I really like him//but mixed signals
Female, 17. hello :) i really like this boy, and i thought maybe he was interested in me as well, but now i just donât know. the other day i was talking to one of my friends (i needed to vent) and she screamed âwell clearly hes not into you!â and it really really hurt.
He does give mixed signals, but for her to say that was painful. The whole situation with him started about a month ago, when I texted him cause i got his number from a friend and i wanted to get to know him. he said we should talk a lot more, and after that he texted me a few days later and we kinda took turns texting each other. he also asked for my snapchat, so we occasionally communicate by that. every time we try (or have tried in the past few weeks) to make plans, one of us canât do something (usually him) and itâs frustrating. but he said its just been a bad couple of weeks for him, which is understandable. but i dont wanna keep believing excuses am i being naiive about this? oh but i must add, one time when we were going to hangout he suggested a movie or iceskating.. and why would he do that if he wasnt interested ya know?? he used to text me first sometimes like we would kinda alternate, but the past couple of times iâve been the one reaching out, which makes me think hes losing interest. according to his friends, hes shy, and they told me if i like him i kinda have to just go for it. so thinking that maybe he is interested, but just shy, i have continued to reach out, just sending a snapchat every few days or starting the convo every few days (trying to give him space as well) but its hard for me to find that line between having to really further this, and just being plain annoying/pushy about getting to know him. ya know? although whenever i would say anything like âsorry to bother youâ he responded âstop you never bother me dont say that!â and why would he say that and not mean it?? but that was like 2 weeks ago idk if thats true still?? cause i stopped saying it since he told me i dont bother him but what if thats not true anymore should i say that next time i text him? once, he also called me by the shortened part of my name like only friends and family call me that. for example (not my name!!) but it would be like him saying âgoodnight em!â instead of âgoodnight emily!â or something. im prob just overthinking idk.
also, hes going to the prom with someone else (i asked him about it) but apparently theyre just going as friends? idk i guess ive gotta trust that. but its been a while since he texted me first⊠like the past week or two ive texted him a few times and he responds and we talk for a little but he never initiates anymore which makes me very confused and sad. in our last convo (3 days ago) he randomly stopped replying and ive had nothing (but one snapchat from him) since. i know hes been away on vacation now which could be part of it? also, my one friend went up to him a week or two ago and just directly looked at him and was like âlook are you interested in her or not?!â (âherâ referring to me) and he was like hmm posssiiblyy. and shes like no seriously i need to know like dont play w me and he was like well why do you need to know?? like he kept telling her âi might beâ but he wouldnt say anything about me and i have no clue what that means - i mean if he didnt like me wouldnât he just tell her that he isnt interested??? so many mixed signals and im still mad that my friend said that hes clearly not into me because who knows. but what do you think? do i continue to start the convos? because i feel like hes never gonna initiate anymore/ever again and that makes me sad. hes still away on his trip, so maybe during the week i could simply ask how it went? im afraid to be annoying like urrggg why doesnt he ever initiate anymore :,( i dont wanna be too pushy by asking him about hanging out, but one time when he kinda cancelled plans i said âoh well let me know if you still wanna maybe do something sometimeâ and he was like âyes definitely! after my trip i would wanna hang out.â so idkkkkk so confused maybe he was just saying that.
Hey friend :) aw that was really mean of your friend to say and I donât necessarily agree with them at all. I donât think youâre being naive by believing his excuses at the moment but itâs good that youâre prepared for that possibility. And I agree, people wouldnât usually suggest cute hangout ideas like iceskating if they really donât care??
No, donât tell him again that youâre sorry for bothering him. People donât generally respond well to others constantly articulating their fear that theyâre bothering them - I know this isnât your aim but it can start to look as though youâre just saying it so that you can get them to deny it and tell you how great you are etc. and it wouldnât do for him to think you were like that!! Even if what he said doesnât still stand (though Iâm sure it does), asking about it wouldnât help because he canât exactly just say âyeah actually you are bothering me I changed my mindâ. On the whole I donât think you need to worry :)
Do trust him about the prom thing! Thereâs no reason why he would tell you they were going as friends if it wasnât true. And about the not texting first thing? Trust me friend, people donât like to text a lot when theyâre on vacation. Donât worry too much about it bc honestly you go on vacation to get away from being at home and all the normal stuff that goes on right? And chances are heâs likely to be busy doing stuff that doesnât involve using his phone all the time while heâs away so honestly I wouldnât stress! Text him when he gets back and ask him how his trip was, you might find heâs a bit more responsive :)
Yeah okay so I agree with you about what he said to your friend, if he wasnât at all interested there would be no reason for him to say he âmight beâ. It sounds like he didnât take too kindly to your friend doing that and thatâs why he reacted weirdly, he didnât want to share his feelings with her. To me this says that he is interested in you but still deciding about whether he wants to take things further with you, which might be why he didnât want to give a committed response either way. He is probably waiting until after you two have hung out in person before he gets your hopes up etc., and that definitely makes sense. You donât want to commit to telling someone you like them (even if you do) before youâve had a chance to get to know them in person and see if youâre compatible in person. Do chase him up about hanging out once he gets back, cos he sounded genuinely down for that! And that way you can both see how it goes and you might get a little bit more decisiveness out of him. If it goes well, then take the advice his friends have given you and go for it, thereâs no reason not to :) and you might find that he does the same if he enjoys himself when you guys hang out.
Good luck with all this, and I hope everything becomes clearer for you!
