[mental-breakdown-machine]

this is my all time favourite post I've ever seen on reddit everyone read it please

[aberrantemotion]

they're right

[elizeshiro]

i work in court often and stand before judges all the time They're Right

[despazito]

[bioluminescent-fungus]

affirmations when opening a stuck jar:

I am stronger than the jar

⁠⁠I know what left and right are

⁠⁠smashing the jar will make a mess

⁠⁠I have strong and dextrous hands

⁠⁠I have opened jars before and I will open jars again

[kragehund-est]

the only thing stronger than the gastric distress i get from eating cherries is my love for eating cherries

[inwardhardar]

[kragehund-est]

what

[inwardhardar]

[kragehund-est]

thank you. im once again reminded why i love tumblr because where else could i get content like this

[knight--error]

why is everything a dead wife to you people.

[fangorn-forest]

my dead skateboarding cousin

[woolandflax]

Memento Throckmori

[jeanbean16]

Pro-censorship wattpad refugees drama is so funny to me because when I started using ao3 as a kid I was a devout mormon and I thought that reading anything even remotely pornagraphic was a sin and would ruin my life. So when I was 13 and found ao3 I went "oh awesome I found a fanfic website with a filtering system so I won't ever randomly stumble into porn. This is great! I was really worried about seeing something I didn't want to see on the other platforms." I didn't read any smut online until like three years later. If a mormon 13 year old can figure out 'don't like don't read' wattpad users can too cmon you guys i believe in you.

[sexy-necromancing-bird]

Is the guy in the cuck chair supposed to stay quiet or is he allowed to clap and cheer

[foxgirlmindcrank]

he's supposed to take notes and make an intrigued hum when an interesting plot point occurs

[conspiracydeerist]

[blu3str1k3]

[thisarenotarealblog]

one is getting cucked by the bottom and the other is getting cucjed by the top. Subject matter experts discussing the sex like a sports panel

[morganoperandi]

One cuck always lies, the other always tells the truth. You have one question to determine who’s a top and who’s a bottom.

[whumpster-fire]

[lavender-reef]

Thinking about a vampire dude bro who won't drink girl blood- because he's afraid it will estroginise him soy products style- getting trapped in a mental cage when he learns vampire dude who only bites other dudes reads as gay

[caprisunsport-deactivated202010]

ah! so you’re the grimey little pimp who i hired to bathe me in wet kinetic sand, are you?

[netherator]

[whyenn-reader]

the youtube notification of ''ooohh your video isn't starting up smoothly???? turn off your ad blocker you cunt <3'' is so pathetic to me bc it takes five seconds max. you think i can't wait five seconds? you think i need to give you money because five seconds is too long? i pity your wife.

[gayvampyr]

i genuinely just don’t think people who don’t want to drive should have to. i think driving should be optional and it’s weird that we pressure people who are uncomfortable with it into doing it

[gayvampyr]

you know who we should make operate a 4000 pound machine that goes 80 miles an hour? people who are really anxious about it

[depsidase]

[hotvampireadjacent]

Um

[razielim]

Salem Brought a Guillotine To Oppose New Data Center. Company Reps Left, Feeling “Unsafe”.

Salem's city council voted unanimously to pursue a data center moratorium after residents - and a guillotine - pushed back on a $5.1 billion

Innovation happens every goddamn beautiful day in this country.

[isuggesteatingtherich]

i have a suggestion

[mewvore]

"we detected a mature post" yeah I'm in my 30s

[victusinveritas]

"Close Personal Friend Mr. Drugs" has had me roaring with laughter for the last few minutes.

[violentdevotion]

don't attribute to stupidity what a man absolutely did out of malice

[violentdevotion]

'he didn't know any better' not true. he did. he was being cruel on purpose