[mcrbois]

x

[papi-chulo-bucky]

Do y’all want to hear a secret story I’ve never told anyone?

[papi-chulo-bucky]

(ok here goes. its funny i promise)

At the time this story took place, I was like 6 years old. Growing up, I was a very mature child because I was never around other kids my age. My mom used to work a lot, so that left me with my dad but my dad was high off his ass (weed smoker) all the time, so he’d be passed out. My siblings were all in their late teens and with friends, so when I got home it was just me by myself. Everyday

And I had no other way to entertain myself than by watching TV. I watched everything, but my favorite was the after dark shows that came on HBO and stuff. The down side of watching those things was that I learned about things that was way ahead of my time with no adult supervision. 

Well, one day when I came home from school I was watching TV (dad was alseep again and I was alone) and I saw one of those little flity phone companies. They were like sex operators or whatever, but at that time, my naive ass just thought that it was to find best friends. Like penpals and stuff, so one day I got the house phone and dialed the number.

The first thing that popped up was this super seductive voice but my dumb ass just assumed the person was sick (lmfao) and it said “For a man, press one. For a woman, press two.”

So I was thinking “Boys are gross, I need a best friend that’s a girl.” So I pressed two.

It rang a couple times until this lady answered the phone and I remember her saying “Hey, my name is Cynthia. What’s your name?”

So I was like ‘shit I gotta come up with something cool to tell my bestie’ “What’s up, Cynthia.”

And immediately, she got super quiet before she asked me “Um…whom am I speaking to?”

“The name is Delilah, but all my friends call me D.” (I remember I was coloring in my Lisa Frank diary when I said it too omg)

And Cynthia got quiet again before speaking. “Uh, how old are you?”

“I’m six and a half.” *scribbles in diary harder* “What about you?”

So she got super quiet again and was like “Uh…sweetie, where is your mother?”

“My mom’s at her job. Something my dad can’t seem to get.” *takes a sip from juicebox*

And I could hear her let out a stiffled laugh from the other line before clearing her throat. “Well, where is your father?”

“My dad smoked too much weed again and he passed out. Again.”

This time, she let out a louder laugh and I was like ‘heck yeah I made a friend. Check mate.’

So Cynthia askes me another question. “You’re not old enough to be on here, honey. I think you should hang up.”

So I got really pressed and kinda got sassy with her and busted out a line I had seen used in the movie Clueless. “Listen Cynthia, I’m a young, independent woman that don’t need no man. I need a friend, okay? It said you’d be nice to me on the TV.”

At this point I could hear her laughing really loud and before I could finish, she stopped me. “C-Can you hold on one second, honey? I’ll be right back. Stay right where you are.”

I was like “Okay.” And in the mean time, I made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and got some juice to get comfy while I waited. She finally came back like five minutes later and asked me if I was still there. I told her I was and this time, I could hear my voice echo a bit, meaning I was on speaker obivously.

“How old are you again?” She asked.

“I’m six and a half, don’t forget it, girlfriend!” *sassily snaps my fingers and takes  a sip from juice*

This time, i could hear people laughing and saying ‘oh my god’ and shit like that in the background, so I asked her who it was. She told me they were her buddies and I remember saying something like “It’s always good to have ya homeis with you, right?’ and everyone laughed again.

Then they started asking me all kinds of shit too.

“Where do you live?”

“In a house, duh.”

“What school do you go to?”

“Why? So you can kidnap me? No thanks, girl.”

“How did you even get this number?”

“The TV, duh.”

Now after a while the group of people buzzed off and it was just me and Cynthia on the phone. We had a cool conversation about Lisa Frank books and I learned that she lived in Seattle with her boyfriend and that she had a little girl a couple years older than me.

At one point, I told her about the boys in my school that were bullying me and that I didn’t think I was very pretty. And you know what? She gave me some advice that I never forgot, even til this very day I still remembered it. She told me,

“Sometimes people will be mean to you for no reason and they won’t like you, but all that matters is if you like you. If you like yourself, that’s all that matters.”

Now at one point, nine o’clock rolled around and it was my bedtime, so I sadly told Cynthia “Okay, bestie. Its my bed time. I don’t wanna miss out on my beauty sleep.” and after exchanging goodbyes, we hung up.

So yeah, that’s my experience with the chatlines. Sometimes I think about Cynthia and wonder what happened to her in life. Is she still with her boyfriend? How is her daughter? I’ll never know.

I never told anyone this until now because its too good not to share lmfao. Adult supervision is important!

[maneth985]

This is an adorable story lol

[paperstorm]

Australian comedian Jim Jefferies points out the ridiculousness of American pro-gun arguments. x x

[redhead4eyes]

Welp

[theaustinstollhaus]

When people go off about how English is the worst language, I just wanna point out a few things:

- Our future tense requires only one word (looking at you, Spanish)

- Words don’t change meanings depending on tone (Cantonese)

- We don’t live in some bizarre Beauty And The Beast world where we give inanimate objects genders (romance languages, German)

- Likewise, we don’t have have two different words for “they” because we don’t care whether “they” were male or female (Spanish, French)

- There’s no formal “you” because we don’t play mind games about whether or not we respect you (Spanish, German)

- We don’t alter the whole fucking language based on how much we respect you (Japanese)

- The letters and sounds might not be consistent, but at least we have letters, not just pictures (Mandarin)

- We don’t have a fucking stupid tense specifically for talking to two people because some idiot decided that a two-person tense was necessary (Arabic)

So yeah, I think we’re doing okay as a language

[theaustinstollhaus]

Oh and some of our plurals are irregular, but at least it’s not like every goddamn plural is an entirely new word so you have to learn every word twice

At least it’s not like that, right? Right, Arabic? WHAT A DUMB IDEA THAT WOULD BE, HUH, ARABIC?

[i-am-corbin-dallas]

But we do kinda have the tone thing. Like record and record, resume and resume, etc

[theaustinstollhaus]

For a few words, but you can mispronounce a lot and still get away with it. I’m referring to this:

[ginevre]

I love this post

[doofcas]

Me: *picks up “dead” bat in my yard so my dog doesn’t eat it*

“Dead” bat: O_O

Me: O_O

Me upon realizing I am holding a very not dead bat and not dead bat realizing it has been picked up by a large creature at the exact same second: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

[doofcas]

He scream

[mrcleanheichou]

You want rabies? That’s how you get rabies

[doofcas]

1.I picked it up with a towel and gardening gloves and never once touched it with my bare hands.

2.

3.The bat was at the bottom of my porch where I have to take my dog out but I guess I should have just left it there for her to eat right?

4.It was in a position that made it clear that it was most likely hurt from hitting my house and not just sick. It’s warming up in my area and they are just coming out from the winter and it was most likely confused because I live right next to the highway and there’s a lot of noise.

5.You can only get rabies from a bat by being bitten or otherwise getting its saliva in your bloodstream. And it was two inches long and I’m a grown ass adult with a towel and gardening gloves and a thick ass sweater.

Good thing you tagged it as “stupid people” because you obviously don’t know enough about the situation

[mrcleanheichou]

I’m sorry I tagged it that way. That was incredibly childish of me. I’ve just had it pounded into my head that you don’t mess with sick or injured wildlife because of the risk of exposure.

I’m a registered Veterinary technician and I’ve worked with a rabid cat and it was terrifying

[doofcas]

I’m sorry I got so defensive. I’ve seen a lot of bats killed in my area because people are misinformed about the rabies situation. I used to play with them as a kid by throwing sticks in the air and watching them swoop to get them and each year they were noticably fewer until they were just gone.

[goopy-gan]

That was the most adult way I’ve ever seen an argument addressed on the internet.

[winelandcounty]

[the-headless-vulcan]

i love the moon but her gf the ocean is fucking terrifying and needs to chill

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

W  H  A  T

T  H  E

F  U  C  K

[neopets-slut]

Why lush is so expensive

Please remember that Lush is a fair trade company. This means that all they pay ALL of their workers a livable amount, and don’t take advantage of workers and harvesters in third world countries like many brands do. They test none of their products on animals as well.

Please keep these things in mind! Just know there is a reason that they cannot sell their bath bombs for 99 cents each. Doing so would mean that hard workers are being under paid.

[whatsanapocalae]

other reasons it’s expensive: 

constant checks on their resources - They will drop any company that they are partnered with if they learn that they are gathering ingredients in an inhumane way, harming the environment, or puts their people at risk

charity work - if you’ve ever heard of Charity Pot, it’s called such because 100% of the cost (not proceeds) go to charity. It’s not what’s left over after they’ve paid the workers or bought the ingredients, it’s every single cent. 

kitchens instead of factories - They dont have a big warehouse of stock. They don’t have processing plants. What they have are buildings with industrial kitchen equipment, where all products are made by hand. 

fighting animal testing - a lot of companies say that they dont do animal testing, but they don’t do anything to prevent animal testing and may use ingredients sourced from animal testing. Lush leads protests, creates bills, and spreads information, as well as only work with those who don’t use animal testing, in order to fight the system

helping their sources- If they find out that something is wrong with one of their companies, they’ll do what they can to fix it. That means, if something is broken, they will fix it, even though it’s just someone that they’re partnered with. 

delicate products - everything they sell has an expiration date, because it’s all made out of fresh ingredients and they use as little preservatives and unnatural things as they can. That and bathbombs break, all the time. They can’t sell it if it has any damage larger than a dime.

[pervocracy]

child handling for the childless nurse

My current job has me working with children, which is kind of a weird shock after years in environments where a “young” patient is 40 years old.  Here’s my impressions so far:

Birth - 1 year: Essentially a small cute animal.  Handle accordingly; gently and affectionately, but relying heavily on the caregivers and with no real expectation of cooperation.

Age 1 - 2: Hates you.  Hates you so much.  You can smile, you can coo, you can attempt to soothe; they hate you anyway, because you’re a stranger and you’re scary and you’re touching them.  There’s no winning this so just get it over with as quickly and non-traumatically as possible.

Age 3 - 5: Nervous around medical things, but possible to soothe.  Easily upset, but also easily distracted from the thing that upset them.  Smartphone cartoons and “who wants a sticker?!!?!?” are key management techniques.

Age 6 - 10: Really cool, actually.  I did not realize kids were this cool.  Around this age they tend to be fairly outgoing, and super curious and eager to learn.  Absolutely do not babytalk; instead, flatter them with how grown-up they are, teach them some Fun Gross Medical Facts, and introduce potentially frightening experiences with “hey, you want to see something really cool?”

Age 11 - 14: Extremely variable.  Can be very childish or very mature, or rapidly switch from one mode to the other.  At this point you can almost treat them as an adult, just… a really sensitive and unpredictable adult.  Do not, under any circumstances, offer stickers.  (But they might grab one out of the bin anyway.)

Age 15 - 18: Basically an adult with severely limited life experience.  Treat as an adult who needs a little extra education with their care.  Keep parents out of the room as much as possible, unless the kid wants them there.  At this point you can go ahead and offer stickers again, because they’ll probably think it’s funny.  And they’ll want one.  Deep down, everyone wants a sticker.

[mikkeneko]

This is also a pretty excellent guide to writing  kids of various ages

[swingsetindecember]

news report: survey says

me: what was the sample size? the distribution? the demographic??? this is meaningless. you could have asks two people in line at starbucks

[portsherry]

Three little pigs

[Website] [Facebook] [Twitter] [Instagram] [Spanish] [Ko-fi]

Enjoy my comics? Consider supporting my work at Port Sherry’s Patreon!

[greenjudy]

This is very dear.

[kropotkhristian-deactivated2019]

Anarcho-third-graderism for the win

[moonfire1]

The kids are alright. 

[keybladesoras]

#QUEEN SHURI #TECH GENIUS #SHUT DOWN BRUCE BANNER

[luxeforum]

[kittnpaws]

oh god, they were roommates

[trunchbull]

This straight guy, who we’ll call Mike, has been roommates with Alex for a year. When Alex told Mike he was gay, he was absolutely fine with it. But then when Alex started to bring guys home…he started getting annoyed, resentful, disgusted.

Posting on Reddit, he said: ‘First things first, let me say that I’ve never thought of myself as being discriminatory before. I had a gay friend in high school and we made it through some tough times together, I never felt weird about him dating a guy. So all of this is coming out of nowhere.

‘”Alex” has been my roommate for one year, and I pretty much knew upfront about him being gay. At some point we became friendly enough with each other that we could even joke about it, as in, sometimes he’ll pretend to flirt with me and I’ll pretend to flirt back. I’m straight and he knows that, but I don’t feel threatened by him flirting with me and he says most straight guys do.

‘The problems started because of this: Alex brings guys home sometimes. At the start I thought I was okay with it, since it’s really not my business who he sleeps with. He’s usually discreet enough about it that I don’t see/hear anything I wouldn’t want to see/hear from anyone else, but for some reason I’ve started feeling weird if I even see him with other guys.

‘I don’t know when it started but one time that really sticks out to me is when I came home and saw him and some guy making out on the couch. I don’t know how to describe what it was like to see that, except that for a moment I felt so bad I thought I was going to throw up. Alex was embarrassed (he didn’t think I’d be back for a while), but I told him it was okay since I was embarrassed too.

‘I felt bad for being as disgusted as I was, since there’s NO good reason for me to have a reaction like that. I thought maybe they just caught me by surprise and that’s why I reacted so strongly, but it turned out it wasn’t a one-time thing. After that, every time he has a guy over (not that often, but every once in a while) I just start feeling like shit and wishing that guy would leave, and I can’t stop thinking about what these guys might have done to him even though I don’t want to imagine that. It makes me really uncomfortable and grossed out. And these are just guys he fools around with, I don’t know what I’d do if he ends up getting an actual boyfriend.

‘Alex has started to notice and it’s affecting our friendship. The other day I came home right when some guy was about to leave, and the guy tried to be polite to me but I ended up being rude to him (don’t remember what I said, but it was really obvious I was pissed). When the guy left, Alex asked me why I was being an asshole. I didn’t know what to say, but then he asked if I had a problem with him sleeping with other guys. I said no. For some reason that pissed him off more and he said I can’t complain since I used to bring my fuckbuddy over and he was forced to see me being affectionate with her sometimes. (I was in an FWB situation with a girl in the early days of me and Alex living together, but I broke it off after a few months and I haven’t done anything with anyone since.) I agreed with him and told him I was just having a bad day and I don’t care who he sleeps with, but he looked more upset and told me he’s going to a friend’s place to cool off. I said okay. When he was leaving for some reason he casually said, “and you’ll be okay if I sleep with him as long as I do at his place and not ours, right?” Or something like that. I told him it’s none of my business what he does at someone else’s place, but when he said that I felt sick to my stomach and couldn’t stop thinking about it.

‘He didn’t show up later that night even though he was supposed to hang out with me and my sister. He’s never blown me off before and it made me feel like shit, but part of it was my fault since I made him feel like I was judging him for sleeping with guys. Now he’s acting like nothing happened but I’m worried I might mess things up if it happens again. I want to keep him as a friend, but he’d be hurt if he knew that whenever I think about him with other guys it disgusts me.

‘How do I deal with this? I’ve never been homophobic but I’ve suddenly developed some kind of homophobia where just the idea of my roommate’s sex life makes me uncomfortable. And I don’t react like this to other gay people either, it’s just Alex. I don’t know if this means I’m only okay with gay people as long as I’m not living with them or what. Does anyone else have experience with this? I want to get over myself and stop whatever this is, but if I can’t I’m going to have to leave since the last thing I want to do is hurt Alex, and if I stay here and keep automatically judging him for his lifestyle that’s what’s going to happen.

‘tl;dr: Roommate is gay, I am not but I thought I was okay with him being gay until I realised I feel crappy when I see him with other guys and it’s started to affect our friendship. How to deal with this/stop being such a dick?’

One Redditor asked: ‘Are you sure that weird feeling isn’t jealousy…? i mean, this only seems to revolve around Alex specifically.’

And Mike responded: ‘I thought about that, but I don’t know what I’m meant to be jealous of. He definitely has a more active sex life than I do, but reacting like this to something like that seems really strange and irrational.’

The Redditor responded: ‘Yeah i thought maybe you don’t like seeing Alex with other people because you want his attention to yourself?’

‘The day I made the post, I met up with my sister Laura [24F] and I showed her the post. She read the whole thing and called me an oblivious walnut and said it sounds like I have a crush on Alex. The same conclusion some of you came to in the original post.

‘Anyway, she talked me through it and we confirmed I’m not as straight as I thought I was. She also pointed out something in my original post, where I said the more I tried to reassure him I didn’t mind who he slept with, the more he got upset. Also: how he brought my old FWB situation into it. I just thought he was understandably mad with me for being an asshole, but Laura thought it sounded like maybe Alex wanted me to be jealous? We moved on from that topic pretty quickly, though, since I couldn’t really handle the implications of that when I’d JUST started to understand that I like this guy.

‘The next few days were mostly me sitting on my ass trying to wrap my head around everything. I was scared of messing up our friendship and losing him, but I was even more scared that I might just let this pass without saying anything and then he gets a boyfriend and I have to see him with another guy…etc. Because if that happened I would probably have to end it anyway, since as we’ve established, I’m not great at dealing with him being with other guys.

‘Probably could have planned it better, but I told him. Right after a Tarantino marathon, if anyone’s interested, since nothing says romance like graphic violence. I told him I’ve been such a dick because I was jealous. I don’t think he got what I was getting at because he just laughed a little and said I didn’t have to be jealous since it wasn’t like I’d have any trouble finding people to sleep with me. No clue how I explained, it’s a blur. Luckily he saw how nervous I was so he knew I was serious.

‘We talked. Long story short: all that flirting was real, but Alex didn’t have any hope of it going further because of me being an oblivious “straight” guy. So he’s been trying to get over me. He laughed really hard when I told him about how I mistook my jealousy for homophobia, and he teased me by saying he’d never expected me to be the jealous type. Then again, we both ended up laughing a lot of out of nervousness and awkwardness. I’ve never seen him like that before since he’s usually pretty confident. In the end we agreed to maybe try something out, and we kissed. Never kissed anyone with a beard before, so…interesting experience, but also really good. (Plot twist: it turns out I don’t have any problem with Alex kissing guys if it’s me he’s kissing.)

‘Since then we’ve kind of been easing into the whole dating thing, I guess? I know this place is wary about roommate relationships and I get why, but it’s been great so far. We had our first proper date last weekend and it was incredible, though a bit weird since we’ve done that a thousand times already and this time there was a new context. At home we still do our normal thing, but sometimes we get distracted. Last night I almost burned dinner because I had to kiss him and we got kind of carried away, haha. We’re taking the whole sex thing slow though since I’ve never done anything with another guy before.

‘I’m a little worried about coming out to my family and my other friends, especially since this is almost as new for me as it would be for them. My parents are very openminded and my mom especially loves Alex. But I have some more conservative family members on my dad’s side, and I can already imagine them blaming Alex for turning me gay. They can also be pretty racist (Laura’s boyfriend is Latino so she knows all about that) and Alex is mixed. It’s something to think about in the longterm, I guess. Alex has said he doesn’t expect me to jump out of the closet right away, but if we end up calling ourselves a couple then I’m not going to keep him a secret or anything.

‘So…we’re trying. And I am not a homophobe, and nobody needed therapy. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I was this happy, and I never would have expected this when I made that first post. It’s a good thing some of you picked up on the actual problem and tried to get it through to me despite me being an oblivious walnut, so…thanks, guys.’

Funniest self-realization in the world? ‘Plot twist: it turns out I don’t have any problem with Alex kissing guys if it’s me he’s kissing.’

[sapphic--moon]

it just occured to me that I always subconsciously thought that Stephen Hawking was going to live forever

[pacificnorthwestdoodles]

The preschool is buying heirloom sunflower seed in bulk. We’re going to make a ‘Sunflower House’.

How to grow a sunflower house

[pacificnorthwestdoodles]

@bacheloretteofscience THIS WORKS so well!

If you want to get super fancy, do a second ring on the outside of 4’ tall sunflowers then a third outer ring of the 1’ tall teddy bear sunflowers.  If there are any gaps you can interplant with cosmos, amaranth and nasturtiums or (if there are huge gaps) gourds.

[soul-vacations]

My mom used to do this for me in the backyard as a kid- it really works and I always loved it! Spent so many summer days having tea parties with teddy bears in my sunflower house.

[thewitchofwonderlust]

Okay so… I could witch the hell outta this

[silver-tongues-blog]

do you want faeries? this is how you get faeries

[theowlandthekey]

I want fairies.

[bruce-wayne]

For me, it’s about spreading love and light as well. Shuri brings that to the screen. When people see Shuri on the screen they’re just joyful, they leave the cinema like happy, like, “Yo, she made me laugh.” — Letitia Wright

[mysharona1987]

[dracogotgame]

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT I’M GONNA DO THIS TOO

[hollystopeverything]

Omg yes!!

[becausedragonage]

I had this exact experience. I worked in a bookstore and although the sci-fi/fantasy section was filled with books I’d read, I had to admit to a customer that I hadn’t read LOTR. 

Her eyes got wide and she gave me a big smile and said, “Oh! I’m so jealous of you! I wish I could it read it again for the first time.”

And yes, I read LOTR ASAP after that.

[osheamobile]

[[Alt-Text: Saying ‘what kind of an idiot doesn’t know about the Yellowstone supervolcano’ is so much more boring than telling someone about the Yellowstone supervolcano for the first time.]]

XKCD, “Ten Thousand”