Peering at "Reality"

Personal blog for the things that I (an INFP chronically ill queer being) resonate with either in that moment or at some point. Usually I just wing it ;) 🏳️‍⚧️ 🏳️‍🌈|🥄| 30s they/them

[teaboot]

I think that if you lose an arm and get fitted for a prosthetic u should get to refer to your prosthetist as your arms dealer

[teaboot]

And if it's a leg you can call them your footman like you're tge queen of france

[hell-mental]

“I didn’t realize it, but the days came along one after another, and then two years were gone, and everything was gone, and I was gone.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald (via versteur)

[requiem-on-water]

''Summer Faeries series'' by Kazuaki Koseki

[t4t4t]

[bingbongsocks]

i thought Hiatt sounded familiar to me for some reason. it's because this is also the same company that made shackles that the US used to torture people in Guantánamo and Bagram Airfield during/after the occupation.

[daily-dropout-screenshots]

they’re like children who need to be on opposite ends of the classroom

[lastoneout]

I love when people try to gotcha me on my stance that all sports should be gender integrated with "even American football???" because I can instantly come back with "oh lmao, no, I don't think ANYONE should play American football at all, it's way too dangerous" like nice try but I know no amount of testosterone is going to protect you from the profound, life ruining health issues caused by getting repeated severe concussions over the course of several years. No one should play this sport.

[lastoneout]

Like do you really think muscle mass or gender/sex can protect you from CTE?? You think men are naturally more resistant to concussions?? Because idk how else you square this sport being too dangerous for cis women and people afab but perfectly safe for cis men and people amab. Having a testosterone dominant endocrine system isn't gonna do shit in the face of traumatic brain injury. Be serious. This sport should not exist.

[lastoneout]

Honestly it's pretty weird to me that people dismiss the harm football players go through as fine because they're men, especially when so many players are black men. Always remember the argument that women are weaker than men is also an argument that men are stronger than women and can withstand more injury and abuse which isn't true, and absolutely ties into eugenicist beliefs about black bodies while obscuring their suffering as not existing because they're men and football is only dangerous for women, so how could they be hurt?

Systems can exploit men too, especially non-white or otherwise marginalized men who also deserve to be defended and liberated from said system's devaluation of their humanity and mistreatment.

[lastoneout]

@lunammoon over here saying what I tried to way more eloquently, thank you o7 no one should be subjected to the Hell Spiral 3000!!!!

[sex-hiccups]

All I'm saying is that I wasn't supposed to still be here. I didn't think I'd see 21. I was quite sure of it, in fact.

Now, I turn 31 in about a week.

I sing in my car at night to the angsty mixed CDs I made as a teenager, but now with a voice that I can feel rumble in my chest precisely where that heavy feeling used to sit like a bag of concrete.

My beard tickles as it blows in the wind, and my lungs are so full because they are no longer bound.

I sing, and I drive home after kissing someone goodnight who sees every part of all that I am and all I am not and does not flinch.

I go to bed sober.

And everything is not okay. But everything is better.

And I wasn't supposed to be here anymore, after I tried putting myself back in the closet very literally and permanently that October over 10 years ago.

But sometimes belts break. Knots give way.

And now here I am.

Driving and singing, as loud as I can.

Young trans guys, it is absolutely imperative that you stay alive.

Stay alive.

[depsidase]

[dandelionsresilience]

Just gonna drop these here as a starting point :)

How to identify, and then deal with, your emotions

Emotional regulation skills

Conflict resolution skills

Creating and enforcing boundaries

Dialectical Behavioural Therapy skills

Emotional intelligence ideals to aim for

Axes of self-care/wellbeing

Self-care self-evaluation (find out where you’re starting)

How to make a self-care checklist

How to start a self-care habit

Reparenting resources

Crash Course Psychology

KhanAcademy: Understanding the Self and Society (some units more relevant than others)

Emotional education activities for children and teens

Social-Emotional Learning activities for kids (information can be adapted for adults)

[radak1985]

I'm reblogging to actually use this

[a-pocket-0f-scarecrows]

Reblogging so I can read all of this; I think I do need to do better with my emotional maturity so this will come in handy.

[inkskinned]

Every day I handle more money than I will ever make. Every day.

At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.

At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.

“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.

The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.

I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.

I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.

I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht. 

I’m not worth the cost of a watch.

[inkskinned]

i wrote this while i was working at orlando’s walt disney world parks.

i was part of their college program. i moved to the state for it. they legally owned the building i was living in and still charged me rent. i ostensibly was being charged to work for them. it was a 2 bedroom apartment and they placed 6 adult women in it in forced triples.

as many as one in ten disney employees have experienced homelessness while working for the company. despite huge efforts to unionize, strike, or otherwise demand fair treatment; disney has refused to increase employee quality of life.

disney admits publicly that a good portion of their success is because the employees (“cast members”) are dedicated, passionate, and selfless. this is never reflected in pay. even “face” characters (ie those that are princesses etc) make barely above a minimum wage.

at the time that i worked there, i made $8.50 an hour. at one point i was asked to create a human shield around a bag because a bomb dog had alerted to it. for eight fucking dollars an hour.

i now work a very cushy office job. i have bought the salmon and cooked it all four ways.

i go to the store. i am nice to the person behind the counter. she looks up at the camera while she counts out my change. there is nothing fundamentally different about her and i.

we are both worth more than the watch, anyway.

[redstonedust]

crazy how you can get used to working around problems that have very easy fixes. for like 6 months we used a hand towel to jam a kitchen cabinet closed because the hinges were broken and it turns out fixing it took me like $5 and 20 minutes. bedroom door has been squeaky for years and all it needed was a lil wd40. im sure this can apply to mental health too but i wouldnt know about all that.

[willo-or-something]

[lovewithagirl]

[ image description: a screenshot of tags that reads, " #nothing more permanent than a temporary solution that works". / end description ]

[jewfrogs]

the problem with autism is sometimes you want to do something (brave) but you need someone to gently walk you through each step so you know what will happen. and people don’t like doing that

[bobdylanslesbianlover]

i had to phone a taxi today, scary

[sga-owns-my-soul]

every time i see this post i think of that person who posted on reddit that they wanted to go to subway for the first time but they were scared they would say the wrong thing so someone gave them step by step instructions for the entire process and what all the choices would be and when they would ask what question and i just think

someone will

someone out there will see you and say "yes. the world is scary. but let me hold your hand and show you how to do it anyways"

everyone needs that someone, and everyone can be that someone

[warriorsdebt]

The subreddit r/explainlikeimscared is a surprisingly good resource for this. People are always very kind and thorough from what I've seen, and I spend a decent amount of time there giving walkthroughs and answering questions when I know the process.

[halfblackwolfdemon]

SHARING TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE OUT!

[jupiterjames]

Did I just employ the "Treat Them Like You are A Kindergarten Teacher Again" method with my insurance company today? I surely did. Did it work? Probably better than intended because I made an actual doctor feel contrite.

So, my insurance has been trying to not cover my SNRI because it is new on the market and no generic available yet, so pricey.

I apply for a refill and the request gets locked for review. Again. For the 3rd time.

This time I call and immediately ask to speak to the actual doctor making these clinical decisions. Very politely. Must be a slow day because they allow it.

ME: [Teacher voice] I'm calling in regards to the SNRI you have placed a lock on. Why was this decision made?

DOC: Well, there are dozens of other medications on the market in that tier, and far cheaper for you and [insurer]. We have sent a request to your doctor to consider alternatives.

ME: I am aware of that. So, can you do me a HUGE favor and look up my prescription history really quickly and tell me how many SSRIs and SNRIs were only filled once in 2022 for me, showing they were poorly tolerated?

DOC: It looks like eight.

ME: Great job! Now, can you please look at my genetic test for psychiatric drug tolerance and tell me how many medications are listed in the safe category?

DOC: Two.

ME: Awesome! Now, can you tell me what type that other drug is that I'm not taking?

DOC: Yeah, totally, it's an MAOI.

ME: That's correct, you're really knowledgeable! Should I be taking something as dangerous as an MAOI with my other medications, or even just in general?

DOC: It's contraindicated for sure.

ME: It is! So true! So, last question since you've been incredibly smart and helpful. Is it less expensive for [insurer] to pay out for the medication knowing they already get a huge manufacturer discount anyway, or is it more expensive for them to pay for me to need potentially long-term inpatient psychiatric care?

DOC: I'll clear the code, ma'am and flag it as medically necessary. I'm sorry about this.

ME: I appreciate you SO MUCH. You have a great day now.

WALGREENS PHARMACY TECH WITH 5 NOSE RINGS AND PURPLE HAIR STARING AT ME: ........... OKAY! It'll be ready in five minutes. You wanna come work here?

[headspace-hotel]

Kill them with kindness

BUT KILL THEM

[dare-i-say-asexual]

Howdy 👋🤠❣️

I am hoping to raise some coin for an upcoming gender affirming surgery!!

Unfortunately the procedure will not be covered through my insurance so it’s entirety will have to be out of pocket. I have a lot of it already covered but this is the remainder!!

Things I can offer in the meantime:

- 40$ donations = free gender monster studio hat or beanie :)

- 50$ donations = free sketch of anything you’d like :D

- 60$ donations = free poem by yours truly <3

All items will be shipped. Please provide a suitable mailing address!

Please share around if you can’t donate 🖤

0 / 800

[ink-the-artist]

"i hope death is like being carried to your bedroom when you were a child & fell asleep on the couch during a family party. i hope you can hear the laughter from the next room"

[thornsinpudding]

Does anyone else with chronic fatigue feel like you can barely talk to people anymore?? I don't even mean like from a "I'm too exhausted to interact with people" standpoint, I mean like you can barely think of things to keep a conversation moving and end up making random sounds or going silent for super long periods of time to the point where it's unsettling and makes people distance themselves... idk, it almost feels like the worse my fatigue gets, the more lonelier I get because I can barely entertain a conversation and talk

[tongue-twists]

btw dating sucks as a concept.

[tongue-twists]

meeting up with someone with the explicit goal of figuring out whether or not you want a relationship with them spoils the dynamic. it sucks. it's terrible. fall in love with your friends like normal people.

[tongue-twists]

as expected this one is a hit with the autism website

[lastoneout]

pain from nerve damage is so bogus btw it's like my body is in the attic flickering the lights on and off because the basement is flooded like girl what does that have to do with anything

[lastoneout]

@superiorsturgeon nerve damage is really just "all systems are ????? captain!!"