When a random creep starts harassing you on your walk home, who better to protect you then the JJK men!
Crack fic including Gojo, Geto, and Sukuna
You were on a walk around the neighborhood, minding your business and just trying to get your steps in when all of a sudden a man in a black leather jacket jumps out of the alleyway in front of you.
“Excuse me, you are… so beautiful.” He said with the flamboyance of a male bird trying to attract a mate.
You were going to just step to the side and keep walking, but he pinned you to the wall before you could do so.
Caressing your cheek softly, he leaned in and whispered in your ear; “Are you… open minded?”
Right before you could push him away from you, a hand grabbed the back of his pristine leather jacket and pulled him away.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, asshole?” You recognized the man who just saved you as Sukuna Ryomen; the biggest badass in all of town.
Like seriously, this man had enough cake to supply an entire bakery.
He pushed Hondae Guy against the wall harshly. “I asked you a question, dumbass. You better answer it otherwise you’ll make me angry… and you really don’t want to see me when I’m angry.”
Hondae guy shook in fear. “I-I was just asking this bootyfull woman if- if she…”
“IF SHE WHAT? FINISH TALKING BEFORE I FINISH YOU!” Sukuna yells, punching a hole into the brick wall next to the guy's head.
“N-nothing! I’ll go now!” He said, eager to get away.
Sukuna let go of his jacket, and watched as he scrambled off. Once Hondae guy was out of sight, Sukuna slid down the wall and held his hand to his chest. Eyes welling with tears he looked up at you pathetically.
“That really fucking hurt my hand.”
It was a peaceful evening. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and the flowers were blooming. You bent down to smell one of the fresh roses when all of a sudden a man jumped out of the bushes!
“Hello my name is Sean, I am from the South Korea, North Korea no no.” He said, crawling out of the shrubs.
“Oh my god! Where did you even come from?!” You stepped back, aghast.
He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you in, placing a finger against your lips to quite you.
“Shhh. Do not worry about it. If I have you, I have the whole universe.”
You pushed him off of you and stumbled away to get some distance. “I’m very flattered but I… uh- I have a boyfriend!”
He lifted a brow and began moving forward. “You do? I do not see him.”
“He’s- he’s um…” You turned around, looking every other way for someone that might be able to help. “He’s right there!”
You pointed to a man with platinum blonde hair and sunglasses who was currently running away from an army of geese that seemed very interested in the bread in his pocket.
“Baby!!!” You called, trying to get his attention.
However, he was too busy running to notice.
“BABE GET OVER HERE NOW!!!” You shouted. This Sean guy was creeping closer by the second, and if you didn’t do something fast, you would be the one running hysterically instead.
Luckily your shouts were heard and the blonde man came running over, oblivious to the situation at hand.
“I- uh- yes?” He asked, out of breath from running so fast.
“See! My handsome boyfriend…” You punched his shoulder awkwardly, unsure of how to address him.
Hongdae guy narrowed his eyes. He looked like he was about to expose your very obvious lie, but before he could, the army of geese from earlier had surrounded you.
Unsettled by the sudden army around you three, he quickly made himself scarce. “Right. Boyfriend. I will leave you two alone now.”
“So… boyfriend huh?” The blonde man said.
You finally turned to look at him, and found that he was actually much cuter up close.
“Yea, sorry about that. He just wouldn’t leave me alone.” You answered bashfully.
“Hey I don’t mind.” He smiled, and reached out his hand. “My name is Satoru by the way.”
You smiled back shook his hand. “I’m Y/N-”
But before you could finish introducing yourselves, the swarm of geese had come to attack.
“YEA WHATEVER- AS YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND YOU ARE NOW OBLIGATED TO PROTECT ME!!!” He screamed, jumping into your arms.
“Oh shit, oh shit! What do I do?!” You screamed back.
The geese were pecking at his buttocks now, trying to eat the breadcrumbs out of his pockets.
It was nearing midnight and you were on your way home from hanging out at your friend Shokos house. You pulled your hoodie over your head, and put your headphones in, trying not to attract any unwanted attention.
Lots of sightings of Hondae Guy had been reported near this area and you just wanted to get home without any strange encounters.
You were only a block away from your apartment when you felt a sudden tap on your shoulder.
“Excuse me, I think you dropped your Iphone 16 pro max.” The man said, holding up a sleek black Iphone.
Shit. It was Hongdae guy. What did Shoko say to do if you were in this situation again? You pulled out your phone to call the authorities, but before you could even click on the call app he grabbed your phone out of your hand.
“Here, let me give you my WhatsApp. You seem like the kind of girl who is very open minded.”
“Oh I-I’m really not! I’m just trying to get home.” You said, trying to dissuade him.
Unfortunately that only seemed to make him more interested.
“Home you say? Do you… live alone?”
You were really done for now. How were you supposed to combat his ultimate move?!
“She doesn’t, actually.” A soft voice from behind you said.
You turn around to see your beautiful, dazzling, wonderful, charming, handsome, lovely, smart,mouth watering, divine, jaw dropping, leg shaking, panty snatching, good-looking, pretty, delightful, prepossessing, attractive, thoughtful- ahem… Husband, Suguru.
“Ahh you must be her roommate?” Hongdae guy said challengingly.
Suguru placed his arm over your shoulder and flashed him your matching wedding bands. “Husband.”
Hongdae guy scoffed as if the word meant nothing. “Right… Anyway I put my Whatsapp in your Iphone so message me whenever you tire of him.” He said, holding out your phone.
Suguru grabbed it from him, and handed it over to you. “I’m sure she won’t have to. Afterall…” He reached into his pocket and- oh no. He couldn’t, There was no way that- “She’ll be to busy texting me on my Iphone 17 Supermax.”
Hongdae guys eyes widened in terror. “No…”
Hongdae guy fell to his knees and began to wail. “THIS CAN’T BEEE!!!”
Suguru popped up his shirt collar and continued to escort you home, while Hongdae guy curled up into a ball in the middle of the sidewalk and cried.
“I- I do not lobe, I do not like.”