Gone Astray

Blog for the sole purpose of venting.

[urhajos]

Light and drawing, Nikita Busyak

[incaseyouart]

MAGIC

[writing-prompt-s]

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

[endreams-s]

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

[honeypressed]

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

[moonreflectioninthefragglepond]

A++ addition

[tetsuskitten]

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

[tigerliliesandcherryblossoms]

I LOVE THIS

[vmohlere]

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

[laziestofthedreamers]

I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.

Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.

So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.

[pamgkrthwrites]

Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal. 

“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”

Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”

[ladyhavilliard]

…perfect

[outerspacekake]

I don’t like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect

[yourpotatotwiceremooved]

THE ORIGINAL POST HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY

[reidneedsahug]

AFTER YEARS I HAVE FOUND IT, BEHOLD, MY BRETHREN

[thedevilsfamiliar]

@scar-queen-owl @leal-love-lace @todorokitops @girlboss-sukuna

[blue-starlight]

I’VE ONLY EVER SEEN SCREENSHOTS THIS POST IS LEGENDARY

[sandersstudies]

Shout out to every fast food employee who has ever offered to make my order a slightly different way so that it comes out cheaper

[sandersstudies]

“Can I get a 20pc nugget?”

“We are actually having a BOGO deal on 10pc nuggets, would you like to do two of those?”

“Yes and also I’m going to kiss you on the mouth when I get to the window.”

[salwarremade]

GREEN LIGHT

[jurassicsunsets]

⦕⁅⁅⁅ɔ  ⦕⁅⁅⁅ɔ  ⦕⁅⁅⁅ɔ  ⦕⁅⁅⁅ɔ  ⦕⁅⁅⁅ɔ

you have encountered a group of trilobites! reblog to help them on their journey

[anarchy-kisses]

…t i ny

[flashsparkles2]

Smol bois

@silima frogge

[marlynnofmany]

This is (A) hilarious, and (B) perfect for adapting to a science fiction setting. 

Sneaking onboard an alien ship?  Send in Stabby the Roomba first.

[drst]

posts like this are why I can’t leave this hellsite.

[writing-prompt-s]

You are a devout Paladin trying to prevent the resurrection of a dark goddess. Ultimately you fail. When the goddess awakens, she claims that she doesn’t know who she is or what has happened. After a few days you’re struggling to determine if she actually has amnesia or if she is just lying.

[dycefic]

It wasn’t what I had expected.

I had expected…. Oh…  the usual things. Clouds of smoke, maniacal laughter, some monstrous being… they were always monstrous, whether fair or foul of face.

Not this. Not an egg.

It is already hatching, a jagged opening showing in the greyish, mottled shell. Even as I watch, small pale hands show, gripping the edge and breaking another piece of it away.

When I approach the egg and look down into it, I see a child. I would have guessed her at eight or nine, if I wasn’t seeing her hatching before my eyes. If I didn’t know she was Rek’na reborn.

When she sees me she lifts her little arms to me, like a toddler wanting to be picked up. “Help… pl’s…” she says pitifully, her voice wavering and uncertain. Are they her first words? They must be. Even though I know what she is, they pull at my heart. This is a child. I have never harmed a child, even one that might grow to be the darkest of goddesses. When she looks up at me, I know I can’t do it now.

I open the egg a little further, so the sharp edges won’t scrape her soft skin. When I lift her out with gauntleted hands, I try to be gentle. There were preparations made for her hatching, I can see… lengths of silk cloth to wrap her in, dishes of raw meat and bowls of what might be wine or blood. The priests and priestesses had their plans.

But they are dead or fled, and I wrap the child in my cloak and cradle her against one shoulder. She wraps her small arms around my neck trustingly, and I carry her out of the hidden temple to where I hid my horses. There I dress her in a spare shirt – four of her would fit inside it, for I am big and she is very small – and feed her her first meal. I don’t have fresh meat, and am not sure it would be wise to give it to her if I did, but I feed her bean porridge with salted meat, and a round of dry journey-bread, and she eats it eagerly.

I know I should destroy her. But she is a child.

Keep reading

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

daily reminder that media is controlled by a handful of people who hoard half the world’s wealth & view you specifically as a faceless subhuman to be manipulated into maintaining the status quo that keeps them in control (and 90% of headlines are designed to enforced that). also platypus feet look like this:

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

holy SHIT, sorry, i forgot this automatically sounds like an antisemetic conspiracy theory unless otherwise stated. i’m really really sorry about that, I wasn’t at all referring to Jewish people, and I should have specified that. I hate that this needs to be specified, but it does, given the extent to which Jewish folks have been scapegoated by the very rich and very powerful, with conspiracy theory culture being a prime example. to reiterate: i am talking about the actual rich and powerful (the vast majority of whom are white dudes of religious-majority backgrounds).

i’m talking about BILLIONAIRES

MONEY influences media & government on a scale we cannot comprehend (here’s some wealth shown to scale). media corporations held in the hands of the very powerful will never be invested in dismantling or changing the system that made & keeps their owners powerful. i cannot overstate the importance of independent news sources

again this has absolutely nothing to do with Jewish people, antisemitism is a favorite and effective tool of .01%, who traditionally love nothing better than using bigotry to pass their own crimes off as the actions of vulnerable minorities. 

[headspace-hotel]

writing idea: family/generational curse thats just “everything that happens to this family is just fuckin weird.” Not specifically “lucky” or “unlucky,” just “reliably ends up doing things like transporting 5 goats in a go-kart through a cemetery.” If something bad happens to them, it’s in the form of a carousel horse getting dropped on their house by a tornado. If something good happens to them, it’s winning a lifetime supply of macaroni and cheese because their pet peacock had the best Halloween costume.

Members of this family have tried to escape by moving away, cutting ties and living normal lives, but no matter how normal they try to be, the curse always finds its way to them. They move into a new house and the walls are covered with murals depicting clowns. Within a week of painting the walls, a friend calls, desperate to find a place to store her beloved collection of life sized realistic Santa Claus statues.

[jellisdraws]

To some this curse is maddening, to others it is the blessing of a life that is never boring.

[welcomedhappiness]

Farewell online privacy

[tikalgirl]

What happened?

[welcomedhappiness]

Trump happened.

[pizzaalle]

just get a VPN?

[earth-ruins]

You can’t just tell people to ‘get a VPN (Virtual Private Network)’. Buying a VPN is like buying a house. It’s very very important. Having no VPN or having a ‘wrong’ one can seriously damage your life. Especially for Americans because their privacy laws are garbage. I am going to try explain why you should get a VPN but bare with me, I am from Germany and my English is far from perfect. 

Let’s start with a simple test. Click this link here: https://whatismyipaddress.com/ It will tell your IP adres, your ISP (internet service provider), and your location. The location might not be very accurate, but then again, it’s just a simple website. Imagine what the government can do!

So basically, everyone can find out where you live. But there is more danger. Your ISP. Your ISP logs your every move online and they are required to keep it in case the government wants access to it (or if a 3rd party wants to buy your data (yikes). They have everything. What websites you visit. How long you stay on a website. What you download. Your search terms. European laws are more subtle on this but if you are from the US you are #@*#&, especially because Trump doesn’t support the open internet. It’s scary but maybe in the future you can’t get a job because the recruiter knows your searched on ‘how to deal with depression’ or anythings else that’s supposed to be private because it’s your f*cking right. Or you get a $100k fine because you pirated a movie 15 years ago. You need a VPN. You’re dumb for not using one. but what does a VPN do?

A VPN encrypts all your data so if it were be intercepted no one can ‘crack the code’ and damage your privacy. 

Usually being online goes like this (simplified): Your computer —-> ISP (—–> keeps data —–> sells it)

But with a VPN it goes like: Your computer —–> VPN (encrypts data)—–> ISP (ISP can’t see shit)

Furthermore, a VPN hides your IP address and location by giving you another IP address located in Spain for example (you can often choose from a list and change as many times as you want).  

Now that you know why you should get a VPN and what is does it is important to educate yourself because people often choose the wrong VPN. VPN providers are also businesses and have to obey the law. If you choose a VPN provider located in the US then you are throwing your money away because the laws in the US shits on your privacy. If the US gov wants the provider to give all their logs they have to obey.  The ISP  still can’t see what you are doing online and sell your data but the US gov can interfere with your VPN provider so NEVER CHOOSE A PROVIDER LOCATED IN THE US. 

I just wanted to make that very clear so my followers don’t buy false security.

There is still more danger!  Who says your VPN provider isn’t selling your data? You need to check their logging policy. Do they keep logs? If yes, what for? For how long do they keep them? Tip: Choose a provider who doesn’t keep logs

More about law  The US is part of the Five Eyes program (the worst):  

The Five Eyes, often abbreviated as FVEY, is an intelligence alliance comprising Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and the United States. These countries are bound by the multilateral UKUSA Agreement, a treaty for joint cooperation in signals intelligence (source)

There is also a Nine Eyes (bit better) and Fourteen Eyes Program (better).  You don’t want a VPN provider who is located in one the Five Eyes countries.  If you had to choose go for a provider located in a country that’s part of the Fourteen Eyes Program or even better, go for a country that isn’t part of any program! 

I know this is a shitty explanation and please pardon my english but now it’s time to do your own research. Take your privacy seriously. Maybe WWIII breaks out and you get killed for liking the ‘wrong’ FB-page.  

Go to this website: https://thatoneprivacysite.net/simple-vpn-comparison-chart/

Make sure that your future VPN provider both has green boxes for Privacy Jurisdiction and Privacy Logging. 

I recommend ovpn.se and trust.zone. ovpn is located in Sweden so they are part of the 14 Eyes Program and they keep minimal logs. Their business ethics, however, are alright. 

Trustzone is located in the Seychelles. No country can interfere and their privacy jurisdiction is the best you can get. The US want your data but needs to get it from Trustzone? The Seychelles will simply give them the finger and wave them goodbye. However, this makes this provider very appealing for people who torrent and criminals because they keep no logs (and that is how it shoud be) Also,  there are almost no marketing efforts so this provider is one the cheapest)

Also, often providers such as ExpressVPN are being called ‘The Best’ on websites about VPNs but know that this is just marketing which also makes those provider more expensive (and they too shit on your privacy)

This must be the worst article you have ever read but please, please take your privacy very seriously.

EDIT: I got many people asking me which provider I use. For those who want to know, I use Trust Zone. They offer a free 3-day trial with no strings attached. But still do your own research! 

[writing-prompt-s]

I am also with Trustzone but I think you forgot to explain one of it’s most important features. It protects you when you are using someone else’s Wi-Fi. If you are at Starbucks and you use their Wi-Fi your privacy is at risk. Anyone with ill intentions could steal your information. Especially if you are using an unsecured Wi-Fi hotspot. With a VPN your data gets encrypted so no one can steal it. 

[rabbittiddy]

Wait, what’s going, on? Did trump destroy internet privacy with a bill or something? Where’s the news? Oh wait, why am I getting visions of Alex Jones and selling water purifiers?

[thecrystalfems]

He hasn’t yet but he says he wants to. And if he is serious about it it would be really easy to do. Since all our data is already recorded, as the person above explained.

[coltrer]

Trump wants more surveillance of Muslim Americans. This in a country where internet privacy is already close to non-existent. 

Trust.Zone has a free trial. Use it. 

btw this post only has 11k notes? That’s quite disappointing for something this important. 

Don’t reblog this post to save a life. Reblog this to protect an entire family!

[imthedoctor12]

@earth-ruins @writing-prompt-s Should I get trustzone for my mobile device?

[writing-prompt-s]

If you use public Wi-Fi, then yes. Which VPN you use is up to you, amigo. Take @earth-ruins advice. Do your own research first. 

[writing-prompt-s]

@elvesfromthedeep​ just brought the current situation in the US to my attention (March 30, 2017). 

Sources

Anger as US internet privacy law scrapped 

Congress just voted to let internet providers sell your browsing history 

To all my friends in the US, please read this entire post. Making everyone aware of VPNs is going to be my mission. Your privacy matters. Please reblog this post.

[greeneyespurpleheart]

Don’t tell me you just wanted to scroll past this. Stop looking at pictures of cats for a moment, okay? Don’t you realize how important this is? This is dangerous! ‘America, the best FREE country in the world’ my ass.

With this new law your ISP can sell your Internet history which could include passwords, usernames, religion, credit card numbers, race and much more to the highest bidder. So here is what I want you to do. You are going to read the whole thing and before you think ’this is so important. Let me reblog this real quick and go back to admiring cats again-’ NO! Don’t reblog this. Take action first. Then reblog. Sign up for a free trial! Trust.Zone offers one (here). Yes. It might be difficult to set up a VPN for some people. But is that going to stop you from protecting yourself and your family? 30 minutes. 30 minutes is all that it takes. 5 if you know how to install software. The problem with some of you is that you see ‘difficult’ as something negative. I want you to see difficult differently. I need you to push through this stuff. You are going to protect yourself. There is nothing negative about that. VPNs are fun and costsaving too! A VPN bypasses geographical restrictions so you can access websites you normally can’t or you could start Netflix’s one month free trial over and over again- forever. And it’s legal! (unless you use it to buy weapons etc.,) Don’t tell yourself that you are too tired and that you will do this tomorrow. Because that isn’t going to happen and you know it. You have to do this right now. You only have to click on it. Don’t let this/shit/life just happen to you. Take yourself seriously. Get a VPN.

Privacy is not a privilege, it’s a fundamental human right

[tthatonefangirl-deactivated2019]

Ok sorry that it’s so freaking long and also sorry for the language, but this is extremely important. Please reblog!

[li-ionsandtigersandbears]

Reblogging again bc this is important

[clementinn]

We have a VPN you should get one too

[theesirenofthevoid]

Please read.

[bae-in-maine]

Can you get them for your phones?

[kika-lei]

^ you can. & when you have a subscription you can use it on your phone and computer. no need for separate subs or purchases.

it is absolutely so important for safety. but one of my fave things to do with my vpn is access non-US netflix. I mean other places have all the new good place eps, all the ‘classic’ bggo eps…

[i-cant-remember-who-i-am-deacti]

IMPORTANT

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

anyway the trope of boys spying through their female neighbor’s window is gross and dangerous. predatory behavior in boys isn’t funny or normal, especially when it’s easy for real children & teens to emulate that shit at home.

don’t teach the kids in the audience that that’s the way the world works.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

this is funny but when i stopped to think about it i’ve decided vampirism counts as a private medical issue so no, you don’t have a right to that info, that’s intrusive. 

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

whoever isn’t renewing sonic boom right this very second is a coward and a fool

[pakabear]

there’s no way that’s real

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

@pakabear bro i can assure you absolutely every line in this compilation is fucking real and aired on a children’s television show

[infiniteglitterfall]

millennial parenting: when half of you is going “lmao i gotta watch that” and the other half is screaming, “THAT’S DEFINITELY THE VOICE OF CUCKOO LOCA??!?”

[thenatsdorf]

Good catch.

[nuclearfeels]

big kitty: ball!ball!ball!ball!ball!ball!ball!ball!ball!ball! guy: *yeet* big kitty: BALL!!!!!!

[wntw-virtuemoir-edition]

[runawaymarbles]

It’s just that masks are so terribly comfortable, I expect everyone will be wearing them in the future

[midnightblue93love]

Only covid post worth reblogging

[jeanjauthor]

“ It’s just that masks are so terribly comfortable, I expect everyone will be wearing them in the future “

--IF ONLY!!!

[redtallin]

Two characters I've worked on for the wonderful Class Modifier Module by GabeJamesGames on twitter - an amazing individual who brought this project to life!

[isomaruuuu]