Miss Lillian Valentine

Mostly writing on ao3! https://archiveofourown.org/users/misslillianvalentine

[misslillianvalentine]

BG3 Fics Round-Up

I figured it was probably time for me to make one of these! I mostly write goofy Bloodweave one-shots, but I sometimes sprinkle in serious fics and multi-chapter fics!

My Favorite Finished Bloodweave Fics

You have Reached the Voicemail of Gale Dekarios Rating: Mature (SFW) Length: 1k words Summary: A fluffy bloodweave 90s AU told through voicemails left on Gale's answering machine

My Love isn't Trivial Rating: Explicit Length: 9,268 words (3 chapters) Summary: Gale has a horrific performance at trivia with his friends, so Astarion plans another game for them to play the next night to heal his ego.

You're Late Rating: Mature Length: 1,421 words Summary: Astarion is working as a librarian, and Gale never remembers to pay his late fees.

A Hunter's Vacation Rating: Explicit Length: 6400 words (4/4 chapters) Summary: Vampire Hunter Gale Dekarios desperately needs a vacation, but when his AirBnB becomes infested with supernatural creatures, he’s out of luck.

Beach House Rating: Explicit Length: 13,872 words (7/7 chapters) Summary: Gale's heart is broken, and his friends drag him to the beach for the summer. He meets an alluring bartender named Astarion, and he forgets all about his ex.

Bloodweave Listens & Sometimes Judges Rating: Mature Length: 723 words Summary: Astarion talks Gale into making a video for his social media followers, and it is very enlightening.

First Winter Without You Rating: Mature Length: 900 words Summary: Astarion decorates the holiday tree for the first time since losing Gale.

DM vs. DM at the Pride Parade Rating: Explicit Length: 2.5k words Summary: It's the morning of the pride parade, and Gale and Astarion are fighting over the same spot for their floats. OR They fight then bang in a float during a parade

Destiny is Overrated Rating: Explicit Length: 6,421 words Summary: Astarion was on vacation with his friends at a ski lodge when he developed a passion for snow tubing. Meanwhile, Vampire Hunter Gale Dekarios and his trusty sidekick, Thay, were on the hunt for their next target. OR Gale chases Astarion down a hill on snow tubes, and they get infected with snow pollen.

2025 Holiday WIPs (coming soon)

WIPs On Hold Until After the New Year

Father Dekarios's Confession Rating: Explicit Length: 3.4k words (1/? chapters) Summary: Father Gale Dekarios has been serving as a priest at Saint Baldur’s of the Holy Gate for nearly a decade, and his modest life is turned upside down with one simple phrase. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been two centuries since my last confession.” OR Gale joins a book club and learns the true meaning of friendship.

Heaven on the Fourth Floor (or what I lovingly call the pigeon fic) Rating: Explicit Length: 12.6k words (7/? chapters) Summary: Gale and Astarion work at the same lawfirm - Gale as a reseacher and Astarion as a top lawyer. They barely interact at work and never outside of the office, but that all changes when Astarion's personal homing pigeon delivers his flirtatious messages to the wrong person.

Series

Gale for Waterdeep Political AU one-shots where Gale is Governor of Waterdeep, and Astarion is his top political advisor (later his husband).

Gale for Waterdeep

A Waterdhavian Prenup

First Gentleman of Waterdeep

Cookies & Cream

Good Pups Throw Milkshakes

I am Once Again Asking

Harmless Mischief

Memes I love turning memes into fics. These are mostly unrelated one-shots.

Bae Sized Hole

Penance

Spooky Season Halloween Flavored Fics

Liar's Night

Where There's Campfire

Falling for You at the Fall Festival

Undead Diatribes

Fly Me to the Spirit Halloween

Love Me or Stake Me

Weekend Crack Fics I like to sometimes get together with friends and write crack fics. These are mostly unrelated one-shots.

An Unfortunate Landing

Laser Tag My Frosted Heart

Who Ordered This Cake?

Too Many Books for a Disney Cruise

Kiss Me Under the Fluorescent Lights of the Bass Pro Shop

Underdark Blasphamy

Get Your Gucci Sunglasses Out of the Wendy’s Dumpster

A Well Worded Wish

Other One-Shots/Two-Shots

Comedy

Too Many Mimosas in the Bitch Queen’s Dress

Bandit Band Abandons Banned Bandanas

Dicks and Daggers, Darling

Smut

Gale Dekarios is a Very Good Boy

Prematurely Perished Protocol

Astarion's Chosen

Teeny Tiny Lamp

Sending Spell Sexts

Getting Together/Fluff

Be My Valentine?

Snow & Bourbon

Ready for It

Vortexes & Vices

clouds do more than woo you, they wow you

Gale's First Pride

Leave Your Message After the Beep

Whump

Last Dance

do you want to live forever with me?

Tara has the Best Medicine

Not Bloodweave

A Missing Oath & A Missing Heart (Karlach/Oathbreaker Knight)

Escaping Avernus (Karlach Pre-Cannon)

What Morti Wants, Morti Gets (Nepo Baby Durge)

DOGE vs. Fearún Federal Employees (Emails)

Family Line (Pep Talk form Jaheira)

Two Severed Hands, One Murder Tribunal (Bloodweave but make it both cursed and superior; Gale's Hand/Dribbles's Hand)

After the Firestorm (Post-Cannon Rolan/Tav)

Other WIPs

Bad Decisions Make Bright Futures (Slow to Update) Rating: Explicit Length: 14.7k words (7/? chapters) Summary: Gale's marriage to Mystra has grown cold. He knows he needs to end it, but he struggles to find the nerve to stand up to her. His best friend, Karlach, decides to get involved and give him a nudge in the right direction by throwing a house party. Astarion is bored with life and desperately needs something, or someone, to shake things up a bit. An opportunity arises one night as he’s playing wingman for Shadowheart at a house party her crush invited them to. OR There's a massive house party at Gale's place and things get crazy!

Sun-Walker (Slow to Update) Rating: Mature Length: 5,328 words (2/? chapters) Summary: Gale is settling back into life in Waterdeep after getting rid of the orb. He spends his time researching powerful magical artifacts and learning new spells. Astarion is on a journey of self-discovery and acceptance after two centuries of torment. Working as a mercenary, he accepts any job that will take him somewhere new. When the two cross paths in Waterdeep, their lives change forever. OR Gale and Astarion set off to find the Ring of the Sun-Walker. Hijinx ensue and they eventually seek out the help of the tadpole crew.

In Need of Sugar (Slow to Update) Rating: Mature Length: 1,578 words (1/2 chapters) Summary: Astarion just wants to smoke some weed and zone out, but his annoying dealer refuses to leave his house. Gale runs out of sugar while baking brownies, so he asks his neighbor for some. OR They get stoned and watch The Lord of the Ring.

I'm Not Above Enjoying This (Slow to Update) Rating: Mature Length: 2,389 words (1/? chapters) Summary: It is the 50th anniversary of defeating the Nether Brain, and Astarion is making his way from the Underdark to Baldur’s Gate for some sort of celebration at Shadowheart’s insistence. A chance encounter with Yenna's granddaughter one night sets him on a path to kill a duke.

Devil Like Me (Slow to Update) Rating: Explicit Length: 1,585 words (1/? chapters) Summary: Astarion is a renown tattoo artist who travels to Waterdeep at the behest of a wealthy client. Gale just finalized his divorce and needs an embarrassing tattoo covered up.

Hello My Old Heart (On Hiatus) Rating: Mature Length: 14,798 words (14/25 chapters) Summary: It’s been a year since the fall of the Netherbrain and Gale deciding not to ascend to godhood. He moved to Waterdeep after breaking-up with Astarion months ago, but he is dragged back to Baldur’s Gate by his good friend Rolan who is very worried about him. Astarion has moved on and hardly thinks about his ex anymore until Gale walks into The Blushing Mermaid one night. Their reunion sets off a chain of events that will not only change their lives, but potentially the lives of whole worlds.

Influence (On Hiatus) Rating: Mature Length: 6,190 words (2/3 chapters) Summary: Astarion is an influencer on TikTok, and he’s not sure what to do as the ban approaches. Gale, the ever devoted husband that he is, tries to help him cope.

Invisible String (On Hiatus) Rating: Mature Length: 10,070 words (8/? chapters) Summary: Gale and Astarion have a bright future ahead of them if they follow the right paths. Only time will tell how this story ends.

[art-by-ady]

A Pawsionate Appraisal 🐱

Totally not yet over the Passionate Appraisal card. I watched/played it and it has so many cat references. Even the way MC tried to prevent Sylus from kissing her. Again just my whimsical take on this card.

[art-by-ady]

🐈 REBLOGGING THIS! Coz I just saw the new limited 5 star card! Did this piece last year 🥹

[misslillianvalentine]

For the first time ever, I've pre-written three chapters of an on-going fic. How did I achieve this? Simple. I've been procrastinating on writing the scene that connects what's currently posted with the new chapters.

[caprisonnne]

wizards doing wizard business

[the-quasar-hero]

It’s extremely fucked up that some ppl try to make you feel stupid and immature for hoping for a better world. You say you want world peace and mfs think you need a pacifier; dawg, I just don’t want ppl dying from violence. This idea that ppl simply must die as casualties of war is misanthropic to say the least.

[goth-queen]

[asksloyxp]

Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again

[shinyrock6498]

Maybe the cup needs a bit of time to rest and refill?

[asksloyxp]

Maybe the cup needs to lock the fuck in???

[mysteriouseggsbenedict]

I love Matilda because it's a story about a child who sees injustice around her and gets mad about it and questions why things aren't fair, and instead of the ending being that she learns how the world works and that life isn't fair, she catapults one of the adults who abused her out of a building with her mind

[infertilityidol]

giggled at something and my coworker comes out of the break room and goes "I just heard like, a haunted child laugh... so weird." and I'm like okay so it was a normal regular alive adult laugh actually

[buginateacup]

Every single fic update there is an author trying frantically to find the right balance between a nonchalant aside of "leave a comment if you enjoyed =)" and clinging desperately to the coat tails of a random stranger, dragging along behind them on the street wailing "Please, please! I have to know what you thought! I'm desperate to talk to people about this! Ask me about the alliterative repetition! Ask me about the symbolism!"

[inyourorbitx]

@the-communist-unicorn peak comment

[flamingwell]

@transformativeworks adds these wonderful tags

[enbaluka-tokyo-drift]

[crabanarchy]

I can tell my evil advisor has been feeling down lately so I've been pretending to take big sips from his cursed chalice and then roaming the palace grounds groaning and clutching my abdomen. Lowkey I know it's deceptive but I can tell it's really cheering him up. I heard him evilly cackle for the first time in weeks. WIBTA if I keep doing this

[scleroticstatue]

Yes, that is my circus, and, yes, those are my monkeys, but I am not on shift yet.

[the-beard-of-edward-teach]

[qiyusheart]

this is gonna haunt me even in my afterlife...

[metaldinleyenpic0]

half of tumblr wants to fuck, the other half wants to die

[belvanabean]

i wanna fuck and then die

[nationalparkcryptid]

cicadas the lot of you

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[misslillianvalentine]

WIP Whenever

Thanks for the tag @mustardsprite!! I’ve slowly been working on chapter 9 of my pigeon fic, Heaven on the Fourth Floor. So far, it’s mostly just dialogue. (Gonna add it after the break because it’s got some spoilers 👀)

No pressure tagging @nyxueaurelia, @pretty-sick-actually, and @parkouringrabbit!!

Gale: “This is a terrible plan.”

Astarion: “Don’t you trust me, darling?”

Gale: “Absolutely not.”

Astarion: “Look at it this way. If we don’t have Lady Jannath as a client, we’ll have to drop our pro-bono case because it’s taking up too many resources.”

Gale: “I… fine. I’ll do it, but we can’t sleep together or anything of the sort until the engagement is over. It’ll get too complicated.”

Astarion: “You really think you’ll be able to live with me everyday and not fuck? That’s absurd.”

Gale: “This whole thing is absurd!”

Astarion: “Alright, no sex while we’re engaged.”

Gale: “Thank you.”

Astarion: “How exactly do you define sex?”

Gale: [groans]

Astarion: “Alright, fine. No sex.”

[misslillianvalentine]

Being Vampire Hunted While Just Trying to Buy a Suit

A silly Bloodweave fic for April Fool’s Day based on an adorable stick figure by @parkouringrabbit!

Rating: Mature (SFW)

Length: 1280 Words (1/1 Chapters)

Summary: Astarion runs into a vampire hunter while shopping at the mall.

Note: The entirety of the fic is posted below, but you can also read it on ao3 here: Being Vampire Hunted While Just Trying to Buy a Suit

Astarion is browsing the men’s fashion section at JC Penny’s when he senses someone watching him. He looks over his shoulder but doesn’t see anyone. Still, the feeling lingers, so he decides to forego his search for a new suit and heads to the food court for a soft pretzel.

Throwing the wrapper for his now finished pretzel, Astarion finally spots his stalker, a bearded man with thick brown hair in a trench coat. Astarion recognizes him immediately, hissing, “Hunter,” under his breath before making a break for it. Today will not be the day he greets his final death.

~~~ 🛍️ 🛍️ 🛍️ ~~~

Gale watches his target sprint out of the food court. If he didn’t already know he was hunting a vampire, the distinct way the man runs makes it obvious. For whatever reasons, vampires hunch forward and straighten their arms whenever they run — it’s the least threatening run out of all the supernatural being Gale has fought. Their speed, however, is nothing to scoff at.

Gale dodges other mall-goers as he navigates the food court.

“Hey! My food!” one man shouts when Gale bumps into him, making him drop a plate of fried rice and teriyaki chicken.

“Sorry,” Gale says, tossing a $5 bill in the guy’s direction without stopping. He barely manages to not trample a toddler who darts in front of him, but the maneuver causes him to run through a group of pre-teen girls spraying themselves with something that smells like a moonlit path. Unfortunately, he takes a direct hit to his entire torso as he runs through a cloud of mist.

“Ugh, so not cool!”

“Apologies,” Gale says to the group without stopping.

“Don’t have a cow, Megan!”

“Yeah, chill out, Meg.”

“We have to go back to Bath and Bodyworks! I refuse to smell like some crusty old dude.”

“Crusty?” Gale mumbles to himself. He doesn’t agree with her assessment, but he doesn’t have time to worry about the opinions of children.

~~~ 🛍️ 🛍️ 🛍️ ~~~

Astarion runs past multiple stores, but none of them have good hiding places. The dressing rooms at Victoria’s Secret don’t allow men, Spencer’s has no dressing rooms, and don’t even get him started on the lack of privacy at Radio Shack.

Then he spots it — the perfect hiding spot. Outside of the Megaplex is a kiosk selling knock-off stuffed animals, everything from Cinderellas with red hair to Daffy Ducks wearing baseball uniforms with Toones written across the chest. But within the cheaply made pile is a collection of white bats.

Astarion grabs a potted plant and throws it a few feet from the kiosk, creating enough of a distraction for him to shift forms and hide amongst the plushies.

~~~ 🛍️ 🛍️ 🛍️ ~~~

Gale is about to walk into Spencer’s when a potted plant flies through the air and crashes in the middle of the walkway near the movie theater. He jogs over to the startled crowd.

“Where did that come from?”

“Who threw that?”

“Careful, Benji! Don’t cut yourself!”

Gale recognizes it as a classic distraction, so he looks for anything peculiar in the opposite direction. Outside of some shoddily made toys for sale, he doesn’t see anything unusual; however, his hunter instincts tell him to stay and watch.

~~~ 🛍️ 🛍️ 🛍️ ~~~

Once the janitors arrive on the scene, the crowd returns to shopping. He does his best to blend in with the other plushies. After a few minutes, he desperately needs to blink, but stuffed animals don’t blink. Or breathe. Or try to dodge the grubby hands of children.

A young boy plucks Astarion from the pile and hoists him in the air. “Mommy! Mommy! I want this one!”

“Are you sure, Benji? That one doesn’t look like the one from the movie.”

“Please! Please! Please!”

“Anything for you,” the mother replies, a hint of exhaustion in her voice.

Astarion is handed to one of the teenage employees who shoves him into the bag and quickly sells him to the mother.

~~~ 🛍️ 🛍️ 🛍️ ~~~

Out of the corner of his eye, Gale watches a woman purchase a toy bat for her son, Benji. But that bat….there’s something off about it.

“Gimmie gimmie!” Benji reaches the bag.

The mother it above her head. “You have to wait until we get home.”

“But Mooooooom–”

She looks down at him. “Be good or I’ll return it.”

“Fine,” the boy huffs, kicking his foot across the linoleum floor.

Gale is pretty sure vampires can’t actually turn into bats, but if they could, that stuffed animal is definitely a vampire. He follows the pair for the next hour, hoping to get a closer look at the toy.

Benji eventually wears his mom down while in a shoe store, and she allows him to play with his new toy. He makes it try on too big shoes, swings it around in a circle, and squeezes it tight against his chest.

It doesn’t take long for the toy to break character.

“RELEASE ME!! I am the VAMPIRE ASCENDANT!!”

Benji drops the toy on the ground and runs away screaming.

Before the vampire is able to shift into a different form, Gale traps it in a shoe box .“I had no idea your kind could actually turn into bats,” he says while making his way to the parking lot.

“Let me out of this box, and I’ll show you what else my kind can do, darling,” the bat says almost sweetly.

“I think not,” Gale says.

“What’s your plan? Going to kill me while I’m helplessly trapped in a box?”

“Ha! No. I am a man of honor, but I am going to keep you in this box until we’re no longer around innocent bystanders.” Gale oppose the trunk of his car and shoves the package in a corner, securing the lid with roadside emergency kit.

~~~ 🛍️ 🛍️ 🛍️ ~~~

Astarion takes a deep breath just before the other man closes the trunk, and he is surprised by the unmistakable scent of dead body. That shouldn’t be here. That’s not part of their scene.

“Gale, darling, why is there a dead body in the trunk?”

“Ah, you can smell that, can you?”

“Obviously. I’m a vampire.”

Gale chuckles awkwardly. “The body isn’t in the trunk anymore. I was hoping to surprise you later.”

“Get me out of this box. Right now.”

“Um, I can’t?”

Astarion sighs. His idiot husband is waiting for his damn safe word. “Tadpole.”

Immediately, Gale removes the box and places it on the ground. “You can change back. No one is around.”

Astarion kicks the lid off with his little bat foot before returning to his normal, human like form. “Who did you kill?”

“I’ll give you a clue.” Gale hands Astarion an ancient ring.

Astarion almost drops it when he recognizes his family crest. “Cazador?! You killed Cazador?”

Gale sheepishly shrugs his shoulders. “I wanted to practice and make this believable.”

“Good lord, Gale. there’s over achieving, and then there’s this.”

“Are you mad?”

Astarion studies the anxious man murderer in front of him before his lips turn into a smile. “No, not really. If anything, I wish I could have watched it.”

Gale smirks. “Remember that camcorder you stole from Radio Shack last year?”

“You little devil. Filming yourself committing murder all for me?”

Gale nods. “Happy Anniversary, my love.”