Mothering Your Heart

Grief Support after Miscarriage, Infertility and Baby Loss

[motheringyourheart]

28 days of care and comfort for your grieving heart - please join us (sign up link in profile) Feel supported and encouraged to find that much needed space in your life. Honour what you have been through, everything that has brought you to this point, and take time to connect with your baby or the dreams you have had of creating your family. You are welcome here, no matter where you are in your grief, or how recently or long ago your loss(es) happened. This is the last day to register for the Mothering Your Heart workshop. If you have been considering joining please do - we begin on Friday. I am so looking forward to getting started, I can feel the calm already - these workshops are becoming a sanctuary to me, more so every time, like stepping into a cool, quiet space where I feel I can finally breathe. If you are wondering what this workshop will be like, well it really is a different experience for each of us but my goal is to create a space that is supportive, comforting, kind and understanding. The kind of space that is generally hard to find in the 'outside world' that we have to navigate in our life-after-loss, a place where you can do the heart work that you may have been wanting to do but have had a hard time figuring out how, or where, or when, or maybe you just really did not want to try to do it alone. For more details and to sign up go to www.motheringyourheart.com/together - registration closes tonight at 8pm Pacific Time. #motheringyourheart #imissyou #bravehearts #breakthesilence #Miscarriage #AngelBaby #InfantLoss #childloss #GrievingMother #SIDS #PregnancyLoss #StillBorn #stillbirth #GriefSupport #BabyLoss #ihadamiscarriage #infertility #ttcsisters #pcos #adoptionloss #mamagrief #EctopicPregnancy #MiscarriageAwareness #grief #youarenotalone #createspace #breathe

[motheringyourheart]

Whether your baby existed in your heart alone, as tiny embryo, as a baby who you held in your hand or in your arms, as a young child a young, or as a fully grown human, if your baby is not here on earth with you for whatever reason, you remember them. You remember them, yearn for them, search for them, and you parent them.  This parenting - instinctual, unstoppable - happens in so many different ways, on so many levels, ways and levels that are nearly impossible to explain to those who are only parenting children here on earth.   There is no map for this kind of parenting - of course there is no map for any kind of parenting - but parenting invisible children takes a kind of heart work that makes you wonder if you are in fact sane, and yet when it happens it feels as right as tucking your child in at night.  You feel that same peace, joy, need to protect, to guard, to hold, to nurture and to gently, constantly, let go. You let them go - over and over again - in ways and levels that there are no words for.  Every morning, every memory, every time you close your eyes.   You let them go, and yet you are growing closer to them every day - even when it feels like they are slipping - and not in a way that means you have to join them on 'the other side'.  They are still with you, they exist within your love, and every single day they are nestling deeper into your heart. Your love grows and your pain is altered - not now, not right away, but eventually - slowly you arrive at a place of less conflict between your grief and love, and as that happens you become more aware of your baby's light and your shared love, even while your grief remains strong.   We will be exploring this parenting-loving-remembering of babies large and small in the Mothering Your Heart workshop, and how it is that you honour or are planning to honour your missing one(s). Please sign up if you would like to join us - registration closes in just a couple of days.   You can click the link in the profile, or  go to: www.motheringyourheart.com/together xo Shannon

[motheringyourheart]

Grief and loss have profound effects on our physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and social well being. In the Mothering Your Heart workshop we will be exploring some of these effects, and how even in the depth of our grief we can take steps to make sure that we stay as healthy as possible, despite all that we are going through. Self care often falls off our radar when we are grieving, since grief takes most of our focus and energy. This is normal, but basic self care can help us keep going, keep putting one foot in front of the other, by providing us with a little more resilience and resources for the hardest days. Personally, when I began to understand what grief was doing to my body, heart and mind, I felt like I had a little more control over what was happening. I may not have cared too much at the time, but I know that I could tell the difference in how I was coping when I managed to include things like green vegetables and walking into my days. I had to set reminders to do the things that I knew helped, and I was reluctant, but I also very much wanted to feel better than I was feeling at the time - so that determination often overcame my doubts. Have you noticed some of the effects grief has had on you? Are there things that you have been able to do or not do that have affected how you cope from day to day, or things that you wonder about? Grief is unique in how it is expressed in each of us, but there are also a lot of similarities. I have found it helpful to hear what helps others, so please share if you would like. xoxo #motheringyourheart #bravehearts #breakthesilence #Miscarriage #AngelBaby #InfantLoss #childloss #GrievingMother #SIDS #PregnancyLoss #StillBorn #stillbirth #GriefSupport #BabyLoss #MiscarriageSupport #infertility #ttcsisters #pcos #adoptionloss #EctopicPregnancy #MiscarriageAwareness #grief #youarenotalone #createspace #breathe

[motheringyourheart]

A grieving heart needs frequent reminders that they are surrounded by unconditional love, presence and support. If your heart is hurting, please reach out to a loved one and let them know that you need them - near, far, or somewhere in between. If you love someone whose heart is hurting, please let them know just how much you care and that you are here for them, whatever 'here' might look like today. Repeat hourly, daily, weekly as needed. That is all. #motheringyourheart #bravehearts #breakthesilence #Miscarriage #AngelBaby #InfantLoss #childloss #GrievingMother #SIDS #PregnancyLoss #StillBorn #stillbirth #GriefSupport #BabyLoss #MiscarriageSupport #infertility #ttcsisters #pcos #adoptionloss #EctopicPregnancy #MiscarriageAwareness #grief #youarenotalone #createspace #breathe

[motheringyourheart]

Welcome to Mother's Day as it begins one one side of the planet, as we send love to surround the hurting hearts that gather all around the world. In this space, if you recognize yourself as a mother, then you are recognized here as a mother. Your baby, your child, your babies, your children have all made you the mother that you know you are. That part of you, your heart, will always be known as mother no matter how much time passes. If you are hurting because you have not been able to conceive, or have lost babies when they were very very small, if you are here with other losses, other sorrows, if you are not acknowledged in your circles the way you need to be acknowledged, whether as mother, or as a beautiful, loving, hurting heart, know that you are acknowledged this way here. You are witnessed, your pain and your suffering, your hope and your love are witnessed. All of the heartache, the heart break, the love, the loss, the suffering and the pain, it is wound up with so many incredibly wise, brave, kind, compassionate and loving parts of you, the whole of you is an extraordinary thing to witness, to exist. You are strong and powerful, much more so than you likely feel a lot of the time these days. It is a different kind of strength however than what most people refer to as strength. Yours is the strength that allows you to fall apart, to break completely open, to drag yourself through all of this that you could have never imagined. It is a strength so deep inside you, it is that thing that when you look back on everything that has happened and you say "how did I keep going" and "how will I keep going", this strength is that - the power, the love that keeps you going even when you think you can't, it is what you are made of. Today I hope that your circles surround you, that your heart is shielded from those that aren't able to support you in the way that you need to be supported today. I hope that you are able to love yourself, as you reflect and remember, that if you wish, you are able to connect with your babies through a language that only you and they speak, and that your heart is honoured, nourished, supported and loved.

[motheringyourheart]

Mother's Day can cause so many mixed feelings when you have experienced infertility, baby and child loss, and there are so many other mother-related losses in the world - we are all walking around with our hearts torn open a little or a lot, in one way or another. How do you think you could be extra gentle, kind, compassionate and loving to your own heart this weekend? If you need more support because of all the emotions that this big day brings up, can you share this with someone, let a loved one know? If you are feeling a little more settled this year would you consider reaching out to another who may be hurting? However your weekend goes, see if you can leave some space for yourself, for whatever is coming up, for honouring your self and if you have a missing one, for honouring your beloved as well. Take extra good care of that beautiful heart of yours. xo Shannon #motheringyourheart #MyHeartMothersDay #infertility #babyloss #childloss #miscarriage #ihadamiscarriage #adoptionloss #ectopicpregnancy #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #grievingmothers #infertilityawareness #ttcsisters #youarenotalone #griefsupport #bereavedmothersday #mothersday

[motheringyourheart]

A day most dear to my heart. May 5th is International Day of the Midwife I send my love out to all the beautiful midwives I know, to every baby born into the hands of midwives around the world, to every person who has been supported by a midwife, for every heart that beat or broke in the presence of their midwife - know that your midwife's heart beat and broke for you as well, we are all connected in love and loss. For more information about why the world needs more midwives and what midwives do please visit: www.internationalmidwives.org #IDM2016 #midwife #midwivesmakeadifference #miscarriage #ectopicpregnancy #stillbirth #infantloss #babyloss #infertility #ttcsisters #griefsupport #love #hands #hope #callthemidwife

[motheringyourheart]

Sacred places and how they change for us over time, as our grief and love evolve. We are discussing this in the Mother's Day workshop and will be delving even more deeply into the question of where does your heart find peace in the June workshop next month. Im jumping the queue a little here - tomorrow's gift is $25 to spend at Mikah Hand Stamped Jewelry (www.mikah.com.au) and it was chosen with the idea of keeping a "sacred space" close to you in the form of memorial jewelry as you go about your day. Sarah and Michael created Mikah, and their work took on so much more meaning when they lost their son George at 19 weeks and 3 days. These beautiful pieces are hand made by Sarah, and they donate 5% of all their sales to Sands Queensland in support of other bereaved families. In Sarah's words "Thank you for allowing me to craft a special piece for you - not just as a one off but one that grows with you - it is so special to be part of these memories and moments." For details on how to enter your name in the draw for this gift, follow these 3 steps: 1) Like this photo 2) Like the featured page - today it is @mikah_hand_stamped_jewellery 3) Enter your name through the link in my profile - click 'motheringyourheart' up above and then once you are on my profile page click the link in my bio - it will take you to the entry page. You can enter up to 7 times, once per post x 7 days. All names entered will be compiled for the final draw which will be on May 8th at 3pm pacific time. Gift recipients will be announced the same day at 6pm and contacted privately by email as well. #motheringyourheart #MyHeartMothersDay #infertility #babyloss #childloss #miscarriage #ihadamiscarriage #adoptionloss #ectopicpregnancy #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #grievingmothers #mamagrief #bereavedmothers #infertilityawareness #ttcsisters #infertilitysucks #startasking #youarenotalone #griefsupport #sacredplace

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I am very excited to be offering a brand new, accessible and love-filled Mothering Your Heart workshop in June. The final pieces are just being put together, but it will be a warm, supportive community-based workshop that runs for four weeks, for those who have experienced miscarriage, infertility and baby loss. For those of you who are taking part in the Mother's Day workshop, this longer time frame gives us a chance to explore the topics, process and move through it all in more depth, and includes the option of 1:1 support if you would like a more personal, private experience. So today's gift is a 'seat' in the workshop at no cost, and it can also be gifted to someone else if the person who receives it would like to pass it on. More information about the June program can be found on the website www.motheringyourheart.com/together. Once again, here are the three steps to enter (bonus entries available today each time you tag a friend who might like to join our June workshop!) 1) like this post 2) like the Mothering Your Heart Instagram page 3) scroll up and click 'motheringyourheart' to go to the instagram profile and click the link there to go to the entry page. You can enter up to 7 times, once per post x 7 days (and yes you can go back to May 1st-4th and enter for these dates as well). All names entered will be compiled for the final draw for all the gifts, which will be on May 8th at 3pm pacific time. Gift recipients will be announced the same day at 6pm and contacted privately by email as well. #motheringyourheart #MyHeartMothersDay #infertility #babyloss #childloss #miscarriage #ihadamiscarriage #adoptionloss #ectopicpregnancy #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #grievingmothers #mamagrief #bereavedmothers #brokenheart #infertilityawareness #ttcsisters #infertilitysucks #startasking #youarenotalone #griefsupport #mama

[motheringyourheart]

Dear You: Are Not Alone Infertility Awareness Week ends tomorrow, and then we begin May - for so many hearts a most difficult month. I have been inspired by Susannah Conway's lovely #AprilLoveLetters2016 project as well as the incredible awareness building that happened this week for #NIAW. With all of this in my heart and in honour of Bereaved Mother's Day on May 1st, I would like to reach out and lift others' hearts a little, so I will be holding a special event. Every day this week beginning on May 1st I will post a gift along with a supportive, uplifting note as we go through the days leading up to Mother's Day. On Mother's Day I will randomly draw names for the 7 gifts from those who have entered, to make at least a few hearts a little brighter and because I really just want to shower you all with hugs and wishes for support during this difficult time. As I'm not able to sit down with you all in person and have tea, I will send out these bits of love instead. You'll find the simple 'rules' in tomorrow's post. I wish for you a peaceful weekend and will be thinking of everyone tomorrow who is beginning May with a heavy heart and love for their missing ones on their mind. xo Shannon #motheringyourheart #MyHeartMotherdDay #NIAW #startasking #bereavedmothersday #DearYou

[motheringyourheart]

One hour left to register! (Link in Profile) As today is April 30th in some parts of the world, registration closes today at 1pm Pacific Time and the first Mother's Day message is being sent out at 3pm. Now we begin our 10 day journey together that will carry us through Mother's Day. Sign up to receive daily messages of support, a lovely and private community space, as well as journaling prompts and heart sheets to keep you well cared for throughout. This workshop is for anyone who has experienced miscarriage, infertility or baby loss. If you have questions please send me a note at [email protected] Click the link in the profile to sign up if you haven't already. I'm so looking forward to meeting all of you. For those of you who just aren't really into it, don't worry there will be lots of love for you as well over the next week - stay tuned for my next post about bringing a little light to Mother's Day xoxo Shannon #motheringyourheart #myheartmothersday #NIAW #startasking #infertilitysupport #grievinghearts #babyloss #childloss #miscarriage #ihadamiscarriage #adoptionloss #ectopicpregnancy #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #grievingmothers #infertilityawareness #ttcsisters #youarenotalone

[motheringyourheart]

I'm sorry. I know this photo is probably a trigger for many of you. It is actually not a baby that I know, but a beautiful image that I came across which so completely triggered my grief-loss-love that it took my breath away. After our adoption broke down, something that I missed more than words could describe was their little hands. The feeling of their hands in mine, the memory of how their hands worked slowly and deliberately as they figured out the world, their magical perfection. So there is that, wrapped up in this photo, the feeling of utter longing and wanting to be back in a moment. And then there are the babies never met. The children who exist only in my imagination and in my heart. The ones who are frozen in that elusive state of never having been held, and yet forever after my mind has followed all their 'should have beens' and all of their milestones. Oh this would have been the first day of kindergarten, oh this would have been the year she lost her first tooth. And now, the thoughts are less frequent but it doesn't take long to remember, to check in: oh this would have been the year she turned 13, started high school... There is nothing more tightly tangled up in a mother's heart than these mysteries of what might have been. Why our minds do this difficult dance I don't know, it feels both torturous and yet so very natural. There is certainly a part of us that doesn't grasp the missingness, that somehow follows along the should-have-beens timeline without pausing to realize that there is no one to follow, even while the rest of our being is left reeling, gasping, missing so much that it all feels impossible. That massive missing, that lifetime of could have would have should have beens. And so yes, you are my most beautiful mystery. I love you with all my whole entire self, the parts that know you are not here as well as the parts that are blissfully unaware. You are absolute perfection wherever it is that you live, for now tucked inside my heart, inside my mind, mysteriously present in all sorts of ways - even when you are not. #motheringyourheart #NIAW #startasking #infertilitysupport #grievinghearts #babyloss #childloss

[motheringyourheart]

From the April Love Letters Project #dearheart How do you feel you have changed since your loss? Does your heart feel different now? What about your thinking, your actions, your way of being in the world? This one is a hard one, and I don't at all believe that positivity or gratitude have a place in early grief (if you haven't heard it before, please never say "at least..." to a grieving person), but if you are further along in your journey are there aspects of yourself or your world that you feel have changed in ways that have surprised you? #motheringyourheart #AprilLove2016 #NIAW #startasking #infertilitysupport #grievinghearts #babyloss #childloss #miscarriage #ihadamiscarriage #adoptionloss #ectopicpregnancy #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #grievingmothers #infertilityawareness #ttcsisters #youarenotalone

[motheringyourheart]

Day 2 of National Infertility Awareness Week #NIAW #StartAsking yourself, wherever you are in your journey "What does love and support look like for me?" Just sit with this, and see what comes up. Often we know right away if something someone does or says doesn't feel supportive, but we have a harder time tuning in to what does feel right for our hearts. When we become more clear about what helps, we can let others know. This is so much easier than expecting someone to anticipate our needs, because infertility and the grief that comes with it can be so complicated and multi-layered. It can be hard for others to know what to do to help, or what we need, even when they love us and know us well. If you know, love and are supporting someone going through infertility, now is a good time to #StartAsking yourself "What can I offer that will let them know I love them and want to support them?" or even better, you can ask them directly. What they need can change from day to day, depending on where they are in their cycle, their journey, their hope or their grief. Maybe they would like a distraction, some company, someone to screen their calls, to sit with them as they process bad news. Maybe they want to talk through their next steps without hearing advice, maybe they just want a bowl of soup for dinner or a heating pad. Maybe a pedicure would help, or maybe some soft cotton tissues because their nose is sore. Maybe they really need a hug. It is all so individual, but the common denominator is love. #motheringyourheart #infertilitysupport #grievinghearts #babyloss #childloss #miscarriage #ihadamiscarriage #adoptionloss #ectopicpregnancy #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #grievingmothers #infertilityawareness #ttcsisters #youarenotalone

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Dear Fear: It has taken a very long time, with many lessons learned along the way and a heart that has had to break completely open before getting to this point, but I am finally able to let you know that Love is now the one navigating. Thank you for your time, we won't be needing your services anymore, though you are always welcome to stop by - if you call first. xo Shannon #AprilLove2016 Love Letters Project #DearFear #motheringyourheart #AprilLove2016 #DearFear #lovebeforefear #mamagrief #babyloss #childloss #miscarriage #ihadamiscarriage #adoptionloss #infertility #ectopicpregnancy #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #grievingmothers #infertilityawareness #NIAW #startasking #griefsupport #youarenotalone

[motheringyourheart]

Tomorrow marks the beginning of National Infertility Awareness Week #NIAW with the theme #startasking - see resolve.org/niaw for all kinds of events and ideas to increase awareness of and support for infertility. I haven't shared much of my own infertility story here. It is difficult to flip back and forth between losses as each lives in its own home in my heart and takes a different part of my memory to process. After losing our two babies through miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy, my husband and I went through years of testing before moving on to infertility treatments. We went through one round of ICSI, one round of ICSI with donor sperm, multiple IUI's and Frozen Embryo Transfers, and then we simply had to stop. We were out of options, out of hope, out of funds and had had enough of the physical and emotional pain. We created and 'met' over 30 of our own little embryos, they were the most adorable little miracles and I loved them all. I have to say that the ultrasound photos they gave us of those day 5 blastocysts after they had been placed in my uterus are probably the saddest, most heartbreaking photographs that I own. The 'cause' of our infertility was never determined, leading to an eternally unanswerable question. We don't ask it of ourselves very often, but so many others ask it of us. People don't like it when there is no answer, it makes them uncomfortable, and so we have found all sorts of ways to avoid that line of questioning, along with its companion 'did you try...?' So this week, for NIAW, I wish for the world to #startasking - not the unanswerable questions, not the ones that further break an infertile person's heart, but more along the lines of 'how can I support you?' and 'would this help?' Reach out to all the couples you know who are suffering in a culture of silence, who are living through their own personal nightmare with little support. Share your story here, post a question that someone has asked that has helped you. Tag anyone you want to tell that you love them and that they are not alone. #youarenotalone #motheringyourheart #ttcsisters #ivf #embryolove #miscarriage #babyloss #grievingmothers #infertilityawareness

[motheringyourheart]

#AprilLove2016 Love Letters Project this one speaks for itself. #motheringyourheart #courage #mamagrief #babyloss #childloss #miscarriage #ihadamiscarriage #adoptionloss #ectopicpregnancy #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #grievingmothers #infertilityawareness #NIAW #startasking #griefsupport #youarenotalone