metamour meta

a polyblog. this is a place for thoughts, rants, experiences, and not everything here will be finished or even rational. some of it will be analytical. some of it will be overwrought. it's a workspace and a space for community. it's my safe space to be a little private from social expectation. it is all written with love.

[thisnerdwithanotebook]

Three Is A Crowd But Also Allowed

(It is February 13th. There is a customer staring at the Valentine’s cards. He is near tears. I am nearby waiting for my cousin who works here, and is my ride home.)

My Cousin: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “No, thanks. Wait… no. No.”

My Cousin: “Now that sounds like a cry for help. Talk to me; what’s wrong?”

Customer: *sadly and rather awkwardly, in lots of broken sentences* “I can’t… I… this couple. We’ve been having threesomes and I want to get them something. I love them. Both. So much. But they’re married, and they’re my best friends, and I don’t want to ruin everything.”

My Cousin: “How can a card ruin everything? You think telling people you’ve been having sex with that you love them will scare them off?”

Customer: “I… don’t want to presume.”

My Cousin: “Come on, you haven’t been standing here for a half hour because it’s a bad idea. You know what you want to do.”

(He nods slowly, and she helps him pick out a ‘to the woman I love’ and a ‘to the man I love’ cards. His hands shake the whole time he’s paying, and his knuckles are white around the little plastic bag as he leaves.)

Me: “Man, now the hot ones are, like, double taken.”

My Cousin: “I suddenly have a good feeling about the woman who was in here a few days ago buying a ‘for my husband’ and a ‘for my boyfriend.’”

Read more stories at NotAlwaysRomantic.com!:

[yourtransenemy]

oh that’s really adorable

[pfdiva]

EEEeeeeeeeeeee

[metamour-meta]

<3_<3

[metamour-meta]

while discussing SAD, starch, and sitting around on our computers.

me: ...also I want cake. i don't even know why i want cake?

n: because cake is GORGEOUS.

me: ...i love you.

[metamour-meta]

i'm getting really fucking sick of people treating the people i love like shit, in that infuriating lack of giveafuck way that can be plausibly denied. errrgh it makes me so mad. i'm sorry your life is so miserable you can't even react positively to your offspring being happy and have to fuck it up for them too. you're appalling.

[metamour-meta]

tagging along with wedding planning with j and n is making me super excited and happy, especially because of a really nice gesture that someone just did. but it is also making me super aware of how much the poly closet sucks as I puzzle over what stories not to tell and the context of real people's lives - good context that makes us happy! - that is left out intentionally or just because of mono normative assumptions. idk. they are adorable and things seem to be going well so i'm happy but I wish I could share exactly why.

[fuckyeahliteraryquotes]

One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.

The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho (via fuckyeahliteraryquotes)

[nosuchthingasfiction-blog]

[nosuchthingasfiction-blog]

Guys look it’s back. Like I totally forgot it but it’s back on my dash.

[pervocracy]

Reblogged for yep.

I used to think poly meant you would be saying “my boyfriend’s girlfriend.”  I didn’t realize it meant I would also frequently end up talking about “my boyfriend’s girlfriend’s dom’s fuckbuddy’s wife’s sperm donor’s sub.”

[wyrmwhole]

now I want a whole school of magic where you have to cultivate relationships with people such that the interpersonal charts you draw (with a specific method, presumably) form the appropriate sigils and geometric figures for the ritual oh man

[dragons-princess-deactivated201]

yes good I want this story now

[wyrmwhole]

and the kind of relationship you have with a person determines the qualities of the bond between you in the chart, and the nodes have properties as well, so you end up being like

"I need to form a romantic asexual relationship with someone born under a waning moon in the years 1977, 1989, 1991 or 1993 in order to complete the seal and banish the Great Demon Paimon from this plane" or something

[sandyfarquhar]

attn lambda literary genre fiction babes

[metamour-meta]

i just want to take a moment to wish the happiest of anniversaries to the loveliest wife and metamour an awkward tumblr'r could ask for. to j and n, i am so lucky to have both of you in my life and it is so awesome to see you two so happy and balancing each other in such healthy ways.

it's been a long crazy stressful year for us all: jobs with crazy hours, family drama, anxious supreme court decisions and the atlantic ocean most of all, but it's been a good one and i'm glad to have been a witness to it.

[metamour-meta]

followup:

it's really nice to have a metamour who will take the time to message you to tell you it's okay and talk about complicated life stuff even when you're both not feeling good and you've said you're not getting on chat.

[metamour-meta]

i'm migrainey and also possibly have the flu so everything seems more important than it is today. it is just A Day.

i just, in the process of not writing the thing i've been meaning to write and instead staring at the screen dazedly, stumbled upon a thing on homeschooling that hit close to home in terms of what i want and absolutely do not want for my kids and now i think i might be about to cry over the potential financial impossibility of homeschooling future children whose needs i don't know and cannot predict because they don't exist yet

children that i want but am scared that i may not be able to physically have safely which also makes me sad, even though i can't know that

and that makes me think about how unlikely it would be that a poly family would be approved to adopt which is also sad and stupid

it is that kind of day

somehow being overemotional about the future is also making me want to a)squee over the somedays of j and n's future wedding and b)be way super sad and confused about the fact that in this particular circumstance it is important that the two of us (n and myself) swap legal statuses wrt j and that makes me unhappy in a selfish sort of way and also at society because seriously why does it matter so much

and now also i'm just hurting more because i'm sad

like i said, it's that kind of day.

[wittingpolyamory]

I was browsing the poly tag, and saw someone’s relationship post. Their post was made irrelevant by later posts of theirs, so I’m not responding directly to them, but instead will try to respond to a snippet I read in it:

And really, it’s all on him whether this works out or not.  I can’t change who I am, and I wouldn’t even if I could.

(I’m taking this in isolation, so please - if the original poster reads this, I’m just jumping off from your statement instead of addressing your situation directly)

When I read something like that, I’m like “hoo boy we’re in trouble town!"

If anything - anything - in a relationship is “all on them", you’ve got some pretty critical relationship failure going on. Any time you make the jump from “I can’t change who I am" to “This is on you", you’re setting yourself up for trouble. Because the other person can’t change who they are, either.

I think anytime someone gets into a “My way or the highway" place, they’re already driving down the road. Just the act of saying it tends to say the relationship has already failed.

All relationships are about compromise. All of them.

This doesn’t mean we change who we are. Or compromise on things that really matter to us. The trying to change yourself to suit your partner thing is also a pretty huge mistake.

What it does mean is that you are in it together. Sometimes it’ll appear you’ve got irreconcilable differences - like one person is poly, and the other is mono or whatever - so you talk. You are each other’s allies, so you work together and try and find a way that everyone can get what they need, if not always what they want.

Sometimes you can team up and find a solution. And sometimes, well, you just can’t, and that sucks, because that means it is time for the relationship to end (or possibly be drastically redefined). But so long as you’ve got a mutual desire to find a solution, and trust that all relevant parties are really invested in finding a solution and making things work, there is a chance of finding a solution (if one exists).

(And, yes, I do realize sometimes folks throw out the “My way or the highway" thing because their partners have been stonewalling them on communicating and attempting to find solutions. In which case, there’s essentially a silent “My way or the highway" already being given…)

But as soon as you start going “This relationship gap is all on you to close", you might as well pack it in then and there because you’re no longer treating the relationship as a cooperative venture.

[metamour-meta]

whoever first decided to legislate love deserves a good kick in the teeth.

[metamour-meta]

poly things #234230013006-324-=1`1

cute dude looks up as i enter the 20 foot radius of the bench he's (probably 'he') inhabiting and moves his stuff over. i sit down, we start chatting.

wonder idly if he's friendly or flirty (or both).

later on in the conversation, we both mention 'partner's, in a way that fairly obviously indicates some level of same-sex attraction and also some level of commitment.

realize walking home that this in no way prohibits the possibility of flirtation.

(i think he was just being friendly. but, who knows. anyway it was a great conversation, esp since i was rocking the awkward monosyllabic answers for about half of it.)

[metamour-meta]

protip: when you're sad about immigration don't read the binational tag.

i thought it might help, or like, make me feel some solidarity with people or feel good knowing there are others with empathy for what my loves are going through or find a solution or something.

actually it just makes me hurt for everyone in similar situations and feel like this entire world is just stupid.

[polynotes]

Polyamory Giveaway – Books, Zines, and Toys!

In celebration of Poly Notes reaching 500 followers, I’m having a giveaway! There will be three contest winners, and each will receive a prize pack. The prize will include one of my favorite books about Polyamory (Redefining Our Relationships, Opening Up, or Heavenly Breakfast), a zine about sexual identity (Asexual, Bisexual, Cissexual), and an adult novelty surprise. Contest Rules:

Follow Poly Notes

Reblog This Post

1 winner will be randomly selected from followers of the blog

1 winner will be randomly selected from everyone who reblogs the giveaway

1 winner will be randomly selected from everyone who the giveaway gets reblogged from (so sharing with your friends and having them participate gives you another chance to win!)

Contest ends July 31st!

And thank you so much to everyone who’s followed Poly Notes!

[metamour-meta]

ugh i want to rage at things but i have no energy to rage either and i don't even know what to say.

just, fuck binational relationships. not the relationships themselves, just the giant fucking ocean and all the people who think that there are simple answers to anything (or possibly are hoping we'll all just give up, i can't even tell the difference at this point).

x100 difficulty when dealing with polyamory.

[metamour-meta]

things that are weird: having a discussion about everyone's trust issues, and the communication around said issues that need to happen and how to cope with being easily depressed anxious people who are often insecure 

and (while doing so)

being preoccupied all day with how much you want to have and raise a kid with everyone.

i guess that's not actually weird. i mean, being a parent and having emotional hurdles you're working through aren't mutually exclusive. maybe admitting to imperfections and work that needs to happen seems incompatible with being a parent, but in retrospect it's probably better to actually be discussing how to work through things than to pretend those things don't exist.

[kimchicuddles]

Problems in Bed

[metamour-meta]

ha! i'm pretty sure j has had all the center problems here. (but being in the middle means extra cuddles, so, whatever :P)