art blog(derogatory)

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
wallacepolsom
Mike Driver
d e v o n
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Xuebing Du

Product Placement

Kaledo Art
noise dept.

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Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Cosimo Galluzzi

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YOU ARE THE REASON
ojovivo
Show & Tell

roma★

JBB: An Artblog!
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@msevilgenius
Sharks foolish enough to try and eat a mermaid are treated as punching bags until they learn their lesson.
A haunted doll mistaking a creepy android to be a bigger, stronger, haunted doll, and the creepy android mistaking the haunted doll as a smaller, sassier android.
Android: [gets hit with rain water and short circuits] Haunted Doll: H̷O̷L̴Y̷ ̶W̵A̷T̸E̷R̶ ̵W̴A̵T̴C̵H̴ ̶O̶U̷T̴
Haunted Doll, dying: N̶E̵E̸D̷ ̷S̸O̵U̵L̸S̷ Android: [opens the haunted doll’s back and replaces the batteries] Haunted Doll: A̶C̶C̷E̷P̸T̶A̷B̸L̵E̴ ̷S̴U̴B̸S̵T̸I̷T̷U̴T̵E̴
Android: [transfers their data into a better body] Haunted Doll: A̸ ̵F̴L̸A̷W̵L̷E̴S̵S̷ ̷B̶O̸D̶Y̵ ̷P̶O̵S̶S̵E̷S̶S̵I̷O̷N̴
hot take: jake peralta is bi and john mulaney plays his ex boyfriend from high school in season six of brooklyn nine-nine
john mulaney plays a rockin’ twink
John Mulaney: *to himself* What would Leonard Bernstein do?
Captain Holt: *to Jake, quietly* I support your and Amy’s relationship with my whole heart but why on earth would you give up a man like that
I don’t even go here (just like… my toes) and I want this, specifically with all these tages from @bosstoaster
#The episode would be Amy getting jealous not of John and Jake but that he has so many interests in common with Holt#So she spends the whole time trying to win back the Captain#Meanwhile Rosa is on a warpath at Jake#Because she told HIM about her sexuality and stuff and had EMOTIONS#And he didn’t tell HER#How DARE he
“look, it’s not like i hid anything, it just never came up!”
“You called yourself out for ‘straighsplaining’“
the whole bi thing goes completely over charles’ head and he keeps getting really aggro like “oh you and jake were real close huh?? too bad, sucker jake is MY best friend!”
everybody else is like “charles no”
at the end john mulaney turns out to be the embezzler they’ve been looking for
The only way Jake Overshare Peralta, Jake TMI Peralta, Jake Heart-On-His-Sleeve Peralta would fail to bring up the fact that he is bi, is if he himself were oblivious to the fact.
Come on @morthils this isn’t Gina Linetti we’re talking about. Stay in character.
The only way Jake would have had a high school boyfriend and not told Amy and Holt is if Jake himself did not realize that this dude was his boyfriend.
He would describe the relationship to Amy and she’d be like, “So you guys were dating” and he’d be like “It wasn’t like that that” and she’d be like:
:|
and Jake would be like, OH MY GOD. I HAD A BOYFRIEND IN HIGH SCHOOL. WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THIS.
Lots of “practice kissing” was involved.
Jake’s mom is absolutely That Overly Supportive Parent with the bumper sticker and the flag who never actually like, talks to her son about it.
“I just thought she was really liberal!”
“Look, everyone has celebrity crushes! Like the entire cast of Infinity War. And some male models. And random good looking people on the street. And sometimes you’re handcuffing a guy with his hands in front and you lock eyes and your faces are close and you can smell his cologne and aftershave and ohhhh ok yup I see it now. Cool. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool. Yeah, I’m definitely bi.”
Dead and Rad
alien comic
What happens to cats in zero gravity ? more educational gifs«
OH GOD THOSE POOR BABIES i am sobbing i am laughing so hard
In the last pic the cat is all “oh thank god I found ground NO WAIT COME BACK GROUND”
THOSE POOR BABIES OMG WHY AM I LAUGHING AT THIS
Astronaut: We need to fund 1.4 billion dollars. NASA: FOR WHAT?! Astronaut: We want to put kitties in space and have them float around in zero gravity. NASA: Here is all the money. God bless.
Those cats are just ?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!
Cat: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
NASA: fascinating…
reasons to love harrison ford
1. hates donald trump 2. got his ear pierced at claires because why not 3. legit asks people to beat him up in action scenes EVEN NOW AS AN OLD MAN 4. is arguably one of the most iconic star wars characters yet couldnt give less of a crap abt star wars 5. the universe tried to kill him (or at least permanently incapacitate him) twice in 2015 and it only mildly inconvenienced him 6. flies helicopters in search and rescue missions 7. was in his 40s for the majority of the indiana jones series which is insane when you think about all the stunts involved 8. quote “the director yells cut and harrison cracks open a beer and then builds a fucking shed” 9. arguably sexy 10. points angrily and its super effective
11. is just a really sweet person 12. no really my dad worked with him on firewall as the tech advisor and he was just a really swell guy 13. got my mom’s birth date from my dad and sent her flowers 14. he sent my mom flowers for her birthday 15. he didn’t even know her he just wanted to be sweet
this was a beautiful and necessary edition to this post thank you oh my god
Awwwww
Originally posted by yourreactiongifs
When he was asked to be in Jimmy Kimmel’s “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck” video, in which he pulled up alongside them in a car and gave Jimmy a little wink and an air-kiss, when he showed up at the set he looked kind of put out. Kimmel was afraid he wasn’t down with what they were asking. But he just said, “I don’t know, this wardrobe…don’t you have anything mesh that I could wear?”
When he was filming “Witness” he rented a small farm from a friend of mine. At the end of the filming my friend went and checked out the property as usual. He noticed the barn door had been leveled so it no longer would swing open on it’s own. Went into the house and saw the closets had been redone, in the kitchen the cabinets had been replaced and all the drawers now opened really well. Turns out that there were thousands of dollars of work and materials put into fixing up everything at the place.
My friend called Ford and asked him how much he was asking for the work. Ford told him doing that kind of thing helped him relax and stay sane when he was filming. Would not take a dime. Plus he paid for a new water heater and got the sewage system cleaned out.
And he paid rent to live there the entire time.
Local Carpenter Stumbles Into Stardom, Worries This May Interfere With His Carpentry
My step sister was driving through Wyoming once, near Ford’s ranch. She stops for gas, and as she’s filling up, this huge motorcycle roars in behind her, scared the pants off her. The rider, dressed in all black steps off, and she yells at him “who do you think you are blasting in here like that, you Darth Vader looking motherfucker?”. He takes off the helmet, and it’s Harrison Ford, and without missing a beat he says
“Hey! I’m not Darth Vader, I’m Luke Skywalker”
From the co-production designer on The Force Awakens, Darren Gilford:
“The Millennium Falcon was the first thing we were actually building. I had been in London and I came home back to L.A. for Christmas. So I go to Sports Chalet to do some last-minute shopping; I get there early, run to the back of the store, get what I need. I’m coming back through the store, and I just happen to pass this person holding up a pair of ski pants, and it’s Harrison Ford. I look at him, he looks at me and puts his head right down. I can tell he doesn’t want to be bothered; I’m sure from the look on my face he knew I knew who he was.
So I walk past him, and after about 10 feet I think, ‘If there’s ever a time to say hello to Harrison Ford, I’m building the Millennium Falcon!’ So I turn around very hesitantly and go, ‘Harrison, I’m sorry to bother you. I’m co-production designer on the new Star Wars, I’m just back from London, and I’ve been building the Falcon.’ A big smile came across his face, he put his hand out, and we had such a great conversation — he couldn’t have been sweeter.
As I’m walking away, he goes, ‘Darren!’ and calls me back. He goes, ‘The toggle switches.’ I go, ‘Toggle switches.’ He goes, ‘The toggle switches on the Falcon. When they built it the first time, they bought cheap toggle switches without any springs in them. Every time I threw a toggle switch, it fell back; it wouldn’t hold. It drove me crazy. Please, make sure the toggle switches are fixed this time.’ I go, ‘No problem! I’ll take care of it!’
So months go by, I’m back in London, we’re getting close [to principal photography], and I get a phone call saying J.J.’s headed down to check out the cockpit, and Harrison’s with him. I run down there and I see J.J. in the passenger seat and Harrison in the pilot seat. They’re just giddy; they’re having so much fun. And then I see Harrison look up, and he just starts throwing all the toggle switches: boom, boom, boom, boom. [Laughs.] And I remember thinking, ‘Phew, minor victory. Take solace in that and move on. Next task.’ That’s my favorite story.”
HARRISON FORD SMILES WHEN MEETING CREW MEMBERS AND IS A NERD FOR FUNCTIONING PRODUCTION DESIGN
Don’t forget about his Halloween costumes
Harrison ford is a chaotic-good-aligned cryptid, confirmed
What if humans are the only species with teeth?
Human: Struggling with wrapping on ration pack.
Alien: Do you require assistance human Andy?
Andy: (With a mouth full of plastic) Na I’ve got it.
Riiiiippppp
See?
Alien: Loses her shit.
*****
Alien looking at a caramel apple: Soooo you eat this?
Human: Yes we love them!
Alien: But they’re so hard. How do you consume them?
Human: Well yeah sometimes people do break teeth on them.
Alien: I’m sorry you can break your mouth bones on them but you eat them anyway!!??!
Human (Already biting into it): Mhuh.
*****
Evil alien: We have you now human!
Human: OH HELL NO YOU UGLY LITTLE SHITS YOU AINT GOT ME YOU THINK HUMANS ARE EASY TO KILL YOU’VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING YOU…
Evil alien captain: Shut it up will you!
Evil alien: Yes sir OWWWW!
Evil alien captain: What just happened?!!? WHY IS THE HUMAN ESCAPING!!!?!!??
Evil alien: Humans have mouth bones.
Evil alien captain: ARE YOU KIDDING ME WHY DO HUMANS HAVE MOUTH BONES??!!!!???
human: yeah we had to invent cooking because our teeth are kinda small and useless. look *bares teeth*
alien, already disturbed by these peculiar soft endoshelled creatures: cool. cool. so uh just out of interest what do big, useful teeth look like?
-later-
alien, to her friends: AND THEN THEY SHOWED ME A THING CALLED A PET DOG AND I DID NOT LIKE IT
I don’t think David was ready for that jelly.
I never realized how globally iconic the american road trip was until I lived abroad and people asked me about it
like I remember saying once ‘I’ll miss the ocean here :(’ (I live in the middle of the US) and my South African friend was like “??? won’t you just road trip to go see it? Don’t you road trip everywhere?’ and I was like, ‘I mean, yes, yeh. I can’t deny that.’ and they’d nod their head like ‘that’s exactly as it should be you funky little american, that’s how it is’
like, it never occurred to me other people didn’t frequently jump in their car and traverse the great straight and endless roads of your huge-ass corn-and-cow country for hours on end for fun
much less people around the world were like strongly associating us with it, like ‘americans and their cars and their hijinks and their coming-of-age driving tales, yes’
I lost it at “sustenance time” and “fair” 😂
This is the funniest thing I have ever seen. If I were a professor I would pin this to my office door.
There were like 30 seconds where I was like, “Ah the joke is that Orcas are technically the largest member of the oceanic dolphin family–this is a joke about the whale making false claims about its whale heritage on an admissions form, hence why its lawyer is also a dolphin.” And then I realized, “Oh. KILLER whale.”
That’s a deep… dock.
by Penzilla
Tumblr: @pennypenzilla
woah this is actually super super cool. I love that Simpsons fish
i love the ending
ok but i wonder……… who live in that pineapple under the sea
my favorite thing about the toy story franchise is how, by the third movie, they got really good at designing fictional toy products.
in the first two movies, aside from real toys like slinky and the potato heads, most of the characters are kinda just a story book idea for what a child’s toy would be: cowboy dolls, sci-fi action figures, piggy bank, dinosaur, etc.
Then we get to the third movie (11 years later), and suddenly there’s all these toys that look like they came from real toylines. like the rock dude with the flippable face, and the bug dude that looks like a he-man character. they look like they belong in real toy franchises!
The Christmas special gave us the Battlesaurs, which look like they could occupy a whole aisle of a real-life toy store (and they probably did, since disney made real versions of em)
Small Fry had the abandoned happy meal toys and each of them come from a different series. they look like actual toys that would be sold at fast food restaurants.
My favorite would have to be the halloween special, where they had Transitron, a bunch of cars that can combine into a robot, and Combat Carl and Combat Carl Jr., which are two toys of the same character, but one is smaller cause he’s from the playset.
For comparison, here’s what Combat Carl looked like in the first movie:
i was thinking about this cause i saw the new toy story 4 tv spot and they introduced keanu reeves’ character, which looks like a real toy that you would find at your uncle’s basement somewhere.
you can tell how much research was put into these characters, like what materials they’d be made of, how they are painted, where their screws and points of articulation, and which parts would be removable, etc.
now, obviously, the reason for this bump in quality is because they realized the great merchandising opportunities of making real versions of these toys, but i still find it really cool how much thought and creativity was put in these designs.
visual definition of ‘audacity’
Okay, so funny story.
Several years ago I volunteered at an aquarium. What most people don’t know is that for most of the rare and unique specimens, the aquarium usually has a second one down in the wet lab, so that the animals can get switched out if they are stressed or sick or just want a break from being on display.
My job was to clean the lobster tanks down in the wet lab. So I don’t know if you know much about lobsters, but they can be quite aggressive and will kill (and eat) each other. They will, however, don’t mind sharing a large tank if they are separated by dividers, or if their claws are clamped shut with rubber bands.
So all morning I am grabbing lobsters, banding them, putting them in coolers, and scrubbing tanks, and throughout this whole time I am being watched.
In a tank near the entrance way is a massive lobster–we’re talking over four feet long and nearly twenty pounds. It was his turn to get some rest while his “twin” (who is actually a good foot shorter than he is) was on display in the tanks upstairs in the aquarium. This guy is so big he has his own tank, which was actually a modified plastic horse trough with salt water circulation through it. He was happy as a clam (er, lobster) in there and the aquarium has learned over the years that he likes to be the center of attention, so his tank is right by the entrance way so he can keep his eyes on us.
His favorite game is to lunge and snap his claws at anyone who gets close to him. His claws are bigger than oven mitts, and his crusher claw has definitely seen some action because it is dented and pitted like a well-worn suit of armor. Since he’s alone in his tank, there’s no need to band his claws, which he loves to wave and snap in the most ferocious way.
However, as vicious and mean as he is, his claws are too heavy for him to lift above the surface of the water.
Talk about audacity–pitiful audacity! Imagine being glared at by a gigantic lobster, one who would be a king out in the ocean, one who could easily remove your hand from your wrist, one who likes to lunge and snap at anything that gets within three feet of his tank, but the poor thing can’t raise his claws out of the water!
holy shit reblogging for awesome aquarium knowledge