He WHAT??? Oh 15 stabs were not enough
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He WHAT??? Oh 15 stabs were not enough
have you guys ever seen a crocodile with its fingies out
you should try crossdressing more. both because it's fun and because seeing the different ways clothes are manufactured by gender will give you 50 new reasons to be pissed off. become radicalized against misogyny by flannel quality
Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.
He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"
"What?"
He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"
"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."
Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.
Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.
[muttering feverishly] I need to chase that man around my gothic manor in a silk nightgown
we take turns
(via @paperplanechemtrails)
I hear my mom shrieking downstairs, shouting up to me about āTHE CATS! THE CATS!ā
I run downstairs, thinking someone has died or something and see THIS:
I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO PUNCH SOMETHING TO GET OVER THE ADORABLENESS
They look like theyāre about to break out in a musical number
hence:
This post got better since I re-blogged it earlier.
This is everything
@maverikloki
⦠my hand slipped
Added to the collection by @sir-libearian
does anybody know how to get out of bed. or be a better person
wow
Not mine
By @zhengwu758 on TikTok
That was definitely Pyrrha's last cigarette
Bonus:
Twin Peaks is difficult to watch because I keep getting distracted by the quality knitwear and solid wood housing construction. Audrey will be sneaking around doing important shit and I'm like "ooh nothing in my town has solid wood walls like that. I don't think you can get solid doors here either, it's all hollowcore unless it's glass. Man I wish I had a cozy knitted sweater like that that wasn't made of flimsy bullshit."
Happy birthday Uncle Bug! Thank you for being the kindest soul and for teaching more about unconditional love and affection then anyone could have ever imagined, and also fuck you for teaching my daughter to pick locks. I don't care that she's your only niece no one in this house has gone to the bathroom in peace in a year. Love you my man š¤
and once i do learn it, i wonāt have to fix all my ME issues anymore! Ā plus iāll know how to work many a wood. Ā so clearly everyone wins
that is the face of a man worried he will be next
Good news, he was not next! In fact, she accepted him as her mate, he learned the crane mating dance and now every year, he artificially inseminates her with crane semen to expand the very endangered crane population. True story.
Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man's boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you're excited about it.
crane husband.....
this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.
(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:
Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980ā²s.Ā The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.Ā Ā
As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.Ā Ā
It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.Ā Ā
Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, itās pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.Ā Ā
The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.
They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.Ā Ā
Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris--and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.Ā Ā
Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.Ā Ā
Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent.Ā (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)Ā Ā
It worked!Ā Ā
Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility--sometimes the biological dad and his mate--both because itās unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.Ā Ā
However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them.Ā (This would not work with real eggs because he canāt sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)
Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird.Ā White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he canāt retire while Walnut is alive.Ā (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)Ā Ā
Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this
she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she's simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)
His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)
the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and "sitting" on artificial eggs so she thinks he's performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)
"chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES." (alternately: "chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She's 36, she's very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! ...Is there a downside? WELL...")
chris sits any potential human partners down, like "my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already... Attached" (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) "Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding... the relationship is open, but very committed"
just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.
well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.
Not only is he 'married' to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes
the āthis content has been removed for violating Tumblrās Community Guidelinesā notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was
World Heritage Post
I regret being the bearer of bad news, but I thought it should be shared that Walnut passed away in January of this year (2024). There's a lot of mixed info about the lifespan of cranes (due to people misunderstanding what a median is...) but the average for most species I know of is 20-30 years (in the wild if nothing eats them/they don't die young), and 30-45 in captivity, with the oldest known white-naped crane having loved to be 46. Given that she was 42, this old gal did good, and I'm certain she will be missed by folks here.
Fly on forever Walnut Crane-Crowe
Maybe lean out
I got my Big Scary Task for the day done by 11am and now I'm just ..... unburdened?? Is this what executive function is like??? š¤
"It takes no prisoners!"