I believe in ghosts, not votes. @motheatonn - Tumblr Blog

i have sympathy for the victims of the hawtwah investments scheme, as i too was recently divested of an item of significance -- my precious green stone, not worth much in coin but of the utmost sentimental value -- by a traveling alchemist who vowed that he could transmute it into a treasure more rare than gold or silver, by whose sign i would be made into a king and endowed with a kingdom. i forfeited my stone and two copper bits as payment, and after three days and three nights had passed, the alchemist returned. he said that the operation was an absolute success, but when i outstretched my hand to receive my promised reward, he pulled a bit of ash from his satchel and rubbed it into my palm, in the mark of a cross. "but where is my treasure?" said i. "this is it." "and where is my kingdom?" "it is this!"

beaft

google help me

beaft

the thing is, stephen king is generally pretty good at creating complex, well-rounded characters, which makes it all the more jarring when one of those characters abruptly comes out with what i'll term a "kingism". i don't know how best to define a kingism other than "you'll know it when you see it". it's the voice of the author intruding on the voice of the character, and in this case the voice of the author has a bad sense of humour and is ravenously, inexplicably horny

beaft

random example of a kingism aka "he would not fucking say that"

beaft

this too is a kingism

beaft

one of the hallmarks of a kingism is that when a character is being Horny On Main (or In Maine), they can never do it in a normal way. they have to come up with a sequence of words that nobody has ever said before in the history of the english language. here's another example:

beaft

i'm starting a collection

bogleech

I think I reblogged this once before but at least half of these are things my aunts and uncles quoted all the time, and not from king. These were simply big memes 50-60 years ago.

I know exactly how "veeery inderesting" is spoken because my mom and all of her siblings must say it every day without even thinking about it. Their generation also said "pulling your pudding" to mean masturbating. I definitely heard the nicotine line too.

switchelsweets

So what I’m hearing is - and this might be the tumblr reading comprehension at play - is this is a similar experience to what it’ll be like to pick up the Locked Tomb series in about 40 years.

3liza

my favorite thing about kingisms is when particularly dedicated or insane directors try to screen adapt king dialogue without localizing it and you get shit like Dreamcatcher, where a wall to wall cast of established, serious, professional Hollywood actors in what was, at the time, the most expensive movie ever made, commit fully to in-universe catchphrases like "it was a real fuckarow"

this is not a comedy. that's donnie wahlberg. this is one of my all time favorite films and it's unspeakably terrible. it's like a dark room ride that causes acute dissociation. you cannot believe what you're seeing or hearing during 60% of this film

jeffgerstmann

Getting into jam bands

oh don't do that

staticbluue

My version of "Saint Sebastian Tended by Irene" attributed to Georges de La Tour :]

My composition got a little spread out and I feel like I could have kept it a lot tighter and more true to the original, but I'm VERY happy with it overall. I totally made up Data's insides as I went along because there isn't a lot of info on his guts, and the one image I did find didn't have any lungs, which I find hard to believe since he breathes a lot. Is there any practical purpose for his lungs to glow blue? No, but he canonically has blinking lights inside his head so i figured I might as well do whatever I want <3

necro-om-nom-nomicon

Did they have to do it in the middle of Main Engineering, right there on the pool table?

foone

Right in front of Ensign Burke's salad?

paper-mario-wiki

in case you're wondering what the greatest AMV of all time is, it's this one from 2008.

— 28-29 April, 1914 / Franz Kafka diaries

owlservice

Awesome

absoluteconceptofbeauty

does anyone hve any sin recommendations i just fell from the garden of eden five seconds ago

Sodomy

Sodomy

Sodomy

Weed then sodomy

i cannot recommend wearing fabric of mixed materials enough

foone

As a Pope, I'd like to make one minor correction:

Weed isn't a sin.

Sodomy and mixed fabrics you can argue (and I would! Neither count as sins, you're taking ancient guidelines way out of context), but there's absolutely no rule against marijuana.

I even went and checked to see if there were any verses that could be taken out of context to be anti-weed but all I found was a couple of verses that seem to be, if anything, pro-weed.

The best anti-weed biblical argument I can see is there's a couple verses that are basically "don't be a drunkard", and one that specifically says "don't get your neighbor drunk so you can laugh at his nudity", which I can only assume is a thing that used to happen a lot.

So AT BEST the Bible's stance on weed is "don't smoke it 24/7 and become a useless lump". Occasionally or to get some sleep? Fine! It's just saying "don't over-indulge constantly".

Also, Jesus's first canonical miracle (disregarding all the non-canon stuff with the dragon and such) is helping out a party that ran out of wine. I would argue it is entirely in character for Jesus to hear the party is running out of weed and for him to do a little fishes-and-bread style magic and now the weed is so plentiful that they have enough for every party-goer to take some home at the end of the night.

eshesmites

I’m sorry, Jesus and the DRAGON? Please please elaborate I’ve never heard of this @foone

foone

It's in the Gospel of Pseudo-Matthew, one of the books not accepted into the canon.

While Jesus, Mary, and Joseph are fleeing to Egypt, they rest by a cave and a bunch of dragons come out. Jesus is like "good dog!" and the dragons adore him and don't harm him.

CHAP. 18.--And having come to a certain cave, and wishing to rest in it, the blessed [8] Mary dismounted from her beast, and sat down with the child Jesus in her bosom. And there were with Joseph three boys, and with Mary a girl, going on the journey along with them. And, lo, suddenly there came forth from the cave many dragons; and when the children saw them, they cried out in great terror. Then Jesus went down from the bosom of His mother, and stood on His feet before the dragons; and they adored Jesus, and thereafter retired.

[prophecy shit]

And the young child Jesus, walking before them, commanded them to hurt no man. But Mary and Joseph were very much afraid lest the child should be hurt by the dragons. And Jesus said to them: Do not be afraid, and do not consider me to be a little child; for I am and always have been perfect; and all the beasts of the forest must needs be tame before me.