that the precise cause of death can only be narrowed down to "the sea." But now you know ONE of "the sea's" possible murder weapons :)

There's a short section on Humboldt squid in Wikipedia's entry for Cephalopod attacks on humans:

Cephalopod attack - Wikipedia

And if you can get past some of Animal Planet's hokey presentation style, this video includes a bit of interview with one of those professional experts who still got nearly squidded from existence:

There is of course some debate about all this, with some arguing that all proven documented attacks occurred on people with reflective diving equipment, which they say the squid must have mistaken for the shine of fish. However, there are lots and lots of people who have to fish around these squids to survive, who do not have access to that kind of equipment, and also have a consensus that if you fall in the water when big squids are out hunting you might disappear without a trace or perhaps just get your head bitten open. With many modern science guys agreeing with this sentiment, this is one case where the "they're just misunderstood sea friends" crowd is kind of outnumbered. The sea at night is theirs and not ours is all. It's not ours during the day either but since we are neither marine nor nocturnal animals we are double fools in the eyes of the squids, which by the way are these eyes:

No for real:

[my-ants-are-anxious]

Absolutely! Also, the Humboldt squid will hunt in packs, sometimes with one flashing brightly to draw attention while the others approach in near unseeable camoflage!

[bogleech]

Beautiful footage of the nefarious sea demons also :)

Also because I can't reblog every addition together:

Okay where's the other 1199

[spiralshellsreblogs]

I absolutely adore Humboldt squid. I saw a doc once where a scientist was cage diving to study them, and one of the squid squeezed it's entire massive body through the cage bars, bit the guy and squeezed right back out.

[bogleech]

Why isnt this an animal that's already long gone viral like honey badgers once did. This is the animal that actually gives no fucks. People really are just that obsessed with bigger squids I guess? But the bigger ones frankly come across as big softies in comparison. One big sea monster can never be as intimidating as a thousand coordinated man sized sea monsters.

This is why I thought that if mermaids had a cultural equivalent to lycanthropy it'd be weresquids. Fun fact nocturnal marine life increases activity on the brightest nights ie the full moon.

[depsidase]

[bodhrancomedy]

@failbettergames

Fallen London is a free text adventure game that you can play in any browser at www.fallenlondon.com. It contains no ads and requires no installs. It's also funny, atmospheric, horrific, deep, dark and marvellous (and marvellously queer). Use the code visitlondon and get some fantastic treats to get you started.

Welcome, delicious friend.

I love this game. It kept me going through my dissertation and I had so much fun making this. Please show these guys some love.

[catmask]

i dont consider myself a 'fashion guru' by any means but one thing i will say is guys you dont need to know the specific brand an item you like is - you need to know what the item is called. very rarely does a brand matter, but knowing that pair of pants is called 'cargo' vs 'boot cut' or the names of dress styles is going to help you find clothes you like WAAAYYYY faster than brand shopping

[catmask]

this also goes for aesthetic or -core titles. 'y2k tank top' is going to get you resellers and fast fashion brands advertising to people looking to meet a current trend. 'thin strap crop tank top' is going to get you a diverse group of results and not upcharge you to hell and back

additionally, shop second hand when you can, second hand and thrift sites typically organize clothes by the cut and color. theyll be more affordable than a depop seller curating you a style to sell you

[daftpatience]

useful terminology for different kinds of clothing shapes :)

[fuckyeahasexual]

So if you lived in a society where you had to secure your communication in order to be yourself around others, here are the apps that could help you do that.

[fuckyeahasexual]

Signal let’s you securely text and make phone calls.

Onion Browser allows you to surf the web without leaving a trail.

Duck Duck Go isn’t super secure but it won’t record your searches like Google.

ProtonMail is a email client that lets you email other secure email accounts.

Periscope allows you to stream live video.

Semaphor is there so you can securely make group chat rooms.

American privacy laws allow you to use these all. So that’s pretty cool.

[beaniebaneenie]

Because we’re currently living in the prologue of a cyberpunk dystopian novel, imma reblog this.

[nudityandnerdery]

How’s this list hold up years later? Are there other apps to consider including/instead?

[imp]

[atlinmerrick]

Every time I see this I lose my marbles I love it so much. "For some reason I yelled who is in here as I was falling" is the point where my soul leaves my body. God I love.