sleep would be nice

al / jinny, 25, australia.

[alucardofficial]

I’m making it a habit to say “drac u later” when I leave a room and “I’m backula” when I enter a room

[medievaljournalist]

everyone riding the train today got 250 xp after a level 32 dracula wandered onto the tracks

[itseasytoremember]

(To the tune of Rasputin): BLEH BLEH DRACULA, KING OF TRANSYLVANIA, HE IS A BAT AND ALSO A MAN

[perequiste]

things will work out + it’s still early + not everything is lost + trees

[theskydoesgreatthingsnow]

LOTR abridged

[pmamtraveller]

by Noah Dao

[threedollarsdotcom]

every time i try to check whats inside eggs stupid goop comes out

[horreurscopes]

what they don't tell you is that after you turn 30 you have ocasional but powerful bouts of home ownership fever, which is like baby fever but instead of randomly really wanting a baby you go on zillow and look at modest properties you will nonetheless never be able to afford. and then it passes and you're like wtf was that about. yay time for another $6 coffee to stave off the dread

[twobeesornottwobees]

printers behave like that because the medieval monks they put out of work are haunting them

[chiropteracupola]

It's Another Beautiful Day of Not Being On Mount Everest. just how Every day of my life will be Another Beautiful Day of Not Being On Mount Everest, on account of how I am Never Ever Going There.

[kurulover]

I hate that when you’re stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize you’re already stressed and don’t need that and start functioning better actually

[kurulover]

[mbmbimbo]

i hate that evil forces from a realm that is beyond human comprehension take all my money every time I buy things. one minute I have the money and the next.. gone.. this is clearly the work of someone wicked

[targetedknowledge]

[mothermara]

remember to bury the dead with a phone, everyone. these days the ferry terminal at the river styx wants you to download a fucking app

[markovchaingang]

my lord. the two statues you commissioned are finally complete. yeah, the double-order with the vast and trunkless legs of stone and the shattered visage. i like to think we captured the sneer of cold command pretty well. it's a really thought-provoking piece my lord. very deconstructionist. i'm sure that even a traveller a thousand years from now could take one look at it and instantly recognise it must have come from an artistically enlightened culture

[micahulrichdraws]

NEW LIMITED TIME SALE - “Warden” & “Guardian” Small Art Prints are now discounted, each hand-signed, while supplies last! You can check ‘em out in my web shop (in my bio)! ❤️

[parkchanwoohoo]

Just found out the guy I've been fighting with via email over whether a matter is legal or finance's responsibility is the SAME GUY I've been chatting with in the halls. Oh my fucking god. I'd literally send him an email basically being like, you are incompetent and you are actively trying to evade responsibility, and then FOUR MINUTES later see him in the halls and go "Heyyyy bitch omg how's your wife, how did the vet trip go, when are you going to come to lunch with us on Thursdays omg stop avoiding us" he must think I'm CRAZY

[parkchanwoohoo]

[parkchanwoohoo]

Oh my godd I forgot about this guy lmfaooo we're buddies now, mostly because the joint project we were working on is complete. I never brought this up and I prefer to believe he thinks I have impeccable compartmentalization skills

[phantomrose96]

A master to his action-hero trainee says, "Your movements are sloppy. You lack awareness of your body when you fight. Your hands move and yet you do not hold them in your mind's eye. Come. We will remedy this."

And then the master paints his trainee's fingernails and orders the trainee to complete a series of complicated tasks without smudging the nail polish.

[phantomrose96]

Trainee grumbles that this is stupid when the first set of tasks is just cleaning the dojo. Within two minutes he reaches for the dustpan and knocks the edge of his pinky nail against it in a way he's never noticed before. He's staring at the baby blue smudge and suddenly he understands things differently.

[phantomrose96]

There's a montage of days passing as he fetches water, chops wood, hoes crops, washes clothes. His nails are a different color during each cut. He's sprinting up the mountain with a fresh wet pedicure and the master is nodding in approval. The master's nails are flawless tech art.

[phantomrose96]

He's reached his final assessment and it's a sparing match against his master. The air smells of acetone. His and the master's nails are all freshly painted. He must land a blow on the master with his mani and pedi fully intact.

Suns and moons pass. Streak in the ring finger. Smudge on the pinky. A full-handed block at the cost of three nails of paint. A hit on his master, and he hoots in delight until the master points out the unguarded toe whose polish is now streaked across the master's robe.

Days pass in frustration and exhaustion. By day 40, he has every digit of his acutely in his mind's eye. He senses the master's attack, ducks, dodges, all fingers all toes all himself, aware, and he strikes with his wooden sword.

It connects with the master. The master pauses. The trainee raises his left hand into view--5 digits of flawless sunflower yellow. His left foot. His right foot. And finally his right hand, raised in triumph.

The master smiles. "You have passed. I have just one more technique to teach you."

The technique is how to draw little flowers into the nail art. So really this one is optional.