[memewhore]

[nefertsukia]

[demonius-darkblade]

ape babies: hey whats up I can climb around and do whatever the fuck i want basically from birth

human baby: uhhhhhhhhhhh guess ill be a dumb immobile little slug for like a year

[hank0331]

Human babies are born at the last possible moment before their craniums can’t pass through the birth canal. We’re basically all born premature because of our big brains.

[woodlandenjoyer]

big brained babies too stupid to do sick flips from tree branches

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*me, owning a strange boutique housegoods/book store selling a variety of mystic, occult objects but no one realizes I live there, this is literally my living room*

[suertepls]

How much for this stick I can shake at God?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

10 bucks

[modernsuperhero]

can i get these three backscratchers with a bundle discount

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

15% discount for 3 or more

[honey-pot-hobbies]

How bout this book? I think it’s look cool with a cosplay I’m planning

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

40 bucks but never attempt to read or open it

[muse-meter]

How much is the doll?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Oh that? Just take it. Take it far far away and do not allow it to return

[chameleonwho-deactivated2020031]

How about this?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

$29.99. Just be careful not to leave the candles burning at night, the gremlin comes alive and likes to wander around and go through your stuff

[the-pan-writer]

Why is there a guinea pig in your shop?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

excuse me Ramsey is our best employee

[cute-pluto]

my teacher is using my piece as an example for future classes because she doesnt know

[free-ottawe]

How could you do it to em like that

[shitty-car-mods-daily]

my county is a treasure trove of shitty car mods. And of course I honked.

[haxa-ns-deactivated20210415]

[butchflirt]

You see this as soon as you die in real life

[maplebungus-deactivated20221118]

loose, foot loose, put on your fuckin foot loose, feet, foot feet, dance on your fucking feet

[somecutething]

[catchymemes]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[i-hate-chick-fil-a]

That’s white male culture right there.

[ryanribbitys]

[pukicho]

Anyways here’s a pic of a Russian diamond mining town with a hole so big it displaces the air and sucks in helicopters when flown above it.

[exeggcute]

tumblr discourse is like three steps away from people putting their SAT scores in their bio and using that as a way of deciding whose opinions are most correct

[eterrorist]

PENIS SIZE IN BIOS NOW

DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT INTERACTING IF YOUR DICK IS SMALLER THAN MINE 

[uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu]

that’s really inclusive of you to let so many people interact

[eterrorist]

[mosrael]

*sprays single, solitary ant with an entire can of bugspray”

me @ ant: tell your friends.

[insomniac-arrest]

sometimes I see shiny things like this 

or this

and instead of admiring them the ghosts of my protestant ancestors possess me and I think shit like ‘well that’s just a little too much’

my ancestor Pain Wilhelmina Smith wacks a stick around my brain like ‘you like that Catholic shit? you gonna pay indulgences for that, huh? punk? get yee to a single room log cabin and PRAY’

anyway, my room is absolutely bare and buying a piece of clothing for over 20 dollars pains me

[insomniac-arrest]

actually, I’m sorry to admit this, but I actually mis-remembered the name of the ancestor I was thinking of

her name was Fear

[insomniac-arrest]

if you’re wondering, my puritan forebears actually had 5 children

please note Wrestling, Fear, and Love Brewster. And Jonathon.

[insomniac-arrest]

this is so funny, thank you

[blelbinems-deactivated20190925]

fucks sake

[doctordragon]

god dammit

[setsu-nana]

Okay now which one is clearer? 1?

or 2?

[heckheckhheck-deactivated201712]

S T O P

[lazy--tuesday-deactivated201806]

Maybe just take off the glasses!?

[turtlemuffinbutt]