blog titles - who needs 'em?

they/them - mid 20s cat man - sometimes NSFW - header/avatar by me

[mousefluff]

made an evil, fucked-up version of sensible chuckle

[pankendev]

found another vole with a womb tattoo. who's been doing this

[pasha-hasid]

[hyenuh-deactivated20230717]

train

[terrapincentury-deactivated2018]

train

[calebwittebane]

train

[things-that-are-not-true]

today is the only day you can reblog this post

[huffylemon]

[triviallytrue]

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

[friendshapedhole]

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

[triviallytrue]

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

[max1461]

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

[triviallytrue]

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

[ghostpalmtechnique]

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

[triviallytrue]

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

[nightingalesoul]

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

[bermuda-n-drangle]

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

[manipulated-pieces]

watching a david cronenberg movie on orbeez #myorbee #orbeezhasitforyou

[manipulated-pieces]

i forgot i did this

[girlfleeshouse]

If they could make a girl out of wolves, she would be what they dreamed of.

[mousefluff]

[mousefluff]

this thing has NO chapter breaks.

[mousefluff]

i finished volume 1.

[pocket-deer-belly]

don't forget! only 105 jerking off sessions till nine eleven!

[mousefluff]

i like baby carrot but if one is yucky it goes to the isopods

[smallmariofindings]

Collectible Mario Clash card from a 1995 issue of Nintendo Power featuring a unique illustration in a "fractured" style that does not resemble any artwork from the actual game, but appears to be inspired by the logo instead.

Main Blog | Patreon | Twitter | Bluesky | Small Findings | Source

[the-muppet-joker]

Kermit Frog no Shirt no Panties

[pocket-deer-belly]

i came up with this stupid fucking metaphor for what being a man felt like for me and i can't come up with anything better. it's like only being able to eat a plain as fuck cheese sandwich. white bread, young gouda cheese, salted butter. it's like, fine, it's satisfying when you're hungry, but more importantly it's all that's ever offered to you. eating a plain as fuck cheese sandwich every day is kinda miserable for breakfast lunch and dinner.

but then you learn that most other men have like 0 problems with plain as fuck cheese sandwich. they fucking love plain as fuck cheese sandwich. they're like "how can we reinvent plain as fuck cheese sandwich?" and "plain as fuck cheese sandwich is under fucking attack". and you're like. does it *have* to be cheese sandwich? can we add to it perhaps? and then everyone looks at you a little funny. and they're like "well you could always try swiss cheese". and you're like no i want like an additional ingredient, i want to try ham, or try toasting it. and they get a little threatened by the suggestion. you offer them to try it and they feel repulsed by it. and you don't get it cause like, it's just a bit more ham? but you never really let go of the cheese sandwich either, even though girls are out there eating ceasar salad. you're like wow that's so many more interesting ingredients, can't i try that but for cheese sandwich, and change it up a bit? but you never let go of the idea that it has to still be a cheese sandwich because it's all you have. it's all you ever fucking get. you COULD be eating anything in the world but there's this pressure on you to continue going on with cheese sandwich forever because what if it's bad? what if you change it and don't like it? what if you try ceasar salad and it's awful and it feels like you're marked for life forever for it? is soup even something that's *for* you? are you allowed to have soup? nobody has ever offered you soup. or ceasar salad. all you get is cheese sandwich. and it's scary to say no to it because what if you never have it offered to you again?

this metaphor kinda sucks

[pocket-deer-belly]

so like do you like cheese sandwiches or are you just okay with eating

[oldbutchdanielmolloy]

i appreciate that my local bodega is taking action in the smoking dogs epidemic

[ask-pacman]

Man Im sorry for snapping at you , uts just that I only got 8 hours of sleep last night and I only had like, two pandcakes with strawberrys and whipped cream and like three premium sausags for breakfast

[the-muppet-joker]

They raised me in the Circus

Before I was a Noun

My mother was my Father

My father was a Clown

He wore a pretty Costume

And danced in purple Smoke

My father was my Mother

But only as a Joke

He taught me Shattered Mirrors

And Painting Your Grotesque

And how to Laughing With Them

At Aching In Your Chest

I cannot be a person

Just Schadenfreude Fodder

I long to be my mother's son

But I'm my Father's Daughter