[darthmelyanna]

Well, Steve Bannon got arrested this morning, so it’s not ALL bad news.

[darthmelyanna]

Update: ARRESTED AT SEA BY THE US POSTAL INSPECTION SERVICE.

[darthmelyanna]

Y’all, he’d been on that boat for weeks.

[darthmelyanna]

[abovethemists]

I’ll be the first to admit I’ve been critical of the writing this season, but this episode really knocked it out of the park. Bringing Steve Bannon back only to have him arrested by the USPS??? The set up and the payoff are flawless. Here’s hoping the writing continues to get better into November sweeps!

[memewhore]

[firoivy]

I just spit up water all over myself bitch

[candiikismet]

When he grabbed the countertop I screamed

[snarky-pastaroni]

This. Is. Art.

[hot-musicians1-deactivated20201]

[patdsnaps]

ISS DOME, Düsseldorf, April 1, 2019 Photos by kristenotto

[libraford]

[nuka-rockit]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[artfortheages]

“Clowns are the pegs on which the circus is hung.”

— P. T. Barnum

[despazito]

pegging clowns????

[happys-hall-of-horrible-things]

pegging hung clowns????

[elmachetecriollo]

This is why this website is worth negative money

[hellenhighwater]

Wait are we all ignoring that you apparently threw a shark once? Please tell us more!

My family likes to vacation in Topsail, North Carolina, which is a little barrier island mostly covered in vacation homes. We rent a huge house in their off season, when most people consider it too cold to be at the beach, and we, with our icewater blood, consider it quite pleasantly deserted.

I love going for walks at night, especially when there’s a clear sky, so I, age sixteen, would go a few miles up the beach around midnight most nights. One night, while still about a mile from our house, I saw something rolling in the surf. 

“That’s either a plastic bag caught on a log,” I thought, “Or a four foot shark.”

I jogged over. It was not a plastic bag caught on a log. 

The shark was moving and didn’t appear to be hurt, but was caught in water only an inch or so deep, being pushed higher with every wave. I was by myself, and didn’t own a cell phone, and couldn’t see a house with lights on in either direction. There was nobody around. Leaving to go get help would probably take long enough for him to suffocate. The best thing I could do for this shark, I figured, would be to get him back in the ocean. 

I have no idea how he wound up so high on the beach, because it was a very shallow slope. I’d have to carry him a good fifteen or so feet to get him into water deep enough to swim. It was nearly a full moon, so I could sort of see what I was doing. I got a grip on the shark, careful not to squeeze too hard, in case he was hurt, and picked him up. He didn’t like that at all. 

I started walking into the water. Here’s a thing I didn’t know about sharks: They’re pretty damn flexible. I got a couple steps with this shark, looked down, and realized there were a hell of a lot of teeth coming directly at my forearm. 

It occurred to me that I had not thought this through very well.

I’m not proud of what I did. It seemed like the best way to get this shark back in deep enough water and avoid dropping thirty pounds of very bitey animal directly on my own toes. So.

I yote the shark with as much force as I could muster. 

He curved through the air like a thing of beauty, all angry and toothsome in the moonlight, and splashed wonderfully into the deeper waters. I caught a glimpse of fin diving away shortly after. 

And that’s the last I saw of him. 

[queereldritchgalaxyprincess]

my name Hellen, i walk the sand, i lift the shark stuk on the land. before the teeth can find their mark, i thro the fish, i yote the shark.

[hellenhighwater]

im fuckin weeping

[angiethewitch]

english tourists are causing problems again

[rowanthewizard]

The history of Earth has never been summed up so succinctly before.

[angiethewitch]

wow this reblog is funnier than my entire blog

[slaygentford]

Zoned out for twenty min thinking about how I’d explain fortnite to an ancient Roman

[saintshorter]

....well? don't leave us hanging 👀

[slaygentford]

I’d open with its a painting but it moves. (It’s enchanted to move?) Uh, sure. (Witchcraft!) I am stoned. Let’s try again. I’d open with its many paintings put together in succession so it has the appearance of movement. Demonstrate by drawing a simple page flip animation of a fish swimming in the margin of a book. Okay. So this buff cat. You see the cat’s head on the muscular man’s body? (Is this an Egyptian god?) Uh, no. It’s just like, we don’t have that shit anymore. I mean, so much time has passed, its pretty much fallen out of the cultural milieu here. (Existential crisis. I get him some tea. He spits it out cuz he thinks it’s disgusting.) ok buddy. So. You good to keep going? Okay so. It’s many paintings in quick succession so it appears to move, and you control its movement. Not the whole painting. Just the cat. He moves around on this landscape. The point of controlling the cat’s movement is like the point of a war game. Loosely. (So you practice war? Sharp nod. War.) Uh, okay. So then, when you get your little man to kill someone, that’s good, right. (What is he doing now?) Oh he’s dancing. You can make him do a little dance after he kills someone. (It’s inappropriate to do a little dance after you take a man’s life.) Okay but it’s not actually — (it’s INNAPROPRIATE. I spit on this). He spits at my laptop.

[prideprejudce]

she weaponized her gag gift im crying

[twitblr]

Mary go round at home 🏡

[whihumph]

Forget what she’s wearing, are we just going to ignore the sheer strength she displayed? Sis is holding herself up extended her torso to an obtuse angle and did a situp with a child and didn’t slip a millimeter. 👀👀👀

[incorrectbuckoarchive]

[vcrcleaner]

Extremely City white people are so fucking weird they see a pic of a deer and theyre like “its an Old God, tell me the wisdom of the trees Forest Lord … wow this is just like game of thrones” its a deer. Its a fucking stupid idiot animal it doesnt know shit

[iamoutofideas]

I’ve got a kangaroo that keeps jumping the fence & shitting in my yard, I call him big boss

[schrodingersincest]

[incorrectbuckoarchive]

[lnnea]

Okay so Norway is like such an odd country cause like listen to this

Norwegians consume 9% of all Pepsi max produced

Norwegians eat the second most tacos in the world, just after Mexico

Norwegians drink the second most coffee in the world, just after USA

Norwegians read the second most comic books in the world, just after japan

There are only 5 million people in Norway

[decepticonsensual]

And apparently they are having an AMAZING time.