Monarch Apostate Diary

Highly Complex Polyfragmented DID System | MK Ultra/Monarch Survivor | C-PTSD | The Diary of an Apostate | Recovery | Ex Cult | On Our Own Journey | We try to keep everything pretty safe on this blog however we discuss some pretty triggering content and we use this as a vent blog | We also use this account to make posts/collages of our trauma so please be extra careful when viewing these.

[monarch-apostate]

Trigger Warning, content on this blog may be very triggering

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Apostate- A freed or runaway slave, also known as a person who leaves a religious movement.

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This account is effectively my own personal diary for streams of consciousness as I deprogram, explore my system and myself, and find who I am again. I am no expert everything shared on this account is simply our own point of view.

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Leaving a "religious" sector/cult (I've gone into detail about my traumas and abuse in other posts that I won't detail here), in my early days of leaving I was angry and disheartened. Where was god? Where was he during my abuse? I was redirected into Atheism, under this philosophy I found much comfort in denying many of abusers claims. As I grow older now I find more connection to Earth. I have once again regained my ability to practice safe and beautiful non destructive Magic to connect to Earth and all of its wonders. As for my connections to any higher powers due to trauma I'm still working on that. Infact we've put a pause on magic, earth and light work for now as we re-center and re-ground ourselves.

I support all of us to use what our tools that are inside of ourselves to connect and heal to our higher powers of our own understandings and to not let abusive cults tell us what God is and isn't.

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About us; We are a survivor of Highly Advanced Governmental, Military, Intelligence, FreeMason, Spiritual and Religious Trauma Based Mind Control. We were born into MK Ultra/Project Monarch in a bloodline family and experienced very advanced Programming with many purposes for our life within the structure of the cult. A few of those roles were as a lead programmer in the area of the cult we were in, and a very high leadership position to specify a few. In 2019 after many years of seeking guidance and clarity from a troublesome life full of trauma and abuse, and wanting to heal we discovered that we had Highly Complex Polyfragmented Dissociative Identity Disorder (Formerly Multiple Personality Disorder), that we had grown up in an abusive cult that practiced mind control and ritual abuse. Ever since waking up and choosing to heal we have faced many setbacks, beautiful healing, horrible trauma and even more. This account is where we are choosing to document our life as it is the one place we can share this side of ourselves. As we start another chapter of our lives, we want to share the path we walk on with those we meet on here.

This page is simply our stream of consciousness as we attempt to recover from our various traumas and create a safe space for our system, to talk about our mind control programming trauma as well as other things.

-Dani, Caleb, Scarlet & co.

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Disclaimer, we claim no expertise in any subjects we discuss we are only sharing our points of view and nothing on this blog should be taken as advice.

[that-one-kiddo-in-the-back]

Living in a cult is like if hell was filled with flowers, and everyone is gaslighting you into thinking it's heaven.

[marbleguard]

DOGE Employees Ordered to Stop Using Slack While Agency Transitions to a Records System Not Subject to FOIA

Employees at Elon Musk's agency have been told "OMB is asking us to stop generating new slack messages starting now."

This is enormous. Please spread this news.

FOIA is the Freedom of information Act, which allows citizen oversight of government activity. It means you can request to see government records. This is so ubiquitous that all federal employees take yearly training about it. What this means is that DOGE knows they are committing crimes as they decimate the federal workforce and compromise its systems, and so they are now moving to exempt themselves from all FOIA requirements so no one can see what they are doing.

[reading-writing-revolution]

Remember this...

[thashining]

What the media won't show

[bite-sized-morsels]

It’s actually pretty nuts how there is no real mass media coverage of the protests that are happening all over the US. It demonstrates fairly conclusively that the unlawful activities at the White House aren’t just limited to Trump. There’s a lot of wealthy people in powerful positions in the US and around the world helping to support the dismantling of the US federal government.

[depsidase]

[theconcealedweapon]

When you were a teenager and you wished to be treated like an adult, it's not because you were stupid or a "know it all". It's because for literally your entire life so far, you not being an adult was used as a justification to abuse you. When that happens, it's only natural to insist that you're an adult as soon as it seems even remotely possible.

[theconcealedweapon]

[vestale-aux-amours]

[silence-iz-violence]

The Groomer Doc - unwelcome-ozian/ UWO/ U.W Ozain is a predator

All the screenshots and posts regarding the grooming allegations against unwelcome-ozian (UWO / U.W. Ozain) in one place. Its a Google doc.

[monarch-apostate]

Also if it hasn't been made clear the system running this account is Leftist and we do not support Right Wing corrupt policies and world views at all!

[monarch-apostate]

If you think Christian cult survivors are valid and Satanic cult survivors aren't then you are part of the problem.

[hypomanicpanic]

And here’s what makes complex PTSD uniquely miserable in the world of trauma diagnoses: it occurs when someone is exposed to a traumatic event over and over and over again — hundreds, even thousands of times — over the course of years. When you are traumatised that many times, the number of conscious and subconscious triggers bloats, becomes infinite and inexplicable. If you are beaten for hundreds of mistakes, then every mistake becomes dangerous. If dozens of people let you down, all people become untrustworthy. The world itself becomes a threat.

Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma

[ssspiritualabuse]

[cultsurvivorsafe]

It's okay to have made mistakes while in a cult. You're allowed to move past them.

[abuzd]

[shamebats]

"we want to protect the kids!!"

— in a way that will also protect them from their parents & guardians right?

"what"

— if a parent or guardian wanted to abuse their child, would what you're trying to do make it harder for them?

"..."

— *pulls out a chart that shows 76% of abused children were victimized by a parent or legal guardian* will what you're advocating for make it easier for the majority child abusers, which is overwhelmingly parents & guardians, to get away with abuse?

"idk what this has to do with anything we just want to restrict children's freedoms more & give parents more control over them. you know. to protect them from adults who want to abuse them"

Every. Single. Time.

[system-of-a-feather]

I think a really tragic part of recovery with DID is having a clearer image and memory of your life and really being able to look at some of your experiences in the context to the age and situation and really just see how much that kid was struggling, how heavily that kid was showing signs and also how that kid tried their best and - in doing so - got hurt worse because they didnt have the life experience, development and perspective to do anything better

Theres such a tragedy in seeing the whole picture, not even in a "im triggered" sense, but just in a "its so sad that it had to happen that way, i wish i could go back there and give that child the support I can now"

Theres that deep solemn feeling without the flashback that really just makes it oddly more tragic to look at

It worked out in the end, but man that poor child deserved so much more love, support and attention