hey here's a Wanderer fic I've been working on for 5ever that I haven't proofread, almost 5500 words, in universe AU, but I guess you can read it as not??? You're the sunshine popular student and he's him, might be OOC, I dunno! Mainly fluff, angst if you squint, silly billy Wanderer is oblivious
Solitude. A concept that can be a blessing or a curse, depending on who you ask. Sometimes solitude is thrust upon a person, and other times, it is something that a person seeks out on their own accord. It is something that can torture one persons’ mind, yet soothe anothers. Solitude is what Wanderer prefers. Solitude is what he has been lacking in recent months.
It began with a simple wave. Returned not with another wave, but a mix of a confused and disgusted glare. You. Kind, sweet, naive, sociable you. Waved at him. He’d heard words about how you are, how you’d often help out others even if you were running late or if you weren’t so knowledgeable on the subject. It was nauseating having to hear everyone tripping over their tongues to sing your praises. It made you an inescapable name. He swore he’d never catch your attention, lest he be dragged into your constant happenings and countless whispers. He was aware he had his fair share of admirers and people who disliked him, but it wasn’t prominent enough to become an issue. You, however, did.
Since he had opted to ignore your wave, brushing it off due to his disdain to having a multitude of eyes on him now and chalking it up to your desire to be perceived in a positive light, it seemed that whispers followed him anyways. And so did you. He left his next class as he typically did; silent and unnoticeable. Yet there you were, standing in the corridor gazing at the architecture. He felt his jaw tighten slightly in frustration. He let out a sharp breath, turning away before you could have a chance to notice him and walking swiftly to the direction of his next class.
Footsteps flooded his ears as other students began to fill the halls, hopefully enough to distract you from-
He continued. Surely the noise would be enough of a cover, not to mention the sea of people now separating the two of you. He was tempted to smile at the easy escape.
A hand fell to his shoulder. Gentle, warm, and carrying an oddly sweet smell. Too sweet. Disgustingly sweet. The thought of smiling seemed to taunt him.
“I’m sorry, I know you’re probably in a rush but I thought I’d say hi.”
His eye twitched. He turned to look at you, stepping away so your hand had no choice but to fall back to your side. He glanced towards the hall and saw people beginning to fall back fully into the halls. They must’ve split apart when they saw you were trying to get to someone. Damn. His gaze went back to you. You were… You.
“You said hello. Are we done?” Without allowing a moment for you to respond, he began to walk again, heading towards his class so he could hopefully get away from you.
“Uh, I guess? Oh, bye then! I’ll talk to you later!” You spoke with enthusiasm. Too much enthusiasm. A bothersome amount. He rolled his eyes, grateful that the ocean of students had swept the two of you apart.
Unfortunately for him, the school seemed to almost bend to your will. Your kindness and attempt at kinship with him reached Nahida, who deemed you a good influence. She had mentioned your name to him in passing and he groaned at the thought of having to withstand your flowery presence. He was left alone for the next few days, but he would almost always see you in the corner of his eye. Did you always share so many classes? Surely not- he would’ve noticed you and your obnoxiously charming smile sooner. Heard you talk and joke with the teachers in that casual and easy way. Grown tired at your smooth voice reading out paragraphs or doing your presentations.
That had to have been a manipulation on Nahida’s end to try getting you to interact more. It had to. There’s no way he would’ve just not noticed you there in the corner of his existence. Your presence is too noticeable. Too bright. Too you. It was insufferable. Now, it has become inescapable. You were everywhere, and you were always offering that damn smile and that stupid wave. He’d always click his tongue and turn the other way, refusing to acknowledge you further. He’d go so far as to use his vision to get away if possible. There had been a few times you’d snuck up on him; started small talk and tried to say anything to get him to stay for more than 3 seconds. He would never admit that once your voice caught his ears, he felt obligated to stay.
Only for a while though. He set an internal limit that was going to stay at the exact same amount of time as when he first decided on it. Whenever more time was spent with you, that wasn’t because he forgot about it, don’t misunderstand, it was because it would be more impolite to interrupt you to leave. He may be a lot of things and dislike the majority of people, but he did have an inkling of respect for others. Besides, you didn’t utter complete nonsense all the time. When you weren’t trailing after him and running your mouth about whatever, he did keep you in the corner of his eye. He had to. So he could avoid you. Obviously.
Your existence soon became a constant. He was unable to avoid you as much as he used to. You’d pop up behind every corner, appearing over his shoulder at any given moment and easing yourself into whatever he was already doing. If he was browsing the Grand Bazaar for something? There you were at another stall, coincidentally doing the same thing. If he was having to go to the desert to pass on a letter to Sethos at the Temple of Silence, it would just so happen you had an assignment that included the history there as well.
In other, more normal, situations however, he always kept you in the corner of his eye. So he could escape if he wanted to, and he only learned your interests so he could find out how to distract you easier. Not because he cared. He just found it convenient with how you started saving chairs for him, and how he made sure to get your usual table in the library because you liked how you had a view of everything around. It would only be fair if he did, after all. An eye for an eye, a favour for a favour. It became an unspoken agreement- on his end at least. You were more than happy to talk about how grateful you were for his acts of kindness, and he’d simply “hmph” in response. You’d always get this stupid smile when he did.
Now that he thinks about it, you’d get that specific smile a lot when he’d do something like that. He picked up on the differences with your smiles; your expressions overall, but he had a special section tucked away for your smiles specifically. He’d taken notice of how you’d try to smile too hard at the teachers when you messed up the book organisation when returning them to the library that one time you’d gotten too wrapped up in your research, you always complained how your cheeks would hurt after faking a smile that wide. Just to torment you, Wanderer would grab your cheek and toy with it a little. Then he complained about your whining afterward. You always ended up smiling again though.
He saw how you would burst into a bubble of sunshine and rainbows when you laughed too hard with your friends, tears forming in the corners of your eyes as you buckled over, leaning on your friends shoulders as you laughed together. He saw how you’d light up with relief and surprise when you’d see your exam marks, and he had to use his vision to get away from you in case you tried to tackle him in appreciation. Other times, he’d simply use his hat as a barrier between you. You grew to predict that though, and would oftentimes take it and wear it before running off. He’d allow you a few minutes of your “win” before taking it back. Only to revel in your look of absolute despair and sadness, of course. Never to hear the way you’d giggle to yourself as you half ran, half skipped, and half tripped over the oversized tassels hanging from his hat.
“You know I don’t like you, right?” He spoke, his voice sharp yet devoid of any real bite.
Currently, the two of you were sitting in a clearing, just a bit outside of Sumeru City. The two of you would often hide away here, a spot that originally belonged to Wanderer that you eventually crept your way into. Just as with everything else that was once his. You looked over at him, a smile already on your face. That casual one you had when you were content. The one you always had. The one he wanted to wipe off your stupid face. You let out a quick laugh.
“And you know I never believe you when you say that, right?”
Silence settled. He couldn’t bother responding, knowing how you would never allow him to have the last word. It wasn’t uncommon for the two of you to bicker. His words were malicious but voice lacked that venom he had when speaking with “worms”. His words, not yours. Your playful words and teasing tone always followed with a laugh that led to him sighing. You looked out for a moment, letting out a blissful sigh before gasping and sitting upright, smiling that excited smile that Wanderer hated to admit he liked seeing. In fact, he’d never admit he liked anything about you aside from your silence.
You turned to him, smiling ear to ear. He could feel his definitely real migraine coming on already, but instead being a thud in his chest, rather than his head. “Remember how Sethos said he wouldn’t be back until after the festival?” He raised a brow, looking at you in the corner of his eye in acknowledgement. “He’s back already! I saw him just yesterday in the market.”
He narrowed his eyes for a moment. Sethos usually came to check in with him first. Bugging him for some help at a temple or a ruin or just general research since Wanderer was more accustomed to the Sumeru library than Sethos was. He didn’t typically return, go browsing the market, bump into you and whatever else he did. It was more regular for him to return either on time or a bit later than estimated as well. Only once or twice had he gotten back early from whatever expedition he had gone on, and even then, he would always see Wanderer first. You didn’t seem to notice or mind Wanderer getting lost in his thoughts, continuing to ramble on about what you were saying while he got swept away in his sea of thought he didn’t quite understand. He shouldn’t be… perturbed by the idea of Sethos speaking one on one with you without his knowledge or presence. Which he wasn’t.
“-back early, he asked if I’d accompany him to the festival and show him around! Y’know, since he’s not too familiar with Sumeru city due to living in the desert and all. He also invited-” You waved your hands around as you spoke, smiling fondly as you laughed. It was so close to the smile you would give him. But it was different. Different how? “-so we’ll all be able to get together and hangout again since it’s been so long! It’s gonna be great! Oh, I’ll have to pick out something to wear and-”
What on Teyvat were you blabbering about now? Did he really miss half of what you said because he was too wrapped up in his own head? He sighed in irritation, partly at himself and mostly at you. Absolutely not the reverse order. He would never be so annoyed by his own actions and ignorance of you.
“You and Sethos are going to the festival together then?” He tried to keep his tone even. Unbothered. Nonchalant, if he dare say.
You raised a brow, your smile still for a moment as you met his eyes again, falling silent at his words. “What?”
Yeah, that didn’t work. He clicked his tongue.
“You said that you would be showing Sethos the festival, didn’t you?” Without me, he had to fight the urge to say. Typically he didn’t care about speaking his mind unfiltered. But that led to vulnerability sometimes. And he wasn’t vulnerable with you. About his feelings. Especially not his feelings on you being one on one with another person. Without him. Together. Alone. Having fun. He felt his jaw tighten before he realised he was doing it. You just stared.
Wanderer practically glared at you as he saw the cogs turning in your head; like you were trying to solve him like a new puzzle, or a new assignment. Looking at the different parts of him that combined to create the person that you knew. Disassembling what you’d heard and what you knew to piece together the puppet sitting beside you. You looked from the twitch of his jaw, analysed the furrow of his brow, overthought the tilt of his chin, studied the emotion in his eyes and- you paused. Blinked. Furrowed your brow in thought. Gasped silently as your brow raised in realisation.
Wanderer could only watch as you deluded yourself to your conclusion, analysing him and interpreting whatever you saw as what he could only assume was completely wrong. He would happily wait a thousand years before hearing whatever conclusion you had come to. He rolled his eyes, parting his lips to speak once more before you beat him to it.
“I thought you wanted to join us. If you’d rather not though, I understand.” You shrugged lightly, turning your head away as another smile began to pull at your lips. An amused one. One you wore when you knew something someone else didn’t. He didn’t like being that someone. What exactly did he miss you saying when he was thinking? It can’t have been that crucial, could it? He felt his jaw tightened. Oh well, he’ll just play it off like he intended for this.
“Tch. The festival is crowded. It’s irritating trying to traverse the streets when people are so obnoxious. If you want to waste your time with such a trivial event, then go ahead. Don’t come crying to me when people are in your space.” He waved a hand your direction, playing aloof and looking away, the accessories of his hat jingling at the movement.
You glanced at him in the corner of your eye, a gleeful look on your face. You reached out, taking the hat with both hands before putting it on. He sat up straighter, turning to you with a half-hearted glare.
“Oh look at me, I’m Wanderer and I’m a stinky guy who can fly and thinks people are worms-” You crossed your arms, sticking out your bottom lip with a faux angry expression. “Because I’m also edgy and sooo lonely but I’m not going to let anyone near me out of fear.”
Wanderer swiped a hand towards you, reaching for the hat. “I don’t sound like that-”
You giggled as you leaned back, a hand on the rim of the hat. “You sound exactly like that-!” You raised a hand, clenching it before you dramatically. “Bow before me!” You let out a snort immediately after and burst into a fit of laughter.
He got onto his knees as he tried to lean over you, only half aware of the small smile gracing his lips. “You’re such a pest.”
You raised a hand to his face, laughing as you tried to push him back. “And you’re obsessed.”
He clicked his tongue, nose twitching in annoyance as he crawled towards you while you tried to scramble backwards on the grass. “Give me back my hat already- Didn’t you say you needed to organise an outfit for the festival? Go home and do that.”
You tried to speak before losing your balance, laying back on the grass with the hat flipping to land on your face. You let out a wheeze, tears growing in your eyes as you found amusement in the situation. You’re so confusing.
“Gosh- Wanderer, you’re so dense!” What.
“What?” He froze in his place above you, a hand resting on each side of you. He hadn’t even registered the close proximity due to his focus on retrieving his hat from you again.
You moved your hands, grabbing the edges of the hat again and raising it. Angling it before allowing it to fall next to you. You looked up at him with a tear falling from the corner of your eye; smile brighter than a pyro vision and looking more mesmerising than a hydro user's water manifestations. He could compare it to many things, but he’s now realised he should pay more heed to what you were saying.
“Geez, pay attention, you dolt!” You lifted a hand and playfully smushed your hand against his face. He quickly pushed it away, pinning your hand to the side. You laughed. You always laughed with him, even if he was telling you you were the stupidest person he’d ever met. “You do realise that when I said we, I meant Sethos, you and myself, right? The three of us, hanging out together again after he got back. Not just him and I.”
He hesitated a moment before scoffing. “I knew that.” He didn’t. “I figured you’d want some time alone with him.” No he did not. “Out of the generosity in my heart at the way you look when you speak of him.” Now that was out of insecurity. Not that he knew that though, he’s in denial that he can feel anything but anger and irritation. You rolled your eyes, a disbelieving expression on your face.
“Yeah, because you definitely want Sethos and I to get really close and to hold hands and to ki-” A hand was placed onto your mouth, effectively silencing you.
“Enough.” He narrowed his eyes, lip raising in disdain. His palm felt wet. His brows furrowed in confusion and disgust. “Did you just lick my hand?”
You stared up at him with an evil look. That one you get when you “win”. He withdrew his hand and rubbed the wetness onto the grass. “Ugh. How the hell are you popular in school- you’re a weirdo.”
“Yeah, and you’re emotionally constipated.”
“Are you going to continue to insult my emotional intelligence or are you going to say something of value?”
You used your free hand to poke his chest, a coy grin on your lips. “Maybe once you admit what you feel.”
You used the moment of his confusion to push him back, watching as he fell back onto the grass instead. You sat on your knees, pointing down at him in an accusatory way. “Man up! Or- puppet up, or something! Be honest with me, and others and- and yourself!”
His expression turned angry immediately, his defensive behaviour kicking in on instinct. “Oh, and you’re some golden-”
You used a hand to grab his face, his skin surprisingly soft as your fingers bracketed his cheeks. You leaned down, pulling him up. “I’m not! You said it just then, I’m a weirdo, and I like you! A helluva lot! That’s why Sethos came to talk to me first because he knows we like each other and we made a plan to hangout at the festival but then he’d have to leave so it would be just us and-”
You let him go abruptly, his head falling back to the grass as he stared at you absolutely dumbfounded. “Ugh! You’re so annoying with how dumb you are-!”
You stood up, picking up his hat and tossing it over him. He pushed it off quickly, pushing himself to stand up and speak. “What are you- What?”
You stood, clenching and unclenching your hands, still facing the other way. Wanderer suddenly thought of how this probably looks like some cliche confession scene. He barely had a moment to process what you said previously before you turned around, an uncanny anger in your features and body language that he’d never seen you display before. He’s seen you get agitated at your pen not working, yes, and he’s also seen how you look when a book you’re reading ends in a very stupid and displeasing way, but never has he seen you look like this. It honestly caught him off guard.
You began stepping towards him, raising your hand to start poking at his chest again, the tip of your finger feeling sharper than it should when the action was laced with your fury. “You are so careful to make sure I never feel left out, that I feel seen, that I have a spot at our favourite cafe and at the library, you always make sure to stay and listen and pay attention to what I’m saying, even when you say that I’m blabbering or that you don’t care about what I’m talking about, but you do! Because you remember!”
He stepped back in response to your approach, feeling useless to your verbal onslaught. Would it be considered that since you’re listing all the nice things he does? You continued to follow. “You order my favourite foods before we meet up and say that someone else got them, you’ve given me flowers anonymously because you’re scared of being vulnerable and you’re scared to admit you like me, and you’re terrified that I like you back!” You paused, heaving slightly. You swallowed, staring into his eyes as your expression shifted to one of sympathy. “You’re- you’re terrified at the idea that I’ll love you.”
His eyes widened. No. He’s not. Don’t look at him like that. Like you understand. He narrowed his eyes and scoffed, pushing your finger off of his chest. You clench your hands at your sides instead. “You can’t love me-”
“Yes I can, and I do! I love you, and your inability to realise when people care about you and when you act like you’re better than everyone else but still make sure that everyone is okay in your own stupid way, and I love that you care for me when you think I don’t notice, and I love that you are so oblivious to how you look at me and how much you show everything you feel, and-” You paused for a moment, shaking where you stood as tears welled up in your eyes. “I just- I love you, Wanderer. Even with all your faults, and insecurities and all your stupid excuses for why I shouldn’t.”
You weren’t giving him a moment to speak. How long has he been doing those things? He’s never done that for other people. Not even the people in whatever group projects he’s had to do- though, he can’t remember a time he wasn’t with you in a group or partner project, Archons, even with solo assignments you always seemed to worm your way into his time. Besides, if he were to do those things, it would be for the academic benefit and nothing more. You had no proof he was doing those things anyways, or that he held even an ounce of care for you or your well-being. Even so, here he stood, wondering if there was something he could say or do to ease your heightened emotional state, the tears in your eyes causing a shine that not even the brightest star could outdo. He was used to shoving food at you or sitting in silence with you when you cried other times, but those were at movies, or a particularly bad fall you took, or when you’d get devoured by insecurity. Not whatever this is. He didn’t know how to deal with this kind of issue.
He mentally brushed his spiraling thoughts aside.
His words drifted into nothing. What could he even say? You’ve spilled your heart, baring a delicate and caring soul to him that you revealed was his all along. You’ve infected his puppet body with affection, tainted his soul with kindness, and contaminated the cruelty he used to believe he was rotted with, replacing it with a gentle softness and calm he couldn’t fathom being without. You peeled back the mottled moss of the rock walls around his heart, spoke your earth-shattering whispers and broke them down as delicately as a songbird breaking the silence. You gave and gave, and never expected anything. So he began to give back, even in moments he didn’t realise. What do you say to the person who helped you feel whole? Who made you feel wanted? Who made you feel normal?
You raised a hand to rub at your face. A weak attempt to clean the mess that your overflowing emotions had caused. Even with the mangled mass of emotions you were feeling, you still looked tolerable. Archons, who was he kidding. Certainly not you, and certainly not anyone else. You were beginning to tear away the curtains of his stage, forcing his true feelings to be on display. He didn’t know what to do with that. He didn’t know what to do with any of this. You and Sethos knew what he was feeling before he did. Or at least, before he wanted to admit it. Nahida most likely knew as well. Maybe half of the Akademiya knew at this point.
You sniffled, using the heels of your palm to rub at your eyes. You were gorgeous, even in this moment. Your bold, natural, just mesmerising display of emotion was always so captivating to him. Damn it. He really did like you, didn’t he? What should he do? Hold you? Tell you he likes you too? You already knew though, so that wouldn’t do much, right? Would it comfort you if he said it back? What the hell was he meant to do in this situation?
Wanderer sighed, looking at the ground between you. The wind brushed the grass, singing it into a silent dance. He bit the inside of his cheek. Considered his options for a moment.
“You don’t have to give me an answer or-” You began to speak again, voice breaking as you were recovering from your outburst.
“I want to.” He was the one who cut you off this time.
You raised your gaze, meeting his eyes again as you began to calm down from your emotional high. Was that why he never saw you this upset before?
“I-” He paused again, tripping over his own tongue as he tried to find the words he wanted. But maybe he had to stop thinking about what it was he wanted, and what you needed? Nevermind, he always thought about what you needed. It was a habit he’d developed on your 9th intrusion of his personal time. He swallowed. Sighed. Raised his hand aimlessly.
It was obvious that he was struggling much more than he’d like to admit to utter the words that you deserved to hear. You sniffled, your shining eyes locked onto his. He felt his breath catch for a moment. His lips tightened as he turned his head away, feeling his body heat up at the sight. It seemed to be doing that a lot lately when you’ve been looking at him as if he had hung the stars in your image. Which you’ve also been doing for a while. He really is dense, isn’t he? Or was it simply the disbelief that he felt at the mere idea of someone liking him, regardless of all his flaws and faults? Perhaps a mixture. He’d normally push everyone away before they could become as close as you had. Yet you persevered.
You pushed his buttons and his boundaries, you broke through his sharp words with kindness and patience, and you eased your way into his life and his mind that he had barely noticed the transition. He can’t even think of what his life was like before you were in it because he’s grown so accustomed to you being there by his side. Should he just… tell you that? That he can’t even remember what his life was like before you smiled your way into it? That on the days when you weren’t there with him, everything felt so dull and bleak? That your presence has brought a brightness to his life he hadn’t realised he was missing?
He bit his lower lip, staring at his raised hand as if it would give him the answers. You had to stifle a giggle at the sight of him glaring at his hand. It was obvious how hard he was thinking about this. Most likely over complicating it. It was a bit of a surprise conserving he’d usually be so blunt and direct. Yet, here he was, seeming to be planning out every syllable that was going to leave his lips. You were starting to feel a bit bad for putting him on the spot like this- maybe it was too soon for you to confess? Was he really ready to reciprocate or anything like that, or did he say he was just to save face?
“No. Just-” He sighed, glaring at his hand for a moment, flexing his joints before moving his gaze to your hand. His eyes sharpened before he stepped closer to you, holding his hand out to you. You blinked at him before bringing your own hand up. You half expected him to snatch it. He took your hand gently- his fingers smooth as they intertwined with yours. You resisted the urge to squeal. This was possibly one of the first times he’d ever touched you so intimately, completely aware of what he was doing(there was a time or two where he’d push your head down to prevent you being hit by something when in school).
“I’m not a,” He dragged off, his face twisting into one of almost painful thought. “I’m not the greatest at expressing myself. I’d rather hold your hand than talk about what I feel. So that’s what I’m going to do.” He kept his eyes locked onto yours, his focus feeling almost deadly. You’ve undergone this gaze before, but never of this degree before. You swallowed thickly. “You already know how I feel anyways, so it would be pointless for me to reiterate it.”
“You… kinda suck at this, I’m sorry.” You whispered weakly, a shaky smile trying to pull at your lips. You raised your free hand to your face, trying to cover your growing giggles. “I’m- I’m sorry-”
Your eyes were squeezed shut, your held hand shaking and beginning to tighten your grip. You could hear him stammer at your words. You let out a yelp when he tugged you into him, his other arm wrapping around you. The impact made you burst into laughter, the hand that was on your face moving to be on his shoulder while you laughed into his neck. You could feel him burning up against you.
“You are at fault for this. You and your spontaneous behaviours, your never-ending smile, and your obnoxious laughs.”
You let out a gasp, playfully tapping his chest as you leaned back with a bright smile. “You love my spontaneous behaviour and obnoxious laughs, thank you! Don’t think I haven’t seen the way your eyes get all blown up like a preying cat!”
“Don’t compare me to a cat.” He scoffed, placing a hand over your face, unaware of the soft smile on his lips, and the way his pupils had grown as you teased.
“You are like a cat though. Even Sethos would-”
“Don’t talk about him right now.” You could practically hear the pout on his lips. Probably scolding himself for misunderstanding you earlier. Your smile was beginning to hurt your cheeks as you squeezed him again. He hesitated before reciprocating. “Don’t expect this to happen often.”
Even if he didn’t, you wouldn’t have him any other way. Nor would he. Though the confession wasn’t “perfect”, or as cliche as the ones you’d read about, it was yours. It was perfect for you both because it was simply the two of you expressing your feelings, living in the sunlight of Sumeru’s rich land, with the sound of nature around you.
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