this blog is three laws safe — official fic and art blog: @meshkol-creations — about me | fandoms and faves | works in progress | ask me things | submit fic/art prompts
If you wish to take part in any fandom, you need to accept and respect these three laws.
If you aren’t able to do that, then you need to realise that your actions are making fandom unsafe for creators. That you are stifling creativity.
Like vaccination, fandom only works if everyone respects these rules. Creators need to be free to make their fanart, fanfics and all other content without fear of being harassed or concern-trolled for their creative choices, no matter whether you happen to like that content or not.
The First Law of Fandom
Don’t Like; Don’t Read (DL;DR)
It is up to you what you see online. It is not anyone else’s place to tell you what you should or should not consume in terms of content; it is not up to anyone else to police the internet so that you do not see things you do not like. At the same time, it is not up to YOU to police fandom to protect yourself or anyone else, real or hypothetical.
There are tools out there to help protect you if you have triggers or squicks. Learn to use them, and to take care of your own mental health. If you are consuming fan-made content and you find that you are disliking it - STOP.
The Second Law of Fandom
Your Kink Is Not My Kink (YKINMK)
Simply put, this means that everyone likes different things. It’s not up to you to determine what creators are allowed to create. It’s not up to you to police fandom.
If you don’t like something, you can post meta about it or create contrarian content yourself, seek to convert other fans to your way of thinking.
But you have no right to say to any creator “I do not like this, therefore you should not create it. Nobody should like this. It should not exist.”
It’s not up to you to decide what other people are allowed to like or not like, to create or not to create. That’s censorship. Don’t do it.
The Third Law of Fandom
Ship And Let Ship (SALS)
Much (though not all) fandom is about shipping. There are as many possible ships as there are fans, maybe more. You may have an OTP (One True Pairing), you may have a NOTP, that pairing that makes you want to barf at the very thought of its existence.
It’s not up to you to police ships or to determine what other people are allowed to ship. Just because you find that one particular ship problematic or disgusting, does not mean that other people are not allowed to explore its possibilities in their fanworks.
You are free to create contrarian content, to write meta about why a particular ship is repulsive, to discuss it endlessly on your private blog with like-minded persons.
It is not appropriate to harass creators about their ships, it is not appropriate to demand they do not create any more fanworks about those ships, or that they create fanwork only in a manner that you deem appropriate.
These three laws add up to the following:
You are not paying for fanworks content, and you have no rights to it other than to choose to consume it, or not consume it. If you do choose to consume it, do not then attack the creator if it wasn’t to your taste. That’s the height of bad manners.
Be courteous in fandom. It makes the whole experience better for all of us.
i'm going to get to the point: rowan has passed away. i'm now 'guardian' of his blog, and i suppose at this point it'll simply become an archive.
no, i will not get into the details of it. instead, i'd like to share with yall some glimpses of the man i loved more than words can ever describe.
rowan was a huge bitch and i loved him tremendously for it. but he wasn't cruel. he wasn't mean. he was brutally honest, however. and he was maybe one of the only people i've ever known who was damn near exactly the same irl as he was online.
we met here on tumblr actually, though it took us a while to realize that. where we got to know each other was in the very first discord server for ironstrange, back before the ship was really even a ship. it was just a handful of us back then. he needed a beta for his fic, the summary seemed interesting enough so i offered, and it was - is - to this day still my favorite ironstrange fic. it blew me away how good it was. it also introduced me to much deeper, more intimate aspects of kink i'd never even considered before. it was SO thoroughly fascinating to me that immediately after beta-ing, i sent him like a fucking essay of questions and we spent the next few days discussing all manner of things and i kept up with the beta work for him and we'd brainstorm a bit sometimes or share headcanons or whatever. we just kinda clicked. instantly. and then like, a year or so later we realized that we'd *actually* met through a bit of an argument on a post that was about, if i recall, who would be sub or dom between tony and stephen lmao or something along those lines. idk. it was silly.
we kind of became the captains of the ironstrange ship here on tumblr funny enough. he created way more content than i ever did, but i boosted the shit out of every little crumb of it i came across and took part in like, SO many discussions. the pair of us were a wee bit obsessed. and it was so much fun watching more and more people get into the ship. it was fucking awesome that for just a tiny period we even had some big time artists joining our fun. and of course, this is marvel, so it kind of exploded and the ship turned into something pretty big and took off. it outgrew us tremendously, but that wasn't a bad thing. neither of us really fell out of love with it. we had our own reasons for moving on, but it always made us smile to see it out in the wild. like. hey, us two weirdos helped make that popular!
along the way we bonded quite a lot. we talked all the time. we texted each other constantly. even talked to each other's partners (at the time) a lot. this was someone, probably for the first time in my life, who had never truly judged me. at least not where it mattered. he judged me CONSTANTLY over food and wine choices LOL but hey, that comes with the territory of growing up french. but not only did he never judge in important matters, he actually, really thoroughly cared. he was interested. we came from polar opposite backgrounds. and despite feeling like my life was boring and uneventful having grown up in poverty in the south, he always showed an interest and wanted to know more.
we pivoted to good omens for a bit, and then we had a pretty severe argument that led to a falling out. most of it was my fault. some of it was just misunderstanding that i overrated about. i have a bad habit of doing that when i get defensive. i don't really remember how long we didn't talk, i want to say it was close to a year? what i do remember though was missing him severely every single day. like, most people i can cut out of my life and hardly ever think of them again. i've done it so many times it's ridiculously easy. but i just couldn't with him. i thought about him every day. i wrote and erased hundreds of texts. i read and reread our discord chats a million times to try and ease the ache of not having him anymore. i seriously hated that whole period, and it was my own pride that made it last so long. but eventually i couldn't take it anymore. i apologized. i owned up to being a dumb bitch with a temper. i acknowledged i took it too far. i groveled. i begged. i just wanted my friend back more than anything in the world. thankfully, he did take me back.
we were never quite the same after that in some aspects, understandably and rightly so. our personal lives ran extremely deep in ways only a trusted few knew about. we were far more than friends, deeper than friends, more intimately entwined than friends, but that's also exactly what we were. there just really isn't a good label for what we had. it was complicated, but it was... us. i regret never having a proper talk about it, about never getting complicated bit back after we made up. i just accepted it, and we got back to how we were in every other way besides. and i think our friendship grew stronger from it tbh.
that fight taught me a good lesson. hell, rowan taught me a fuckload of good lessons over the years. it taught me to take a step back and chill the fuck out before jumping to conclusions, to evaluate what i'm mad about and find a different way to address it. he's the reason i finally started advocating for myself. he's why i fell in love with telling people "no". he pointed out things about me i'd have never known about and allowed me a safe space to do more self-discoveries. because of him, i was actually becoming a lot more comfortable with the person i am, because i was finally understanding. i grew so much as a person, directly thanks to him.
we met in person for the first time in... 2020? it was like right before the pandemic got *really* bad. anyway he had to leave state for a few weeks and since he had recently moved much closer, i was within driving distance. so i came and watched his four legged kids. i got slapped with TWO hurricanes while i was there lmao the next year i came over again to sort of co-parent with him because he was working extremely long shifts as we were well into the pandemic by then. we got hit with a once in a lifetime blizzard/icestorm and had to spend a full week without any running water together LOOOL we had to "bathe" with baby wipes. he collected snow in bigass tote containers and filled the tub with it so we'd have an easy water supply to boil or use in the toilets. and lmao i did not have ANY cold weather clothes with me, because that part of louisiana didn't fucking get cold!! it sure as fuck didn't get blizzards! eventually when the ice let up a bit, we managed to get to walmart or target and i got the heaviest jacket they had... which was so lightweight it barely did anything. it became a bit of a joke between us that i was cursed with some sort of weather powers. and the curse persisted. the next visit? tornadoes. because of course LOL
every time i came for a visit, he cooked such delicious meals for me. his tofu enchiladas i still dream about - i was NOT expecting them to be that damn good. he made chili once that was soooooo goddamn delicious. i was fucking SWEATING the whole time eating it because it was just a bit hot for me but holy fuck it was so good i didn't care. he was, of course, an excellent host. far better than i could have ever been for him honestly lol
then he moved to england. and i had a very ugly cry the last time i saw him for a while. i really honestly wasn't sure if i'd get to see him again. my partner and i drove there the weekend before he left just to see him off and hang out one last time. he was not a hugger, but i hugged the shit out of him.
it took a couple of years, but i did get to see him again. last year. he paid for a vacation for us both to spend a week in Bali, and I stayed with him for a few weeks after, too. i wish it had been longer. i wish i had said fuck work and taken more PTO. I wish I hadn't been so nervous about leaving dodger longer. i wish i had known it would be the last time i ever got to see him in person so i could have made it last as long as possible.
but i'm also glad my last memories with him were such good ones. we had an amazing time in bali. i swear, we always ended up in situations that tested the bonds of friendship because LOL we were flying for like 21 hours i think?? he got more sleep than i did but we were both so fucking tired and greasy by the time we got there, and then we had to travel a couple more hours just to get to our hotel, and THEN they dragged us into a meet and greet dinner before we even got to our rooms like. my god. i was fucking vibrating by the end of the night. but despite being utterly exhausted and swampy, we were both so fucking exhilarated. of the group we were with, we were the oldest by like a decade LMAO and it showed. we were constantly being the "parents" of everyone. aka, getting everyone to shut the fuck up and listen to our tour guide and helping folks move through areas quickly and just in general trying to make sure everyone was responsible. but like, honestly, all of us were fandom nerds so it was a damn good time. i found a couple of the folks a little annoying, but still good people.
rowan an i both got tattoos while there. incredibly cheap and so, SO well done. even a year later mine is still so vibrant and hasn't bled at all.
the food was some of the best we'd ever had. the country itself was of course gorgeous. the people were fantastic and lovely everywhere we went, even in the non-touristy areas. all of us had a good laugh that he was the only one putting on fucking tanning lotion while the rest of us were sunblocking it up constantly. aside from some giant wooden penises that doubled as bottle openers, i think my favorite souvenire of the trip was a MASSIVE piece of dead coral i found. like, at least a couple of pounds and bigger than my hand.
back in england we had a lot of fun too. i got sick immediately from the plane (thats what i get for not wearing my mask on the trip back.) but thankfully it wasn't too bad. we went on a massive shopping spree so i could try all the english junk food. we explored his cute little village, went antiqueing, ate at lots of yummy restaurants, and just in general had a nice time hanging out together. i got to experience how treacherous british stairs are (fucking WHY are they so narrow and shallow) and got the full train experience when i spent a day visiting another friend up in lincoln. learned why fish and chips fuck so hard and why roundabouts are not, in fact, always a better solution for traffic. and for the first time, i got to cook him a meal. which he fussed at me about. but i insisted. we randomly dropped into a museum not knowing a massive botticelli was on loan. it was breathtaking and emotional.
he's always shown me small acts of love in his own particular way, but never more so than this last visit. he was right there waiting for me when i finally got off the plane and made it through baggage, practically exploding with excitement. he actually RAN up to hug me before i was even fully out yet. and like i said, he wasn't the type to hug people.
in the chaos of the malaysian airport we had to change flights at, he grabbed my hand and held it until we were in a less densely packed area. fingers laced and all. i cannot overstate how much rowan hated physical contact except in a few specific situations. he didn't do affection, either. holding my hand like that was protection, to keep me safe, to keep us together.
he gave me the foods he didn't like but i did.
during that first night in bali whilst we were utterly pooped at the meet and greet, we went to a temple as well and took photos. he pulled me into a crushing, face-smushing hug for a pic. the man who doesn't do hugs OR photos. it's my favorite picture of us.
i got heat exhaustion at one point when we went out to explore. i'm so unaccustomed to walking long distances, especially in such intense heat, while he's more used to it. i felt fucking terrible that i was preventing him from going out and being a drag in general. he assured me i'm never a drag, he can go explore any other time. and then he mother-henned me for the rest of the day and made sure i was drinking plenty of water and was feeling alright.
he trusted me to be taste-tester for anything coconut when the ingredients were unclear since he was deathly allergic.
there was a day we had a painting class and i thoroughly despised mine, as i was one of about 3 people who didn't have fuckyou amazing skill and was already in a bit of an art rut anyway. i ended up so pissed off at it that i just ended up letting paint bleed all over what i had painted already from the edges and splattering more all over it. i didn't want to keep it, but rowan absolutely refused to let me get rid of it. i even tried again before we left to convince him to throw it out and make more space in the bag. he would not. he ended up framing it and hanging it in his kitchen.
he lathered me up in sunblock everywhere i couldn't reach.
he played nurse to me while i was sick. made sure i had everything i needed. cooked for me. got the foods i requested. made sure i was comfortable. got me like a whole otc pharmacy set up.
he had a bunch of herbal teas saved for me, because he knew i liked them.
he made a point of making breakfast or taking me to get some even though he didn't often do it himself, not only because i really enjoy breakfast but because he was always very conscious of my bloodsugar. (insulin resistant pcos. it used to be a lot worse. i got it under much better control since he'd last seen me.)
the other friend i was going to visit flaked out on me at first because she'd 1. forgotten what days i was there and 2. forgotten a birthday party she was supposed to be at, decided to do the party, then proceeded to get blackout drunk, so she was too hungover (she was at her worst with her alcoholism at the time. it was *bad*). rowan saw how much it upset me, spent the next couple of hours bitching at her on discord about it, and proceeded to get her to clean up her act enough to at least hang out for a couple of days.
when i left, i got yet another hug.
there's probably a few dozen things i'm missing. there's certainly a lot of detail and nuance i'm omitting because that was for us and our trusted circle. it doesn't sound like big acts of love, not the way most people are used to thinking. but if you knew him the way i knew him, each one was the equivalent of him getting a megaphone and screaming "i love you bitch!!!!!" - and that's on top of him constantly telling me outright.
we were never formally partners, we were never romantic with each other, but i always considered us part of a queer-platonic relationship the way we were so thoroughly and deeply intertwined with each other's lives. i considered him a partner. not MY partner, no. the only one who could ever claim possession over rowan had long since passed. but a partner. in life, in all things weird and kinky, in fandom, in creativity, in general. we should have gotten married while he was still here in the states. it came up in passing a few times. the benefits would have been useful for both of us for very different reasons, but also we were just sort of the type of people who could have been fine in a marriage like that. quiet love. contentedness with one another's company. like a couple of cats, bonding just by being in proximity of each other and slow blinking.
sometimes i wish we had never met, then maybe this wouldn't hurt so much and i wouldn't have such an emptiness inside of me, but my life would be worse for it. rowan made me a better person. i honestly can't even imagine how life would have been without him. quite a lot happened in the years we knew each other. thinking about navigating that without him... i just can't, really. he was such a staple i can't even think of alternative outcomes that don't involve him.
and yet now that is the reality.
this is not as eloquent as i wish it could be, and it barely even scratches the surface of who he was and why i loved him so terribly. but it's something.
may his memory be a blessing. i know it is for me.
Elizabeth in the SGA pilot took one look at John Sheppard and was like "please Colonel O'Neill sir I need this confused failwife of a man on my potentially deadly intergalactic expedition even though he only learned that aliens exist 10 minutes ago and has no idea what he's getting into!!!!!" like this was a normal request and then Jack just went along with it and basically told John he'd be an idiot if he chose not to go. Despite the fact that at the time this was a one-way trip. Everyone in this franchise is insane
