Kaz and Inej are so funny. She wants so little, and instead of giving it to her, Kaz does the most outrageous shit. It's like:
Inej: It would be nice if he stopped saying I was just an investment and apologised for calling me replaceable
Kaz: What could she want an apology for? I've done so much heinous shit it's impossible to narrow it down. I'll just brutally murder the people who hurt her and then avoid her for a few days. That'll do it
Inej: Literally one single word of affection is all I need
Kaz: *Silence*
Inej: Ok I'm gonna leave Ketterdam
Kaz: : (
Inej: Will you be vulnerable with me?
Kaz: Absolutely not. But I will sell everything I own to my greatest enemy to buy your freedom and go to war with one of the richest assholes in Ketterdam for you
Inej: Thanks.. you didn't need to buy my contract though I could leave anytime I wanted. Can you tell me why you're so traumatised?
Kaz: It's none of your business. There's no time anyway, I have to go and maybe sacrifice myself with this mildly suicidal mission. But just in case I die there's something really important I need to tell you.
Inej: ????
Kaz: I've hidden a pile of cash for you
Inej: : (
Kaz: *doesn't die*
Kaz: *keeps scheming*
Inej: Please don't tell me you buried a child alive
Kaz: I didn't bury a child alive. And I blew up the menagerie
Inej: .. that's actually that's pretty cool of you : )
Kaz: *leaves without saying goodbye*
Inej: : (
Kaz: Hello I'm back and I bought you a boat
Inej: : )
Kaz: I also got you a berth so you can come back any time you like and a right hand man
Inej: so you'll help me fight slavers?
Kaz: urgh... I don't know... I'm really committed to this whole bad guy image I've got going on...
Inej: : (
Kaz: btw I called in a favour with the King of Ravka and found your estranged parents


















