yo its Snufkins literal fucking soulmate

He/they , demiboy, asexual aromantic , autism , cptsd, anorexia b/p

[midwestapoxia]

oh btw Thanks tumblr Happy easter Tumblr for making your logo green ;D

[midwestapoxia]

the skinnybrained urge to spend wayyyyy more money on hobbies than food

[midwestapoxia]

my agoraphobic ass aint happy at how laggy deliveroo website is

[midwestapoxia]

only getting one hour sleep due to hunger and food noise is making me feel fat

[fullgovermentname]

IM A MAN

[midwestapoxia]

a "walk in the park"? more like a walk through hell tbh

[midwestapoxia]

memes on social media make me feel dysphoric and invalid a lot of the time

my screen time outweighs the time i spend doing hobbies. and that makes me feel bad about myself.

i am such a dramatic person. how disgusting.

the only reason i exist is to feast off of others' validation and attention. how embarrassing.

i want to be someone i am not. appearing aggressive, selfish, entitled, irresponsible, loud emotions, bigoted, also gives me dysphoria.

i want to be lanky and pale, thick dark messy/curly hair. i dont want my hair to ever look thin and flat. i'm also pissed how i am trapped with a colour i hate and i cant change it because i dont have a shower (and no one that will do my hair for me).

not having a support system is also so embarrassing.

"wOw YoUrE hyPerinDEPEndent" when your sense of identity is being a bottom, depending on other people and being dumb makes me feel skinnier. Your "advice" makes me feel worse.

my mood is permanently ruined whenever i see the kind of emotional reaction i'd have labelled as "dramatic" or "hysterical". or whenever i relate to any meme about females. or whenever someone calls me misognistic for labelling women as over dramatic (that is not the point- being transgender and transtypal are two separate things)

[midwestapoxia]

I'm transtypal

i'm transtypal   I have MBTI and enneagram dysphoria. I want to change my typology in the same way transgender people suffer from gender dysphoria. I want to be INTP 5w4 the most and I want to be ESFJ 2w3 the least   as a trans-INTP trans-5, i can't stand it whenever -someone is more detached than me -someone is more absent minded than me -someone is more engaged in fantasy than i am. -someone is more authentic than i am. -i get told to "not care about what others think" or "not concentrate on what other people are doing" -i am perceived as dramatic, emotionally expressive, performative, or mainstream.   The problem/paradox with being a trans-INTP + transmasc is that traditionall feminine traits gives you dypshoria, but so does having rigid societal expectations.

[midwestapoxia]

Liminal spaces doesn't creep me out or make me feel nostalgic, unlike what Youtube documovies wants. It just gives me gender envy. Like really intense gender envy, Boss tier King gender envy, crippling gender envy, ultimate genderenvy

[midwestapoxia]

i think ive understood the reason why i like the look of angular stuff over curvy stuff. Because i want to be skinny   The aesthetics of my favourite stuff has to be the same as how my body looks for some unknown reason.

[homunculus-argument]

The prophetic symbolism of your dreams is the ontological polar opposite of asking an AI program. The answers you get are not for the questions you meant to ask, the ways in which they are worded are absurd and incomprehensible, and they may seem like utter garbled nonsense, but they are never wrong.

[pinkfire-chacarera]

what if I ask AI what my dreams mean, what then

[homunculus-argument]

Before you do that, I recommend asking your dreams what AI means.

[lavender-skull-garden]

Did this, had a dream about eating a single apple and it killed a thousand trees.

It wasn’t a good apple so I ate another since I thought with a price so high it would taste better.

One after the other I kept getting terrible tasting apples but eventually it became the only thing I could eat.

Until there were no apple trees but the one and I couldn’t live without it anymore.

Then it started to rain acid and so too did that apple tree die, leaving me in a barren wasteland that I didn’t know how to fix and would slowly starve to death in.

[midwestapoxia]

AI doesn't want you to know that dreams are actually signs from the demiurge

[midwestapoxia]

how to purposefully give myself cancer fast instantly so i can lose weight

[midwestapoxia]

Diets i've made up myself and contemplated doing as a Binge purge person

the fast food OMAD intermittent fasting diet: no food in your house, except optional veg and fruit to eat during non fasting hours. every day (or every other day) all you eat all day is a subway or a greggs or a supermarket meal deal or if you want to be unhealthy then mcdonalds, basically any restaurant you like as long as you know the calories. it should be the same time each day. if you want you can increase it to two meals a day e.g. a protein bar or salad or something later on. pro's = if you alternate between eating, say, 1400 kcal in one day and no kcal at all the next, you'd lose weight pretty quickly con's = expensive, has to involve leaving the house if you don't have internet access, blood sugar swings

the fasting for more than 24 hr at a time: self-explanatory. you are allowed water, smart water, electrolytes, black coffee, herbal tea, diet pop, diet energy drinks, and debatably, chewing gum. But obviously no food with calories in. train yourself, once 16-20 hours is easy move onto 24, and then try 36 once you got the hang of that, you get the idea. pro's = especially if the fast is long will cause sudden dramatic weight loss (bear in mind only a small fraction of this is fat loss), the act of fasting feels so cleansing, neuroplasticity con's = you can't exercise if you fast for too long, electrolyte imbalances, low blood sugar

the Strict eating times diet: e.g. breakfast 2.00pm, snack 5.00pm, lunch 7.00pm, snack 9.30pm, dinner 11.30pm, snack 1.00am. the same every day. plan calorie budgets for each time in advance e.g. 1200 kcal is 200-100-300-100-300-200. pro's = regulates blood sugar, what they say dieticians tell you to do to kill extreme hunger, having a sense of routine makes me feel safe con's = may encourage binge ing by obsessing over strict rules, hard to follow if your sleep schedule is fucked

[xcyazt2]

[midwestapoxia]

Aro ace invalidation

i'm in tears because so many people view me as E2-brained and romantically minded and they want me to find a partner. i've been told to get a boyfriend millions of times and it makes me suicidal. Being asexual aromantic is my identity but barely anyone respects it. I can tell people that i am aro ace millions of times but they view me as the total opposite and it is agonising. People have made boyfriend jokes about me like five times in the past two years and now some rando on Tumblr has DM'd me about a dating site. i feel so invalid. I identify as an INTP 5w6 tall pale lanky messy haired dreamy, sleepy, dissociated slightly schizo autistic aro ace twink that never gets sexualised. but everyone views me as an ESFJ 2w3 boy crazy attention seeking pick me girl obsessed with dating

[midwestapoxia]

We seriously need to talk about FTM victims of sexual harrassment

No one ever ever ever ever fucking EVER talks about FTM transgender male people getting sexually harrassed (both in public, and on the internet). It annoys me so much. Either I really am an outlier, or it's under-reported. (if it's so humiliating to complain about this so publicly then why am I doing it in the first place? because i'm desperate for sympathy?)

i am a transgender male and i get harrassed all the time. it traumatised me.

take into consideration i am ASEXUAL.

it makes me feel like my entire gender identity is not valid. and that really i am just an attention seeker. that i'm not a real transgender male. it gives me imposter syndrome. that everyone that ever perceives me will only ever perceive me as a slut. doesn't matter what i wear, say, do, think, express myself, and more. i'm too whorebrained to pass. i'm so cursed.

i could go outside in my most authentic clothes, dressed masculinely like i always fucking do, and still get treat like that. i feel traumatised with every occasion i leave the house.

i want both my brain and body to scream "asexual autism transgender boy". it's unbearable when other people perceive me both psychologically and physically (even if i wear the least sexy clothes) as sexualised.

i'm scared of young people. because every time i run into a one they make a comment about me needing or wanting or already having a boyfriend for some reason, even if i don't recognise them. Why tf does EVERYONE want me to get a boyfriend? this makes me so upset beyond words

it makes me feel less valid than other FTMs. it makes me get gender envy from other FTMs, not just physiology but the stuff that's more dependent on the mind (writing style, aesthetic tastes, etc) because it makes me feel whorebrained in comparison. it makes me feel like my own favourite stuff and likes and dislikes and whatever gives me gender euphoria and gender dysphoria is more characteristic of an attention seeker than a real trans person , regardless how androgynous or masculine it is

if cisgender women got as harrassed as frequently as i did, then i'd see way less of them whenever in public.

[midwestapoxia]

for some unknown reason, tired sleepy eyes would give me so much gender euphoria