🌟Astrogods🌙

Gui, 31, dmab nonbinary, homoflexible man, autism + adhd

[mogai-ringo]

Hello, I apologize for the inconvenience.

I am not asking for a lot of money, I only need 70 euros to buy a medicine called Depalept to treat muscle spasms for my brother samer.

Vetted by @gazavetters #75

https://gofund.me/79a87a920

@hazemsuhail

Signal boosting

[queercodedangel]

"That gender reality is created through sustained social performances means that the very notions of an essential sex, a true or abiding masculinity or femininity, are also constituted as part of the strategy by which the performative aspect of gender is concealed.

[...]

Genders, then, can be neither true nor false, neither real nor apparent. And yet, one is compelled to live in a world in which genders constitute univocal signifiers, in which gender is stabilized, polarized, rendered discrete and intractable. In effect, gender is made to comply with a model of truth and falsity which not only contradicts its own performative fluidity, but serves a social policy of gender regulation and control. Performing one's gender wrong initiates a set of punishments both obvious and indirect, and performing it well provides the reassurance that there is an essentialism of gender identity after all."

- Judith Butler, Performative Acts and Gender Constitution

[mogai-ringo]

Yeah we definitely need a constellation of different types of murogender

[mogai-ringo]

murogender, from murus, wall in Latin

it colors your experience of gender as one that you experience through feelings of detachment, alienation, distance and/or incomprehension of your own community, particularly the one(s) in your upbringing that defined how you view society and your native culture(s).

maybe it's a gender that you associate with the factors leading you to feel out of place growing up with all the gender binary things that felt nonsensical around you, whether you are nonbinary or a binary trans person.

it is nevertheless not specific to AGAB-dissident people. for example, a person deemed male at birth who does not disagree in any way with his own label as a man, but that when looking at what goes outside his door, he feels like he is not built like that and that men in the outside world feel like they are a different sort of people.

it is neither specific to cause — neurodivergence, a different type of disability, gender nonconformity, a different axis of oppression like race, coming from an immigrant background, class, an interest deemed inappropriate, people just not liking you, your own culture having things you found hard to put up with or that was difficult/dangerous to navigate in general, your primary caregivers being otherwise very odd people in relation to the rest of society and you didn't feel "bilingual", a combination of several of these — nor how you feel about it.

maybe you rock it, maybe you stress over it, maybe you have an inferiority complex, maybe you have a superiority complex, maybe you're coping with not having been at the top, maybe you're difficult and people around you were chill and ready to accept you but interpersonal skills didn't come naturally.

maybe you felt like your family or your peers were a refuge, maybe they felt like part of the problem, maybe either or both felt like the worst offenders, maybe different sets of people had different associations for you, maybe it changed in time depending on them acting different or your own growth and changes.

it can be combined with other things, for example, muroautigender being a gender borne out of or shaped by the sense of distance between you and most people + the social construct of gender in society as you experienced it first-hand specifically in the context of being autistic. maybe you'd want to coin something that rolls off the tongue more easily, not just for muroautigender but many other possible subsets.

the name is inspired by the very tall walls separating houses and streets in many parts of Latin America (coiner is Brazilian from Morro do Pé Pequeno, Niterói + Nova Iguaçu, so no, this is not Latinorientalism), often making it impossible to see the street from the inside or vice-versa. it's not restricted to any group, in fact it is possible that most of the world is murogender to some extent. I have thought of posting this for many years, at least ever since 2020, but ended up procrastinating.

[mogai-ringo]

As a bonus, murogender is supposed to at least partially defang NLOG, a term often used against neurodivergent women and also weaponized against AGAB-dissident people while misgendering them. You are NOT an internalized misogynist for experiencing alienation + murogender (to the extent we are) is probably not the default experience of gender for either cis men or cis women, people invalidating the direness of your experiences are being emotional vampires.

Not that this kind of sentiment is unique or specific to the perception that people want to detach themselves from womanhood — I am nonbinary + cis man, and before I made peace with my AGAB, people also used to say I only claim nonbinary to dodge reflecting on my privilege, and they mocked the concept that gender could be anything but a benefit with the ever so odd inconvenience to people deemed male by society.

As if most cis men feel forcibly compelled to reckon with their male privilege at all, as if people took "male-read DMAB nonbinary people aren't privileged" (this is not a statement/discourse) very seriously even in the trans community, and as if being a cis man is necessarily always the experience of being a celebrated jock that just comes naturally and that you could only feel good about.

I would definitely be murogender even if I wasn't nonbinary, and maybe I am only nonbinary because I was always (~age 5, at least) very muroboy*. Or, I don't know where one thing begins and the other starts, which is part of why I claim both nonbinary and cis man.

* {I don't consider myself gender nonconforming. You would guess I am LGBTQIA now that I am 30 and don't give "nextdoor dad/working man", but not necessarily so when I was 18. My voice is very ambiguous, but more so boyish (girlish at the phone or in recordings, but not irl).

I knew that I liked boys in a way that was deemed atypical at 7, knew that people would be up in arms about it at 10, but only realized this fully meant I am bi and ~queer~ at 13 (before I was 12, I kinda thought gays and lesbians were trans people who were too poor or too scared to transition, and that me being 'a dog' [bi] meant I wasn't a mean, picky trans-amorous person towards the gay men who were also all potential trans girls, but still fully a man [straight and adjacent] myself... people in Brazil often contrasted gays with men), which promptly made me come out (as you can see, I have the type of ADHD that makes you yap), but this was a brave decision. It's tiresome that people keep degendering gay and bi men, like... we fought in Troy, we fought for Thebes, we fought for Alexander, we were samurai. /j

I don't relate to the kind of oppression experienced by men perceived as sissies + transfem sissies, people just sissyzone all kind and nice boys and all bi and gay men, but effeminacy is not really my situation. I am abinary and too autistic to try to binary, but GNC feels like it should be about femininity when discussing people like me, and I never really felt feminine.

To explicitly state it, I am not invalidating people who are GNC and all over the spectrum of gender of course, it's just that another thing people claim in Brazil is that "nonbinary is afeminada erasure". I was never an afem, in fact even while I fully claimed non-man, my gender was still closer to hegemonic man than to afem. But if you know anything about gender norms, it is that in order to embody them, you need to commit yourself to it, and as an auDHD person I am quick to reach a limit and draw a boundary.

Nonbinary felt comfortable because it came with a baggage of stereotypes that fit me way better than those associated with afems. Plus, it was still the woods here when I first came. GNC, as much as some people find it less dumb than nonbinary and explicitly try to erase us with it, to me really sounds like people believe you can only be a man, an afem (or a butch) or a woman. It's particularly dumb coming from other Brazilians. If you understand that travestis can be different from trans women, you can understand there's something other than afem between hegemonic manhood and being transfem.

I like murogender because it could make people think of "GNC" in a more "oh, like autistic people struggling to fit in" (gender in the way society is societying is not a language they feel comfortable with) way as opposed to "oh they're afem/tomboy" (they give 💅/💪). And it's explicitly made to include cis people since many are so quick to try to dismiss the possibility that nonbinary people have our own sort of separate qualia regarding gender. "Oh but perfectly average cis men and cis women have those issues too" This label is also for them!

And if you're a potential cis muroguy or murochick reading this, please don't feel like I am only including you to own the exorsexists. This consideration was always part of my sentiment. Like, one could easily identify I am autistic from the way I feel like a giant boy that happens to have reached 30, as opposed to a man. I am not making this up, one of my internet friends from Facebook says I speak Portuguese with the same diction (dexterity and energy of intonation) as an 8-year-old (and I don't have issues "feeling like an adult", it's just something that gets brought up).

And the man thing was something I always genuinely rejected growing up, because it would be like becoming an entirely different person who is not me, and then if I started to look like a man, they would expect that from me, and to me it would be like getting misgendered. Even before my teens, I thought it was really silly how everyone told us we needed to do things to "grow big and strong"... Why would I want to resemble random men more than my mom or grandma? But maybe people who are like me in almost all regards never had that particular chip on their shoulder, but somehow I am a gender minority and they are not... It feels arbitrary. And I didn't want to turn into a woman like my mom, I just wanted a grown up version of myself, which I felt very strongly would and should be [somewhat] distinct from being a man.

When I first came out as nonbinary in 2013 (age 18) by being presented with the concept,£ I came out as demiboy, but in 2014 I navigated towards just claiming the abinary, genderfluid and pangender parts of my gender since people implicitly or explicitly deemed DMAB demiboys "a cis NLOG inviting themselves in and appropriating a concept and struggle that's not theirs".

And this is ridiculous. Nonbinary encompasses the whole spectrum of having beef with the Western gender binary because it feels like it cannot accurately represent who you are. Through the course of my 20s I started feeling more comfortable being honest with others about my own manhood.£

(I wasn't disingenuous about it, my [googlable + quite outdated] 2018 gender equation has stuff like "proxvir", "oblimasculine", "exiccopostboy". But I feel like it detracts from me being a DUDE dude.

Cis people they/themmed me [not my pronouns — he/him here — but idrc] even when they hated me, which felt surreal but also driven by the consensus created by other nonbinary people that others must respect us. And I was unsure if they did that genuinely or because it was the PC thing to do.

But they didn't need to. I can handle people in their honest forms just fine. I can talk to people where they are as both a very inclu MOGAI coiner and as a performatively masculine cis man. My own way to handle my murogender means I always expect other people's views of gender as a language barrier that I will try to diplomatically overcome.

It's distinct from the way most trans people/most other nonbinary people perceive misgendering as a violence. I didn't like the accusations and twisting of my words from exorsexists I encountered though, of course, and until 2019/age 24 THAT made me dysphoric [more so in an RSD way than gender dysphoria way... I don't think I experienced gender dysphoria outside of ages 13-19]. But I am cis because I can see where other people are coming from in the way they see me.)

£ (I was also never disingenuous because I used to really be so nonbinary and muroboy that I was trans. [Again, this is not a statement on what trans is, just the way I interpret it to label myself] I had been telling people I wanted to stay androgynous and to grow long hair and dye it purple ever since I was 13 in 2008, but it wasn't taken very seriously and no one really understood why that was such a sore point for me, even though I did already relate that to transness the following year, and my worst dysphoria year was 2011.

But as soon as I had the language to express myself properly, the shards were expelled, the wounds healed themselves, I witnessed all the discourse from the perspective of a non-cis person and as a non-man, and I often tried to bridge things and clarify how my own experience was atypical... And I was often too 'meh' to feel like the hurt was my own... So, paradoxically, being openly nonbinary in progressive and leftist spaces was the thing that hegemonic male socialization couldn't do, turn me into a cis man.)

Anyway, back to the point, maybe murogender can help drive the point home that nonbinary shouldn't be a hierarchy or a competition, as murogender identifies an even greater commonality between almost all of us than gender nonconformity, dysphoria, the possibility of getting misgendered, so on.}

[mogai-ringo]

murogender, from murus, wall in Latin

it colors your experience of gender as one that you experience through feelings of detachment, alienation, distance and/or incomprehension of your own community, particularly the one(s) in your upbringing that defined how you view society and your native culture(s).

maybe it's a gender that you associate with the factors leading you to feel out of place growing up with all the gender binary things that felt nonsensical around you, whether you are nonbinary or a binary trans person.

it is nevertheless not specific to AGAB-dissident people. for example, a person deemed male at birth who does not disagree in any way with his own label as a man, but that when looking at what goes outside his door, he feels like he is not built like that and that men in the outside world feel like they are a different sort of people.

it is neither specific to cause — neurodivergence, a different type of disability, gender nonconformity, a different axis of oppression like race, coming from an immigrant background, class, an interest deemed inappropriate, people just not liking you, your own culture having things you found hard to put up with or that was difficult/dangerous to navigate in general, your primary caregivers being otherwise very odd people in relation to the rest of society and you didn't feel "bilingual", a combination of several of these — nor how you feel about it.

maybe you rock it, maybe you stress over it, maybe you have an inferiority complex, maybe you have a superiority complex, maybe you're coping with not having been at the top, maybe you're difficult and people around you were chill and ready to accept you but interpersonal skills didn't come naturally.

maybe you felt like your family or your peers were a refuge, maybe they felt like part of the problem, maybe either or both felt like the worst offenders, maybe different sets of people had different associations for you, maybe it changed in time depending on them acting different or your own growth and changes.

it can be combined with other things, for example, muroautigender being a gender borne out of or shaped by the sense of distance between you and most people + the social construct of gender in society as you experienced it first-hand specifically in the context of being autistic. maybe you'd want to coin something that rolls off the tongue more easily, not just for muroautigender but many other possible subsets.

the name is inspired by the very tall walls separating houses and streets in many parts of Latin America (coiner is Brazilian from Morro do Pé Pequeno, Niterói + Nova Iguaçu, so no, this is not Latinorientalism), often making it impossible to see the street from the inside or vice-versa. it's not restricted to any group, in fact it is possible that most of the world is murogender to some extent. I have thought of posting this for many years, at least ever since 2020, but ended up procrastinating.

[dysasterism]

What is an inner sense of gender? What does it mean to have a strong inner sense of gender? Is it the opposite of terms like uingender or gender apathy? Is the lack of an inner sense of gender the same as a lack of gender identity, and is therefore agender?

I see "inner sense of gender" mentioned in the definitions of maverique and ilyagender. I want to know more about what this means and how we can expand this topic to encompass other gender experiences.

[themaveriqueagenda]

i've been sitting on this for ages, knowing i have thoughts on this, so here goes nothing:

first off, "inner conviction about one's sense of gender" in the definition of maverique seems to have been included as another way of saying "this gender is not neutral", since queerascat thought of neutrality as not necessarily apathy, but as not participating in something, not taking a side in multiple opposing points, not having conviction.

here's what they said about their own sense of gender:

the sense of my own gender is too loud. it’s too conflicting with modern notions of gender to lie quiet in the shadows under some feigned pretense of neutrality.

and this is how i feel as well. even before reading this part, i thought that "strong sense of gender" is associated with maveriques is because our gender is in such deep conflict with the gender binary that it becomes nearly impossible to ignore. that's certainly part of my personal sense of gender, and seemingly vesper's too.

that said, i don't think a strong sense of gender is required to be maverique. i believe that maveriques are on an equal playing field with men and women (in theory - in practice, unfortunately there is exorsexism), so our experiences as maveriques can be as varied as those of men and women. there are men and women who don't have a particularly strong sense of gender, but still consider themselves strictly male or female. i don't see how the same couldn't be true for maveriques.

when i hear "inner sense of gender" specifically, i think of a sense of gender that exists regardless of who i'm with, even when i'm alone. i've heard a lot of people, especially nonbinary people, talk about how they feel more strongly gendered, or feel gender at all, in interactions with other people, but their gender isn't really something they think about when alone. that's not something i personally relate to. my gender is always present, even when i'm alone and not actively being reminded of it. similarly to that, i also don't relate when people say they think less about their gender the further they are into their transition - i think about my gender a lot, even 8 years after coming out. it's always there. it's not something i actively choose to think about, not really something i have to maintain. it's just very much there. it's hard to explain. maybe it's one of those "if you have it, you know it" things.

i don't have any personal experience with gender apathy, so take this with a grain of salt, but intuitively i'd say that gender apathy and "inner sense of gender" are opposites, even moreso the stronger your sense of gender gets.

ultimately i think a sense of gender is just knowing you are your gender, or what people sometimes call "feeling like your gender".

[evil-enby-osoka]

for me, inner sense of gender is the opposite of lack of sense of gender. (it may sound weird but it's the best i can call it).

my gender is here, it's always there, somewhere inside me. i have this feeling.

it may be stronger or weaker in different moments of my life dependent on other stuff. but it is always here.

i can't say that i don't care about gender as a whole. i can't say that i don't care about my gender specifically.

gender identity is one of important identities for me. it's something that matters for me. that i want to express, that i need other people to know to feel that they know me, that i need to give substantial place in my life.

i guess for some people lack of gender feeling and gender apathy will be separate. for example, they may have no gender feeling and care a lot about it. or they may have distinct gender feeling but don't care much about them.

for me, they are kinda connected. i have a distinct gender feeling and it makes me care about gender-related stuff and my gender identity and ability to perform it.

[posting-stuffies]

for me, it refers to my autonomy (auingender)

inner from innerworld. like aut- from autism originally meant innerworld (auto- prefix means self-).

now if you dedicate to fulfill yourself, subverting the external expectations (outer world).

it feels like a lack of territorialization from the outside and a little bit of adharmagender from other people's viewpoints. our perception of the world could always be seen as illusion to some people

[mogai-ringo]

To me, it means I think about

• other people's gender as an extremely relevant datapoint in how I can conceptualize their personality and the overall tone of our interactions (and I am into MOGAI stuff because I think it would be exorsexist not to want to also see other nonbinary people in an accurate light, if I think so much about it)

• how gender makes them see the world in a light distinct from my own

• how this may create many gaps in worldviews, priorities and needs

• how I cannot go around this gap in failsafe ways

• how my own biases aren't something terribly logical

• how I am not fundamentally distinct from people who have binary genders in that

• how I feel no offense at being gendered — and in a way, misgendered (I kind of expect people to believe my corporeality, socialization and behavior align in a way that they'd interpret me to have a male bias? and how that's not really untrue?)

• how I still feel a huge gap between myself and [other?!] men that's on occasion just as wide as or wider than the gap between me and women

• how I want to relate to other people and see myself as an ultimate gender diplomat (panzerogender metaneutrois) but simultaneously know that's extremely far from the truth and the more I try to explain myself to most people, the more confused they get (or think I am a navelgazing tryhard, or neutrally think that this is too autistic), due to the way you cannot effectively put this qualia of having a specific gender into words to then transmit it (to most people)

• how I am fine with not being able to be the ultimate gender diplomat, because I am my own very odd thing that is thus isolated from others, and so much of my experiences require extremely specific context and baggage, but this is NOT about apathy or about not caring about gender, it's about me being really strongly distinct from everybody else and *accepting that and finding that rad*, to the point I am even a bit smug about it (metamaverique, very light kenochoric teas), which is in an opposite direction from the empathy necessary for the neutrois thing

• and finally, and this one gets spicy, how I find not possessing a sense of gender identity, considering that this is the way I function, one of the most mystifying sides of our acronym, particularly when it comes to identities everybody knows. even the inner nuances of my own identity as a nonbinary person are gendered, for example, I'd say my neutrois side is more feminine-shaded and my maverique side more masculine-shaded.

I am gonna say something unhinged, but 7-12 years ago when this was all new, I would try to move myself to a gender as if I was astral projecting, but agender felt like depression. all the gender labels coming across as *equally* nonsensical in your personal experience? finding men and women *equally* unrelatable? finding *either* type of misgendering equally incorrect? it legit felt like spiritually attacking myself. (maybe those aren't universals and agender people definitely are more "antigender"-ish about some concepts than others? this was 12 years ago tho! one love)

People give xenogender peeps a lot of flak but those were vastly more pleasant to try to mutate myself into temporarily, even though technically I was never sure I could truly relate and Kirby them up since the logic in which their sense of gender operates is distinct from my own — trying to think of myself as a woman is much easier [and feels truer] than to try to fold my sense of gender into something that operates like a butterfly, even though I am a billion-quintillion (?) times more of a man than a woman, and 2-50 (?) times more neutrois and maverique than a man.

(Is this even correct? technically I can subsume my nonbinariness into a subset of me being a man, but I can't do the opposite; I am, nevertheless, infinitely more nonbinary than most men out there [this sense of competitiveness is where my metamaverique identity is also a 'valid solution' of panzerogender for me 😁 competing with metaneutrois as its gemigender]. But the point is, in spite of that, I feel ∞ times closer to cisness than I feel to agenderness! Crazy!)

So I guess repellence, at the lack of a better word, to the thought of non-comgenderness is part of that too. This may be extremely personal, though.

[posting-stuffies]

Thats cause you see this particular aspect as interdependent and almost integrally codependent instead of independent.

while for uingender aspect of it. it could be obscure if you don't do a deep dive into yourself before externalizing your internalized perceptions of the world

[mogai-ringo]

Well, yes. You have been talking a lot about territoriality, the habituation with your surrounding environment. And things that make you lose that i.e. feel at a loss/feel lost.

I am a neurotic (vs psychotic or perverse) [I kinda have OCD, I don't think it could be an independent diagnosis but as a comorbidity to my autism it works] with anxious attachment.

ENTP (ILE-Ne but the intellectuality of 6 and L1 brings me ILE-Ti traits) 6w7 LEFV (Attitudinal Psyche).

I *NEED* to make sense of things and I got a compulsion of trying to sniff around other people's business and trying to poke them until I figure them out. It's how I got into astrology even though I started as a very skeptical atheist trying to debunk it, too. The tea was scalding. I will often be the best about remembering details about a friend in a friend group, even though I might struggle to remember names.

It's not my internalized perceptions of the world that I will question. I will by nature assume what I already know to be right until proven the contrary. And I will be fine with people being like this.

It's the fact that other people are mystery boxes (+ anxious attachment/rejection sensitive dysphoria!!) that will 'deterritorialize' me.

It's why metamaverique is a little kenochoric for me. It's where the grave marking the limits of panzerogender as "every zerogender accessible to you" is placed. And why it feels spiritually inappropriate to let this gender not be very yang — so yang I even reached zerononbinary lately (🥴) as the panzerogender spell always plays really funny pranks on me.

[posting-stuffies]

so anyone that is beyond maverique is a within mythic/mystic alternate reality and you're the only one with the feet on the ground to think that metamaveriques are detached from the grass/out-of-touch?

would you consider anti-infragender?

[mogai-ringo]

Yes, anti-infragender fits haha

I just meant that in my case specifically, my personal twist to maverique (metamaverique) feels boyish and edgy (in the way kenochoric could include, among other things, a sense of gender that feels somewhat unintentionally hostile to humanity) whereas my personal twist to neutrois (metaneutrois) feels girlish and prim, like in that "oh it's fine I just didn't expect it to be Chinese" TikTok meme about going to heaven.

My 2018 gender equation is very outdated (for one, it has narkissi but I no longer self-dx as having compensatory NPD 😅 it was just pathological demand avoidance + rejection sensitive dysphoria + being young + being an extrovert) but it's right at the start. Nonpuer and proxvir at one hand and nonpuella and juxera as less central molligenders flavoring the maverique and neutrois core represents part of that concept.

〔cado{abime[meta(maverique × neutrois) sur(primus • gemel)gemigender × (☊ rahu-metanarkissiultrapringender × ☋ ketu-suprapreciospesgender) karma-grandioimplalovesequigemigender quadgender • (nonpuer × proxvir • nonpuella × juxera) • (oblimasculine exiccopostboy illusononbinary × pretransneutral entropostboy) molligemigender apollo·gender·shuffler] = causti[(venn × contrari)pluequi(pangender × antipangender)]}-[senti × mala (altexoy) • senti(pixelboy • paraboy • ekraboy • emipixelgirl • paragirl • para-antiboy • para-antigirl) • mala(cre • cosmic • crypto • exploro • horo • math × lettra)gender]-condicend(schrodi • quantum)pangender [emi(impri × muto × aero × absor × reflecti × cham × chameleo × ludo × amor)gender × emiattrafluid]copygender argo·gender·blur fluidflux, (extro • imperi • migra • math • masoch • novi • quiz • strato • virus • voracio • world)gender〕= anti-melauche

[dysasterism]

What is an inner sense of gender? What does it mean to have a strong inner sense of gender? Is it the opposite of terms like uingender or gender apathy? Is the lack of an inner sense of gender the same as a lack of gender identity, and is therefore agender?

I see "inner sense of gender" mentioned in the definitions of maverique and ilyagender. I want to know more about what this means and how we can expand this topic to encompass other gender experiences.

[themaveriqueagenda]

i've been sitting on this for ages, knowing i have thoughts on this, so here goes nothing:

first off, "inner conviction about one's sense of gender" in the definition of maverique seems to have been included as another way of saying "this gender is not neutral", since queerascat thought of neutrality as not necessarily apathy, but as not participating in something, not taking a side in multiple opposing points, not having conviction.

here's what they said about their own sense of gender:

the sense of my own gender is too loud. it’s too conflicting with modern notions of gender to lie quiet in the shadows under some feigned pretense of neutrality.

and this is how i feel as well. even before reading this part, i thought that "strong sense of gender" is associated with maveriques is because our gender is in such deep conflict with the gender binary that it becomes nearly impossible to ignore. that's certainly part of my personal sense of gender, and seemingly vesper's too.

that said, i don't think a strong sense of gender is required to be maverique. i believe that maveriques are on an equal playing field with men and women (in theory - in practice, unfortunately there is exorsexism), so our experiences as maveriques can be as varied as those of men and women. there are men and women who don't have a particularly strong sense of gender, but still consider themselves strictly male or female. i don't see how the same couldn't be true for maveriques.

when i hear "inner sense of gender" specifically, i think of a sense of gender that exists regardless of who i'm with, even when i'm alone. i've heard a lot of people, especially nonbinary people, talk about how they feel more strongly gendered, or feel gender at all, in interactions with other people, but their gender isn't really something they think about when alone. that's not something i personally relate to. my gender is always present, even when i'm alone and not actively being reminded of it. similarly to that, i also don't relate when people say they think less about their gender the further they are into their transition - i think about my gender a lot, even 8 years after coming out. it's always there. it's not something i actively choose to think about, not really something i have to maintain. it's just very much there. it's hard to explain. maybe it's one of those "if you have it, you know it" things.

i don't have any personal experience with gender apathy, so take this with a grain of salt, but intuitively i'd say that gender apathy and "inner sense of gender" are opposites, even moreso the stronger your sense of gender gets.

ultimately i think a sense of gender is just knowing you are your gender, or what people sometimes call "feeling like your gender".

[evil-enby-osoka]

for me, inner sense of gender is the opposite of lack of sense of gender. (it may sound weird but it's the best i can call it).

my gender is here, it's always there, somewhere inside me. i have this feeling.

it may be stronger or weaker in different moments of my life dependent on other stuff. but it is always here.

i can't say that i don't care about gender as a whole. i can't say that i don't care about my gender specifically.

gender identity is one of important identities for me. it's something that matters for me. that i want to express, that i need other people to know to feel that they know me, that i need to give substantial place in my life.

i guess for some people lack of gender feeling and gender apathy will be separate. for example, they may have no gender feeling and care a lot about it. or they may have distinct gender feeling but don't care much about them.

for me, they are kinda connected. i have a distinct gender feeling and it makes me care about gender-related stuff and my gender identity and ability to perform it.

[posting-stuffies]

for me, it refers to my autonomy (auingender)

inner from innerworld. like aut- from autism originally meant innerworld (auto- prefix means self-).

now if you dedicate to fulfill yourself, subverting the external expectations (outer world).

it feels like a lack of territorialization from the outside and a little bit of adharmagender from other people's viewpoints. our perception of the world could always be seen as illusion to some people

[mogai-ringo]

To me, it means I think about

• other people's gender as an extremely relevant datapoint in how I can conceptualize their personality and the overall tone of our interactions (and I am into MOGAI stuff because I think it would be exorsexist not to want to also see other nonbinary people in an accurate light, if I think so much about it)

• how gender makes them see the world in a light distinct from my own

• how this may create many gaps in worldviews, priorities and needs

• how I cannot go around this gap in failsafe ways

• how my own biases aren't something terribly logical

• how I am not fundamentally distinct from people who have binary genders in that

• how I feel no offense at being gendered — and in a way, misgendered (I kind of expect people to believe my corporeality, socialization and behavior align in a way that they'd interpret me to have a male bias? and how that's not really untrue?)

• how I still feel a huge gap between myself and [other?!] men that's on occasion just as wide as or wider than the gap between me and women

• how I want to relate to other people and see myself as an ultimate gender diplomat (panzerogender metaneutrois) but simultaneously know that's extremely far from the truth and the more I try to explain myself to most people, the more confused they get (or think I am a navelgazing tryhard, or neutrally think that this is too autistic), due to the way you cannot effectively put this qualia of having a specific gender into words to then transmit it (to most people)

• how I am fine with not being able to be the ultimate gender diplomat, because I am my own very odd thing that is thus isolated from others, and so much of my experiences require extremely specific context and baggage, but this is NOT about apathy or about not caring about gender, it's about me being really strongly distinct from everybody else and *accepting that and finding that rad*, to the point I am even a bit smug about it (metamaverique, very light kenochoric teas), which is in an opposite direction from the empathy necessary for the neutrois thing

• and finally, and this one gets spicy, how I find not possessing a sense of gender identity, considering that this is the way I function, one of the most mystifying sides of our acronym, particularly when it comes to identities everybody knows. even the inner nuances of my own identity as a nonbinary person are gendered, for example, I'd say my neutrois side is more feminine-shaded and my maverique side more masculine-shaded.

I am gonna say something unhinged, but 7-12 years ago when this was all new, I would try to move myself to a gender as if I was astral projecting, but agender felt like depression. all the gender labels coming across as *equally* nonsensical in your personal experience? finding men and women *equally* unrelatable? finding *either* type of misgendering equally incorrect? it legit felt like spiritually attacking myself. (maybe those aren't universals and agender people definitely are more "antigender"-ish about some concepts than others? this was 12 years ago tho! one love)

People give xenogender peeps a lot of flak but those were vastly more pleasant to try to mutate myself into temporarily, even though technically I was never sure I could truly relate and Kirby them up since the logic in which their sense of gender operates is distinct from my own — trying to think of myself as a woman is much easier [and feels truer] than to try to fold my sense of gender into something that operates like a butterfly, even though I am a billion-quintillion (?) times more of a man than a woman, and 2-50 (?) times more neutrois and maverique than a man.

(Is this even correct? technically I can subsume my nonbinariness into a subset of me being a man, but I can't do the opposite; I am, nevertheless, infinitely more nonbinary than most men out there [this sense of competitiveness is where my metamaverique identity is also a 'valid solution' of panzerogender for me 😁 competing with metaneutrois as its gemigender]. But the point is, in spite of that, I feel ∞ times closer to cisness than I feel to agenderness! Crazy!)

So I guess repellence, at the lack of a better word, to the thought of non-comgenderness is part of that too. This may be extremely personal, though.

[posting-stuffies]

Thats cause you see this particular aspect as interdependent and almost integrally codependent instead of independent.

while for uingender aspect of it. it could be obscure if you don't do a deep dive into yourself before externalizing your internalized perceptions of the world

[mogai-ringo]

Well, yes. You have been talking a lot about territoriality, the habituation with your surrounding environment. And things that make you lose that i.e. feel at a loss/feel lost.

I am a neurotic (vs psychotic or perverse) [I kinda have OCD, I don't think it could be an independent diagnosis but as a comorbidity to my autism it works] with anxious attachment.

ENTP (ILE-Ne but the intellectuality of 6 and L1 brings me ILE-Ti traits) 6w7 LEFV (Attitudinal Psyche).

I *NEED* to make sense of things and I got a compulsion of trying to sniff around other people's business and trying to poke them until I figure them out. It's how I got into astrology even though I started as a very skeptical atheist trying to debunk it, too. The tea was scalding. I will often be the best about remembering details about a friend in a friend group, even though I might struggle to remember names.

It's not my internalized perceptions of the world that I will question. I will by nature assume what I already know to be right until proven the contrary. And I will be fine with people being like this.

It's the fact that other people are mystery boxes (+ anxious attachment/rejection sensitive dysphoria!!) that will 'deterritorialize' me.

It's why metamaverique is a little kenochoric for me. It's where the grave marking the limits of panzerogender as "every zerogender accessible to you" is placed. And why it feels spiritually inappropriate to let this gender not be very yang — so yang I even reached zerononbinary lately (🥴) as the panzerogender spell always plays really funny pranks on me.

[dysasterism]

What is an inner sense of gender? What does it mean to have a strong inner sense of gender? Is it the opposite of terms like uingender or gender apathy? Is the lack of an inner sense of gender the same as a lack of gender identity, and is therefore agender?

I see "inner sense of gender" mentioned in the definitions of maverique and ilyagender. I want to know more about what this means and how we can expand this topic to encompass other gender experiences.

[themaveriqueagenda]

i've been sitting on this for ages, knowing i have thoughts on this, so here goes nothing:

first off, "inner conviction about one's sense of gender" in the definition of maverique seems to have been included as another way of saying "this gender is not neutral", since queerascat thought of neutrality as not necessarily apathy, but as not participating in something, not taking a side in multiple opposing points, not having conviction.

here's what they said about their own sense of gender:

the sense of my own gender is too loud. it’s too conflicting with modern notions of gender to lie quiet in the shadows under some feigned pretense of neutrality.

and this is how i feel as well. even before reading this part, i thought that "strong sense of gender" is associated with maveriques is because our gender is in such deep conflict with the gender binary that it becomes nearly impossible to ignore. that's certainly part of my personal sense of gender, and seemingly vesper's too.

that said, i don't think a strong sense of gender is required to be maverique. i believe that maveriques are on an equal playing field with men and women (in theory - in practice, unfortunately there is exorsexism), so our experiences as maveriques can be as varied as those of men and women. there are men and women who don't have a particularly strong sense of gender, but still consider themselves strictly male or female. i don't see how the same couldn't be true for maveriques.

when i hear "inner sense of gender" specifically, i think of a sense of gender that exists regardless of who i'm with, even when i'm alone. i've heard a lot of people, especially nonbinary people, talk about how they feel more strongly gendered, or feel gender at all, in interactions with other people, but their gender isn't really something they think about when alone. that's not something i personally relate to. my gender is always present, even when i'm alone and not actively being reminded of it. similarly to that, i also don't relate when people say they think less about their gender the further they are into their transition - i think about my gender a lot, even 8 years after coming out. it's always there. it's not something i actively choose to think about, not really something i have to maintain. it's just very much there. it's hard to explain. maybe it's one of those "if you have it, you know it" things.

i don't have any personal experience with gender apathy, so take this with a grain of salt, but intuitively i'd say that gender apathy and "inner sense of gender" are opposites, even moreso the stronger your sense of gender gets.

ultimately i think a sense of gender is just knowing you are your gender, or what people sometimes call "feeling like your gender".

[evil-enby-osoka]

for me, inner sense of gender is the opposite of lack of sense of gender. (it may sound weird but it's the best i can call it).

my gender is here, it's always there, somewhere inside me. i have this feeling.

it may be stronger or weaker in different moments of my life dependent on other stuff. but it is always here.

i can't say that i don't care about gender as a whole. i can't say that i don't care about my gender specifically.

gender identity is one of important identities for me. it's something that matters for me. that i want to express, that i need other people to know to feel that they know me, that i need to give substantial place in my life.

i guess for some people lack of gender feeling and gender apathy will be separate. for example, they may have no gender feeling and care a lot about it. or they may have distinct gender feeling but don't care much about them.

for me, they are kinda connected. i have a distinct gender feeling and it makes me care about gender-related stuff and my gender identity and ability to perform it.

[posting-stuffies]

for me, it refers to my autonomy (auingender)

inner from innerworld. like aut- from autism originally meant innerworld (auto- prefix means self-).

now if you dedicate to fulfill yourself, subverting the external expectations (outer world).

it feels like a lack of territorialization from the outside and a little bit of adharmagender from other people's viewpoints. our perception of the world could always be seen as illusion to some people

[mogai-ringo]

To me, it means I think about

• other people's gender as an extremely relevant datapoint in how I can conceptualize their personality and the overall tone of our interactions (and I am into MOGAI stuff because I think it would be exorsexist not to want to also see other nonbinary people in an accurate light, if I think so much about it)

• how gender makes them see the world in a light distinct from my own

• how this may create many gaps in worldviews, priorities and needs

• how I cannot go around this gap in failsafe ways

• how my own biases aren't something terribly logical

• how I am not fundamentally distinct from people who have binary genders in that

• how I feel no offense at being gendered — and in a way, misgendered (I kind of expect people to believe my corporeality, socialization and behavior align in a way that they'd interpret me to have a male bias? and how that's not really untrue?)

• how I still feel a huge gap between myself and [other?!] men that's on occasion just as wide as or wider than the gap between me and women

• how I want to relate to other people and see myself as an ultimate gender diplomat (panzerogender metaneutrois) but simultaneously know that's extremely far from the truth and the more I try to explain myself to most people, the more confused they get (or think I am a navelgazing tryhard, or neutrally think that this is too autistic), due to the way you cannot effectively put this qualia of having a specific gender into words to then transmit it (to most people)

• how I am fine with not being able to be the ultimate gender diplomat, because I am my own very odd thing that is thus isolated from others, and so much of my experiences require extremely specific context and baggage, but this is NOT about apathy or about not caring about gender, it's about me being really strongly distinct from everybody else and *accepting that and finding that rad*, to the point I am even a bit smug about it (metamaverique, very light kenochoric teas), which is in an opposite direction from the empathy necessary for the neutrois thing

• and finally, and this one gets spicy, how I find not possessing a sense of gender identity, considering that this is the way I function, one of the most mystifying sides of our acronym, particularly when it comes to identities everybody knows. even the inner nuances of my own identity as a nonbinary person are gendered, for example, I'd say my neutrois side is more feminine-shaded and my maverique side more masculine-shaded.

I am gonna say something unhinged, but 7-12 years ago when this was all new, I would try to move myself to a gender as if I was astral projecting, but agender felt like depression. all the gender labels coming across as *equally* nonsensical in your personal experience? finding men and women *equally* unrelatable? finding *either* type of misgendering equally incorrect? it legit felt like spiritually attacking myself. (maybe those aren't universals and agender people definitely are more "antigender"-ish about some concepts than others? this was 12 years ago tho! one love)

People give xenogender peeps a lot of flak but those were vastly more pleasant to try to mutate myself into temporarily, even though technically I was never sure I could truly relate and Kirby them up since the logic in which their sense of gender operates is distinct from my own — trying to think of myself as a woman is much easier [and feels truer] than to try to fold my sense of gender into something that operates like a butterfly, even though I am a billion-quintillion (?) times more of a man than a woman, and 2-50 (?) times more neutrois and maverique than a man.

(Is this even correct? technically I can subsume my nonbinariness into a subset of me being a man, but I can't do the opposite; I am, nevertheless, infinitely more nonbinary than most men out there [this sense of competitiveness is where my metamaverique identity is also a 'valid solution' of panzerogender for me 😁 competing with metaneutrois as its gemigender]. But the point is, in spite of that, I feel ∞ times closer to cisness than I feel to agenderness! Crazy!)

So I guess repellence, at the lack of a better word, to the thought of non-comgenderness is part of that too. This may be extremely personal, though.

[mogai-ringo]

Tl;dr

dharmagender the niceness that motivates a desire to be socially harmonious in your gender

adharmagender the antisociality in your gender

ketugender your gender when you're alone and perfectly well that way

rahugender your gender when you have all the spotlights pointing at you and you want to live up to the hype (or the gender that makes you fantasize with that)

@arco-pluris asked if I wanted to define an antigender for dharmagender. Well, yes... But it's not something most people will want to aim at identifying themselves with. Dharma in Hinduism, Jainism and Buddhism is similar to our concepts of ethics and morality, so an adharmic being is one currently at a state characterized by immorality, wickedness, unrighteousness, disorder.

Personally, I'd rather define adharmagender as a gender that makes you seek or perpetuate conflict, injustice, oppression.

An obvious case is the association between toxic masculinity and a disregard for things that seem to most of us as completely unrelated to gender as recycling, healthier food or doing one's part for public health, but I'd consider the Lunarian agenderness a lot of TERFs claim to be another good example.

With that said, dharmagender is essentially about understanding how much you can do to be harmonious with others in the way that they are while not being disrespectful to yourself — like in the middle path advocated by Buddhism — and being grateful to how your life experiences shaped who you are now and made you grow.

Being fully honest, and this is a hot take, my personal opinion is that in Western cultures, and I am including urban Brazilians (like me and ap) in that, is that most feminist women, pro-feminist men and nonbinary people are quite close to zerodharmagender, due to the way people who profess leftism and liberalism here are often extreme individualists due to feeling a disconnect with their own communities, and I say that it's absolutely understandable to feel alienated from most people around you due to all sorts of reasons.

The zerodharmagenderness in this case is that many of us don't really strongly attempt to foster a middle ground with average people who you can assume a lack of malice from, due to being extremely concerned with our personal objectives and viewpoints. It is one thing to avoid one's stress from attrition, but we gotta concede that there's a lot of unnecessary infighting, toxicity or pettiness in all camps of our vague political coalition caused merely by people being unable to distance themselves from fleeting negative emotions or a lack of desire towards offering others good faith.

This is also an oversimplification, there are multiple ways one can be wise and bring about positive change without necessarily trying to be stereotypically chill, collected, stoic. The dharma is generally defined in a way that includes challenging its absence as you find it along the way.

I am also not trying to virtue-signal by saying this. I have the forumlord debatebro 'thick skin' typical of people deemed male at birth who come from impoverished backgrounds and who were always 'nerdy' but weren't victimized from an early age for coming across as feminine. (This is very distinct from fake dark humor and "both sides" people who are just reactionaries testing the waters on how much they can expose their true nature without others confronting them, and the conflation of the two annoys me.)

My behavior when around people who I need to walk on eggshells with is often that of subtle concern trolling and sealioning around where I believe they should show more flexibility, until they decide to completely cut contact, which has hurt me in the past as I have auDHD and to me being playful is different from being mean. I have tried to adjust to such people, but I keep failing because there's always a new layer of me people may not be prepared for, and unless people have fully embraced shitposter anarchy, they often decide it has crossed their limit. I am thus also far from dharmagender since I like to shock and to be a clown far more than I like to be deemed as unproblematic and thus to be a harmonious agent.

Another thing, I'd say Lady Gaga and Jo Calderone both fall under rahugender. Say, a ketugender is very non-performative. Like a babushka living in a cabin in the forest. She's a terrific grandmother and embodies womanhood very well, but she's far from an external consumerist culture perception of what is desirable about women — and she is completely detached from these standards anyway. Babushkas impose respect, it has nothing to do with accepting problematic conservative norms or hierarchies. It simply conveys the concept of "touching grass".

Meanwhile, rahugender would be an influencer whose identity is in constant flux with the hyperreal form they're building by their engagement with the public. An artsy persona is also a subset of that. I am not being judgmental here, I am very eternally online and have reflexes of both ketugender and rahugender in myself.

Since we spoke about TERFs, much of their discourse seems to be about trying to define this universal ketugender that patriarchy is inhibiting people from living... While displaying very obvious adharmic rahugender behaviors. If you're at peace with yourself, you don't try to frame particularly marginalized individuals as examples of what's wrong with society, as society already shuns their existence, because you're completely blinded by a narrow viewpoint that you try to project onto the world due to ego. Indeed, a common aspect of transphobia is to believe that transness is universally a form of rahugender. That transness could never be ketugender and dharmagender i.e. that trans people are defined about not being in peace with themselves and not wanting to see the good faith in others or try to help foster social harmony. This often coming from people who are themselves pure ideology.

[beyond-mogai-pride-flags]

Parcubomo/Incuthenomo Pride Flags

Incubogay Pride Flag

Incubogay: a new term for suptilic homo-everything individuals; someone who don't want relationship (of any kind) or proximity with women while still attracted to, at least, men and/or masculine individuals (not necessarily aptoma folks).

Parthenolesbian Pride Flag

Parthenolesbian: a new term for suptilic homo-everything people; someone who don't want relationship (of any kind) or proximity with men while still attracted, at least, to women and/or feminine folks (not necessarily aptofe individuals).

Coined with help of @mogai-ringo. Help with image transcripts appreciated.

[catchymemes]

[debellatis]

This is.... Absurdly cute. What the fuck.

[gallusrostromegalus]

It's worth noting that the reason the beaver wants the water to be deeper in the first place is that the Beaver is using the deep water as a pantry:

All summer and fall, beavers gather up branches with the leaves they actually eat, and store it in the deep end of the Pond, where the cold water and limited oxygen keep the leaves fresh all winter, so when it's negative 20 outside, a beaver can take a dip out of it's lodge, grab some refrigerated leaves in the (relatively) warmer water and go back to it's cozy little nap hole while everything else is out there suffering and eating bark or the like.

So it's less "there's a leak in my house" and more "OH SHIT THE FRIDGE!!"

[ayeforscotland]

The Onion pulling zero fucking punches.

[foone]

FUN FACT: I own porn I can't watch.

So this is a copy of Adultery for Fun & Profit, a 1971 X-rated film. It won the Grand Prize at the Amsterdam Adult Film Festival, for the year 1970-1971!

BUT it's on Cartrivision.

Cartrivision was an early home videotape format announced in 1970, released in June 1972, and dead by July 1973.

It has some "fun" features, like not selling VCRs for it: you had to buy it build into a new console TV. Which were huge, because it was the 70s.

There's also issue of Red Tapes (of which this is one!)

See, early on the movie industry hated the idea of home movies. They made all their money on movie tickets, right? People watching movies at home, that's gonna seriously cut into their market. This is why they later sued Sony for the introduction of Beta, arguing that it could be used to pirate movies by recording them off TV. (They lost)

So when Cartridge Television started selling Cartrivision in 1972, none of the movie studios really wanted to start selling their films on home tapes, that idea sounded scary. What if someone had a copy of all their favorite films and could watch them forever at home, and never went to the theaters ever again? The movie studios would go out of business!

So along with releasing a bunch of older B&W movies (the only ones they could license), sporting events, and shows from PBS, Cartridge Television came up with a compromise that worked for the movie studios:

Red Tapes.

So, Cartrivision tapes came in two formats: Black Tapes and Red Tapes. Black tapes you'd buy at the store like any other product, but for Red Tapes (which were relatively recent movies), you instead would go to the store and place an order from a catalog. The store would have it delivered by mail, then you'd come back in and get the tape. You'd take it home, watch it, and then return it back to the store. So... Video rental (like Blockbuster!), except they didn't have any stock on hand, and only got the tapes on-demand by mail? Seems annoying.

BUT OH NO: it's far more annoying than that. See... Red Tapes aren't mechanically like Black Tapes.

You can't rewind them.

You can play them and pause or stop them just like any other tape, but the rewind feature on your Cartrivison TV doesn't work.

So once you start watching a film, you can only go forward from that point. You want to rewatch it? Too bad. Go back to the store and pay for it again.

Here's that tape again. Note that it's red: You can only watch this porn film once. Then you have to return it to the store... the stores that haven't been doing this since JULY OF 1973.

But there's another thing you can see on this picture (barely, because this is a blurry picture, thanks Past!Foone): The visible screws in the corners

So here's the thing: The tape labels for Cartrivision hide the screws. A regular tape will look like this:

BUT when Cartrivision failed in July 1973, a bunch of stores sold off their unsold inventory, including watch-once Red Tapes. And people still had some of the players. But what's the point of having a tape you can't rewind? You've basically destroyed the tape now, since it's stuck at the end and can't be rewound!

So people bought some of those Red Tapes (cheaply, I hope) and then took them home and opened them up with a screwdriver, damaging the labels. They figured out how the no-rewinding mechanism worked, and removed it. So basically every Red Tape you will find for sale on ebay has visible screws, because someone modded it in the past.

Anyway, the format has been dead so long that it's doubly-impossible to watch now. The players were only built into big heavy 1970s TVs, which were long ago thrown out. The tapes have gotten old and brittle. If you somehow DID have a player, and it somehow still worked after half a century, the tape will probably shatter as soon as you try to play it.

And the whole format only lasted 13 months, so there wasn't that much inventory sold in the first place, so there wasn't a huge number of these in existence anyway.

But a final fun fact: Someone HAS managed to get video off one of these tapes. And it was so hard that they made an award-winning documentary about it.

See, this was basically the first home video format for recording TV. The quality was terrible but it was better than nothing, and it turns out some fan with a Cartrivision recorded a copy of Game 5 of the 1973 NBA Finals game. ABC and both teams (LA Lakers & NY Knicks) had video copies of that game... and ALL THREE OF THEM LOST IT. But the fan copy survived, in a format no one could play, on a tape that would shatter if you tried to play it.

So DuArt Media Services got to work trying to rescue the tape. They had to dry it out, bake it, freeze it, soak it in alcohol, and rebuild a broken Cartrivision unit, then do a lot of manual fixups on the digital files they'd captured off the tape, but they finally managed to capture the recording of the game.

This was used for the MSG Network, who were doing a special on the 1973 championship, and had no footage of that pivotal game. With DuArt's work, they had something to show.

DuArt then made a documentary about this, called "Lost and Found: The ’73 Knicks Championship Tape". It won an Emmy.

The punchline? That documentary seems to be lost. I have been looking for years, and have not found a copy, other than a short excerpt on Vimeo.

So yeah. Cartrivision. I'm slightly obsessed with it, even though I've never actually been able to watch a single second of Cartrivison footage. Tapes occasionally show up on ebay, the odd technical manual or spare part, but players are rare, always broken, and probably would just shred the tapes even if they did somehow work. The tapes are just too old. '

Cartrivision is just... dead and gone. Not yet forgotten, but it took media restoration experts a long time and a lot of work to even get a few minutes of footage off one tape. My chances of ever being able to play my Adultery for Fun & Profit tape are basically negative zero.

[dduane]

…This is So Bizarre.

[quoms]

The thing about Those White People Baby Names is the way they so poetically express the tension between individuality and rigid conformity. These parents all want to name their child something unique, because they value the concept of uniqueness, yet simultaneously they abhor it in practice… ergo, 30 different spelling variations on the most normative possible names. This homogeneity-masquerading-as-diversity is inseparable from capitalist consumer culture and in fact is directly analogous to the experience of walking into a grocery store and being asked to “choose” between 50 varieties of toothpaste with the same exact ingredients, 12 brands of laundry detergent, etc.

[itd-be-gay-if-you-didnt]

Somebody’s third eye is WIDE the fuck open??!!!!!!!

[earlgraytay]

okay so there’s actually a reason behind this that isn’t just “white people are terrible and really really boring!” it’s to do with Mormon culture. specifically: the fireworks you get when sexist expectations and terrible petty drama collide. 

most of Those White People Baby Names are originally Mormon baby names. they’re chosen (or invented) by women in Utah; they tend to filter out to the rest of the world through things like “mommy blogs” and “baby name books” and “parent forums.” 

you know how every culture has a “hey, welcome to the world, lil baby!” ritual? the mormon version of that is called a baby blessing. the baby’s father, and a handful of other men in the family, go up in front of the congregation during a Sunday service and say a special prayer. it begins by reciting the baby’s full name and then saying “I give you a name and a blessing.”  It’s not something you can avoid doing- if you try, people will think that you’re trying to hide something. baby blessings are mandatory, and everyone in the congregation will watch and judge you.

because of this, your baby’s name gets a good bit more of a spotlight in Mormon culture than it does in secular culture, and that’s saying something. 

 Mormon women start picking out names for their hypothetical future kids in fourth or fifth grade and snipe at each other for picking “weird” or “bad” ones. it’s something that’s supposed to be in the back of your head long before you have a kid. and because people will judge you if you pick a name that’s “too boring” or “too weird”, it is already an intricate dance of finding something that’s “interesting” enough to pass muster but not so “interesting” your kid won’t survive kindergarten.

and that dance becomes even more intricate when Baby Name Drama gets involved. 

see, because you’re supposed to put so much time into your baby’s name, a lot of women get… overinvested, let us say. the perfect name they picked for their baby is THEIR baby’s name and NO ONE ELSE’S. if you so much as dare to BREATHE that you’re naming your baby/pet/favourite laptop the same thing, you have STOLEN their BABY’S NAME.  

so here’s the thing… say you really wanted to name your daughter Amy. You love the name, it’s classic, it’s cute, it’s perfect for your little girl-to-be… and then your sister-in-law gets pregnant and LOUDLY ANNOUNCES that she’s naming her baby Amy! and you know for a fact that she’s the type of person to throw a massive petty shitfit over you STEALING her BABY’S NAME. your family will take sides. her family will take sides. 

if you want to avoid the drama, and you’re dead-set on naming your daughter-to-be Amy… well, then you name your daughter Aimee, or Aimi, or Aimy. It’s not the same name, it’s pronounced the same but it’s not the exact same name, so you can shut up, sis-in-law. 

from what I understand a lot of the Crazy Name Spellings came from this root- “it’s not Kaylee, it’s Kayleigh, I swear I didn’t steal your idea”- and then once it became a trend, people named their kids that to be ~trendy~ just like they did with every other stupid trend. 

but the root cause of Terrible Trendy Misspelt Baby Names has very little to do with white people being boring and conformist, and certainly nothing to do with capitalism.  it’s a good old fashioned case of a) sexist expectations warping women’s behaviour into really really stupid shapes and b) Petty Small Community Drama.  

[quoms]

This is a terrific addition to this post that I don’t think actually contradicts my main idea all that much

[blanca-angelica-loveless-deacti]

Its explains Reneesme I’ll tell you that.

[starlightomatic]

i feel like there's a trend i'm seeing, esp in online queer spaces, of being, like, oddly against the idea of people being attracted to each other

like I've been seeing the word “sexualization” tossed around to mean sexual attraction and framed as a bad and disrespectful, bordering on nonconsensual, thing.

recently in a sapphic group I’m in, a teenage lesbian mentioned that she’s attracted to her friend and and keeps getting distracted by her boobs. she was immediately dragged by dozens of grown ass adults telling her this was gross and inappropriate

it would have been one thing to tell her not to stare (she already wasn’t tho tbh), but the general gist of the comments was that seeing someone’s body and feeling attraction is *inherently* inappropriate and unethical

it’s totally fine to be attracted to someone. and you know what, a lot of people like boobs and that’s also fine

basically i just keep seeing stuff cropping up in the queer community with the message that sexual (and i guess now romantic?) desire is bad

and that’s uhhh what’s the word, fucked

on the other hand people are chill with tinder and hooking up and there are a ton of “normalize having sex with your friends!!” posts

people are cool with sex but they are not ok with desire

tinder, i think, feels fine because it’s really not about attraction. it’s about fulfilling a general need for sex and isn’t about the person at all.

being attracted to someone, though — looking at or thinking about a specific person who’s already in your life and wanting to have sex with them — that’s what it seems a lot of people aren’t ok with

there’s a level on which i get it. the person is just existing, they didn’t specifically and intentionally put themselves in a space for sexuality like tinder

but, y’all.

this is how attraction works. you spend time with people, you do things alongside them, you get to know them… and maybe you start thinking they’re hot. maybe you want to fuck them or kiss them. this is literally so totally fucking fine.

the thing that’s disrespectful is when you actually do shitty stuff! don’t say vulgar things to them. respect their boundaries. don’t make them uncomfortable. if you approach them for sex or dating and they say no, accept that. etc

but there’s literally nothing wrong with wanting to fuck someone or wanting to date someone.

[starlightomatic]

#You can think whatever you want about a person and they will literally never know if you keep it to yourself#You have a right to the privacy of your own thoughts no matter what weird leftist moral scrupulosity shit makes you think you don't

[midnight-fox-boy]

Uh wow, I've never heard this?? I've also been living under a rock lately but this is SO shocking to me.

Why did we as the next generation go from "sex positivity! Sex work is real work! All bodies are beautiful!, Etc" to

"ATTRACTION BAD. YOU CAN'T FIND SOMEONE HOT OR YOURE FETISHIZING THEM"

Make it make sense. What is even going on anymore?? 🥴🥴

Thinking someone is hot is not harmful

Having private fantasies about someone you think is attractive is not bad.

What's bad is acting on attraction when the other party is not interested. Harassing someone isn't okay, touching someone without their consent isn't okay.

It's like people took the idea of "consent!" And blew it up x10000. Like "that person didn't consent to you finding them hot!" Like ..what? Since when can most people control who and what they're attracted to unless it's a real problem they need help with?

In a related concept, I've seen discourse like this in the trans community. Trans men being called predators for being attracted to a trans woman. That's it. Just being attracted to a trans woman. Trans people being told that they're terrible for feeling safest for only wanting to date other trans people.

Attraction, feelings of safety, etc. Don't automatically mean sexualization or fetishism

I'm tired y'all, our communities are burning to the ground when this is the time when we need to stand together the most.

[mogai-ringo]

This is actually a super spicy theme for me because I have had arguments with people about this.

I would say my annuosexual gray-ace identity, now annuosexual bi with uneven attraction (keep reading for an explanation), was an OCD acedivergent experience (as in, being gray-ace and being ND were impossible to extricate) since, being DMAB nonbinary, I was taught to associate experiencing strong, direct sexual attraction without any major content with cis men, and something that people were often wary of as disrespectful and worrying.

Since I wanted no part in that, my sense of attraction was radically cut off by either people give hints that they are fine in being seen in that manner, or in them going for careers in which they know others being attracted to them is part of their job.

This began when I was 13 in 2008, and I would say my upbringing in Rio de Janeiro was far more sex-positive than people would have almost everywhere else in the world, including in most of North America. I have many reasons to believe that there is some sort of minor demisexual-normativity among many cis women? Or at least, demisexuality is what most women are told to let others assume about themselves, because they're also told that it's wrong if they possess simple raw sexual attraction to whomever as well.

Which is why you will often have people saying "most people are like that" in response to demisexuality as an identity. Nope, most people like me are allo! But they act like testosterone-dominant people being mostly allo is a result of some sexist standard and normalization of objectifying rather than our biology? Which is wild when we consider that we aren't socialized to "sexualize" other men,* but gay and bi guys are known allo-majority demographics, too! 🥴

Back when I was a teen, I had no word for nonbinary, but I already knew I didn't want to be like men. One year out as nonbinary at 18-19 was enough for me to deconstruct that, and I no longer felt dysphoric to the most part.

Then, at around age 24-26 (2019-21) I stopped feeling like it was inaccurate for people to label me as a man if they wish to do so, or if it's convenient (* was for this context), and this really made my annuosexuality for men dissipate towards allo, since it's a standard we never had. Guys either think you're a weirdo for being into them out of homophobia, or they simply don't care as long as you aren't creepy.

I feel like we should probably start a conversation on how this myth of a demisexual majority is untrue, and maybe also how we were collectively gaslit during ace discourse about the asexual community bringing up this entirely unhinged demonization of how other people are set to function, when, in reality, it was already a part of mainstream culture that they were actually attempting to denormalize (both the shaming about their situation and the shaming against our own).

Maybe even a word for this extremely common misconception?

[codgod-moved]

honestly if ur a new user from twitter. u don’t HAVE to have a whole blog set up immediately for people to not block you. like just change ur icon to a cartoon character or something and make a post that says like. “hey i’m new i’m just lurking here for a bit to get my bearings before i start posting/reblogging” and ur fine just like, make it clear you’re not a bot yk

though i do reccomend starting to reblog things eventually, it’s a good way to keep all the stuff you like saved in one place so you can look back on it later, especially if you tag stuff. while the search function isn’t perfect, tagging stuff you post/reblog makes it easier to find. a bit more organised than the bookmark feature on twitter at least :p

[risingsunresistance]

if you have a consistent tagging system, it's actually VERY easy to find your posts/reblogs off the app and on a browser! just go to url.tumblr.com/tagged/tag, and if you have more than one word separated by a space in a tag just separate it with a plus sign when adding it to the url. so for instance, going to my blog to find smp earth posts, you would type technoplane.tumblr.com/tagged/smp+earth

so yes, reblog and tag if you want to save stuff! using any web browser turns it into a GUARANTEED way to save things and search for them easily! you don't have to do this of course, plenty of people reblog with no tags at all, but if you use tags effectively you can keep a nice little archive of all your favorite things :]

[the-arctic-commune]

This is actually slightly outdated! Tumblr used to use + or - for spaces in urls, but earlier this year they changed to follow standard url conventions (and allow - and + to be distinguished as normal characters in tags).

Now you need to use %20 to replace spaces in a tag or search term in a url. (Occasionally the browser will let you also just literally type a space and interpret it correctly, but sometimes it’ll interpret it as a search or something instead based on your settings so %20 is more reliable).

This is also slightly complicated by the new blog view; if someone hasn’t enabled a custom theme for their blog, their url.tumblr.com site will automatically redirect to www.tumblr.com/url.

www.tumblr.com/url/tagged/tag works in the new view, but /search/searchterm doesn’t, and unlike in the original view you can’t use /page/pagenumber to go to earlier in a tag.

Other ways to filter by tag include going to the blog’s archive! url.tumblr.com/archive allows you to look at a thumbnail view of posts and filter by things like date, post type, and tags (either the blog’s most popular tags or custom tags that they set in their blog settings).

[ryanyflags]

would you redesign the zerogender flag? with more grass colors (pear) and seeds as the symbols

Sure :), here's alt flags for zerogender. One version with a symbol, and one without.

There's no specific meaning to the stripes, it just uses warm green colors like how you asked. I figured a 7 stripe flag with white in the center seemed like a classic design for a gender flag. The seed symbols I drew myself, using the same colors as the base flag.

It's a bit simple but I hope you like it. I'm open to any suggestions if you want something changed.

[beyond-mogai-pride-flags]

Zerogender Pride Flag Redesigns

Zerogender: a clash between one gender and its opposite that condenses into a neutral spore that can germinate in either direction.

Panzerogender | Zerogirl/Zerofemale | Zeroboy/Zeromale

Symbol by @isobug. Versions without symbol under the cut