mybitakes

Bri, ze/zir/zizself, bi, disabled, non-binary ദ്ദി `⩊` ) TWITTER ACCOUNT: @takesbybi, minors will be blocked,

[mybitakes]

౨ৎ༝⁺ mybitakes ˚𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋🎧ྀི

my tags , my views (both regularly updated)

TWITTER ACCOUNT: @takesbybi

this account is to ramble about what I feel about queer and feminist discourse

bri, black, bi, ze/zir/zizself, non-binary woman (transneu)

pro-kink, I support transfeminism, im against anti-transmasculine people, and I like to talk about bi people and bi activism. I do not care what you label yourself as, as long as you're minding your business and not harming anyone else!

I do not want minors following me and you will be blocked once I see it. I will tag this account as NSFW purely because I sometimes talk about kink and sexuality here.

[mybitakes]

I realize how crappy my mental health was when I purposely sought out biphobia on twitter and had alot of self shame when biphobes eviscerate our bisexuality so much that no bisexual could ever really stand up against it. I'm glad I removed Twitter from my life awhile back, I no longer have as much shame as I used to and just instead embraced my bisexuality as a whole, fluid identity.

Yeah twitter is a horrible place and I’m so sorry you had to go through that anon. It’s like everyone on there is getting paid full time to be cartoonishly evil and they get paid extra if they target bisexuals. I’m not trying to diagnose you, but stuff like that can be a form of digital self harm, exposing yourself to content that is triggering and causes stress. I struggled with that too. I’d say the only thing positive going on right now on that app is there is noticeably a bigger amount of bisexuals on there who are waking up about biphobia and defending bisexuals from bigotry. Makes me happy and proud.

I’m glad you have pride now! Fuck them!!! Nothing pisses monosexists off more than a bi person who is not ashamed, I refuse to be chained down to their humiliation rituals. 💀

[mybitakes]

my take on the bi lesbian discourse is that it's extremely american, and that a lot of y'all do not believe rapists can think for themselves. a lot of yall do not understand that rapists do what they to have power and control, not because pople identify confusingly. you do not confuse your way into raping someone. all corrective rapists know full and well that the lesbians they are raping do not like men because that is what they are raping them for.

In other countries, queer women are calling themselves lesbians regardless of sexuality because they never had to go through the terfy separatist movement like America. THAT is why lesbianism now means loving women with an emphasis on its relation to men, the relation being exclusionary. I also feel like a lot of y'all think bisexuality should automatically include men when it is an umbrella term for multiple multisexual and fluid identities that do not necessarily fit or crunch into monosexual labels or communities. bisexuality means attraction to two or more genders. It's, by its definition, a synonym for multisexual. A lot of the bi lesbians y'all are saying are inviting men in are not even attracted to men. They are simply identifying with bi to acknowledge the multisexual or fluid part of their identity. Stop blaming them for rape. Many of them ARE victims of corrective rape. Stop reframing them as predators and perpetrators.

I do think a lot of the reasons given to use bi lesbian instead of just bi or lesbian really do not constitute needing to use both labels...But I also do not think there is material harm in someone using a label in a contradictory way. Most cishet men are not even aware that bi lesbians exist, to blame them for the culture's coercive and invalidating view of lesbians is extremely weird and inaccurate.

I especially find people who attack bi lesbians to be confusing when they: hate the word monosexual and insist they are multisexual, admit to being attracted to non-binary people with manhood as part of their identity, and support that butch trans man/masc stuff. It's cognitive dissonance to me.

[mybitakes]

I also feel like a lot of things people perceive as bi people saying monosexuals don't or do go through is them saying they are monosexually privileged. Like, there are many things that gay people do not experience or are not as affected by, but bi people are, hence the term biphobia. But if you explicitly point it out using monosexual, people view that as malicious or whatever.

homosexuals have more visibility and validity compared to bisexuals because monosexuality is validated conditionally to erase bisexuality and keep up the binary. and then this binary is used to find a superior option and oppress queer people as a whole more. This does not mean they are privileged, but it does speak to a specific struggle that gay people do not have to face as much. This, of course, gets more nuanced once you look at this from trans gay people's perspectives, but when you then compare them to bi trans people, the problem specifically for bi people still remains. It's just manifests in very different ways and may not have as big a gap of occurrence compared to cis monos and multis (and it is more often a double-edged sword than it is for cis gay people).

[mybitakes]

Do you know of any statistics that actually account for mspec enbies? Like everything mspec is usually very binary with men and women and same and opposite gender and nonbinary people almost only show up in trans specific studies like the intersectionality between those things doesn't matter. Like the biphobia i experience isn't cancelled out by my transness. I know i share experiences with bi women but there's more.

You are right, there are barely any studies on non-binary people. This is very disappointing, but I'm not surprised. Bi research is very underfunded. Not even cis gender non-conforming bisexual people have studies done on them specifically. It's ridiculous.

Here are some studies I did find relating to being non-binary and then non-binary people grouped with binary bisexuals... (note: not all of these are accessible, and you will need to use a PDF finder website if you don't want to pay, e.g., scihub)

Specifically, bisexuality and non-binarism:

"Identity on trial: legitimacy-focused invalidation and social anxiety in bisexual and nonbinary people"

"Hearing What Youth Are Telling Us: A Review of Bi: Bisexual, Pansexual, Fluid, and Nonbinary Youth by Ritch C. Savin-Williams"

"From Rejection by Others to Affirmation of Self: Understanding the Dynamics of Cissexism-Based Stress, Resilience Factors, and Suicidal Ideation Among Bi+"

"Fluid Lives in Transit: Mapping Bisexual and Non-Binary Visibility in Contemporary Indian Documentary Narratives"

"Fluidity in Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation Identity in Transgender and Nonbinary Youth"

Going beyond a binary system of categorization? Social dominance orientation and conservatism predict negative evaluations of bisexual people and (especially) nonbinary and transgender people

non-binary included in bi stats:

"Psychometric Properties of the Bisexual Microaffirmation Scale: For Women in a Sample of Bisexual + Women and Nonbinary People of Color"

"Differences in Rape Acknowledgment and Mental Health Outcomes Across Transgender, Nonbinary, and Cisgender Bisexual Youth"

"Depression and thoughts of self-harm or suicide among gender and sexually diverse people in a regional Australian community"

"MAPPING MENTAL HEALTH PATHWAYS AMONG BISEXUAL WOMEN, MEN, AND NONBINARY INDIVIDUALS IN MID AND LATER LIFE"

"Migration Status and HIV Pre-exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) Uptake Among Gay and Bisexual Men and Non-binary People in Australia: Results of a National Cross-Sectional Survey"

Anything that moves also talks a lot about transsexuality, not necessarily bi non-binarism though. it's bleak but it's what we got ig.

[mybitakes]

How can you be "exclusively" attracted to women or men when your nonbinary attraction is "constant"...

In the comparison of two binary genders I am attracted exclusively to one…but non-binary people are constant bc they usually have more gender identities than just woman or man. How would I properly exclude them all?

Also is this this-is-monosexism? Is that you? Or is it that your monosexistnonsense?

[mybitakes]

I actually might block your anon and see if your account disappears bc I fear you are too obvious. Same mannerism and tumblr smugccent.

[mybitakes]

How can you be "exclusively" attracted to women or men when your nonbinary attraction is "constant"...

In the comparison of two binary genders I am attracted exclusively to one…but non-binary people are constant bc they usually have more gender identities than just woman or man. How would I properly exclude them all?

Also is this this-is-monosexism? Is that you? Or is it that your monosexistnonsense?

[mybitakes]

Anon, I want you to know none of that will be read and all of it will be deleted. You tried.

[mybitakes]

Wait your blog is really centred on binary genders and attraction to binary genders as the pillar of bisexuality... I was taught by bi activists that bi means attraction to two or more genders and doesn't say anything about the binary. As a nonbinary person attracted to nonbinary genders that are separate from the binary or that "twist" masculinity and femininity in some way (for a lack of a better term) I've always found comfort in the vagueness and expansiveness of bi. Idk exactly what my gender is and idrc so Idk if i have samegender attraction either... Am I even allowed to identify as bi even with everything about myself and my attraction having not much to do with binary genders??

My blog is centered on biphobia, which frequently targets bisexual people's attraction to binary genders. But that does not mean I think non-binary people cannot be bisexual. idk why you saw my account and thought that cause I've made that clear multiple times. I am non-binary myself, and I experience attraction to one binary gender almost exclusively in a bi cycle where I go back and forth between being attracted exclusively to women or men, while my attraction to non-binary genders is always constant. bisexuality is expansive. You can be attracted to whoever you want and call yourself bisexual. I'm not stopping you. Be yourself. Live your life how you want.

[mybitakes]

Girl there are A LOT of people who are attracted to one binary gender + (some) nonbinary people who proudly identify as bi, including those who don't feel same/similar-gender attraction based on the most commonly used definition by activists of attraction to more than one gender. This is literally why there is overlap between expansive definitions of gay/straight and bisexuality. Someone who is attracted to binary gender + (some) nonbinary people could by definition take on a monosexual or a bisexual identity or even both. Definitions ≠ identity. And then it's literally up to that how they walk through the world because being bi has different connotations. But especially in nonbinary communities I see A LOT of people identify as bi without being attracted to both binary genders (or even neither binary gender) and saying otherwise is literally bi erasure. I also see so much active exclusion of these people, saying they're really gay or straight and shouldn't identify as bi, both from gay people AND bi people. Like we as a community can't be claiming to be inclusive of nonbinary people but discard attraction to many nonbinary genders if it's not accompanied by attraction to both binary genders. It's still treating attraction to binary genders as the end all be all of bisexuality and sexuality as a whole, nonbinary people are always treated as secondary to literally every orientation. When there are so many people who consider their attraction to nonbinary genders important enough to count regardless of whether binary gender or same gender attraction is present, and even when the person isn't attracted to either binary gender, just a wide spectrum of nonbinary genders. This is COMMON, you all are just doing bi erasure of people who don't fit this weird new binary. I recently talked to a woman who is attracted to men and nonbinary people and identifies as bi and people of all flavours of the queer community tell her she's just straight even though she wants to be explicit about her attraction to nonbinary people as not men-lite. And i have talked to a lot more bi women who are attracted to all genders except the masculine side of the gender spectrum but also identify as bi rather than lesbian. And some of us bi nonbinary weirdos who don't find binary genders attractive but are attracted to a wide range of enbies. That's what bi expansiveness looks like. Not continuing to centre binary genders. Actual inclusion of nonbinary people means treating attraction to us as enough. "more than one gender" is forever the most inclusive and expansive definition that doesn't centre binary genders. Maybe bisexuality isn't for YOU if you throw the long history of this definition away and do the same thing as everyone else by treating enbies as secondary.

anon, I see you've come back. I don't care. I didn't say any of these things. You think being attracted to non-binary people should automatically exclude any lesbian or gay person from being monosexual, and that's not how it works. Just like how bisexual is commonly defined by cissexists as two and has the prefix meaning two, so does monosexual. That does not mean non-binary people cannot be bisexual, so why would it be for monosexual? I also just don't care about whatever combos of sexual orientation people can have that technically fit into the definition of bisexual. Like, I'm far from against them, and none of them disproves what I'm saying. Get over it. Like sorrryyyy, do you harass lesbians that talk about how people hate on lesbians for being attracted to women? Are you telling them about the combos of sexuality that can fit into the lesbian definition and telling them they shouldn't talk about lesbiphobia targeting lesbians for liking women? I don't think I've ever implied that bisexuality has to be binary in attraction. ever. Mind you, the only reason I mention binary genders on here is bc that is what the biphobes I see are using against bisexual people. Those are the people I'm responding to. I can easily make a post talking about bi people experiencing biphobia for being attracted to non-binary people, and I will do so in the near future. bisexual people who are only attracted to non-binary genders and then binary men or women are not the majority. most like all and regardless of gender. That's facts. People that you mentioned will not come up as often bc of this, but it doesn't mean I'm ignoring them or hate them.

just like homosexual means attractive exclusive to the same gender/sex, and we still have non-binary people fine with calling themselves homosexuals...we have monosexual. That's all I will say. Like I genuinely don't care. You've decided I'm binary and am trying to push out people from the bi label, and that's not my problem because I am confident that I'm not doing that. Now you can sit with that while I ignore the rest of the demeaning anons you might send me in response.

[mybitakes]

by "cis white homosexuals" are we also including gays and lesbians attracted to enbies or

Yes, cis white homosexuals can be attracted to non-binary people.

[mybitakes]

re: last ask it just feels like i'm alone or almost alone and the shitty people outnumber me. my timeline is full of subtweets/post about what i said and it's making me question my own sanity like. am i wrong about bi activism? /rh

anon, never feel shitty over people who subtweet. I hate people like that. They don't have the confidence in themselves to address you directly, so you don't have to care about their posts either. My number one rule is that if you subtweet me but do not say my name, it does not apply, and I don't have to care.

[mybitakes]

How do you deal with getting hate for using language used in bi theory? Used the term mono and apparently everything's on fire. Especially lesbians got offended because everything bi people do is about them of course but others too. And they're all hung up on etymology and go straight back to "But I'm not attracted to one gender I'm also into nonbinary people" which fair enough, but in bi theory mono doesn't mean attraction to exactly one gender the same way bi doesn't mean attraction to exactly two genders, mono literally just means not being bi+ or A-/not fitting within the binary of gay/straight because language evolves but they don't care because they don't care about bi theory, politics, activism. it's a derailing tactic and idk how to deal with it. like bi+ lesbians and gays and straights exist but if someone can put themselves within that binary without the bi+ label while being attracted to multiple genders they're still mono because they're not bi+ like. they don't experience biphobia and it's important for intersectionality for us to have a word for people who are not the target of biphobia. like this has gotten to the point where people have erased my transness so i fit their image of the evil bi woman in a "het" relationship, as well as assuming things about my genitals or what i do in bed i.e. sexual harassment. they're also quick to erase Black, Brown, trans, disabled, fat, intersex etc. bi+ activists to frame biphobia as a privileged issue even though multiple marginalised bi+ folks talk about this too??? Girl I'm tired. and I hate that this has mostly come from lesbians and a few fellow bi+ people because it's causing an unfair frustration with lesbians on my part which feels unfair to lesbians as a whole because most lesbians are normal about bi+ people and our activism. it's just that i hardly ever get this much vitriol from gay men. like how do you deal with the hardships of not even being a bi activist but simply being a bi person who talks about this stuff online?

(on a side note i also hate that this is often framed as a bi women's issue when me and many other bi nonbinary people are very much affected by this + the extra layer of having our identities erased from exorsexism. bimisogyny, like general misogyny, does not only affect bi+ women)

With lesbians who are against the term, I find it's that bc many have been exposed to other lesbians' reinterpretations of that term before actually reading the material that uses that term (that frequently talks about fluidity in monosexuality). That is because bi erasure is prevalent, making biphobia delegitimized as a real and harmful oppression. We are rarely given authority on our own issues because of it, so the lesbians who witness this word at first usually don't think to do their own research beyond the Google definition or ask bisexuals. That is something that all monosexuals often struggle with, bisexuals as well. They might not even recognize it as a struggle in the first place.

How I deal with it is just reading more bi theory and becoming more well-versed in its history. When I read texts from bi theorists and activists, I feel 100% more affirmed and secure. Hearing their testimonies and how they struggled with getting bi activism across to others is healing in a way and relatable. For me, the best way to engage with talking points is not through discourse, but through writing and reading from educated people who can put your words into a better sentence. Having a discourse diary where I vent out frustrations helps as well. I am also very stubborn and do not believe in letting people tell me nonsense just because they don't like it or are committed to viewing what I say as evil. I think all bisexual people should be like that. Too many of us second-guess ourselves and let people talk as if they have authority over our experiences when they are sometimes not even bisexual and/or haven't read a single thing about bisexual theory in their lives. I suggest you avoid these types and do not interact with them. period. I'm very serious, most are not there to engage in good faith and are set on having monosexuality be an evil word because they simply do not want us to talk about biphobia or any type of queer oppression without centering homosexuals as the most oppressed. It's extremely childish. On the rare occasions I do engage with them, I make sure to say everything carefully and to my best abilities...but honestly, don't waste your time. I would encourage you to talk about bisexuality and monosexism in online bi spaces. Twitter is absolute hell, TikTok is far gone, but Tumblr is a pretty good place to talk about stuff like that because it does not have the same structure as Twitter, which allows dogpiling (due to qrts and blocks not even working as blocks) and bad faith interpretations (due to smaller word limit it leaves room for many mistakes and interesting interpretations for bad faith actors who just LOVE filling in the blanks).

Also, yes, I apologize, I realize I do that a lot too. We should bring back the term "mages." It means "marginalized genders" and includes trans people of all genders and cis women. Even as a non-binary bisexual, I often find myself talking about bimisogyny from a perspective that centers binary women. I think I'm gonna change my posts to that format instead from now on!

If you want, I can also make a thread and post it later about all the books that talk about monosexuality and even talk about common arguments used against bi theorists that might help you become more confident in using monosexual and other bi terms!!

[mybitakes]

I refuse to engage with the humiliation ritual of whether "bitwt" is evil or not... sorry. Anyone active on twitter and in bi discourse knows somewhat about the twitter clique that keeps trying to push this convo.

[mybitakes]

TERFS DNI, THIS IS NOT A SAFESPACE FOR YOU

The truth is, bitwt could be (and often is) in reference to many different people and just any person who participates in bi discourse and actually has a backbone when it comes to biphobia. I know because that's quite literally how it is used. It is usually just random bi people who have actual subtwts they are involved in who are fighting against biphobia...but they've appointed them specifically as bisexual god. That's not the issue, though. I just think no side is exactly being honest about the conversation.

Most of the people coming forward to tell us the horrors of specifically "bitwt" and how we are all evil, but lesbitwt is different and irl bisexuals are actually normal, is usually biphobic...whether they admit it (which actually isn't very hard to do bc there's little to no systemic OR social consequences for biphobia) or not. But the problem is, I don't really see the complaints of lesbiphobia and transmisogyny as a personal jab. I feel like it's just common sense to know that, when it comes to online discourse, you are bound to have freaks on each side who have convinced themselves they are righteous while they persecute others for little mishaps. And that is because discourse emboldens them to do so and makes them feel important when they really are not.

I know tons of lesbiphobic and transmisogynistic bisexuals who fight against biphobia and are specifically on Twitter. Many who don't necessarily have a big following, but have gotten enough community that they can defend themselves and dodge accountability. I just hate when the conversation is almost always led by biphobes who are usually upset that bi people are not lying down and letting them be monosexist without pushback...so we never actually address them and are instead just harassing anyone we don't like on there. The goal is silence. Treat all bi people on Twitter as irrational, and you then delegitimize their arguments against your dehumanization. Of course, a biphobe would love that! A lot of the time, when people call out bigotry from bisexuals, it's pushed as a general thing that the community should atone for. Our membership and place in queer spaces are also heavily contested as a result because we are seen as conditional. There is a hierarchy in the queer community, and cis white homosexuals are on top of it. It's why it took bisexuals YEARS to be taken seriously, but homosexuals were a part of the community by default. They didn't have to fight to be included in the acronym like trans people and bisexuals did. It's why the first letter to be chopped off after trans people are kicked out is bisexual. not anything else. It's why most gay organizations will include bisexuality by lip service alone, not by any actual work to educate people about biphobia and provide bi-specific resources we desperately need.

With that being said, I do wish when things like this happen in discourse (THIS SIDE OF MARGINALIZED GROUP ONLINE IS EVIL, MINES BETTER), we take the criticisms of bigotry seriously and decide to see it as a sign to grow and do something about it...rather than attack and harass each other by having a bigotry olympics. whether bitwt are truly demons on earth, that does not make what they say about biphobia or monosexism wrong. The existence of bigoted bisexuals only encourages me to address them, not abandon my community and deny biphobia's real effects on bisexuals.

[mybitakes]

I refuse to engage with the humiliation ritual of whether "bitwt" is evil or not... sorry. Anyone active on twitter and in bi discourse knows somewhat about the twitter clique that keeps trying to push this convo.

[narugraphic]

not narugraphic

fuck terfs

happy pride!!! i might do more pride graphics if yall like these

[mybitakes]

BI TERFS ARE BECOMING MORE COMFORTABLE JOINING CONVERSATIONS ABOUT BIPHOBIA. Start clarifying you don't want terfs interacting under your posts!

I think we need to do something about the bi terfs interacting with posts about biphobia casually. None of them seem to care if the people they are interacting with are trans. I cannot allow that. We cannot make it so bisexual trans women cannot feel safe interacting with posts about biphobia and especially bimisogyny, because terfs would rather dip a toe into deradicalizing themselves from radical feminist talking points without actually addressing their disdain and hatred for trans women.

You do not gain liberation as cis bisexual women by leaving bisexual trans women behind. Never. The sooner you all understand that, the better. Everything we talk about is especially affecting bi trans women, and that should not be ignored.

I encourage other bisexuals who care about transphobia and transmisogyny to put "terfs dni" in their tags or somewhere visible in their posts.