.Inside Out Loud.

30. Married. Californian. Feminist.

[liberalsarecool]

The system is rigged and our institutional alarms are broken.

[stem-stims]

Physics: More pencil tricks

Source

[dexer-von-dexer]

i.e. why when you or someone else gets stabbed or impaled, you should leave the object in the wound until medical help arrives.

[wildlyannoyingdoofus]

THIS. RIGHT HERE. This is an amazing example!!

If you take the thing out, they’re going to bleed a lot more.

SO. DONT.

News Flash from the Medical Help ™ — we don’t touch it either! Unless the object they’re impaled with is literally too big to fit in the ambulance, We. Don’t. Touch. The. Thing.

The only people qualified to Take-The-Thing-Out are surgeons. End of story.

Okay, but for the love of God, please, PLEASE, if you did, if you panicked and took the thing out…. DON’T…. PUT IT BACK IN.

Or else, congratulations, you just stabbed them AGAIN. I reeeeeally shouldn’t have to say this guys, but I do.

[kimmycup]

Congratulations,

YOU JUST STABBED THEM AGAIN

[five-flats]

i feel like that last comment should be accompanied by a bill-wurtz-style jingle

[babyanimalgifs]

OH MY GOD

[samcahntent]

Can’t call it Jackass unfortunately

[thatchickparker]

Call it DM: disappointing mom

[kitty]

[theslowesthnery]

guys help i’m LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND over these fat tiger art scrolls

(source)

[theslowesthnery]

UPDATE: HE FOUND A TINY FRIEND

[chilledmilk]

yknow the more jk rowlings world falls apart in america (race relations, international history, population, etc) the more i like to think that america just straight up doesnt have the statute of secrecy. european countries are falling over themselves hiding magic but come to georgia and theres a drunk redneck wizard wingardium leviosa-ing the shit out of a tractor to the delight of his drunk redneck muggle buddies in a walmart parking lot.

wizard on muggle violence is prevented by virtue of there being like a 50/50 chance that muggle is packing heat. muggle on wizard violence is prevented by knowing that wizard can give you boils spelling LIL BITCH on your forehead if you try to start something.

america is the weird redheaded stepchild of the magic world.

[chilledmilk]

im not gonna stop reblogging this until this is the next Hot Fanon

[roachpatrol]

english muggles come back to england and suspicious wizards meet them at the airport. 

‘did you witness any strange or inexplicable acts while you were in america?’ they demand. 

the english muggles just laugh in their dumb fucking faces. mate, it’s america. 

[jumpingjacktrash]

what’s the difference between a werewolf and an animagus?

english wizard: *two hour lecture on legal history*

american wizard: six beers

[chilledmilk]

@jumpingjacktrash congrats ive read hundreds of comments on this dumpster fire of a headcanon and yours is the best

[jumpingjacktrash]

thank you my patronus is a monster truck

[systlin]

I have reblogged this I don’t even fucking know how many times but I still completely lose it every time I see the words “My Patronus is a monster truck” because that is the most AMERICAN thing I’ve ever seen in 29 years of being ‘merican.

[kyraneko]

Variant: What with the International Statute of Secrecy being an international law, the American magical community suffered quite a bit at the hands of forcible attempts to make everyone conform to it, until anti-seclusionist magical forces got their hands on the sort of magics being used to hide the wizarding world from nonmagical society, and hid themselves and their communities from the magical government and its institutions.

That’s why Ilvermorny is “the only American wizarding school.” That’s why the American magical population feels like something the size of the British one pasted on something a couple orders of magnitude bigger. That’s why Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them is so white. That’s why nonmagical people have a persistent quiet willingness to believe in magic just enough to allow for the possibility of its existence, and fill their stories with it, and readily interact with the idea of it. It’s an elaborate homegrown smokescreen to hide hundreds of integrated magical communities from the magical community that demands magical communities keep themselves secret.

The forces behind the International Statute of Secrecy made themselves such an absolute nuisance that some 95% of the magical population of America stole their hide-from-the-muggles spells and locked them out of knowledge of their existence.

The International Wizarding Community: “You are now forbidden to let any nonmagical people know you exist.”

Six Gazillion American Wizarding Communities: *Jedi mind trick hand motions* “Fuck you, we don’t exist. Nothing to see here.”

The International Wizarding Community: “Looks like the problem’s been solved, I guess. Pip pip cheerio.”

Six Gazillion American Wizarding Communities And Their Muggle Friends: “OK I’mma cast Engorgio on my tires and invent Monster Trucking, hold my beer.”

[aglassroseneverfades]

this is the best addition to this post to date, headcanon absolutely fucking accepted

[time-travel-toke-up]

Omg, can you imagine parseltongue in Texas?

“Listen here, you fucking rattler, I do not have time to hear about the differences between hares and rabbits.”

“But the hares are sssssso tasty…”

[msfbgraves]

‘Pip, pip, cheerio’ - ya know, the reason why anything outside of the French wizarding world is so sketchily rendered, is that the rest of the world has done this trick too. Durmstrang is somewhere in Scandinavia with a German name and Russian customs? It’s a hoax and at least ten countries are in on it. The Irish have no wizarding school? Maybe Seamus has very loyalist parents! Here’s England thinking it is the centre of the world, using parchment and owls, for Merlin’s sake. The rest of the world has been doing its own thing for centuries, and some schools like to humour them at times. They haven’t noticed, and Estonia especially cannot believe their complete ignorance of IT-magic.

[ruelukas22]

The entire British Wizarding World has Harry Potter’s level of noticing things that don’t pertain to it.

[explorerrowan]

So… completely on brand for the British Ministry of Magic as depicted in the books: absolutely oblivious even when it literally explodes in their face and murders children and shit.

[ibelieveinturtles]

Oh my gosh, so many good additions!

[amuseoffyre]

tbh, Hogwarts is to wizarding Britain what Eton is to muggle Britain. Special school that generally churns out quite an alarming number of bigots and wankers who end up running the show despite a worrying lack of real world experience, qualifications and actual intelligence. *coughToriescough*

I’m firmly of the view that there were mini-wizarding schools in the Highlands and Islands which were quashed a lot in the early-mid 18th century, because Yay Brutal Colonisation, amirite?

[nofreetrees]

@oimoony h e l p

[wizardnuke]

me: I really like history

what some ppl think I mean, and understandably so: eheheh I like military history

what I mean: people are and have always been fucking crazy and it's very entertaining to find out what they were up to. it's like drama but like three centuries old.

[stolenthemoon]

On our first date my bf said he really liked history and immediately I was like ‘oh, ok so now I’m gonna have to listen to WWII facts forever’ but no he ended up going on a tangent about the evolution of language and how he’s trying to learn a dead language that Duolingo offers and damn if that wasn’t an extremely pleasant surprise

[wizardnuke]

YEAH THATS THE SHIT

[feminismandmedia]

[rinzleyrambles-deactivated20230]

Alternate title: Millennials are so humble about their lacking skills that they eschew pride in order to learn skills that their parents thought were unnecessary to teach.

[captain-snark]

alternate alternate title: Boomers Fail So Hard As Parents They’ve Left Their Adult Children ‘Helpless’

[catsbeaversandducks]

Amazing Snow Chonkers

Photos by Sämpy

[unclefather]

[davereed]

Why is this so funny??

[twloha]

[paperback-mummy-blog]

I really love this and I know exactly why but I can’t explain it.

[in-thislight]

Because it’s just another indication that we, as Human Beings, are one.

[scientificphilosopher]

A Two-Year-Old’s Solution to the Trolley Problem

[x]

[gazoinks-deactivated20170705]

Philosophy: Solved

[nottmythical]

I’ve never laughed so hard 

[n-haught]

people at work: wow, you are always in such a good mood, how do you do that?

me, an actually cranky, apathetic, trainwreck human: it’s called manners, susan.

[gingerkyuketsuki]

“do not mistake composure for ease”

[ir0n-angel]

DO NOT MISTAKE COMPOSURE FOR EASE.

[tabitha1917]

[deactivated-blog]

Remember when you had energy to do things? Those were some wild times

[halles-comet]

Last week I joked that my very cerebral, retired-police-chief-grandpa is basically Holt from Brooklyn 99 and then today someone said, “damn, we’re out of decaf” and he just deadpans “well there’s no need to get hysterical.”

[halles-comet]

Yesterday he said “if you need to insult the same person twice you’ve already failed in your goal to devastate them”

[halles-comet]

My Yaya was trying to remember the name of a guy who stole money from her in high school today and my grandpa instantly pipes up “his name was Bernie Ryan and he was a scoundrel”